


thantophobia 🍒

by smellthecoffee



Series: the thantophobia series [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, M/M, Writing, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2020-05-28 05:32:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 61
Words: 111,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19387504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smellthecoffee/pseuds/smellthecoffee
Summary: "because i don't want to be lonely...i just want to be yours"in which a young, unmarried prince falls in love with the right person in the wrong world.





	1. prologue: bite

being in love is a lot like being ill - it's awful, makes you feel warm all over and nauseous and, more often than not, it makes your head spin. but, instead of getting better, it only gets worse. there are no pills you can take, no medicine and no way to cure yourself of this disease that completely consumes you.

he was right there. stood right in front of noah yet he felt a million miles away because he had to let him go.  
noah's hands pressed tightly over his mouth in a desperate attempt to suppress the heaving sobs aching to leave his body as got dragged away from the other man - yet the cries, they still kept coming.

“i don’t deserve this” he says to himself.  there was a streak of finality and resignation to his tone, as if he was saying the sentence like it was some form of cruel punishment; one that he didn’t deserve. “i deserve  better than this. anything but this”

when he got back to the castle, his mother looked at him with glassy eyes and a crease between her eyebrows whilst his father stood smugly, crown glinting atop his head. she reached out to him with a slightly shaky hand and he flinched away from the contact, shook his head, and shut the heavy bedroom door.

the windowsill underneath the young prince's palms caught his tears as they pooled between his two small hands, noah looked at the moon with a bitter expression. and all he could think was:

_'how did i get here?'_


	2. i like u - niki

"SAMMYYYYY-" noah grinned when he heard the sound of rapid footsteps coming nearer and nearer. the man in his usual dark suit appeared in the doorway of noah's grand, luxurious room.

"WHAT- WHO- DID SOMEBODY HURT YOU?" he was almost out of breath since he literally came from the other side of the castle (not far enough not to hear noah's call, but still far).

the prince just giggled, "no, but i have a bit of a problem."

he proceeded to hold two necklaces up - a gold one and a silver one. "which would look better on me?"

sam's form visibly crumbled with frustration as he sighed. "you called me over just for that? we were in a meeting, noah."

"oops." the prince shrugged.

"but go with the gold one, it looks good on you."

noah held it out. "put it on me, please."

it was such a simple gesture, sam wrapping a tiny golden chain to hang around his neck, but the younger quivered when sam touched his neck.

"y-your hands are cold." a lie.

sam was in full focus while hooking the necklace. "actually, i'm kind of thankful that you gave me an excuse to leave that room." he chuckled "it was so boring, i swear. they kept talking about the hedges in the garden as if i give a fuck."

"language!"

"i'm not royalty, darling. you are. as long as that mouth stays clean, i'm doing my job well."

there were a few more moments of silence as sam struggled to fasten the necklace clasps.

"how many today?"

sam muttered a little 'finally' as he eventually was able to hook the necklace on. "around thirty to fifty, the queen wants you to meet as many as possible today since tomorrow you have ballet classes."

noah sighed. "I hate meeting them, y'know?" he spun on his heel to face sam "some of them are really disgusting pigs." he shivered.

sam frowned at the information. "I'm sorry i can't be in the room. the king thinks it would affect the way you and the suitor interact."

noah has been meeting suitors for three days now. some princes from different kingdoms, some rich merchants and some who travelled from other sides of the earth just to see him. most were douchebags who, as they were born into a family that has some form of authority over others, thought they could be as much of an asshole as they want without suffering any consequences, of course. sam, his bodyguard, personally didn't expect _this_ many suitors. hundreds would line up each day outside the castle to get a chance to speak to the unmarried prince and woo him - but only a few were given a real chance. it was the same procedure, for every suitor: a table right smack in the centre of a huge ballroom, an empty chair at one side and noah (with his crown on) sat on the other side. they had a maximum of 10 minutes with noah to talk about whatever they want to talk about in hope to win the young prince's heart.

"do you want me to talk to your father about this?" sam's voice was laced with concern. it was, after all, his job as noah's bodyguard. 

"no, it's alright. i'll just yell for help. you have the camera, right?"

"always." sam brought out his phone showing live surveillance of the ballroom. the maids were currently cleaning there.

"at least try to enjoy yourself. your father wouldn't be glad if you fail to find a suitor you like." 

noah nodded, though obviously not meaning it. 

"hey," sam's fingers held onto the pendant on noah's necklace, a small golden crow. "give that heart of yours a chance."

\---

it only took one day for the word to spread out that the castle was looking for a bodyguard for the prince.

after a few moments of talking to samuel clarke, it was clear the king had already made up his mind.

"you're rather impressive." he leaned in to whisper to his henchman. "call noah, we have to know if he would like him." 

"will do, sire." 

the henchman walked back a minute later, a bored prince with a huge blanket wrapped around him followed the man as they entered the room. 

"son, a candidate to be your bodyguard." he gestured to samuel, who had a blank expression on his face. 

the prince looked up from his phone to see sam and he almost dropped his phone - he's never seen a person so handsome. he had an intimidating edge but all noah was thinking about was how soft his hair would feel under his fingers, what it would feel like to kiss his cheek- 

"noah!" the king spoke and he snapped out of his daydream. sam didn't react the way the others did earlier, trying to impress noah. all sam did was spare him a glance and that was that. 

"i-i like him." 

that was the only confirmation the king needed. 

"you're hired. we'll be putting you through more tests, but as of now, you're hired. go with one of my henchmen to get started."

sam bowed "thank you, your highness, i am extremely grateful." and stepped to follow the henchman.

as soon as he passed in front of noah, he actually dropped his phone this time, but sam caught it before it hit the floor 

"be careful." he handed it back. noah almost melted.

when noah re-entered his room a bird sat on the middle of his huge bed, tilting its head accusatively. almost as if to say 

"you better make this one last"

he smiled at the bird before carefully lifting it off the bed so that he could jump (face-first) onto it.

he screamed into a pillow and rolled around the sheets, making a mess of the bed.

he eventually rolled onto his back. 

"oh, peaches, he's so handsome and he has KILlER reflexes. he CAUGHT MY PHONE BEFORE IT WAS ABOUT TO CRASH TO THE GROUND, HE HANDED IT TO ME AND HIS VOICE WAS SO DEEP I SWEAR-" noah had to take a deep breath before his cheeks burnt too hot and the butterflies he felt ripped their way out through his stomach.

when he had calmed down a little bit, he carried on talking to his pet bird.

"do you think he likes me? i mean, he probably doesn't and that's why my father picked him...he showed no interest at all towards me."

the bird chirped sadly, as close as a response that she could give to the prince.

"but i honestly need to calm down, i don't even know the guy."

_'says the one who was drooling over him a few seconds ago'_ a voice in his head said.

\---

"where are you from?" the king asked sam who was stood in front of him, getting his body measurements by the tailors to make his perfect suit. 

"with all due respect, i don't like talking about my past, sire." 

"why not, young man? i need your background to know that the de gaudeuxs can trust you."

sam was silent for a second.

"i moved here a few months ago. i live in an apartment a few minutes away from the castle." 

"you live in the same district? you must be well-off then." 

"i suppose you can put it that way."

the king nodded when the tailors finished. 

"report here tomorrow at dawn, we'll clear things up by then and you'll start your job." 

sam bowed "thank you, your highness, i look forward to it." "and, clarke, your first job is to shoo all other applicants away." "will do, sire."

\---

"nervous?" sam asked as he walked alongside noah on the way to the ballroom, who nodded in response.

"i know i shouldn't be, they're here for me after all." 

"remember, scream if you need me, or tap the table thrice so i can see through my phone and pop in."

noah laughed softly then, making sam curiously turn to the other. "y'know, in fairytales-" the younger started "they keep saying that it's the prince who saves the day and, as a child, i always wondered who saves the prince."

sam chuckled. "the bodyguard."

a comfortable moment of silence washed over them.

it took a while to get to the ballroom since the castle was huge and the ballroom was at the east wing - noah's room was on the west. 

"i think you got something wrong with that story." 

"hm?" 

"if anything, you're the princess."

"that's true." noah giggled as he walked. 

the pair passed by one of the longest hallways in the whole castle, they shared knowing glances at what happened in that exact spot a year and a half ago - it was the first time noah was left alone with sam.

_his second day on the job - they were walking along the exact same hallway in silence, each too awkward to actually say anything. noah was tasked to give directions around the castle._

_"and then we'd take a left here to get to my-" noah was cut off when the window they passed in front of was suddenly shattered into pieces. three masked individuals (dressed in black from head to toe) hopped through it, surrounding them._

_"WHAT THE-"_

_sam was quick to react, the only weapons they had with them were guns. he wrapped an arm around the boy, making him press against his chest. noah's hands went to sam's arms, wrapping around the material that covered it._

_"close your eyes." sam whispered._

_when noah did what he was told, he felt sam pull away from him and all he heard were sounds of grunts and violence._

_"open."_

_sam held a gun in each hand pointed at the three who were in a heap on the floor, another gun in the back pocket of his suit trousers._

_the elder's breath was heaving, and he looked about ready to kill the guys, to say he was surprised when the king came around the corner and started clapping was an understatement._

_"good job, sam! that was your first test and you obviously passed." "w-what?" he looked at him confused_.

_the three took their masks off to reveal that they were actually part of the royal security unit that sam had met earlier that day._

_"you're scarier than you look." sam, finally understanding, smirked and handed the guns back to them._

_"i get that a lot."_

_noah had a lot to scream about that night, and he was surprised at how peaches hasn't tried to fly away yet._

\---

sam faced noah when they got to the ballroom's entrance. 

he reached over to noah's chest, taking the crow, hiding it under his top.

"give yourself a chance."


	3. 3% - hobo johnson

sam took his place at the entrance of the ballroom after he opened the door for noah.

the prince was sat on his chair, waiting, until his mother entered.

"good morning, honey. did you sleep well?"

his mother was vivacious, she radiated such positive energy wherever she went.  
she was only wearing a simple, blue dress, no crown on her head - completely different from her royal gowns but she still managed to look as elegant as ever. no wonder as soon as leonard de gaudeux saw her, he knew she'd be fit for a queen.

noah beamed, smiling as bright as ever. "i slept fine, mama. it was cold last night though," he said as penelope hugged him tightly.

"that's good to hear. there's a lot of suitors after you today - well, everyday." she laughed and patted his hair.

"choose wisely. choosing your future life-partner is no joke."

penelope cupped his cheeks in her hands and kissed his forehead.

"have any of them captured your heart yet?" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

"none." it wasn't a lie.

"well, maybe you'll meet someone today, or tomorrow. it's no rush honestly, we just want you to find someone you'll be happy with."

noah smiled up at his mother, but she could tell there was still some underlying sadness beneath it.

a second later, a servant entered with noah's crown on a velvet pillow and his mother had the honour of putting it on his head everyday.

"try to enjoy it, sweetheart." she kissed his temple one last time before she started to make her way out.

she looked back to send noah one last smile before the door was opened for her to exit.

noah was sat there, completely captivated in how beautiful she was. they call noah the fairest in royalty but every time he looked at his mother, he knew it was false.

each time a suitor would enter the ballroom, they would have to pass by sam first, who exerted as much effort as possible not to growl at the ones he knew had the wrong intentions. 

"ten minutes. the prince does not receive gifts. after ten minutes you'll be told to exit, if you don't, we will use force. and don't even think about laying a finger on the prince. am I understood?" he stated to a young man, who was well-built, had glossy, maroon hair and glittering eyes and looked like he'd just been born. the man gulped as he nodded, watching nervously as sam gestured to the door. he pushed through it, entering the ballroom.

the first thing noah thought about when the boy entered the room was that he looked terrified.

and he looked _young_ , possibly even younger than himself.

he watched the boy stride over to him nervously and sit down on the chair, wiping his palms on the fabric of his trousers.

_he;s cute_ , noah admitted to himself. seeing him was a good break from meeting old pigs.

"h-hello, prince."

by he way he was dressed and the crown on his head, noah easily tell that he was a prince as well.

"call me noah" he smiled. this wasn't usual for him to let suitors address him casually but this guy was practically shaking out of nervousness.

the younger gulped before he opened his mouth to speak again. "i-i'm oliver, prince of shoni, but you can call me oli if you would like. it's an honor to meet you, prince noah of okitipar."

this boy clearly wasn't good at interacting with anyone else other than the people around the castle, but noah tried to be empathetic "my great grandparents lived in shoni - they said it was beyond beautiful." he also wasn't used to guiding the conversation but at least he tried.

oli, confronted by a familiar topic calmed a bit.

"y-yeah. shoni is wonderful...have you ever been?" 

noah let out a breath of relief when he noticed the other calming down "the last time was when i was young. i would love to return, though."

"oh, you must - you're missing so much!"

the conversation flowed naturally after that. of all the suitors he met, oli, by _far_ , gave him the most enjoyable experience - even if it was only minutes of conversation.

the pair were in the middle of laughing at something when the ballroom door opened.

"ten minutes are up." sam's voice boomed through the place. oli smiled sadly, getting up on his seat. "w-wait," noah spoke up. "...can we have ten more minutes?"

the older looked at him with a confused expression. "okay...go ahead." he said hesitantly and shut the door.

oli, still slightly confused slowly sat back down on the chair again. noah grinned at him when their eyes met. "so, where were we?"

the other laughed "you were saying something about having a crazy friend and a badass bodyguard?"

  
sam was stood outside the ball room, eyebrows furrowed as his eyes were glued to his monitor, watching noah and the other prince interact. although he had no audio connection of the conversation, it was obvious that there was chemistry and that they were enjoying each other's company. he didn't expect this, considering that he saw how nervous the young prince was.

"can you come back tomorrow?" noah asked when he knew that only a minute was left of their time.

"of course." oli smiled and they sat in silence for a while, until the door opened again.

"time's up."

the two stood, oli bowing before noah. "it was wonderful to meet you, you are a beautiful sight to see." noah winced at the last statement, but held his hand out for them to shake hands.

sam saw the interaction from where he stood. noah had never let any suitor touch him before. sam's eyes followed oli's form as he walked towards him and passed him.

"see you tomorrow, badass bodyguard." oli smiled before walking past.

_tomorrow?_

  
"noah, it's lunch time." sam spoke to the prince, who still stood in the ballroom. he hurriedly went to where sam was, crown almost falling.

"good, i'm starving."

the two were silent during the walk to the dining hall, which was odd as noah was no longer used to silences when it came to sam. but he didn't bother asking - it was bad to push sam when it came to anything as he had learned that ages ago.

\---

_"do you have siblings?" noah was feeling hyper that night (perhaps it was the chocolate cake he ate or maybe it was because sam was going to move into the room next to his that night - there was a secret door that opened up noah's room to sam's room. sam was supposed to have his quarters at the south wing but noah insisted that, this way, he would feel safer)._

_"no, noah. stop asking."_

_they were both in noah's room, the prince jumping on the bed while the bodyguard was stood, studying the books in the younger's bookshelf._

_"what's your favourite colour?"_

_"black- you have so many questions tonight."_

_"where did you go to school?"_

_"somewhere with teachers."_

_"that's a stupid answer." noah huffed._

_"you keep asking stupid questions." sam rolled his eyes_

_"who are your parents?"_

_sam didn't answer that one._

_"where do you live?"_

_"stop-"_

_"where did you come from?"_

_"no-"_

_"who were you before-"_

_"CAN YOU SHUT UP FOR A SECOND, YOU'RE GIVING ME A DAMN HEADACHE."_

_noah stopped bouncing on his bed and just ended up sitting in the middle of it. his eyes were wide and threatening to spill tears - he had never been yelled at before._

_"are you going to cry? oh shit."_

  
_noah turned away from the other and laid on his bed, wrapping himself up into a cocoon with his thick blankets. sam cautiously stepped towards the bed._

_"noah? fuck i'm getting fired for real- i swear, i didn't mean to yell."_  
_"it's alright." was the only thing noah said._

_"um... okay, i'll call for you if your presence is requested." he spoke nervously before leaving the room, closing the thick, heavy door after him._

_noah suddenly burst out of his blanket cocoon and faced peaches, who sat staring back at him, her injured wing staying stationary._

_"PEACHES, DID YOU HEAR THAT? HE GOT MAD, THEN HE YELLED AT ME, FUCK I ALREADY KNEW HE WAS HOT WHEN HE'S MAD BUT **SHIT** AND NOW HE THINKS IM SAD-" he was rolling on his bed again. _

_the bird watched from her cage, and, although she couldn't quite understand her friend, she bounced her head in excitement as the only kindness she's ever known smiled and glowed like she'd never seen him do before._

_noah never forgot a single detail from that night._

_\---_

sam only paid attention to noah when they got to the doors of the dining hall. he wordlessly reached over to noah's chest, pulling the golden crow from where it was underneath his top.

"i miss seeing it." he explained shortly before he opened the door for noah. _  
_

"son, just in time!" the king, who was at the end of the table, greeted when he saw the two come in.

"hi mama, hi papa." noah took his usual seat next to his mother.

"how were the suitors, hun? did you meet anyone?" the queen asked while the food was served.

as the royal family's conversation unfolded, sam slipped out of the dining hall to the security office at the basement.

"there he is!" a man cheered as soon as sam entered the office. "we thought you were never gonna show up, we were going to start eating without you." charlie, a red haired man swung his arm around sam's shoulder as he guided the older to the table where food was set. at the table was another man named daniel, sat scrolling through his phone but he looked up and saw sam.

"it's only been half the day but i can already conclude that it's shit." sam announced as he took his seat next to charlie.

"why?" daniel asked as they started eating.

"noah is fond of a suitor."

"how is that something shitty?"

noah shrugged, not exactly knowing how to answer.

"should have scared him off before he even went into the ballroom. he's just a kid, noah's probably older than him."

charlie laughed. "calm down, dude. there must be something about him that noah just liked."

daniel spoke up. "aren't you supposed to be happy for him?"

"the kid looks some bucktooth rabbit. i bet he's a brat." sam said as he aggressively shoved food in his mouth.

"wh-"

" _plus_ \- on his fucking way out, he had the audacity to call me 'badass bodyguard'" he hit the table with his fist and the plates jumped a bit.

"i don't get why you have a reason to hate him, it seems... petty." daniel chuckled.

charlie teasingly patted sam's head. "relax, you big baby, you're being so mean today."

sam's fist collided with the table again. "i'm mean everyday."

charlie, daniel and sam were the highest in rank when it came to the royal security unit: sam as the prince's bodyguard and charlie in charge of holding all keys to all doors, mapping secret passages and making more passages - he knew the ins and outs of the castle.

daniel was of highest rank, providing security directly to the royal couple. he was also on the technical side, taking care of cameras, surveillances, and constructing security plans of how to deploy men every time there's a royal event.

everyone in the RSU reported directly under daniel, except for sam as he had his own way of doing things (meaning he always believed that noah was his main and only concern, so he gave no shits about anything else).

"your meeting was boring as fuck by the way." sam said after they were finished with lunch.

daniel chuckled "how was i supposed to know that the gardening department would barge in?"

"your outfit suits you." daniel said when sam stood, fixing his suit, before he burst into laughter.

"i knew there was a con of you dating freddie." sam scoffed before making his way out and brisk walking back to the dining hall.

noah was already stood in front of the doors when he got back.

"why are you here?" sam asked as he jogged over to the other.

"i want to go outside." noah simply said.

for noah, the only con of being royal was not being able to go outside on his own. he wasn't _jailed_ in the castle, the family travelled often, but sometimes he craved being out there alone, enjoying everything he wanted to enjoy.

sam said nothing, but his eyes never left noah's form, who was gazing out of the huge window.

"if ever i go out by myself, you know what the first thing i'm gonna do is?"

"hm?"

"eat a whole bucket of chicken wings in one sitting."

sam, despite how grumpy he was earlier, couldn't help but laugh.

"that's the first thing on my list. i have a whole list of what i'll do when i break out of these walls." noah fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a rolled piece of parchment paper.

"why is it in your pocket?" sam started walking back to the ballroom again, noah walking alongside him.

"i keep it with me all the time, i'll never know when i'll be able to get out." sam eyed the scroll in noah's hand. he knew what it felt like to be caged.

"later, 2am."

"hm?"

"we're gonna eat a whole bucket of wings."

and with that statement, noah had something to look forward to as he had to go through a whole new set of suitors that afternoon. none of them were memorable enough so noah felt as if he was just saying goodbye to stranger after stranger. he couldn't even remember their names.

noah felt giddy, he needed to talk to peaches about this, just to ask him if it basically means that sam asked him on a date. sam was good at keeping promises. everyone knew that. noah calculated the probability of their 'adventure' to be a reality.

there was a 97% chance.

sam knew his way in and out of the castle - if he didn't, he could get help and his parents hardly ever check on him after he announces that he's going to bed. 

there was a 97% chance. the 3%?

that 3% chance decided his happiness for tonight.

that 3% chance would stop him from being free, even for a couple of hours.

that 3% chance scared him more than it should.

yet, the fear felt _good_. it felt amazing to feel _something_ that wasn't fake.

he felt like this all the time around sam. ever since meeting him, he clouded his thoughts and he found himself dreaming about him constantly - but he wasn't quite sure what he was feeling. all he knew is that if he can't get someone out of his head, then maybe they're supposed to be there,


	4. sunflower - rex orange county

it was a friday.

and sam doesn't stay at the castle from friday night to sunday morning, he goes back to work at sunday afternoon.

noah sat in the ballroom by himself as he waited for the next suitor to come in. he carefully pulled out the small golden crow on his necklace, placing it on his palm and observing it.

"it's going to happen, right?" the short prince muttered to no one but himself.

he hurriedly tucked it back under his top when the doors opened again.

  
after the last suitor of the day had came and gone, it was already 5pm. noah's parents didn't like him having schedules beyond 5pm unless it was really necessary. they wanted him to have a lot of his own time in his hands.

"isn't it friday?" noah asked as soon as he met sam at the entrance of the ballroom. the whole atmosphere around them felt different, maybe it was because they were both quite tired, especially noah, or maybe it was the excitement that couldn't contain itself at the pit of their stomachs.

"it is."

they started walking, back to noah's quarters, the prince glancing at sam's hands, both in his pockets as they walked. he noticed that they never really touched that much. not that he _wants_ sam to touch him (even if he did), it just felt like something they should be doing.

noah didn't know why he craved for the physical contact now when he lived so long without it.

he forced himself to look away, worried his heart would urge him to do something that his mind would regret later.

"i know what you're thinking." sam suddenly stated.

_that your hands are the most beautiful thing i've ever seen and i would let you take my own and guide me around the world?_

"but you know i can pull some strings and make magic." sam snapped his fingers.

_oh yeah, that too._

noah laughed, letting himself feel a lot lighter. he trusted sam enough to let his anxieties go.

sam stayed an hour more which he spent packing things up in his room.

when the clock struck at exactly six p.m., sam knocked on noah's door (normally, he would just walk in but this time his thoughts were going faster than his mouth could keep up with and the small time frame in which he had to wait for noah's approval to enter may give him some time to catch up).

"come in!" noah's lavender voice called from inside.

he opened the doors slowly, not even making a sound. when it opened, the prince was already stood in front of the door, looking at him expectedly. sam had his backpack slung over one shoulder and the most noticeable thing about him were the earrings in his ears - he only ever put them on at this time.

  
"you're going?"

it was a stupid question to ask but noah said it before thinking.

sam only answered with a nod.

even without a word, they knew what to do; it was their routine. noah stepped forward, inches away from the other, whilst sam's hands reached forward slowly, making their way to the nape of noah's neck. this position would look odd to others, considering the close proximity and the way noah was staring up at sam while he looked anywhere except the boy's eyes.

sam took the hook that bonded the chain together, unlocking the necklace and unwrapping it from noah's neck, placing it on his palm then putting it in his pocket.

goodbyes aren't meant to be exciting or pleasant, but the best part of this farewell was coming and noah's heart couldn't contain itself.

the goodbye was a routine - one they had memorized, like a favourite song which lyrics you'll never forget.

sam''s left hand reached forward to cup the younger's cheek, and noah didn't stop himself from nuzzling into the hand.

  
"take care of yourself, okay?" his voice was the softest at these hours, still deep but soothing. like watching a candle wick burn as the world around you passes by. like feeling the temperature drop gradually and watching the warm colours of autumn turn into the magical warmth you feel in your chest at winter time. like holding snow in the palm of your hand and waiting till it turned to liquid and your hands felt numb. 

he spoke words that would melt in your hands.

"you too."

the euphoria was gone as soon as it came when noah had to watch sam walk down the hallway knowing another 72 hours awaited him until he got to see him walk through that hallway again. sam sent noah one last glace before taking the turn to another hallway. he even ran to his window, watching the older's form walk through the palace gardens.

it was 6:02pm and noah had his fingers crossed and his heart on the line.

2am. hopefully.


	5. midnight city - m83

the whole situation of what just happened had finally settled into noah's mind and he felt like he was either gonna melt into a puddle or set himself on fire.  
he was silent, his face was slowly becoming red.

peaches braced herself for impact.

"I'M GOING TO DIE DID YOU SEE THAT? HE SMELLED SO GOOD I SWEAR- I WANT TO BURY MY NOSE INTO THAT SCENT, DID YOU SEE HOW NICE HIS HANDS ARE?" noah was running around the room, back and forth. "I WISH HE DID THAT EVERYDAY HIS HAND IS SO SOFT I-"

she watched as noah hit his tiny fists against the wooden doors of his room. "AND HE-" noah was cut off when there were frantic knocks on the door. he immediately stopped punching the door and stood up straight, turning the knob and cautiously opened the door. there stood daniel in the doorway.

"are you alright, prince? i know you have no bodyguard for tonight... is something happening?" the man had just been making his rounds for that night when he had heard the slamming of fists.

"n-nothing, everything is alright here." daniel stared at noah with a blank expression, not really buying it considering how nervous the price looked.

"...okay, your highness. but, I will be out here in the hall if you need anything or uhm- yes"   
as soon as the door was shut, noah let out a massive breath.

"isn't that the cool head chef freddie's boyfriend? i'm pretty sure he's a friend of sam as well." noah placed peaches on his bed carefully before laying next to her.

he spared a glance out the window and saw how the sun was beginning to fade, washing the room in pinks, reds and oranges.

his excitement for the night to come was barely containable. 

  
\---

  
it was a quarter to midnight when noah had fallen asleep next to peaches.

in the whole six hours that passed, he'd already had dinner, watched movies and talked to his best friend. (of course he didn't fail to mention their plans for that night in case she wakes up and is confused about him not being there: "he said it earlier after lunch."

peaches tilted her head in an inquisitorial way.

noah giggled, with no more energy to run around and scream. "no, peaches, it's not a date and i have no idea how he's going to do it but i trust he can work his magic."

it was 11pm by the time that noah was tired, laying down next to the bird and staring up at the ceiling.

"i wonder if he'll help me finish my list...i hope so" noah said groggily. he fumbled in his pocket for the list, realizing it was left in his other trousers. he was wearing only socks, baby blue pyjama bottoms and an oversized hoodie. right before he fell asleep, his phone sounded with a notification - a text, specifically.

[ sam <3 : 2am, i'll be there. ]

and with the knowledge that sam was going to _actually_ show up and he'd be able to spend time with him and see outside the castle walls of his own free will, noah fell asleep even if he didn't intend to. two hours until the adventure starts, two hours until he gets out of here.

hopefully.)

\--- 

  
being softly shaken awake at 2am was not something the prince was used to.

"wake up, noah." there were arms wrapping around his torso, lifting him up from his laying position. "wake up."

said boy groaned, even trying to pry the arms off of his waist. "n-no."

noah partially opened his eyes to see the dim room, but as soon as the scent of whoever was talking to him hit his nostrils, he wished he never tried to pull away.

"s-sam?"

upon the acknowledgment, sam helped noah up from supine into a sitting position before he retrieved his hands.

  
"c'mon, we have chicken wings to eat." he said softly, careful not to wake up peaches.

the older stood up from the bed, taking out a set of clothes from his bag.

"first you need to wear this." he held out a large pair of trousers paired with a jacket of the same colour.

"your work suit?"

"i'll explain later, just do it."  
noah took the clothes, standing up before yawning. he hears sam chuckle at the action, making him look up at the man, an action he immediately regretted. it was the first time he'd seen him in anything other than his dark suit. he wore ripped black jeans and a plain white shirt, a black snapback on his head that exposed his forehead. and he didn't forget to accessorize, his usual rings and bracelets together with his rolex adorned his wrists

"no time to lose, princess." sam said before he went to his own room to let noah change.

noah wanted to scream, he _needed_ to scream, but instead he kept it all to himself as he watched sam walk into his own room through the secret passage through the bookshelf that connected their rooms.

oh, how he wished he could wake up the bird that slept peacefully on the pillow next to the one that he not long ago had rested his head on just so someone could listen to him scream.

but, he kept it all to himself.

he looked at the suit in his hands, it was obviously clean. but a thought came into his mind: this was sam's - something that he wears.

he held it close to him, resisting all urge to nuzzle into it.

his eyes drifted to his bedside table, 2:03am. every second counts. a minute later, he was dressed in the suit, it was obviously too big for him. noah didn't forget to get his list and put it in his pocket.

he didn't bother bringing his phone.

noah stepped to the shelf, pulling the decoy book, opening up the passage.

"sam?" he said as he stepped inside the bodyguard's room.

sam stood from where he was sat on his bed, scrolling through his phone. as soon as he saw the prince, he couldn't help but coo. "oh. my. god."

noah wrapped his arms around himself shyly

"w-what?"

(the suit looked professional on sam and noah always thought he looked effortlessly hot in his work suit, but he had no idea what it looked like on him as he put it on in such a rush) 

noah flushed, shy because of how sam was openly checking him out. "you look.... so tiny and cute." sam said before shaking his head. the bodyguard cleared his throat, noah's blush travelled from his face all the way to his neck and ears, and couldn't help but notice that the other had tinted cheeks as well.

"anyway-" sam stepped over to a bare wall. "the uniform is so that if the cameras ever catch you, they'll think that you're part of the security unit."

noah nodded, scanning the wall sam was stood in front of.

"and i'm only supposed to show this to you in case of grave emergency but...." sam chuckled. "we need chicken wings and that's an emergency right?"

he held a framed picture hanging on the wall, pushing it so that it was tilted to the right. at that exact moment, the wall parted, opening up to what looked like a hallway that ended with a descending staircase.

"hurry," sam tugged noah's arm into the hallway and exactly a second after they were both in, the parted wall slammed shut again. noah's heart pounded half out of nervousness of what just happened and half out of anticipation for what will happen.

"how many secrets does this castle hide?"

"a lot."

sam lead the way up until a staircase and when they get there he turns to noah.

"you have to swear never to tell anyone about this. never ever. this hallway has no cameras so nobody will be able to track it and no locks so anyone could get into it."  
noah was about to laugh, but by the look on sam's face, he seemed dead serious.

"yes, i promise." 

this staircase was longer than it looked - maybe close to a hundred steps. the whole atmosphere of the place was dark and cold, but bearable.

"i'm tired." noah complained as they got to the very base of the staircase.

"i know. you're not used to staying up this late." sam laughed. "get used to it."

it was a lot darker at the base of the staircase, almost pitch black, so the bodyguard took his phone out of his pocket, turning on the flashlight

"hold this at me." noah did what he was told, through the light he could see a door, there was something that looked like a scanner that was on top of the door knob.

"what's tha- OW." noah flinched when sam reached out to plucked a strand of hair out of his scalp.

noah's fingers went to press against the spot the strand was plucked out of.

"what was that for?!"

"quiet." noah kept his complaints to himself. sam placed the strand on the scanner, and in a few seconds, the red turned to green.

"it's because this is your exit. this door will only open up if presented a sample of your DNA or mine." noah was in awe of the technology.

"wait- why didn't you pluck out your own hair then?!"

sam chuckled. "it's part of the experience."

  
with that, sam pulled the door open. of all the things noah expected it to open up to, there were leaves and overgrown grass everywhere, it looked like a literal jungle - all he can see was green. the other side was lit only by the moon, the sounds of crickets and other animals could be heard as their nostrils were filled by the smell of grass and plants.

"let's go." the older said as he easily stepped on the damp grass. noah was rooted to his spot. "hey," sam called out. "nothing's gonna kill you. didn't you want this?"

noah didn't know what to feel. every feeling and thought he's had about this moment were now all jumbling up together in his mind.

"every second counts, y'know."

noah took a deep breath.

_was this was it felt like to be a second away from freedom?_

he stepped forward, pulling the door close behind him. he took one more step forward, yelping when the slippery grass almost made him fall. sam held out his arm for him to hold on to, and he did, wrapping both arms around sam's as they walked.

"do you know where we're going?" noah asked after a few more steps.

"the city is just a minute away, don't worry." you could hear the grin in his voice. "what you _should_ worry about is stepping on frogs."

noah squeaked at that. "SAMUEL-"

\---

  
it was quiet in that forest, only the sounds of animals could be heard. the whole situation could have been peaceful and calming... if it wasn't for a certain prince screaming every few seconds.

"IT TOUCHED ME - SOMETHING TOUCHED MY TOE-"

"you're wearing shoes."  
"BUT IT STILL TOUCHED MY T- ADJAKKSKSKDK SOMETHING'S GOT MY LEG-"

sam was amused by the whole situation of noah desperately clinging onto him and he kept walking. thankfully, they were far away from the castle or anything so nobody could really hear the prince's obnoxiousness.

  
"that was just a plant." noah's eyes were wide, looking in every direction possible as he clung onto the other boy who was walking casually.

a few seconds later, when noah stepped forward, he heard a squishing noise that made him scream again.

"I STEPPED ON A FUCKING FROG-"  
"language!" sam tried to see what noah really stepped on but it was hard considering that the younger was freaking out, jumping and screaming. sam knew there was no way this was going to stop soon, and they were only half way to the city.

he sighed, bending his knees to make himself lower. "get on, you big baby."

"huh?"

_finally a break from the screams._

"so you'll stop freaking the fuck out, my ears are gonna bleed"

it didn't take too much convincing for noah to end up enjoying a piggyback ride from sam.

\---

_why do the euphoric parts of noah's life always end too soon?_

not more than a minute later, sam stopped his tracks, they were still in the foresty part, but noah could easily see a road and buildings a few metres away.

"there aren't any frogs here, i'm sure." sam said before bending down and letting noah stand on his own feet, wordlessly looking at sam.

the older got the bag that was slung over his shoulder (noah didn't even notice he brought a bag) and opened it.

"what's that for?"

"stuff." sam pulled out a black face mask that covered the bottom half of his face only and a hoodie. "now we have to make sure nobody notices you. not many people are up at this hour, but it's better safe than sorry." he said before handing the clothes to the other.

noah put on the hoodie first, knees going weak when he pulled it over his head from the scent, but he didn't let it bother him that much. then the mask.

"do i still look like the prince?"

"nah, you look like you're gonna steal a chocolate bar."

"should i take that as a compliment?"

"totally."

sam started walking then, but he looked back to see the prince exactly on the same spot.

"come on, we're literally fifteen metres away."

"i could step on 15 frogs in those 15 metres."

sam sighed. "this is the problem with rich kids who have no experience of the outdoor world."

but noah ended up on his back again anyways, as they trotted through the remaining length of forest.

noah kind of wished sam didn't have a cap on - he would be able to smell his hair since his chin was literally on his head.

_was this what if felt like to cuddle sam?_

earlier, noah thought of how little they touch. he knew he wouldn't be having the same thoughts again anytime soon.

sam's scent was so good, so soothing and noah could easily fall asleep if he wanted to.

when sam stepped on the cemented road, noah hesitantly hopped off.

"i've never seen a forest directly next to a city."

"that's understandable since you've been in a castle all your life."

"hey!" noah huffed.

"sorry." sam shrugged, not looking sorry in the slightest.

he started walking one direction while noah was preoccupied by watching a cat at the other side of the road. when he saw sam a few metres away, he jogged to catch up to him. "you're supposed to wait for me!" he huffed "what if i died back there? some kind of bodyguard you are."

"it's all part of the experience, you overdramatic princess." 

the street was lit by yellow lights that made everything look eerie. and it was quiet for a city, only a few cars passing every minute. noah felt kind of vulnerable - this may be his kingdom but he's _certainly not_ street-smart nor a city boy.

sam noticed noah's silence and stopped walking, making noah bump into him. "you're taking it all in, aren't you?"  
noah nodded. "it's... odd. it doesn't feel like my kingdom."

"okitipar is pretty weird honestly, but there's a beauty to it." sam held out his arm again, and noah wrapped his hand around it before they started walking again.

noah licked his lips, a question popping into his head, a risky one. "you're not from okitipar, are you?"

to his surprise, sam shook his head.

"it took me some time to adjust to it all. but it's not that hard to make a home out of okitipar."

noah felt slightly embarrassed. in the limited time that sam had lived in okitipar, he had already seen and explored more of it then noah, who had lived there his entire life.

the air was cold and noah looked up, aiming to see some stars somewhere in the dark canvas of the sky, but they appeared more like tiny dots.

"do you know where we're going?" the prince asked a few seconds later.

"i always do." the older answered before stopping his tracks in front of a place with a yellow neon sign that said 'Cluck'.

_this is probably the chicken place_ , noah thought.

just as he thought they were heading inside, sam took off his cap, black hair immediately falling into his eyes, and placed it on noah's head.

"a necessary safety measure. also, don't talk much, they'll recognise your voice."

sam took a look at the street left and right, before he was sure that nobody was following them.

"ready to taste the best chicken in the world?"

"i doubt it's as good as chef freddie's."  
sam grinned. "don't tell freddie, but this beats his any day." he said before walking them both inside.

they were immediately ushered to a seat by their waitress, sam chose the private nook while noah kept his head ducked and his hand on sam's arm throughout the whole interaction. the waitress left after the menus were given.

"choose whatever you want." sam said, looking at his copy of the menu.

noah stared at the menu with wide eyes, not knowing there were dozens of variations of what he thought was simply chicken wings.

"i-i can't decide." noah stated honestly. the numerous choices were driving him crazy.

"let's get two buckets of their best selling, is that okay?" sam asked and noah nodded.

the waitress came for the order and left saying it'll be served in ten minutes. the whole experience was new to noah - he was always used to royal food.

the older watched with an amused expression as noah intently studied the glass of water that was served earlier.

"is this water?"

"yes, it is."

"is it safe to drink?"

sam bit his lip to hold back his laughter "it is, of course."

but noah didn't seem too convinced, he took the glass, placing it in front of sam. the bodyguard knew what this meant - noah was wary. he noticed that royal people for some reason always think that they're going to get poisoned.

so, sam took the glass, taking a sip from it before placing it back in front of noah. only then did he pick up the glass and slowly take it up to drink from it.

"i feel like a badass." he admitted.

"that's just water, wait 'til the chicken comes, you'll feel like a whole new person."  
"mama and papa are going to be so mad if they find out i'm here." noah said, taking a few more sips of the water.

sam laughed. "at least you're going to have the best chicken of your life."

"i'm going to tell on you to freddie!"

"you wont." sam chuckled.

  
"we have to wait for the chicken?" noah asked after a minute of silence.

"we do."

"do you eat here?" sam nodded.

"often. that's why i brought you here, i love their chicken."

sam outside the castle was a whole different person. noah felt like he was meeting someone else, as if this man hadn't been his companion for more than a year. the chicken came after five whole minutes of conversation about noah's travels with the royal family when he was a child.

noah's eyes widened when the two buckets were placed on their table. he wasn't used to seeing food that wasn't garnished enough to make it look as expensive as possible. but even if it didn't look like palace food, perhaps it had more of an appeal.

the plates and utensils were placed in front of them before the waitress left them.

  
"you can eat, y'know." sam chuckled at noah who was intently watching the smoke rising from the freshly cooked food.

"i... i just.... eat this?" 

sam laughed, taking a wing with his bare hands then biting off of it.

  
"y-you.... with... your hands?"

sam licked his lips which had sauce on them. "yup. part of the experience, don't be afraid to get messy."

and so, noah tried to follow his lead, taking a wing in his fingers, bringing it close to his face to smell it.  
it smelled amazing, that was comforting. he had the juicy sauce on his fingers, but that was part of the experience right?

with his free hand, he lowered the mask on his face onto his chin, and slowly took the wing in his mouth, taking his first bite.

  
"MMMM" the prince's eyes widened, and he immediately took two more bites.

sam, who had been watching noah the whole time, couldn't help but laugh. "is it good? you like it?"

"don't tell freddie," noah swallowed. "but i'm never settling for his chicken again."

  
noah devoured the chicken at the speed of light. sam was personally surprised that a tiny prince like noah could eat just as much as him, or maybe even more. he was sure noah grabbed from the other bucket when the first one ran out.

when everything was finished, noah sat back, licking his fingers before he burped. "'scuse me." he giggled.

"i'm gonna wash my hands." sam stood up. "stay put." he walked over to the nearby bathroom, washing his hands as fast as he could (leaving noah wasn't really the brightest idea).

"here's your bill-" the waitress said placing it on the table where noah was left. "you know, you look a lot like the prince."

noah was sweating, he didn't know what to do, what the fuck were bills, anyways?

he just kept his head low, hoping sam would hurry up.

  
she was just standing there and noah wanted to tell her to go away but she just _stood there_ as if her realisation deserved a medal.

"can we get a bucket for take out?" noah let out a breath he didn't know he was holding when he heard the sound of sam's voice.  
the waitress just nodded, taking the bill back, and saying it'll be out in a few minutes.

"wash your hands." sam knew not to leave noah anymore, so he stood in front of the bathroom door while noah was inside, not leaving his til they were back at the table.

  
noah put the face mask back up on his face again. "she told me i looked like the prince."

"don't mind her."

"will she tell on me?"

"no, don't worry."

noah yawned, his lack of sleep finally getting to him, maybe out of being full.

"what's take out?" he asked a second later. "you eat the wings...out?"

sam laughed. "kind of - they give you the food and you can eat it home or anywhere you want."

the waitress came back with the bill and the take out. noah watched curiously as sam put a credit card in the bill and gave it back.

"was that the bill?"

sam nodded. "that's how you pay for the food."

sam's eyes widened, hands going to his pocket, realising he brought no money. "i-i left my money at the castle."

"it's alright it's already paid for" sam laughed.

"you paid... for me?" noah asked, not exactly knowing how to react to that.

"i did, don't worry about it."

sam stood, his bag slung on one arm. "let's go, we have a long way to walk."

they walked out of the restaurant after giving their thanks to the waitress and sam getting his card back.

they walked slower this time, noah, at some point, wrapped himself around sam's arm again. the boy was getting drowsy.

"what time is it?"

"almost 4am."

"really?!" noah asked, it didn't seem like two hours already.

"yeah."

they walked in silence until they got to what noah liked to call the barrier between the forest and the city. the younger was already prepared to enjoy the piggyback ride, but to his surprise, sam walked right past it.

"we can't go through there again. that's a one way door. you can go out but never in."

noah was too tired to be curious, his cheek was pressed against the top of sam's arm as his eyelids started dropping.

"sam-" noah said softly, it had been a minute of all walk and no talk.  
"yes?"

"will we do this again someday?"

sam thought for a second. "of course."

noah smiled, almost slipping off of sam's arm.

"thank you, sammy."

noah fell asleep right there and then, stood up and walking. all he remembers was seeing the image of the road slowly turning black, fighting his sleep until he couldn't anymore.


	6. i don't want to set the world on fire - the ink spots

"noah! noah it's me, your favourite cousin in the whole entire world and- what the fuck are you wearing?" 

the prince opened his eyes, only to find himself in his own bed next to zachary - his cousin (on his mother's side) whom he hasn't seen in nearly two years.

he was still in sam's uniform, but he couldn't care less as he tackled zachary in a hug, a wide smile splitting across his face, as well as the other's.

  
"zach- what- why are you here? when did you get here? how are you?" he splutters and screeches.  
"well, my mother and father are away on a trip to sedama to catch up with my uncle and asked me if i wanted to stay here instead as they know how much of a creep his son can be, i got here around five minutes ago and i'm doing fantastic now that i can hang with you, bubs!" zach pinches noah's cheeks repeatedly whilst noah giggles giddily as his favourite cousin and essentially his ( **second** , _after_ peaches of course) best friend has come to hang out for him for-

"how long are you staying for?" he asks excitedly. 

"hmm, well they said they'd be gone anytime between a month or two"

noah screams in happiness for the second time.

"now," zach says fake-seriously "what happened? what are you wearing?"

noah sits up on the bed before standing up, getting out of the uniform and back into his pyjamas while zach asks a thousand questions in the background.

"-and i just come in here and bam, you look like that. what the hell happened last night? not to mention you smell like you've bathed in cologne-" zach's eyes widened in realisation, a smirk spreading on his face. "looks like someone spent the night with a _boy_ ~."

the other flushed red. "shut up."

his cheeks were tinted pink as he told an excited zach everything that had happened from him meeting sam up until last night's events, zach's face morphing animatedly and exaggeratedly at everything he says.

"-and then we got take-out."

"YOU HAVE TAKE OUT OF THE BEST CHICKEN IN THE WORLD AND YOU AREN'T EVEN MAKING ME EAT IT?!"

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE IT IS-"

zach rolled his eyes, pointing at the paper bag on the bedside table. noah turned to it, taking it in his hands. a blue piece of paper was attached to it, sam's handwriting saying:

_{ 'enjoy this. i'll see you on sunday.' }_

noah bit his lip to stop the smile spreading on his face. 

zach grabbed the container, opening it. "woah, this is a lot. must have cost a ton."

"he paid." 

zach's eyes widened, as he slapped noah's arm "he gave you a dead animal, in some cultures that's already a marriage proposal."

noah rolled his eyes, but smiled anyway.

"he was so sweet last night."

"you're surprisingly calm."

"'m tired," noah chuckled, "taste the chicken already, you'll see stars."

noah may be part of the royal family, but he sure as heck knew how to eat chicken. he took a wing with his fingers, biting into it.

noah laughed, sure he had the same reaction as he did.

"tell chef freddie that, even if i'm not here very often, i'm never eating his chicken again."

\---

saturdays were slow for noah. he normally spent them talking with peaches, closely surrounded with guards whenever they went out since his personal bodyguard was off for the day. however, those guards weren't allowed to make any interaction with noah (sam's orders) unless truly necessary.

noah took a bath while zach finished half of the box and then played with peaches, being careful of her wing. usually, the stylists would pick out his outfit and do his make-up in the morning, however weekends were his free days to do whatever he wanted for himself. so, he dressed himself in black jeans and a short sleeved white button up. he looked at himself in the mirror and craved to see the necklace around his neck, but then remembered it was with sam .

"will the king and queen wait for us at breakfast?" zach had just finished showering and getting dressed as well.

"nope. they had to go to the neighbouring kingdom for some meet-up of sorts."

  
the day continued slowly and noah and zach tried to keep themselves busy by catching up and gossiping until charlie interrupted their fun:

"prince, there's a suitor here to see you. he said you yourself asked him to return."

noah jumped up "zach, come on, i'm going to introduce you to someone - as soon as i started talking to him, i just knew he was perfect for you"  
"i swear if this guy is some big scary ogre, i'm gonna beat your ass." zach said as the two princes giggled on their way to palace gardens where the suitor was told to wait.

noah was red from all the laughing, as he held onto the railing of the staircase.

"oh gosh- no, just wait I swear." charlie's parental instincts were triggered when the two boys kept laughing while running down the staircase. they were complete children. even the guards assigned to noah for the day sprang into action as soon as they saw the prince run from inside the castle all the way to the palace gardens.

noah spotted oli sat in the gazebo, watching a bird peck on the table. "zach! it's him, look!"  
noah tugged zach behind a tree as they both peered to see the young prince - zach was all wide eyes

"how...is someone that gorgeous?" he sighed dreamily. noah was a whole laughing mess behind him, hitting his arm.

"don't drool, dear, he doesn't even know you yet."

"did you even inform him that i'll be here!? you absolute ass, what if he thought this was gonna be some date-"

"stop panicking! don't worry, i'm pretty sure he doesn't like me that way." noah informed.

zach slowly became a cross between nervous and anxious.

"i swear-"

"you don't have to swear, it'll be fiiiiiine-" he dragged zach from behind the tree as they made their way towards the gazebo.

when they were close enough , oli looked when he felt someone's presence.

he saw noah first and immediately stood.

he had something in his hands, which noah recognised as a bouquet of roses.

"prince noah!" oli called out.  
he was all smiles, until his eyes drifted to someone who was walking a few feet behind noah.

"prince oli, this is my cousin, prince zachary finch of quaaltagh ."

suddenly, it was as if oli never saw noah at all. his eyes were fixed on zach, who was obviously feeling the same way the younger was.

"h-hi." was all oli said, obviously nervous again.

noah laughed, walking out through the other side of the gazebo and to his swing set, not quite far from the gazebo, so he could still see them but not exactly hear what was coming out of their lips.

"didn't know it was gonna be _that_ easy." he giggled to himself as he watched the two finally sit down after a few minutes. zach seemed to be starting the conversation.

noah propped himself up on his feet, then let go, forming a momentum as the swing went higher. the swingset had been his father's birthday gift to him on his 4th birthday, he had fallen off of it so many times - even almost breaking his arm when he was 10. but that doesn't mean he could ever let his parents take that swing away.

right when he was at the highest point yet, his phone started to vibrate in his pocket, forcing him to slow down until he fully stopped swinging. he took his phone out, not bothering to look at the caller ID.

"hello?"

"charlie told me that the brat came back."

"hi sam" noah said, completely ignoring the other's statement. the two only talked through the phone only when absolutely necessary, so this was a pleasant surprise.

"did he?"

"did who what?

the prince suitor from the other day. dark brown hair, blue suit. did he come back today?"

noah giggled, "ohhhh, you mean oliver."

"i dont care about his name, why is he there?"

noah stifled another giggle, pushing his feet against the grass lightly to move the swing, "why do you care?" (he knew for a fact that he would never be able to say that if he was face to face with the older).

"noah."

he looked down at his feet, biting his lip. if he knew how to tease, he forgot that sam would beat him at his own game as his voice was all deep and raspy through the phone. the hair at the back of his neck stood.

"i wanted t-to introduce him to zachy"

"you cousin?"

"mhm.."

"is that so?"

noah crossed his legs. it was a phone conversation yet he could still feel the man whispering in his ear "y-yeah."

sam stayed silent for a few seconds "are they guarding you properly?"

he looked around, seeing guards visibly watching him together with charlie who was at the entrance of the palace gardens. "yes, always."

"did you eat the takeout?"

"i did, although i still have no idea how i ended up in my bed when i fell asleep in the middle of the road."

that made sam laugh from the other line "you know i don't tell secrets."

noah playfully rolled his eyes "what are you doing right now?"

"trying to find out why bunny brat is at the castle."

noah laughed lightly "you're so mean today."

"i'm mean everyday."

"do you not believe me at all? come here and see for yourself, you unbelieving ass."

noah heard rustling from the other line, as if sam was moving "is that a challenge?" the smirk was evident in his voice.

"maybe it is, maybe it isn't."

\---

"the fuck are you doing here, isn't it a saturday?" charlie asked, raising an eyebrow at the man in front of him

"duty calls." sam chuckled, patting charlie's shoulder before letting himself into the garden, eventually spotting noah kicking as hard as he could on the ground to swing to the highest point possible.

noah stopped his actions the moment he noticed the bodyguard walking his way, and then sitting down on the other swing next to noah, his eyes never leaving sam's form.

"you really dont joke around, do you?"

"never"

noah continued to swing, but was slyly trying to check sam out. he couldn't believe he was given the chance to see the man out of his uniform twice in the span out 24 hours.

he was wearing all black from head to toe, from the beanie on his head, to his hoodie and to his shoes.

"so, you _were_ telling the truth." sam said, eyes turning to the gazebo where zach and oli currently sat.

"i'm a prince, honey. i was raised not to lie." noah said, matter-of-factly.

sam scoffed "says the one who's sneaking out in the dark."

"says the one who snuck me out in the dark."

sam claimed defeat, raising his hands in the air "i came here for fun but, honestly, i feel so attacked right now."

"and i came here to be a good friend and help zach get some action but i've been stuck here on this swing for like half an hour, completely forgotten."

sam's feet pushed on the ground, setting him into a slow pace "you're always so dramatic, princess."

noah started swinging again as well "you always call me princess"

he regretted saying the words as soon as he saw the smirk forming on sam's face.

"does it bother you?" he asked, turning away from the gazebo to look at noah, who immediately saw the grass as the most interesting thing in the world "should i stop?"

_(oh gosh, it was as if he lowered his voice on purpose._ )

noah flushed red again "n-no"

"alright, you overdramatic princess"

a little while later, noah and sam looked up when they noticed that zach and oli had both stood. they thought it was all over, however they were proud _oh so wrong_ when the two just started walking while talking.

"it's been a whole hour, do they not know that they can meet up another day?" noah whined, stomping hard on the ground which made him swing powerfully.

"oh c'mon, you were the one who introduced them, you might as well be happy for them and plus, they might be soulmates or something, who knows." sam spoke "CHARLIE," he called out to charlie's direction, pointing to zach and oli who were walking

charlie nodded in understanding, telling guards to follow them.

noah huffed, forcibly stopping his swinging "what time is it?"

sam glances at his watch "like, 11."

"great," noah says, jumping up from the swing "i have ballet in half an hour."

"where?"

"uhm, a dance institute a few minutes away from the castle."

sam wasn't knowledgeable about noah's routine during the weekends since he was off the job. 

the man stood from his seat as well, towering over noah "can i come?"

_oh fuck._

_no,_ was what he wanted to say. his classmates in ballet was one thing and the skin tight dance suit was another. sam would see his every move. basically, the worst idea ever.

"with me?"

"yeah."

"to ballet?"

"yes."

sam was just looking at him, waiting for him to answer.

"y'know, i don't have to if you don't want me t-" he started.

"NO- i mean...n-no, it's okay. i guess."

sam grinned "okay, lead the way."

and so, noah lead them up to his room - he needed to change first, of course.

sam went straight to his own room, and noah to his.

he could feel his heart pounding and his head flooding with regrets as he slipped into his black one-piece dance suit. it was skin tight, reached down to the middle of his thighs, had long sleeves and the neckline practically revealed the entirety of his collarbones. he looked at himself in the full-length mirror a few times, pulling at it self-consciously. he ended up wearing a hoodie and sweatpants over it, he knew he would have to take it off sooner or later, but it would certainly buy him _some_ time.

noah knocked on sam's door before letting himself in. sam laid on the bed, scrolling through his phone, knees bent and hanging off of the bed.

the man didn't move, but his eyes went to noah "that's your dance suit? doesn't seem that elegant."

noah rolled his eyes "let's go, i might be late." he started walking, wanting to keep a safe distance between them.

sam had to jog after him in order to catch up to the royal limousine, and even there, noah took his seat as far away as possible from sam, pressed against the window.

"what's wrong?" sam asked after checking that the privacy window between the driver was up.

"nothing."

"you're acting weird."

noah huffed "dunno what you're talking 'bout"

sam sighed "noah."

"i-i already said its nothing."

sam kept silent, noah was obviously not going to speak,

"princess"

"yeah?"

"can i see your list?"

just then it starts raining outside - not a light drizzle but a heavy pour.

"m-my list?"

sam nodded "you know what i'm talking about."

noah could never resist any request sam would make, especially when he was looking at him like _that_ , especially when he was dressed like _that_ , especially when he smelled like _that_.

so he reached into his pocket, taking the parchment out, placing it on sam's open paml. he knew sam would never judge him or question his choices, but he couldn't stop biting his lip nervously as the man began to unfold the paper.

after a minute, he gave it back. noah was relieved that sam didn't react in any way.

"thank you, i just had to know what we're gonna do the next time." sam said before smiling at the younger.

and noah fucking hates san for what he does to him,,

in a flash, they were all back: the butterflies, the blood rush, the pounding in his chest.

sam held up his pinky "i promise to take you out again next time"

sam couldn't help but smile, lacing his pinky with sam's.

but sam wasn't done "and-"  
"and?" noah tilted his head curiously.

"i promise to help you finish every item on your list."

noah was surprised "really? it's going to be hard, you know...?"

but sam's positivity didn't falter one bit.

"i know."

\--------------------------------------

𝓫𝓾𝓬𝓴𝓮𝓽 𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽:

\- 𝑒𝒶𝓉 𝒶 𝓌𝒽𝑜𝓁𝑒 𝒷𝓊𝒸𝓀𝑒𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝒸𝒽𝒾𝒸𝓀𝑒𝓃 𝓌𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈.  
\- 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝒶𝓉 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇𝓈 𝑜𝓃 𝒶 𝓇𝑜𝑜𝒻𝓉𝑜𝓅.  
\- 𝓈𝓉𝑒𝒶𝓁 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝒶 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓅.  
\- 𝑔𝑜 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒽𝒾𝑔𝒽𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝓅𝑜𝒾𝓃𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝑜𝓀𝒾𝓉𝒾𝓅𝒶𝓇.  
\- 𝒸𝒽𝑒𝒸𝓀 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑜 𝒶 𝒽𝑜𝓉𝑒𝓁.  
\- 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝒶𝒾𝓃.

\--------------------------------------


	7. animal - troye sivan

noah only had four other classmates in ballet class - two of which were also descendants of royalty and two others who were descendants of the richest families. the five of them were quite close since they had been dancing together for years now.

"who is _that_?" dev, one of two royalties asked.

sam was on his phone on a chair shoved in the corner of the room, together with four people who were accompanying noah's other classmates.

"yeah, never seen _him_ before." isaac, from one of the rich families, said as they were conducting stretching.

everyone was already in their dance suit, stretching and warming up while noah was sat on the wooden floor, refusing to change into his dance suit.

antonella (another of rich lineage) approached noah, "noah! where's your dance suit?"  
"i'm wearing it."  
"the dance instructor is gonna come any minute! you should change."

noah wordlessly just hugged his knees to his chest, eavesdropping on the conversation going on between dev, isaac and afifa (the remaining princess).

"well, isn't he a hottie?" afifa asked  
"hell yeah, he is. just look at him." isaac eyed sam up and down.

noah glanced at sam, the older still on his phone - which noah had learned that when he was scrolling a lot like this, he was on twitter.

"do you know him? who was he with when he came?" Isaac said, not so slyly ogling at the man.  
"he looks like a bad boy."  
"why are we not talking about how good his arms look?" dev said  
"look at his hands though." Isaac bit his lip, "he could choke m-"

noah shook his head, standing up, not wanting to hear what was coming next. this was exactly why this whole situation was a bad idea.

"just approach him already, have you forgotten that you're a prince? nobody can reject a prince," afifa said as she slapped his arm.  
"he's too hot for me. i'm gonna melt," dev gushed, dramatically fanning himself with his hand.

noah was getting irritated.

he knew his classmates were always this thirsty from the stories that they tell but it was the first time he'd seen it first hand.

"what will i even say?! 'hi, i want your hands around my neck, please'?" dev said.

noah was thankful that sam was far enough away not to hear anything.  
it was odd. he knew sam was attractive, but what the _fuck_ was this? was this really the effect he had on other guys?

"just say _something_ so that he knows your interested," antonella advised.

dev rolled his eyes "okay, okay fine, no one rejects a prince anyway, right?"

dev turned away from where they were huddled in the middle of the dance floor and started walking in sam's direction - even making a moved to adjust the neckline of his suit so that it would expose his neck more.  
was he fucking _serious_? right in front of noah himself?

noah stood up, brows furrowed, eyes never leaving dev. he swiftly kicked his shoes off his feet, took off his sweatpants, as soon as he pulled the hoodie off of his head, he saw sam's eyes on him. with the newfound ounce of confidence, he skipped over to sam before the indian prince could get to him.

"can you hold these for me?" noah asked, piling his clothes on sam's lap. sam took the clothes, eyes never leaving noah even if he got close.  
"y-yeah sure."

noah looked behind him to see the four in shock.

"nobody ever rejects a prince, huh?" dev huffed as they watched noah and sam converse.  
"never."  
"noah's got good taste."

noah skipped back to the group a few seconds later.

"you sneaky little rascal," antonella said, nudging noah, who was just filled with giggles.

\---

sam was mesmerized.  
it's not like he's never seen noah dance before, but it was never as serious as this. he knew that dancers could communicate their emotions through the way they moved, and noah was perfect proof of that.

there was passion and elegance in the way he moved, it was hypnotising. he never took his eyes off of noah the whole time. he couldn't.  
the prince was too captivating.

after the five finished performing a dance, sam stood, clapping his hands together. the dance instructor laughed at his reaction.  
"that's our first standing ovation for that piece."  
noah's eyes met sam's and the older smiled.

noah couldn't believe how useless his anxiety was earlier.

  
"you were absolutely amazing." was the only thing sam managed to say after an hour when the session was over.

"th-thanks." noah was used to getting kind words and compliments, but coming from sam it was all different.  
"put this on though," sam said, handing noah his clothes. the younger nodded, asking sam to turn around and face the wall. (he didn't understand why when he's literally just going to cover his dance suit. but he followed anyway)

"do you guys have like a recital or something coming up?" sam asked as noah sat down on the empty seat.  
"yes, at the end of the year."

when noah bent down to reach for his shoes, he winced, hand going to his left waist.

"are you okay?" sam’s voice was laced with concern.  
"i'm okay-" the boy said, contrary to the look of discomfort on his face. "i just- i fell a while ago. it still kind of hurts." he said as he looked up at sam.

the older bends down, one knee kneeling on the floor.  
noah watched hin curiously "wha-"  
sam didn't answer, wordlessly putting on noah's shoes on each foot for him.  
"you should be more careful, you know." sam said as he laced up the left shoe before the right and stood when it was done.  
"i-i know." noah said before he stood as well.

he couldn't help but notice his classmates, especially Isaac and afifa who were cheering and making kissy faces at them.  
"what-" sam looked back curiously to see what noah was looking at, but the four just pretended as if they were minding their own business - the princess and the rich man pretending that they were talking, isaac staring at the ceiling and afifa whistling and looking around anywhere but where sam and noah stood.

"let's go." noah tugged on sam's sleeve. "i'm hungry."

  
\---

as soon as they got back in the castle, noah saw zach and oli stood at the gates. the pair were holding both hands, facing each other.

"is this a dramatic farewell?" sam asked, scooting closer to noah to see the two.  
"probably. zach has the power of making any situation dramatic and emotional."

noah held his breath, sam was so near, almost pressed up against him.

the driver dropped them off at the gardens, sam getting out first before holding the door open for noah. as soon as the prince got out, he started walking, not even bothering to wait for sam since he knew he'd catch up anyway.

"where are we going?" sam asked after he jogged to catch up.

"gonna steal zach away from his new man. i'm hungry and he probably is too."

sam nodded. "after you eat, i have something to tell you."

that statement made him look up at sam "what?"  
there was something about that sentence that made noah nervous.  
 _did he do something wrong?_  
"i'll have to leave after lunch though, i have a meeting." sam informed.  
noah couldn't do anything but nod.

sometimes he forgot that sam had a life outside of his job.

he would forget that he was more than a bodyguard. he was out there living a life with other people.

  
perhaps, _perhaps_ , sam was living a life with a boyfriend or girlfriend.

  
he could never forget that he knew so little about him. the older was never that open as if he never wanted anyone to break the walls he built around his heart.

"with who?" noah asked while he watched his feet as he walked. he couldn't help himself.  
sam raised a brow at the question. "just someone."

_someone_. 

someone noah didn't know.  
someone who was special enough to have a personal meeting with noah.  
someone who was in the part of sam's life where noah wasn't welcomed.  
someone who _wasn't noah._

he bit his lip and remembered when he asked a risky question and the older actually responded with an answer. perhaps he was generous enough to answer again.

  
"for what?"  
"i don't like questions, you know that." sam said as they reached the gates.  
it had only been a minute of walking, but in that minute noah felt his heart weighing him down more and more. "i-i know."  
sam looked at his watch and his eyes widened. "oh shit- i have to go, i have to go now."  
noah turned to sam, "now?"  
"yes, yes i'm sorry." the older was already walking away, through the gates.  
noah tried to go after him, but he was stopped by the guards at the gates to go any further.

"what were you- what were you going to tell me?!" he called out, but sam was already briskly walking away, too far away to hear him.  
the gates kept him where he was supposed to be, never allowing him to go where he wanted to be.

noah watched sam's figure disappear at the turn. he then felt a tap on his shoulder. it was zach, no longer with oli.

  
"what happened? what did you do?" zach asked  
"i don't know what i did," noah said, turning to zach "but i know what i shouldn't have done."


	8. japanese denim - daniel caesar

he was late.

  
sam swore under his breath as he got into his car which he parked somewhere noah wouldn't see. he was never good with punctuality - noah always the one dragging him to the right places at the right times.  
he took his beanie off, throwing it in the back seat before he drove. he didn't want to leave noah that sudden, even while he was walking away he was already thinking of ways on how to make it up to the prince.  
right when he was caught in traffic, his phone started to ring.  
he put it on speaker mode after he answered. "you're late, samuel."  
he scoffed. "what's new?"  
"i'm just checking to see if you're alive. hurry up, asshole. i don't like waiting" the voice on the other line hissed.  
"i don't like you, but we both never get what we want, do we?" the line went dead and sam chuckled, tossing his phone aside.  
"ungrateful twit."

\---

he parked directly in front of the place, a bar. going to bars in the middle of the day isn't really an activity sam enjoyed doing, but he never expected more of the person he was meeting.

"you look happy," joven said as soon as sam took the seat in front of him.  
"over the moon" sam answered sarcastically, watching as joven took a drag from his cigarette and rolled his eyes.  
sam spoke up "can you get to the point of why you asked me to come here? this is a huge waste of my time."  
joven crushed his cigarette in the ashtray. "your mother wants to see you."  
"since when have you ever cared about my mother?"  
he scoffed "i don't, but father told me to talk to you."

sam stared at the man in front of him - he had always been like this, smoking, drinking and taking advantage of girls and guys in clubs. it was the only thing he's ever done in his life. he disgusts sam. "tell my mother i'm doing good. good enough to never return. i'm not going back until i get what's rightfully mine." he growled.

there weren't many people in the bar, half because it was mid-day and half because this was one of the least popular bars in okitipar - exactly why joven chose to meet him here.

he lit another cigar, sam's nose scrunching at the smell "getting what you want would require kicking me out the picture and that's not going to happen, brother."  
sam stood "don't call me that. you are no brother of mine."   
joven laughed like a maniac "but what about your father? your mother? will i have to send them the disappointing message of their son refusing to return home?"  
"home is never where you are." were sam's final words before he stormed out of that place, into his car and drove away.

\---

noah didn't want to talk about it while they were having lunch, he didn't want to talk about it when they were walking back to his room and he didn't want to talk about it while they were watching a movie.  
so, zach just decided to tell his own tale - hopefully to cheer the other up.  
"he was so sweet," zach sighed, a starry look in his eyes "he told me he never met anyone like me."  
(call noah anything, but he _certainly_ wasn't a shitty friend, so he slowly forgot about what just happened to support zach who was obviously a second away from screaming.) "and-and he said his father only forced him to see you just so he can find a partner, but it wouldn't matter whichever person he wanted." zach shoved his face into a pillow, his legs kicking on the bed.  
noah laughed, hitting zach with a pillow. "it's been a day and you're already whipped."  
"and it's been like a year and a half and you're _still_ whipped."  
noah rolled his eyes playfully. "yeah, whipped for someone who isn't whipped for me."  
zach sat up, getting the remote to change the movie playing. "but i just can't believe i went from witnessing other people's love stories to starting my own."  
"you're weirdly calm about this," noah smirked, quoting zach from earlier "did he even kiss you?"  
he saw the other's face turn red in an instant.

  
\---

  
at 5 pm, zach "offered to help chef freddie cook dinner" (which meant catching up and gossiping with the older male as he watched him prepare the food) and noah spent the whole afternoon meeting more suitors.

he was back in his quarters as he watched the suitors exit the castle through the gates, all defeated by their failed attempt at capturing his heart.  
the prince glanced at his phone: no messages.

"i didn't know my little baby would grow up to break hundreds of hearts."

noah smiled when he heard the voice, turning to see none other than his mother standing in the doorway. she entered the room, standing next to him in front of the large window, she draped her arm around his shoulders "looks like that heart of yours is hard to please." she said, watching more suitors walk out. "i guess. even the most "elite" princes i've met have no appeal." "well, take your time. we've never rushed you before."

his mother had always spent these hours with him. at times when zach and sam weren't around, she accompanies him.

"mama," noah gulped, not really knowing if it was the right time - but he knew his mother would understand. "i-is it alright for my husband to...not be of royalty?"  
the queen looked at him with an expression that noah couldn't read "honey," she started, it wasn't her normal cheerful tone of speaking "you know your father would never approve..."

he knew that. he had always known that. so, he didn't say anything back, not wanting his own mother to raise her suspicions.

"i'm craving cookies." she said, lifting the weight of the previous topic off of their shoulders. "why don't we go down, steal the kitchen from chef freddie and zachary and have some fun?"  
his mother always knew what to say and what to do at the perfect time.  
"yes," noah squealed.  
the queen laughed "race you to the kitchen!" she said before she broke into a run, noah, who was late to respond ran after her. "LAST ONE THERE HAS TO WASH THE DISHES!" she declared as she ran down the halls.

  
\---

  
sam was back on the job on sunday afternoon. noah found him sat in front of his vanity mirror when he came back to his quarters after lunch.

  
seeing sam back in his dark uniform was such a sight. he was pushing his hair back in front of the mirror, only for it to fall back on his face.

  
noah walked in, plopping down on the bed and getting his phone.

"you're here." sam said as he stood, turning to noah who was on the bed "how are you?"  
but noah paid no attention to him, playing a game on his phone.

sam raised his eyebrow at the behaviour and sat down on the bed next to noah, who turned to lay on his stomach "noah, i asked you a question." he said, looking at the prince who kept on playing.

after getting no response again, sam chuckled. "you're giving me the silent treatment? what a princess." noah's behaviour continued until dinner.

  
he had spent his whole day studying with his tutor, who comes and stays to teach him all day from sunday to wednesday

"are you really not gonna talk to me?" sam spoke up when they were making their way back to noah's room after dinner. but noah didn't even spare him a glance.  
"noahhh-" noah turned to him by instinct, immediately cursing as he did - he could never resist it when sam says his name like that.

sam saw how noah had acted and he chuckled "if you stop pretending like i don't exist, i'll take you out tonight."  
they had just arrived at the room, noah had the doorknob in his hand. the prince sighed before he dropped the act, and looked at sam "you're awfully good at this game."

"where are we going?" noah asked when he looked to the bodyguard who stood in front of the window.

  
sam had agreed to take him out at midnight, so they were both just waiting for the time to come "it's a surprise." sam said before he walked to the door.  
"i'll be back, have to take care of something."  
"okay. be quick," noah said before sam went out of the door.  
it was 10 pm and he was already in pyjamas, curled up in his sheets as he yawned.

\---

  
it was true, sam knew it was a huge risk from the start "what do we have to lose?"  
"oh, i don't know- our jobs, maybe?" charlie said through gritted teeth. it didn't seem like he was going to change his mind, ever.  
but sam had his ways. "come on charlie, help me out."  
he hated pulling this card, but if this was what it takes, then so be it "didn't you say you love me? that you'd do anything for me?"  
sam felt guilty for bringing it up as soon as he saw the way charlie flushed as red as his hair "don't you dare use my words against me."

it happened a year ago, sam had blended in with the whole RSU as he was warmly welcomed especially by charlie and daniel. one friday night, when he was on his way home, charlie had told him "i love you. i'd do anything for you."

and he was so brave.  
brave enough to say words like that when their friendship had been so strong and he was at risk of losing it all with just a few words, al depending on how sam would react.  
he remembers how charlie looked that night, his face when he said the words - truthful and desperate.  
at that moment, sam had wished he felt the same just so he didn't have to see the disappointment in his eyes.

  
"don't do this to yourself." the words were cruel, but they had to be said.  
those were sam's last words on the night that charlie promised himself that he'd stop loving the wrong people.

"fine," charlie said, just wanting to shut sam up. "but if daniel catches us, you're not going to drag me down with you."  
"thank you, charlie." sam said.  
charlie looked up at sam after a second of the other not leaving yet.

"also-" sam gulped. "i'm not loved by a lot of people. i've never... given myself a chance to thank you for that. for the love."  
sam made his way to the door, holding the knob. "and charlie?" "hm?"  
"good people like you always get a happy ending." their eyes met, it was exactly like that night again. "always."


	9. sweet disposition - the temper trap

"THERE IS NO WAY I'M GOING TO WALK ON THE FUCKING GROUND, NUH UH, NO WAY."

noah was screaming again. he refused to walk out of the door and had an iron grip on the railing of the staircase. 

it had rained that day, and when he was just about to step out, he heard a croak.

"SHHHH, LANGUAGE." sam scolded "and stop screaming you absolute princess, someone might hear you."

sam didn't make noah change into his suit again, instead making him wear a completely black outfit.

"I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU NOT SCREAM WHEN YOU STEP ON A DAMN FROG."

"will you calm down for one second?!" sam sighed, stepping closer to noah and bending down, letting the prince get on.

he walked onto the grass before kicking the door close.

"the ground looks ew." noah said, placing his chin on sam’s head.

"says the one who isn't stepping on it." the older scoffed. he didn't bother changing out of his suit, he's pretty sure nobody would see them anyways.

they got to the end of the forest faster since sam didn't have to deal with noah's dramatic ass screaming about stepping on a frog this time.

when sam stepped on the cemented pavement, noah jumped down before he yawned.  
"i'm already tired." and to the prince's surprise, sam was walking towards a car a few feet away - a jet black lexus "don't tell me you're gonna steal-"  
noah was cut off when sam pulled out the keys in his pocket, unlocking the car. noah didn't know much about fancy cars, but all he knew was this one was pretty and it suited sam so much.

the older opened the passenger's door. "get in."

  
if sam knew that noah was this annoying during car rides, he would have just made him walk (but of course he wouldn't do that because noah is a drama queen and would complain all the way).

to be fair, it was noah's first time riding shotgun in a car as he had always been in the back of the limo. the prince was excitedly switching through radio stations, making the volume louder than lower again and again, and he seemed to be fond of changing the setting of the air conditioning.  
sam was thankful that he got a heavily-tinted car or else people might see noah screaming song lyrics on the top of his lungs.

"we're here," sam said as he pulled up.  
"WAKE ME UP INSIDE-" noah was enthusiastically screaming.  
sam laughed, pressing the off button on the radio.  
"CAN'T WAke u- hey!" he huffed "you ruined my song."  
"all part of the experience."

noah looked out from the car window to see them in a dark place that seemed to be occupied by a ton of other cars. "where are we?"

sam killed the engine. "a garage. this is where cars stay when not in use."

the bodyguard reached over in the compartment in front of noah's seat, getting a black facemask and his cap, placing them on noah's lap.

"sam, this place looks creepy," he said before he put them on.  
"oh trust me, it is. people here are like ghosts." the older spoke, getting out of the car and making his way around it to open noah's side.

as soon as he stepped out, it felt eerie. there was complete silence - only their footsteps could be heard when they made their way to an elevator. there was no down button and sam pressed the up arrow button.  
the door opened immediately and sam leads them both inside before pressing the button to shut it. the door opened again at the next floor where five men made their way inside, the pair giving way to them, ending up with them in the corner.

all five men smelled like smoke and alcohol. noah held onto sam's arm, not knowing how to feel about to situation. they were going to the top floor (floor forty one) while the other men were heading to floor thirty nine.

  
when they arrived at the fifth floor, the men had started looking - at noah specifically.

  
floor nineteen, and one had moved, placing himself next to noah. the prince squeaked as he felt the intoxicated man invading his personal space.

"sammy-" noah whispered. his grip around sam's arm was tightening.  
sam was so close to growling but he remained calm, knowing he could easily take them on if ever they started anything.

noah suddenly felt a hand wrapping around his waist, it pulled him in, making him stand in front of sam, facing the man. his eyes widened when he felt one of the older's hands snaking around his waist and one on the back of his head, pulling him close.  
he knew chances like this don't come often, so he took it, wrapping his own arms around sam's torso as tight as he could as he leaned against his chest. he was once again reminded how much he loved the bodyguard's scent. it had been one of the reasons why he chose him as his bodyguard and it will always be the reason why he'll keep choosing him over anyone or anything.

noah shut his eyes, not wanting to think about anything other than the present. and he knew he'd look back at this moment soon, so he might as well live in it now, while he still could.

  
his eyes opened again when sam moved underneath him.  
"we're here." sam pulled away, but left his arm around noah's waist as he guided him out.  
it opened to a hallway and at the end, there was a door.  
the younger was yawning as they walked through the hallway and was surprised when sam pulled something out of his pocket again - keys.

" _this_ is your house?" noah asked, somehow awake once again.

"obviously," sam said as he put the keys inside the knob. he then placed his thumb flat on the doorbell. a green light flashed before the door swung open.  
"so it _is_ your house."

sam guided noah inside before he shut the door behind them. the prince couldn't help but look around in the living room.  
"you live in a penthouse?"

sam chuckled, kicking his shoes off "am i not allowed to?"

noah let his own feet guide him. the place screamed sam - just as the car did. there were abstract black and white portraits on the walls, a lot of technology for entertainment purposes, and the sofa looked comfortable as heck. and he also couldn't help but feel curious at the fact that something so unfamiliar could feel so much like home.

"i've always wanted to see a penthouse."

"you literally live in a castle."

the place was very spacious with black marble tiles, but, of course, it's best asset was its view of the whole city.

"woah." noah said as he pressed his hands against the glass. it was so pretty, how the lights contrasted with the darkness of the night, how nobody was in the streets but everyone was still awake. the sky was black and filled with stars, and the half-moon shines bright overhead, it's light glinting off the gently rippling water of the fountain below them.

"gorgeous, isn't it?" sam said, standing next to the prince.

"gorgeous," noah repeated, his eyes drifted upward and he pressed himself closer to the glass, wanting to see more of the sky.  
"don't stress yourself," the older said behind him.

noah felt his hand on his wrist, tugging at it, gesturing for him to follow. they walked through the living room to the corner of the place, there was a spiral staircase that the younger hadn't noticed.  
not letting go of noah's wrist, sam unlocked what looked like a latch on the ceiling. he pushed that part of the ceiling and it easily slid aside. they climbed the remaining steps.

"careful." sam said, taking noah's hand to help him up.

  
noah found himself on a very commodious rooftop. he felt the cold night air on his skin and there was the sound of the wind blowing by.

"woah." noah repeated for the second time, he walked to the edge, placing his hands on the barrier, looking at the cars and buildings below.  
sam just kept watching him with a smile tugging at his lips "we didn't come here for you to look down. look up."  
noah did. "wow." 

  
he spun in his spot, trying to take as much of it in as possible.

"come here." sam spoke, noah turned to him to see the bodyguard sat on a thick blanket with about a dozen pillows. in his hands was a telescope.  
"you planned this so well." was the only thing noah could say as he sat amidst the pillows.  
"well, it might be the first and last time you get to see this...might as well make it the best for you."  
"the-the last?" noah asked and he laid down on the fluffy blanket surrounded with pillows.  
"you know that i eventually have to take you back to the castle, right? and that i might never be able to take you out again." sam laid down next to him, their eyes locked on the sky.  
noah sighed, he didn't want to think about it in such a pleasant situation, but it was the truth.  
"i know."

they laid in silence for a while, noah had been looking at stars with the handheld telescope that sam had brought.

  
"sam."  
"hm?"  
he zoomed in on the brightest star in the whole sky, the one directly above them "if you owned a star, what would you do?"  
sam thought for a second "give it to you."  
"why?"  
"owning a star would mean nothing to me, but it will probably mean the world to you."

the answer made the younger want to giggle but soon he felt a warm tear sliding down the side of his face and dripping to the pillow behind his head.

"sammy." noah said, voice wobbling ever so slightly, the weight of the knowledge that he eventually had to leave this place began to become very heavy and he was struggling to hold it on his shoulders. he put down the telescope.  
"yes?" sam turned to the other.  
"i don't- i don't want this to end."

and sam knew it will, they knew it had to. but maybe they can forget the ugly truth even just for a second.  
"it doesn't have to."  
noah didn't respond, but he knew how sad it was that they had to lie to keep their little moment of happiness.

"sam?" he asked one more time.  
"hm?"  
"what if all the stars suddenly just- disappear?"

sam looked above, his eyes drifting from star to star, from the moon to the hundreds of lights surrounding it. it was such a hard question to answer.  
noah head turned to look at sam, and the older did the same, their eyes meeting

"you'd still be my brightest star."


	10. wish the world away - ollie mn

they'd been laying there in silence for what felt like forever. until noah reached into his pocket, taking out his list.

sam turned to see what the younger was doing.

"so, we've finished two." the prince said, ripping the part of the paper where the two items were listed. he crumpled the torn piece of paper in his hand. "make a wish." he said, holding the crumpled up piece of paper in his palm in front of sam.

the other chuckled "what for?"  
"so that this wouldn't be the last time. c'mon, you just have to believe."

so, sam shut his eyes, then opened them a few seconds later. "done."

noah sat up, holding the paper then throwing it as hard as he could. the wind took it from him until it dropped down from the edge of the rooftop.

"why'd you throw it away?"  
"so that someone else's wishes could come true."

the stars seemed to be even brighter, neither of them were aware of how much time had passed or how much time they still had left.

"sam." noah was staring at a constellation.  
"noah"  
"the other day, who did you go to meet?"

the straightforwardness was something new to noah but he knew that if he didn't ask, the question would always be there.  
"you really won't forget that, will you?" sam laughed, but he stopped himself when he saw that the prince was serious. he sighed, knowing noah will just keep asking if he didn't answer sooner or later.  
"my brother."

noah instantly looked both relieved and surprised "you have a brother?"  
"can we save that question for another night?"

that's the only time that noah dropped the topic.

sam took the telescope from noah, looking through it until the younger spoke again.  
"i wished on that paper, too." he said, looking at sam.  
the bodyguard put the telescope down and their eyes met for the nth time that night.  
"i wished this would never have to end."  
"stop saying that. the end comes nearer if you do."

noah yawned, breaking their contact. he felt it, he felt everything now. the tears in his eyes, the heaviness of his heart, the sinking feeling in his mind knowing it was going to end - but, the butterflies that have never settled.

"sleep." sam said.  
"hm?"  
"sleep."  
"why?"  
"my mother used to say that the part of the day you'll remember the most is the moment when you're half awake, half asleep."

  
even if they didn't cuddle or they didn't even touch. even if sam didn't hold him that night, noah felt as if they were the closest at that moment, that sam had managed to reach parts of his heart that other people didn't even know existed.

he yawned a second time, cuddling up into a pillow. his eyelids were giving up as they kept getting heavier. he struggled to keep them open as he fixed his eyes on the star right above them, the brightest one.

"sleep so this will last forever."

\---

the prince didn't know how he didn't see it coming.  
when he opened his eyes, instead of seeing the night sky, he saw his bedroom ceiling.

zach already sat there, arranging the contents of what looked like his school bag.

"what time is it?" noah asked, sitting up and yawning. he was still in his clothes from last night.  
"like 9 am"  
"why didn't you wake me up earlier?"  
"you look like you've enjoyed your night so you might as well enjoy your sleep, too."

noah's mind flooded with memories of last night. it was true, he did enjoy last night.  
a lot.

  
"hurry up. i even asked the tutor if we can start an hour late because you seemed tired." his cousin said, getting a pillow and hitting him with it.

noah has had the same tutor since before he can remember and whenever zach comes to visit they get tutored together, and they study with the same teacher that comes four days a week.

noah dragged himself out of the bed, and, in half an hour, he was done showering. he got the clothes the stylist had left for him, and he had to sit still for long enough to get his make up done.

  
"you meeting suitors today?"  
noah shook his head "it's a school day."

the stylist finished their looks and while noah was looking at himself in the mirror, sat in front of it, sam finally decided to show up.

"hi, sam," zach said to the bodyguard in the doorway.

"good morning," he grinned, walking over to stand behind the chair that noah sat in "i forgot to give this to you last night."

  
before noah could ask what it was, sam had taken the necklace out of his pocket and was putting it around noah's neck.  
their eyes met in the mirror and noah was out of words, after everything that had happened.

  
"th-thank you." the prince held onto the small golden crow.  
"see you later." the older smiled, walking out of the room.

noah's eyes were too busy following sam to notice zach who had been laughing  
"WHIPPED."

\---

the day went on as per usual - well, that's what noah thought.

"son, come with me."

it wasn't often that the king himself would personally call noah to have some sort of 'talk' with him, but when it did happen, it was always when noah screwed up. _always_.

his eyes met zach's as he felt cold sweat drip from his forehead. his cousin looked anxious as well, he knew how noah hated talks like this.

  
"it'll be okay." zach whispered as noah stood from where he sat, following his father to where they'll speak. he remembers the last time this happened:

" _YOU ARE A PRINCE, HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT?!"_  
 _"n-no, father."_  
 _"WELL, WOULD YOU LIKE TO EXPLAIN WHY YOU POST SUCH THINGS ON SOCIAL MEDIA?"_

_noah had just posted a picture he took of himself in front of his mirror. he had accidentally raised his arm a bit too high, making his shirt ride up, showing the skin right above the waistline of his trousers._  
 _"WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK? THAT THEIR ROYALTY IS NOT A PROPER ROLE MODEL OF A PRINCE?"_  
 _"n-no, papa." he teared up and gulped hard._

at that time. he didn't even know that he had done something wrong, he should be more afraid now considering he really is violating the rules set for him.

his father leads them to the lounge. the king sat on his usual chair and noah sat on the sofa in front of him.

"do you know why i called you here?"  
"n-no, papa."  
"this is about your coronation."

noah didn't know whether he was supposed to be relieved or a lot more nervous. he was only nineteen, and he knew he was too young for the crown.  
his father had obtained the crown when he was twenty-nine when his older brother died.  
"my coronation?" he asked.  
"yes, we talked about this before right?" his father seemed calm, which let noah release a breath he didn't know he was holding "your mother and i have been talking that if you don't find a partner by twenty-five, i'll hand the crown down to you."

noah had imagined it, ruling okitipar with no partner by his side. 

it felt sad. wrong, even.

"i-isn't that too soon, papa?"  
"are you saying you aren't ready to rule your kingdom?"  
"n-no. it's not that-"  
"THEN, you must have no fear of a bigger more valuable crown on your head."

his father had a habit of raising his voice to deeply emphasise something. it usually just startles people, but noah was used to it by now.

suddenly, the question popped into his head again. he didn't know if it was the right time, or if there ever will be a right time, but this was a chance, and he knew how important taking chances were.

"father-" the king nodded for him to continue. "what if-" noah swallowed "what if my partner is not of royal blood?"

there was a pregnant silence, cold sweat was dripping down the nape of noah's neck.

  
his father was never silent.

the king burst into laughter all of a sudden as if what noah said was the most hilarious joke he's ever heard.  
"that's hilarious son, you must stop cracking jokes like that, i might not be able to take it."  
but his whole demeanour changed when he saw that his son was serious.  
"how DARE you think of such an idea. YOU ARE A PRINCE. WHY LOWER YOUR STANDARDS?"  
"pa-"  
"YOU HAVE HUNDREDS OF SUITORS OF ROYALTY YET YOU WOULD WANT TO SETTLE FOR A COMMONER? DISGRACE ON YOU IF YOU DO SO."

noah stopped fighting, eyes falling onto his own hands on his lap.  
his father was exactly like the castle gates - keeping him where he thinks he must be and never letting him go to where he wanted to be.

the king slumped back on the chair "i've lost all my energy to talk about this. you may return to your studies."  
"y-yes, papa."

  
as zach had expected, noah came back into the room looking deflated, but this time, he was a bit more broken than deflated. 

thankfully, their tutor was out for a while.

"what happened?" zach immediately had his arms open for noah to crash into as soon as he sat next to him  
he leaned against zach's shoulder.

_he should have known better. he should have kept his mouth shut._

"i don't understand him, zachy." noah then felt something warm rolling down his cheek. he was crying "i know he loves me, but why can't he support me for once?"

zach rubbed his back as he let the older let it all out. it was true, noah's father loved him, he was there for him and he supported him. but, when it came to royal aspects, he never lets noah say a word.

"zach, what if he forces me to marry someone?"

the question made zach think. if he was being honest, it was possible.

"the queen would never allow him to do that."

sam came into the room a few seconds later, he had just come back from a meeting. the older's eyes met zach's.

"what happened?" he mouthed.  
"later" zach mouthed back, as noah's sobs could be heard through the room.

of course, sam wouldn't settle for that.

"sweetheart?"

the prince slowly pulled away from zach when he heard the voice. sam didn't understand the crushing feeling he had inside as soon as he saw the younger's bloodshot eyes.  
he stepped forward, not really knowing how to act or what to do.

but as soon as noah started tearing up again, he wordlessly opened his arms. noah stood, jumping into the man as soon as he could.

sam held him so well.

as noah fell into his arms, he broke apart and sam held him so tight as if he was trying to hold all of the pieces together. he held him in a way that he never was held before. he held him until the tears stopped falling down.

at some point, zach went out of the room, but noah didn't notice.  
  
when the sobs stopped, he felt sam pull away, only far enough to look him in the eye, but not far enough that he had to pull his hands away from noah's form.

"what happened?" the older asks.  
"i feel like i lost something i still have."  
"what?"  
"i feel like all the stars in the sky just suddenly disappeared."


	11. safe & sound - kurt hugo schneider, sam tsui

they didn't go out that night, noah locked himself alone in his room right after his studies and didn't even come out for dinner.

"give him some time." the queen said to the maid that called noah over and over again for dinner "you know how kids are."

"your son is nineteen, madame."  
"he's still a baby." she laughed.

noah didn't even let sam go anywhere near him, so he attended to work in the RSU office.

  
"you've literally been sulking since you've got here, what the fuck is going on?" charlie said as he peered in front of sam's office cubicle.  
the older man had been starring at his computer, playing pinball for the past hour "nothing."

charlie grabbed the mouse from sam, clicking exit on the pinball game.

"talk." he said and he dragged a chair to sit next to sam.

"you know i'm not much of a talker."  
"i'm not buying that because noah said that you are." charlie countered, "he said you rarely shut up, and when you do it's scary 'cause you're probably pissed."  
that statement made sam turn to charlie "he talks about me?"  
charlie rolled his eyes. "he doesn't _just_ talk about you. you're the only thing he ever talks about."

sam didn't know how to react to that, so he just pushed the thought away.

but, charlie wouldn't drop it. "speaking of noah," he continued. "i still have no idea how you got him to warm up to you almost immediately. he had his last bodyguard for almost half a year and yet he hated him the whole time."

charlie and daniel had been in the RSU for four years, but they already made it to the top. together with sam who was placed at the top by default because of his position as the prince's bodyguard.

sam didn't know what to say so he just stared at the computer screen.

"and i swear, whenever i look after him during fridays to sundays when you're off, he bombards me with too much information about you." charlie chuckled "i don't even have the heart to tell him that i don't care. it's so annoying, i even know that you broke your phone screen last week."  
sam couldn't listen anymore after getting weird feelings he couldn't understand in his chest. "stop it, will you?"  
"i'm just telling the truth. he's so fond of you." charlie laughed "if i didn't know better, i'd think something was going on between you two."  
sam turned to charlie then, their eyes meeting as he forced out a laugh "yeah," he said "he's a prince. he'd never settle for me."

\---

noah finally told zach about what happened in the morning when he arrived at the castle.

"no offence, i know you have like...half his genes but, your dad is kind of an asshole," zach said, trying to be wary of his words knowing noah was still sensitive.  
"i know he is," noah said, staring up at the ceiling.

he woke up not feeling very well so he cancelled their morning classes.

  
zach looked down at noah sadly. "but what about sam?"

noah had been avoiding the thought of the older, but when zach just threw his name out there where noah didn't want it to be, he felt himself break a little bit more.  
he shut his eyes.  
he promised himself he would never cry over the same thing twice.

zach was looking at him, expecting an answer.  
noah thought he ran out of tears last night "i'll just have to accept it. anyways, it's always been like that." he swallowed the lump in his throat "he's him and i'm just me." he was crying again all too soon  
"he'd never settle for me."

\---

  
"look, i don't know what happened a couple of days ago, but you need to get over it and cheer up," the bodyguard said on friday morning when the prince was sat in front of his vanity.

the younger had been so deflated the past few days, he felt like a ghost roaming the castle.

he looked terrible as well; his eyes had formed dark circles and his hair was a mess.

  
"what?" noah asked turning to sam who was stood in front of the closed door.  
"i don't want to see you looking so drained anymore - we need to put some light back into you."  
"what are you talking about?" noah had been keeping his distance from sam the past few days, responding with the least words that he could whenever spoken to, not even allowing sam to touch him. "i'm taking you out tonight, princess."

sam couldn't help but smile when he saw the younger brighten up the slightest as he turned to him, eyes meeting with his.  
"what are we going to do?"  
sam had it all planned out, just waiting for the perfect time to go "you'll like it."  
"which one is it?"  
"don't tell your parents, but we're going to be breaking some laws tonight."

\---

"a third time? really?" charlie rolled his eyes at sam for the hundredth time that day.  
"you heard me."  
"and when are you planning on stopping this? never? or when daniel finds out and he'll-"  
"and i'll what?" daniel stood in front of charlie's cubicle where the two were "do you both think I'm stupid?"  
they couldn't read his expression and they weren't even sure if he was mad.  
sam spoke up "we never said that."  
daniel stared them down for a second "i'm watching you both. you know the consequences." and he walked out just like that.

charlie turned immediately to sam after that "you can't tell me that you seriously still want to risk it."  
"i do." sam was a hundred percent positive.

  
noah was already getting ready upstairs, and there was no way he was going to disappoint him.

"you're not getting my help."

"charlie-"  
"no, sam."  
"after all we've been through?"  
"we can't-"  
"it's just one night."  
"no-"  
"daniel wouldn't kno-"  
"OKAY SHUT UP, FINE FINE." charlie said as he banged his fist on his desk "but this is the last time. then you're going to have to do shit yourself."

sam nodded, it was the only assurance he needed. he was about to say his thanks, but then charlie's phone rang.

  
"'babe'?" sam read the caller ID of the phone on the desk.  
charlie flushed red as he took the phone in his hand, answering the call.  
sam had a smirk on his face as he watched the other press it against his ear.

"hello? yes, i'll be there. later. the kitchens? okay. love you too, see you later."

  
sam's brows furrowed as charlie lowered the phone, the smirk dropped from his lips  
"i know that voice." the older said, staring straight at charlie.  
the other looked anywhere except sam's eyes, avoiding the gaze. "the kitchens?" his eyes widened in realization "chef freddie?"

when charlie didn't respond, he knew he was right.

"i thought you learned never to love the wrong people ever again." sam had no idea what to think of charlie at the revelation "what would daniel think?"  
"s-stop it-" was the only thing charlie could say.  
"looks like i'm not the only one breaking rules."


	12. heartbeat - bts

"i still don't know why you told me to get my biggest bag but, this is it," noah says, holding out a huge duffel bag that could fit even noah himself.

"that'd a huge bag, that's exactly what we need."  
"and i'm not gonna put anything in it?" noah asked, placing the bag down.  
"nothing, but you're gonna come home with that full of stuff."  
the younger sat on the bed and huffed "can't you just tell me what we're doing?"  
"remember your list?"  
noah thought for a second before he turned to sam "we're going to... steal something from a convenience store?" he asked.  
"not quite."  
"then why would i need this bag?"  
the older grinned, "we're not going to steal _something_ from a convenience store."  
"what?"   
"we're going to steal an _entire_ convenience store."

\---

  
after they were sure that the prince's parents were fast asleep, they went down through the passage again and as soon as sam opened the door and stepped out, noah didn't move.  
"this is literally your third time doing this, noah."  
"yeah and you should be used to it by now." the younger raised both of his arms, looking like a child that wanted to be carried.  
"i'll stuff you in that bag, then carry you." sam rolled his eyes.  
"i'll tell on you to mama and papa."  
"you are a child."

contrary to his words, sam bent down anyway, letting noah climb on him.

"i can feel your heartbeat." sam said after a few seconds of walking.  
"i'm nervously excited." noah giggled.  
"can't believe this marks the night when i'm going to be a criminal and probably be put in jail or something."  
"oh shut it, you princess. your father can bail you out with one gem of the hundreds he has on his crown."

it was a darker night, making noah wonder if the night really could cope with what they planned to do. the prince watched the streetlamps flicker through the car windows as they passed by them.

  
"how much further?"  
sam laughed "rule number one of being a criminal. you can never steal from a shop that's too close to where you live. it'll make you more of a suspect and easy to arrest."  
"i'm starting to think you're really a criminal."  
"i am." sam chuckled. "i've stolen a lot of hearts"

  
after a fifteen-minute drive, they stopped in front of a convenience store at the southern side of town.  
"it's locked." noah pointed out.

  
the door handles were bound together with a large chain and secured with a silver padlock.

  
"do you seriously think i didn't expect that?" sam said as he reached into the compartment in front of noah's seat, taking out two black facemasks, handing one to the younger and placing one on himself "i can't have people knowing my identity too."

he flattened his hair in front of the mirror so that it would cover his eyes.

  
"i'm not sure if i want to jump up and down or throw up." noah said as he did the same as sam "my fingers are shaking."  
"remember, you're only a criminal if you get caught."  
the older put on his hoodie, matching noah as they both wore completely black "ready?"

sam reached forward to put on the hood of noah's hoodie.  
"i'm going to throw up for real."  
"everyone's nervous when committing their first crime. it's normal. now, let's go." he reached for the door handle until he felt a hand on his wrist.  
"w-wait." noah gulped "what if we get caught?"  
sam laughed softly, turning to noah to hold both of the prince's trembling hands in his "but what if we don't?"  
his confidence didn't falter "wait until we're done, all the stars will come back to your sky."  
"is there a rule number two?" noah asked as he was hugging the duffel bag to his chest as they crossed the dark street to the front of the convenience store.  
"rule number two, conceal your identity as much as you can. and try to blend in with the surroundings."

  
when they arrived in front of the glass door of the store, sam held the padlock in his hand, looking at it. noah was getting more nervous by the second, anxiously looking around the street.  
"rule number three." sam turned to the younger "always be prepared."  
he reached a hand over to noah's hair, plucking a hairpin placed by his stylist that morning that he forgot to take off "i didn't even know that was there." noah says and shuffled closer to see what sam would do.  
"that's because you aren't aware of the third rule."

the bodyguard put the pin into the lock's hole, twisting and turning it.  
"that's not gonna wo-" noah's eyes widened when the padlock opened and sam easily took it off the chain and smirked, knowing the younger was impressed  
"ready?"  
"no."  
"okay let's go." he pulled the chains off with ease, holding them in one hand before pushing the door open.

  
he entered the shop but noah was rooted to his spot outside.  
"come on, you baby." sam laughed, wrapping an arm around the younger's waist, pulling them both inside.  
"d-dark," he said, his eyes were wide, trying to make sense of anything around him, but the whole shop was completely silent and almost pitch black except for the glow of the streetlights outside.

  
the prince felt sam's hand disappear from his waist, and he spun in place trying to look for him, a second away from screaming when the lights all came on. he sighed audibly.  
"didn't know the princess was afraid of the dark."  
he flushed, silently thankful that he was wearing a mask "shut up."

sam chuckled, gesturing to the entirety of the large convenience store "go wild."

  
noah bounced on his heels, opening the duffel bag, as he started to walk around, placing things in "are we literally stealing everything from here?" he asked as he shoved a huge bag of crisps inside.  
"well, whatever can fit inside your bag i guess."

his nerves and anxieties about this all disappeared when he was distracted by the many things he could put inside his bag.

"it's so quiet." sam said before he left noah's side.

  
music blasted from the speakers in full volume a minute later, making noah drop the can of whipped cream he was holding.

"SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD-"  
"SAMMYYYYY-" he called out, only to see sam laughing as he ran to where the prince was "you know i hate this song."  
"nobody can ever hate such a masterpiece." he picked up the can of whipped cream and handed it to noah.  
"how did you make the music play?"  
"hacked into their computer."  
noah put the can in his bag "so... not only are you a criminal but also a hacker."  
the older laughed. "i'm many things that aren't good or honourable."

they probably spent an hour in that store. noah had managed to make the tallest soft serve ice cream cone the older had ever seen and sam was able to eat twelve hotdogs in one minute.

"what the heck are these?" noah asked sam who was opening a pint of ice cream. his gaze drifted to the other to see him holding up a box of fifteen condoms that had previously been in sam's hand.  
"am i not allowed to have fun?" sam laughed, clutching his stomach as he ate a spoonful of ice cream.  
noah playfully rolled his eyes. "i can't believe someone who's filthy rich has to steal condoms."  
"you literally stole a cup of noodles, at least i steal the good stuff."

noah found sam drinking a can of beer "do you want us to crash into a tree or something?" he scolded  
"princess, this is just beer, i'm not a lightweight unlike you who hasn't even had a single drop of alcohol meet your tongue." he took another sip from the can.  
the younger came closer, eyes fixed on the can "what does it taste like?" he was subconsciously reaching out for the can.  
sam took the can out of his reach and reached out to noah's hand with his, intertwining their fingers. "i may allow you to steal, but there is no way i'm letting you drink."  
noah, distracted from the hand holding his spoke up "t-that makes n-no sense."  
"exactly."

\---

the younger was sat on the floor, trying to zip up his jam-packed duffel bag.  
"thought you were never going to be finished," sam said as he saw noah. he bent down, opening the half-zipped bag. "hold this."  
he handed noah the can of whipped cream before he was able to easily zip up the bag.  
"thank you," he said as opened the can, squeezing the whipped cream directly into his mouth.  
"rule number four," sam held a hand out to help the prince up from the floor "never leave evidence that you had been there."

the pair had look at the mess they made, there were things all over the floor, products falling from shelves, and even noah's tallest soft serve ever was now melting on the counter.

  
"looks like we broke too many rules tonight."  
"what about the lock?" noah asks, a hand grasped around sam's arm, he had noticed that he had just left the lock and chains in front of the door.  
"let it be, it's obvious that it got raided anyway."  
sam was carrying the duffel bag after noah had complained that it was too heavy. noah had stopped caring about getting caught ages ago. he squeezed whipped cream directly into his mouth from the can. "'kay."

  
sam shut off the lights while the younger yawned, supporting almost his entire body weight on the bodyguard. he was sleepy again.

"are you tired already?" sam chuckled, stepping out on to the street, noah still tightly glued to his side.  
"you know i get sleepy when i'm full." the prince said as he watched sam pull the glass door shut.

the older suddenly heard something, making his gaze drift from the door to the end of the street. noah heard it as well, making his half-shut eyes suddenly go wide.  
"d'you hear that?"  
"i do, is that-" their eyes met, both widening to their full extent.  
"shit." the pair said in unison.  
"I TOLD YOU WE'RE GONNA GO TO JAIL-" noah said as they both broke into a sprint, heading for the car.  
"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!" sam called back as the sound of 'wee woo wee woo' kept getting louder and louder.  
"IT'S ONE OF THE RULES- WHICH ONE, I FORGOT-" noah kept pulling at the door handle of the passenger's seat until it finally opened up when sam unlocked the car.  
"IT'S LITERALLY SO EARLY IN THE MORNING- EVERYONE IS ASLEEP BY NOW."

  
the two shoved themselves into the car, sam literally tossing he bag to the backseat. noah looked like he wanted to scream and cry at the same time, hands holding his can of whipped cream for dear life. "I'M GOING TO JAIL-"  
"STOP YELLING ABOUT IT." sam finally pushed the keys into the car, making it roar into life. he then stepped on the gas as hard as he could.

it was a wild rush, the adrenaline had built up in both of them. "THIS THING PROBABLY COSTS A TON WHY CAN'T IT GO ANY FASTER?" noah screams  
"IF I GO ANY FASTER, WE'LL CRASH AND DIE, DUMBO."  
  
both their hearts were beating the fastest that they ever had, noah still managed to eat whipped cream while mumbling something about how he didn't want to sleep in jail. "SAM-" noah was tugging at his arm, pointing at the rearview mirror "WE'RE GONNA GET CAUGHT WE'RE GONNA GO TO JAIL, IS THERE AT LEAST GOOD FOOD IN JAIL?"  
there was a police car blasting red and blue lights directly behind their tail.  
"NOAH," sam shouts, grip tightening on the wheel "PUT YOUR SEATBELT ON"  
"WHAT?"  
"PUT THE SEATBELT ON OR YOU'LL END UP IN THE BACK SEAT." noah did what he was told, probably crying at this point but all he thought about was jail.  
"HOLD ON TO SOMETHING." noah just held his can with both hands "NOT THAT- LIKE THE DOOR OR THE SEAT OR SOMETHING, DROP THAT CAN FOR FUCK'S SAKE."  
he held onto the door and the seat.  
"RULE NUMBER FIVE-" sam put his own seat belt on "KNOW HOW TO DRIVE BETTER THAN THEM."  
"BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO-" noah cut himself off with the loudest scream he's ever let out in his whole life, his body had been pressed against the car door when sam made the sharpest turn to the left, into a dark alley.  
"I TOLD YOU TO HOLD ON."

  
the alley seemed to get narrower and narrower as they drove through it as the speed of light, noah's screams gradually got louder and only stopped when they got out of the alley and made a sharp turn into a main road.

  
"I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER STOP-" sam said once the younger's screams had stopped.  
"I NEED TO CATCH MY BREATH OKAY?"

the prince was freely crying at this point, tears running down his cheeks without him even noticing. it was unfortunate that it happened to be a bumpy road as well  
"AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAa," noah screamed again as soon as he regained his breath.  
"I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN HEAR YOU, Y'KNOW?"  
noah looked at the rearview mirror, the car was back and was getting closer and closer to their tail. "SAM- I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT PRISON FOOD TASTES LIKE, THE PRISON HAS TOILETS RIGHT IN THE OPEN SAMMY, I DON'T WANT THAT, I DONT."

when noah finally stopped babbling in full volume, the radio filled the silence. "IT'S THE EYE OF THE TIGER, ITS THE THRILL OF THE FIGHT-"

  
for a second, the pair's eyes met, both thinking the same thing. "what the actual fuck." noah said, reaching to set the volume on maximum.  
when it was deafening, he started laughing, not being able to see a thing as his eyes turned into crescents, throwing his head back and laughing his entire heart out. laughter was contagious, and pretty soon sam was laughing along with him, teeth all out as he struggled to keep his eyes on the road.

  
"STOP MAKING ME-" he was cut off by his own laughter. "-LAUGH OR WE'LL FUCKING DIE-"

noah's joy didn't falter until there were tears in his eyes for a whole different reason. but, in the split second that sam noticed how close the police car was, he made a huge risk.  
"IF WE DIE- AT LEAST WE FELT ALIVE." he turned the wheel as fast as he could, making a u-turn, heading for the opposite direction then slamming the gas pedal as hard as he could, within seconds, the sound of alarms could no longer be heard and the red and blue lights were long gone.  
noah finally got over this laughter, turning off the radio when the song ended. there was still a huge smile on his face that refused to leave.

sam had started driving at a normal pace again.

\---

noah tried to stay up, but sam seemed tired as well, the older's voice was a lot deeper as he talked to him and soon enough the prince fell asleep. again.

when he woke up, the world was moving - well, it wasn't really moving, he was being carried in someone's arms.

it was one of those moments where you woke up yet fell right back asleep again, but at the moment he was awake, he cracked his eyes open to see the sky. it was cold and they were outside, he didn't know why or how, but his mind didn't question it.

"sammy?" he spoke out, eyes almost shutting again, sleep was still in his system.  
"yes?" the older replied softly.  
"the stars." his eyelids gave up, shutting before he nuzzled into the man.  
"what about them?" sam looked up at the sky.  
"they're all back."

and with that, he was asleep again.

\---

it was a friday, well technically saturday by now since it was already past midnight. but, it meant that sam had to go and their farewell routine had to take place. but, noah was sound asleep.

  
"noahh- princess, wake up."  
"noooo-" the prince stirred on the bed, groaning.  
"i'm going to go now and i know you hate it when i leave without saying goodbye."

it was the second time in the same night when noah experienced the drifting feeling of being awake even if sleep was still in his system. the prince cracked his eyes open, only to see himself back on his bed and sam hovering over him. he met his eyes as the older smiled softly.  
"hey there."  
"hi." noah giggled. he was laying flat on his bed and his hands went to sam's chest since he was that close.  
"i'm gonna go now."

  
noah nodded and raised his head the slightest, just enough for sam's hands to unlock the chain and take the necklace off. their eyes were connected the whole time, faces so close and breaths practically tangling into each other.

  
"i'll miss you."  
"it's not that long."  
"feels like ages."

the older took the necklace in his hand, putting it in his pocket.

  
"i'll miss your annoying ass too," he admitted as noah laughed, lightly hitting him on the chest.

silence fell down on them again, like a heavy blanket, hearts beating so hard and so fast that nobody can deny the life in their veins.

sam cupped noah's cheek, caressing it. "bye, noah."

and noah didn't know if it was just his imagination but sam seemed to be leaning in, getting closer and closer. he confirmed that it wasn't all in his mind when the older shut his eyes, he, subconsciously doing the same.

if this uncertainty - this little space between them - was a solar system, then they were the planets circling the same orbit, gravitating closer and closer without trying.

the moment was gone all too soon when the doorknob started rustling, then it was pushed open. they both turned to see what it was.

"zach-" noah said when the younger crept in in his pyjamas.

"what?"  
noah didn't bother answering, but when he looked back, sam was already gone.

\---

zach didn't know three things: first, why there was a huge duffel bag jam-packed with things that noah had put under his bed.  
second, why noah had a can of whipped cream with him in bed.

third, why noah had been ignoring him and being grumpy the whole time.

"are you not going to change into your pyjamas?" he asked when noah was squeezing whipped cream into his mouth while he was laying down next to him.  
he got no response.  
"where did you get that?" he points at the can.  
no response.

noah suddenly stood up from the bed, and zach watched as he went into his closet.  
"what are you doing?" he called out.  
"ignoring you."  
"why?"  
no response again.

he went downstairs to get a glass of water from the kitchen and was half asleep when he came back. he saw noah all confused and looking for something. suddenly, he was fully awake now, knowing that the older was still mad about something.

  
he walked to the closet where noah was now dressed in pyjamas.

  
"did i do something wrong?"  
no answer.

he followed the other prince until they were back on the bed, laying down. the other was facing away from him.  
"you look like you had a fun night."  
noah huffed "it _was_ fun and going well, until _someone_ just came along and deprived me."  
"of what?"

\---

sam had mixed emotions as soon as he got back into his car to drive to his penthouse. he's not even sure if he regrets it or not. noah seemed to be okay with it though, the prince did nothing to object what could have happened if they weren't interrupted.

what _could_ have happened?

his thoughts were cut off when his phone started ringing, he answered the call then placed the phone down on speaker mode.

  
"sir clarke " a familiar voice said through the line.  
"carlos"  
there was a laugh "the place is absolutely wrecked - it looks like it was robbed."  
he chuckled. "well, it was, technically."  
"you took less than i expected you to take though."  
"have you computed the sum of everything? we took around twenty hotdogs too."  
the voice spoke again. "i have. did you like our little show at the end?"  
sam laughed over the volume of the radio "amazing. i have no idea how you got a hold of an actual police car, but i'm impressed." carlos chuckled from the other line. "i told you, i'm a miracle worker. anyways, cash or card?"  
"through your bank account. add the expenses for cleaning everything up."  
"i'll text you the amount tomorrow."  
sam nodded, but then realized couldn't see him "alright. nice doing business with you."  
"you too, sir clarke."


	13. when the party's over - billie eilish

sam was stood in front of the large window in his bedroom when he got another call.

it was a few hours later yet sleep never seemed to get to his body. he opened the window as he pressed the phone on his ear, the cold early morning breeze entered the room, making his hair float above his head like slow flames.

he winced at the cold temperature, he was wearing nothing but a thin white shirt and boxers. he didn't expect a call at this hour, let alone from the person who called.

"what the fuck do you want, asshole? calling me this early, i know the devil doesn't sleep bu-"  
"darling."

sam felt like he was hit in the gut all of a sudden. he had to hold onto the bearing of the window to stop himself from falling, having to grip harder on the phone before it fell out of his hands. he had no words.

  
he thought it would be a while until he heard her voice again and the worst thing was that he had already accepted that he might never hear it again.  
"darling- i...i miss you so much." her voice was so broken. she was obviously crying, you could tell.

and sam knew her very well.  
they knew each other as if they were the same person.  
whenever she started crying, she becomes loose-lipped.

  
"i-i could never talk to you, i miss your voice. you sound so different." she babbled "you've probably changed so much, i miss your voice, baby. i miss talking to you. i miss you so much, darling. i hope you know that."  
"i-" sam's mind couldn't form words. he didn't know where to start.

soon enough, there was a single tear running down his cheek, he wiped it away. he never liked crying.  
"he would never let me talk to you, never. you cut off everything, darling. i would send you letters if i had to, but i don't even know where to send them." she was full-on sobbing at this point "i would come to you but i don't know where you are. he would never tell me."

  
suddenly. more tears were running down sam's cheeks, more than he could wipe away. he wanted to drop the call. her voice made him weak; he didn't like feeling weak.

"i just- i just miss you so much. i love you darling-" she was rushing her words now and the bodyguard realised that it wasn't that he didn't know what to say, he knew exactly the words she wanted to hear. but, he had so many words she had to hear that he didn't know how to start or how to tell her.  
"-i need to go now, okay? he's coming back. i love you, darling. i miss you. i love you."

and then she was leaving again.

that was a wake-up call to the bodyguard. he felt as if all the love he never received was thrown to him in one hit, and now it was going to fade away all at once. he had to tell her something.

"i-i miss you too."  
the words were like shards of glass on his tongue, hard to say but he felt the slightest bit better when he finally got them out.

"oh darling-" she was weeping again "your brother is a beast. just promise me you'll come back, for me."  
sam was choking on his words "i-i-"  
"i love you-" sam started, having to pull the words out of his mouth as he watched a tear drop down to the floor.  
"promise me, sam. i love you, darling." the call dropped. she was gone again.

sam couldn't breathe, he didn't pull the phone away, hoping that she was still there.  
but she was gone.

he was frozen for a while until he managed to look at his phone. that was indeed something he didn't expect from a call from 'joven the asshole'.  
she was gone. sam knew how it hurt when he lost her once, but losing her again was worse.

  
the cold breeze blew again, making his hair fly and the tears still on his cheek even colder. he tried to wipe them away and reached out to close the window, but then the wind brought something in that flew into his room. he caught it in his hand: a piece of crumpled paper. he opened it in his hands and read what was written:

'- 𝑒𝒶𝓉 𝒶 𝓌𝒽𝑜𝓁𝑒 𝒷𝓊𝒸𝓀𝑒𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝓌𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈

\- 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝒶𝓉 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇𝓈 𝑜𝓃 𝒶 𝓇𝑜𝑜𝒻𝓉𝑜𝓅'

sam subconsciously smiled, it was the paper that noah had thrown, it had his neat handwriting.  
sam turned the paper in his hand, then realising there was something else written behind it.

'𝒾𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝑜𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒶 𝓌𝒾𝓈𝒽'

it was _definitely_ the prince's handwriting. sam felt something break deep inside of him, but it was ironic that he was smiling.

he placed the paper on his bedside table, next to the only framed picture he had in his whole house, the last picture he took with his mother two years ago.  
sam laid in bed, remembering what he wished for under the stars that night with the prince.

"i wish i could promise you, mama."


	14. laughing on the outside - bernadette carroll

"there was a wild car chase at the neighbouring kingdom." noah's mother spoke as they were having their breakfast with the two princes.

"i heard." the king responded as he ate. "it's odd - that kingdom made strict curfews. so strict that no cars or people are allowed out by that time."

noah gulped his food down nervously, zach was giving him odd glances.

"and noah-" his father called. they haven't talked since the incident at the lounge. it was odd that he seemed so casual. "i'm going to introduce you to someone today."  
the queen looked half surprised half agitated. "i thought we agreed on this." she said through gritted teeth, then took a sip of water.

the king spoke again. "it wouldn't hurt. he's a fine man. who knows, maybe noah will take a liking to him."

zach and noah's eyes met, the older of the two had a confused expression, but zach already understood what the king meant. his mother was full-on glaring at the king, but the king only shrugged. "give it a chance." he repeated.

"there's no need for him." the queen fired back. "our son is doing fine."

"did you not understand what daniel said?"

"i did, but i don't believe it. if it was true, i would have heard something directly from my son." that made noah furrow his brows.

_what was this about?_

"that's because he has our son all caught up in his spell."

the queen stood abruptly "it's called having a healthy relationship. is that not the bond of trust you wanted them to have?!"

"HE IS HIS GUARD. NOTHING MORE." the king slammed a fist on the table "IF HE ASPIRES TO BE ANYTHING MORE, HE HAS NO PLACE IN THIS KINGDOM."

noah's eyes widened. _guard? was this about sam?_

zach had a hundred questions too.

_what did daniel have to do with this?_

"his guard is doing his job well. he's one of the best in the unit." noah's mother spoke "if you dare to replace his high-class skill just because you think he's interested in our son then that's idiotic."

"why are you talking about me like this, penelope? i'm your husband."

the queen rolled her eyes "you'e become the brainless version of my husband."

there was a moment of silence and noah didn't even know where to look. zach felt the most awkward, he never liked fights like this.

"boys, go back to your quarters, i'll talk to you later." the queen said. they nodded and got up, walking out of the hall.

they walked in silence for a while, until the younger spoke up when they started walking up the marble stairs.

"they're replacing sam?"

noah shrugged "do you think it's ordered by mr daniel?"

"do you think sam will agree though?"

"why would daniel think that?"

  
they were both just firing questions at each other. what else could they do when they had no answers to everything inside their heads?

"but-" noah said as they entered his room "who is it going to be?"

"sam will probably strangle him though, whoever he is."

  
\-----

"charlie?" noah called out from inside his room when he saw the man pass in front of the open door.

zach was asleep on the bed next to noah who was sat up. the other prince had been complaining that noah kept him up all night. the man stood in the doorway.

"yes, prince?

noah gestured for him to come inside, and he did, closing the door behind him and sitting on the chair in front of noah's mirror.

"can i talk to you about daniel?"

charlie's brows furrowed - he wasn't expecting that "of course, your highness."

"let me get straight to the point. does he have anything against sam?"

the older thought for a while "nothing that i can think of, prince. the three of us have a good bond ever since sam joined the RSU."

"then why did he tell my father to replace sam?" noah asked, desperate for answers by now.

the realisation came to charlie's mind like a wave. he sighed, knowing he had to tell noah or else the other would just keep pushing it.

"the king told daniel to report to him whenever your bodyguard would form an interest in you. that's why all the other bodyguards didn't last."

talking about daniel felt like such a sin to charlie didn't know how he casually said the other's name when he would normally drown himself in shame whenever he would remember it.

_"do you think i'm stupid?"_

_it was the second time daniel had said that statement in a single night._

w _hen sam went out after he convinced charlie to help him once again, daniel came in with no warning and poison in his words "i'm not stupid, charlie. stay away from my boyfriend." daniel growled._

_"_ _but is he yours if he wants me?"  
_

_maybe it was what pushed daniel to tell the king - the thought that everyone else was getting a happy ending and his happy ending was slipping right past his fingers. it wasn't a secret that sam was fond of noah, anyone could see that. and daniel usually  
turned a blind eye to that fact, but he drew the line. _

"i don't know why." charlie said "maybe something happened between only the two of them that i don't know about."

noah felt himself deflate and he bit his lip "is sam really leaving?"

"let's hope not."

\---

sam was receiving a lot of calls today. it was a call that woke him up. the alpha groaned, yawning as he stood to grab his phone, pressing it to his ear as he walked out of his room and into the kitchen to grab a cup of water. "hello?"  
"sam."

the floor was cold under his feet even if it was already noon and sunlight was coming through the glass walls. "charlie?" sam chuckled "did you miss me so soon? you never call me."

the other didn't even laugh "you're in big trouble."

"i'm always in trouble, what's new?" he could practically hear the younger rolling his eyes.

"can you be serious for once?"

"being in trouble isn't new for me so i don't really see how i'm-"

"you're getting fired."

sam almost choked on the water, placing the glass down. "to be honest, i kind of saw that coming."

"BE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS, IT'S ABOUT NOAH."

sam cleared his throat at the mention of the prince's name, nervousness shooting in his veins. "why? did they find out?"

"no, dan told crownhead that you have an interest in noah."  
sam started laughing like a lunatic, the younger was confused at the other line "that maniac doesn't even have proof." he wiped a tear from his eye because of all the laughing.

"sam, you know that if daniel says it, that airhead believes it."  
"let him believe what he wants. i'd like to see them find someone as good as me." "you're too cocky for your own good."

sam chuckled "i'm speaking the truth."

"how are you not even the slightest bit alarmed by this?"

"my key secret is not giving a fuck."


	15. this time - donna missal

noah didn't exactly know when his father would introduce him to the man he's referring to. so when he came home after ballet with zach and charlie, he wasn't quite expecting to see his father in the palace gardens talking with another man.

the man was tall and burly, he was quite intimidating to look at. his voice was deep and he had blue hair. the prince gulped nervously. 

the man did not look very friendly or approachable even when he laughed at something the king said.

"ew." zach said from behind noah.

it wasn't that the mysterious man was particularly ugly - he had his own charm and appeal but noah definitely couldn't see it.

"son!" the king cheerfully said as he saw noah a distance away. he gestured for them to come closer and noah silently prayed that this man wasn't his new bodyguard.

when noah was close enough, he started to realise that the older looked quite familiar. the blue-haired man turned to face noah, that's when the prince realised who he was.

"this is carlos fernsby, your new bodyguard."

_a suitor_.

someone who noah had already met a week ago.

he smiled at noah and the younger tried not to show his disgust in his features. carlos' features were so defined, he looked like some sort of a ken doll.

"h-hello." noah forced out.

"carlos here is skilled with fighting and the like, i'm sure he can do his job just as well as that Clarke - maybe even better."

noah couldn't believe it. one minute he was on his bed in his bedroom, almost kissed by the man he's been pinning over for more than a year, and the next minute he had to accept that sam was going to be replaced.

  
"hello, noah."

chills came up noah's spine when his name was said, and not the pleasant chills. it was so different from sam. carlos was practically the opposite.

\---

_"your highness." sam spoke, calling noah from the doorway of his room. he had never called noah his actual name before, even if it's already been a week._

_"mr clarke?"_ _noah said, standing from his bed to go to where sam called him._

_the man had never entered his room before, even if the younger had insisted._

_"your mother is calling for you." sam said, stepping aside for noah to walk out._

_"you can call me noah. i don't like being addressed like that all the time."_

_"okay, prince." noah turned to sam, only to see the other silently laughing. it was the first time he's seen him laugh._

_"you're easily irritated, you know?"_

_noah rolled his eyes, turning back to where he was walking "i know. i've been told, mr clarke."_

_"I don't like being called mr clarke-" sam formed quote marks with his fingers in the air. "'all the time."_

_"and i don't like being called prince or your highness all the time." noah fired back. "okay, okay." sam laughed again._

_noah looked at him when he laughed. it came out so natural that the younger was convinced that this was what happiness sounded like._

  
_"let's make a deal." sam spoke._

_"what deal?"_

_"i'll call you by your name and you call me by mine."_

_it was noah's turn to laugh "normal people don't need to make deals for that to happen."_

_"you're not a normal person, you're a prince." sam remarked, chuckling as he saw the younger rolling his eyes again "you get the point. is it a deal?" he stopped walking, holding out his hand. noah stopped as well, facing the older._

_he pretended to think for a while "it's a deal, sam."_

_he shook the hand. "deal, noah."_

that was the first time sam held him, which was probably his favourite moment with him. he remembers it so well - how his hand lingered in his longer than it was supposed to.

he liked to think that the older didn't intend to let go.

noah doesn't remember falling in love with sam. maybe it happened bit by bit each day, or maybe all at once. he doesn't remember.

all he remembers is holding sam's hand that day, and realising that it never felt like that with anyone else.

all he remembers is holding sam's hand, then realising how much it'll hurt to let go.

\---

"noah will be the one to tour you around the castle. consider it a...bonding activity." the king announced.

carlos nodded, grinning as he placed his arm around the younger's shoulders.

the prince shivered, feeling as if all the weight of the word had been thrown on his shoulders "let's go." carlos said.

the king was glaring, so noah tried to built up strength to start walking. it wasn't the same. _he_ wasn't the same.

noah did the quickest tour he could manage, wanting it to be over. it was so awkward and uncomfortable, especially since carlos would touch him any chance he got - and he wasn't very sly about it.

after the tour, the broad man was instructed to go down to the office to talk with daniel. that was the only time noah could breathe as he made his way back to his room alone.

he ran into charlie on his way back, and the man couldn't help but ask if he was okay because of the look on his face.

"i'm fine." he said.

charlie continued to walk with him since he was unaccompanied "i don't think he can replace sam." the red-haired man spoke up after a while. 

he didn't know if talking about sam was the best thing for the prince to do now, but he couldn't stop himself from saying it.

"nobody can." the younger sighed.  
charlie nodded "don't tell anyone-" he lowered the volume of his voice.

noah turned to him, nodding and the man continued "your father agreed to let carlos be your guard because he won't be paid. instead, his kingdom is paying your father for a chance to be with you."  
for the first time, noah was mad. "so i'm basically some whore then? being sold by my own father." charlie looked at the prince sadly. the younger's hands were in fists, clenching them so tight that his palms ached "next thing i know, they're going to force me to marry him and have se-."

  
"-calm down, prince." was all charlie could say.

he didn't really have the right words.

noah whole face was red, out of anger and frustration.

"i talked to sam." the red-haired man said.

in an instant, noah had whole new emotions in his veins as he turns to the older, silently asking him to continue. and the man grinned at that, he felt so much pity for the young prince that he couldn't help but give him hope. "-and i'm pretty sure your man will come to save the day"

noah was red again for a different reason - he wasn't expecting that "y-you know?"

"i know."

\---

sam was surpised at how much people actually cared about him when he received yet another phone call while he was food shopping. unsurprisingly, it was from daniel. he answered it as he scanned the shelf, looking for a certain brand of chocolates.

  
"fuck off, dan. i know i'm getting fired." sam spoke as soon as he answered it. "actually-" he started "you're not."

"i'm not?" sam straightened up, actually paying attention to the call now.

" _reassigned_ is the proper term. the queen wouldn't allow you to completely disappear from the RSU so you'll stay. however, you'll be my assistant instead of your current position."

"oh, great." he rolled his eyes as he thought out loud. "assistant to the one who wanted me fired. how delightful."

"be grateful that at least you're not getting fired." daniel hissed.

"why- you know that i don't give a fuck about the money."

"i'll see you in work tomorrow afternoon. be on your best behaviour." dan said, irritation present in his voice.

"but wait-" sam suddenly thought "who's noah's guard?"

"that's no longer your job, so matters concerning noah are no longer your concern." "actually, contrary to the belief of that huge fucking brain of yours, it does concern me." he bit back.

"it shouldn't."

"damn, i know your life isn't the best but no need to be a bitch about it." he was getting really steamed and now wasn't the proper time for that.

"you'll be moving your things out of the room next to the prince's tomorrow. if you don't, we will dispose of everything in there"

  
sam understood it now. they wanted to wipe every part of him out of noah's life in one go, and for some reason that irked him. "do you all think i'll just agree with all of this when noah is one of my closest friends?"

"you must. it's your job. see you tomorrow."


	16. i can't face the music - billie holiday

  
noah felt it as soon as he woke up in the morning, and it was confirmed when zach pointed it out.

"you look like crap," he said, worriedly looking at the older prince.

his mother pointed it out as well, resulting in noah's plans getting cancelled for the whole day, and the only agenda on his list was to remain in his room with his cousin, the queen herself checking on him from time to time.

"are you okay, my love?" the queen said as they walked back to noah's quarters. she had her hand to his head as they walked.  
"uh- iffy."  
"you don't look so good, it's surprising how you were alright just yesterday - i'll make sure none of the staff come near your room, as to not get them sick, okay? and i know you like being left alone when you're ill."  
"okay, mama."

  
the day was going well, noah spent it diverting his attention from the sickness within him.

"you still look like you've been through hell and back." zach said while they were watching a movie. "wouldn't be surprised if you got me sick too"  
noah laughed, nudging him "shut up"  
"hey, do you wanna-" zach cut himself off, something catching his attention as his eyes diverted to the wall "did you hear that?"

noah paid attention to it too, there was rustling in the room next to theirs, the sound of something heavy being dragged across the floor.

"fuck-" noah's eyes widened at the sound. he'd know that voice anywhere "it's sam." he thought out loud, repeatedly hitting zach with a pillow.

his cousin was laughing as he tried to steal the pillow noah was using to hit him "go talk to him, wuss."

noah buried his face in his pillows, legs kicking on his bed. "what am i supposed to say to him? what-what if i kiss him right there?"  
"are you saying there's a possibility that that would happen? "  
noah laughed, rolling his eyes "i know i'm a wuss, but have you seen how good he looks"  
zach stood "so hurry up before you lose your man." he pulled on noah's ankles, making the boy almost fall off the bed.  
"okay- okay...do i look alright?"  
"dashing." zach grinned and took something from inside noah's drawer, turned back to him, and held up his best tasting chapstick "you'll need this." 

noah was flushed red, grabbing it from zach and applying it "my delicious moisturised lips better get some action."  
"you're surprisingly confident today."  
"it's because i wanna get laid."

zach hit noah with a pillow. "you're a prince."  
"yeah- and i'm also human." noah skipped over to the door that divided their rooms.  
"why is he here though?" zach asked as he took his place back on the bed, knowing noah won't be quick.  
he shrugged, fingers already wrapped around the doorknob. "hopefully they've decided to fire colton or whatever his name is. maybe this is the 'saving the day' part charlie spoke about."

  
without looking back, he pulled it open.

  
noah stepped in, shutting the door behind him. the confidence he had at the other side of the door had all faded away in a second. because sam was right there.

but he wasn't there to save the day, or to be the night in shining armour that noah needed now.

he was there to pack his bags.

"sam?" 

"uh-" sam looked at the door before turning back to noah. he kneeled in front of a suitcase that was half-filled with things "i'm not supposed to talk to you."  
the younger's brows furrowed "since when did you care about what you're supposed to and not supposed to do?"  
sam chuckled, moving the place more things in his bag "you're right. i don't. but i don't think i have much of a choice when they threatened to evict me from the kingdom."  
"w-what? they can't do that!" his hands shook in defiant rage.  
"they already said that they would. i think you forgot that your daddy is a king." sam stood from his spot, walking the distance between him and the prince until they where stood only inches away. he leaned in closer, never breaking eye contact. noah gulped. "and all because they think i have some huge crush on the princess."

  
sam came closer and closer as noah subconsciously moved back until he was pressed against the wall. the younger was sure his face was so red and he could hardly breathe (maybe it was his stuffed nose but-), sam leaned in, lips barely brushing against the shell of his ear.  
"later-" noah could feel his breath on his neck "-i'm going to call you. you'll like what i'll have to say."  
noah's hands went to grab onto sam's arms "sam-"

suddenly, there were three loud pounding knocks on the door.  
"HURRY UP. CLARKE - DANIEL WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU."

he had a smirk on his face as he moved away from the prince, making the younger drop his grip on him.

"i have packing to do," he spoke, resuming getting his things and putting them in the bag.

noah was still flustered and flushed "y-you're fired?"

"reassigned."  
noah didn't know if that should make him feel better. "i still work here, just...not as your guard anymore," sam explained, zipping up the bag. "i'll call you later."

the older came closer to him again, lifting his hand.  
"will i see you again?"  
"soon."  
"how soon?"  
"soon."

he placed something in noah's hand.

the pounding was back. "HURRY UP."

sam closed noah's fist around the object, holding his hands in his for a while before letting go.

he slung his bag over his shoulder, walking to the door, he held onto the knob before turning to noah.

  
"i won't need that anymore. consider it a parting remembrance."

  
he sent him one last smile before he was gone.

noah still had so much to say. universes and ballads were begging to spill from his tongue.

but, he couldn't believe that the number of overwhelming emotions in him rooted him to the spot. he couldn't believe that sam just slipped past him like that.

he feels kind of like a cherry - a little flushed, a little small, a lot dazed, swirling in a cocktail of tingling senses.

he looked down at his hand, raising it and opening it to see what sam left. it was his golden tag.

'SAMUEL CLARKE - PERSONAL BODYGUARD TO THE PRINCE."


	17. noah - amber run

because of the whole situation with daniel being an asshole, charlie and sam found themselves closer than ever, even spending the whole night on the phone last night, talking about the shit he did.

  
it was in the same phone call that sam couldn't hold back from telling charlie the truth.

  
"did you talk to him? you know that crownhead told you not to, what if he finds out-" charlie kept babbling on in the office as soon as the older came back.  
"and did you check if he will be safe? literally every bodyguard he's ever had tried to make a move on him, and this new one looks like even more of a douche than you."  
sam, who was rocking in his chair carelessly shrugged. "doesn't matter."

"what the- _doesn't matte_ r? what are you talking about? have you _seen_ his new guard?"

sam held a hand out to stop his statement. "i don't give a fuck about the guard. it's not like he can do anything to noah. and anyway, zach will be there up until tomorrow night."

charlie was still not calm "sam! this is your man we're talking about-"  
"shut up, i planned this a long time ago."  
that statement got the red-haired man to shut up "planned what?"  
he chuckled, turning to face charlie "it's a long, complex process, but one thing's for sure...i'm going to need your help. one last time."  
the younger's eyes widened in realization "i'm in."  
sam laughed "that was easy."  
"there's no way i'm letting daniel ruin another happy ending."

\---

"that was qui- what the fuck is that?" zach asked when he saw noah dragging a huge, black duffel bag from sam's room into his.

"just-" noah groaned at the heavyweight "fucking help me."

the younger sprang up from the bed, helping the other until the extremely full bag was finally inside noah's room.  
the older plodded to the door and locked it shut.

"are you crying?" zach stepped in front of his cousin, cupping his face to see him up close "you are...what- what happened?"

noah didn't say a word but raised his palm, showing zach the golden tag in his hand.

"he's gone, isn't he?" he was cautious with his words, but they all just spilt out.  
" _reassigned_ ," noah said, wiping tears that he didn't know had fallen out in the first place. "what?"  
"he's still working here- just...not as my guard anymore," he explained.

the younger prince frowned. no wonder noah teared up about it. sam being gone for good would probably hurt him a lot less than the man being here yet them being forbidden to interact.

"he said he didn't need it anymore." noah slumped on his bed, burying himself in the sheets.

the older man didn't even say a proper goodbye.

"well-" zach laid next to him on the bed, patting his back in a failed attempt to make him feel the slightest bit better "maybe he doesn't need it because he wants to pursue a different title in your life?"

  
\---

"is he here?"

the two princes were looking out through the large window that noah had in his room.

oli was coming to visit zach, so, despite his own heartache, noah picked himself up to be supportive of his friend.

it had been an hour after the encounter with sam.

"i'm going to fucking _explode_ , i swear- he's taking so long-" zach had been bouncing on his feet for the last five minutes.

oli agreed to come at 3pm, and the dark-skinned male had been babbling about how the other decided to ditch him as soon as the clock arrived at 3:01 pm.

"THERE HE IS." noah all but screamed, seeing oli literally sprinting through the palace garden. "and i think he knows he's late.",

zach's eyes widened at the sight of the other, a huge smile spreading on his face "let's go-" he started running to the door.

"i can't!" noah reminded him. his mother wouldn't allow him to exit his room, overly concerned about his health.  
"oh, right." the younger realized, stopping his tracks "will you stay here?" he asked.  
"i have to." noah started to get back into bed.  
his younger cousin smiled sadly "i'll be back soon, bubs"  
noah grinned back "i'm alright here. you go enjoy yourself. oli must have missed you."  
zach rushed in to wrap noah up in a hug "thank you." he whispered. noah giggled and hugged back "have fun."  
"you're still my first love."  
"save the sappy shit for oli, i already know that." noah shooed him away towards the door.  
"get well soon," zach said through the open door as he slipped out.  
"i'll try. enjoy yourself." the older winked.

being the prince and all, it was rare that noah had time totally to himself. his personal bodyguard had to be near him at all times, zach was always there and practically living in the castle so that he wouldn't get lonely, and his mother was there to fill in the void once sam was off duty and zach had would go meet oli or to talk with chef freddie.

noah was never an introvert, but right now he was in the mood to be alone. his father had a conference with another kingdom, his mother was busy during sundays, and, as he knew, his new guard would only start the job tomorrow.

noah shuddered as he climbed into bed at the through of the blue-haired man. he knew he didn't like him as soon as he was almost knocked off his feet by the overwhelming smell of his cologne - sam wore a lot too but this was just all wrong.

he has no idea how he would endure having to live day by day with carlos having to be by his side.

  
after a few minutes of scrolling through his phone, he felt his stomach churning and sweat cover his whole body - this illness had crept up on him faster than he thought.

noah got on his feet to the huge mirror. he peered over to see zach and oli sat in the gazebo again, looking like they were having a very amusing conversation. he drew the velvet red floor-length curtains shut, making the room a whole lot darker.

as he was stepping back to his bed, he unbuttoned his long-sleeved top all the way, however, he didn't take it off as he was sweating and felt hot all over yet he was shivering at the same time.

as soon as he was laid back on the bed, he unbuttoned his tight slacks, raising his hips from the bed to take it off.  
he stopped once he got them off, taking a second to catch his breath and to stop the blurriness in his sight and dizziness he felt.

he saw a piece of paper fall from the pocket of his trousers as he took them off - it was his list, with only 3 more items there.

the next wave that flooded his mind wasn't because of him being ill anymore. it was more of a depressing wake-up call. the list wasn't finished yet and sam was gone.

he sat on the bed after placing his slacks on the ground. it was so silent with no one around. he hated being alone.

noah placed the list in his junk drawer (which was within arms reach of his position under the covers in his bed), where he places things that aren't of any use to him yet he can't throw away just yet and his eyes drifted to sam's golden tag. he held it, running his finger over the engraved letters before he put the tag in the junk drawer too; he has no use for wishes now.

the young prince can feel the room closing in. it's so dark, so lonely, and no matter how many lights he turns on it's still not bright enough. it's still too dark.  
and, even though he's been alone for a large portion of his life, today he finally realised what people mean when they say that silence is the loudest sound - its deafening.

  
noah pulled the blankets, duvet and comforter up to his chin, slowly but surely falling asleep to the thoughts of bunching the soft cloth of sam's clothes between his small fists as the neighbourhood around them had slumbered into silence, lights off, and the older's sneakers crunching against stray stones with each step against the gravel streets.

he fell asleep with tears upon his cheeks but a small smile dashed on his face like a stroke of paint on a canvas.

heavy is the head that wears the crown.

  
\---

when zach came back to the room a few hours later, noah was practically dead to the world.

he was partially upset about him being asleep, he had so much he wanted to share to the prince - but, noah seemed tired.

(that was a thing about him; whenever he has to deal with extreme negative emotions, it easily burns him out)

zach didn't bother waking him up, noah deserved the rest anyways. he silently grabbed his things he's going to bring downstairs, then left a note for the older to read when he wakes up.  
zach smiled at the sight of noah deep in sleep before he shut the lights, exiting the room and heading to the kitchen to help freddie prepare food for tomorrow.


	18. run away with me - michael arden

noah was awoken by an irritating noise, and he was even more surprised when he opened his eyes to see his room nearly pitch black. he hurriedly turned on the lights with the switch next to his bed.

he knew it was zach's doing. zach, unlike him, loved sleeping in a dark room. but when noah sat up, the other was nowhere to be found.

he yawned before reaching out for the source of the sound, his phone.  
"hello?"  
"have you missed me?"

  
noah held his breath.  
in the midst of him sulking that sam was gone, he completely forgot that the man had promised to call him. but sam was here now.

  
"noah?"  
"i-" he gulped "i'm here."  
"i am too."

there was a silence, only soft breaths could be heard.

"listen." sam started, breaking the silence.  
"i am."  
"are you okay?"  
"no. no, not yet."  
"i don't want your new guard to go anywhere near you. don't let him."

noah had to bite his lip at that.

_was sam jealous? probably not._

"i-i won't," he assured before he sighed "i just wish you were still mine." he slapped a hand over his mouth as soon as it slipped out of his mouth.  
there was a chuckle at the other line.  
"i-i mean my g-guard. my bodyguard."  
"whatever you say, princess." sam cleared his throat "so uh, i heard that you're ill?"  
"yeah, it's only gotten worse over the past couple of days. i just want to get out of the castle - i'm suffocating"

there was silence again as if the older wanted him to say something. but he wasn't sure what.

sam let out a breath, realising noah wouldn't be the one to initiate anything. it was a risky question. "do you-" the ex-bodyguard cleared his throat "do you want to run away with me?"

the prince audibly gasped.

sam bit his lip, maybe he shouldn't have asked, it was too soon - and a heavy question at that.

noah would be lying if he said that he never fantasised those words coming from the older's lips. he would be lying if he said he never imagined and hoped that sam would meet him for a secret, romantic rendezvous and he would be lying even more if he said that he'd reject the older's offer.

"w-well not run away, _as such_ , but just...spend time with me until your sickness passes. away from the castle."

but 'yes' was not the word the prince found leaving his lips "h-how?"  
sam stuttered and tripped over his words "uh- you don't have to say yes...or agree, b-but if you do, i have it all figured out. only for a few days or so, not for- forever of course" noah had never heard sam sound so anxious and nervous before.

"listen, your mother and father have a three-day long conference in a far kingdom - at least two hours away from okitipar." sam started explaining. "meaning they'll be gone for three days and two nights."  
"then?"  
"they're not the only ones who'll leave the kingdom for three days."

the younger didn't know what to feel, too much information was now shoving itself in his mind and so many emotions had to be felt. "did you really think we'd leave your list unfinished?" sam laughed, he seemed calm again. "if you agree, i have a foolproof plan. i'm not letting your wishes remain wishes."

did he trust sam? _certainly._

has he ever fantasised all his wishes come true with sam by his side? _always_.

maybe that's why it took him so long to answer the older because he wasn't sure if all of this was real - it seemed like too much of a scenario from his dreams.

noah pinched his thigh, just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. "OW-"  
"what? what happened?" sam asked.

_it was real._

and somehow, they both knew that these few days away meant way more than just waiting until his sickness passed - way more than just friends hanging out now. sam wasn't even his bodyguard anymore, so they were going above and beyond just to see each other.

"yes." the words felt like they came from the depths of his heart. "yes, yes. i'll come with you."

sam let out an audible sigh of relief. "oh my-" his other hand went to cover his face, he was heating up and flushed red. his heart was bursting out of his chest. "is this real?"  
noah was feeling much of the same thing. "pinch yourself. that's what i did."  
the prince laughed when he heard an "ow-" from the other line.  
"so this _is_ real," noah spoke.  
"so it is."  
the younger's cheeks were aching from the smile that he couldn't wipe off.  
"noah,"  
"hmm?"  
"here's what we have to do."

  
\---

  
"your father and i are heading off to a conference tomorrow, have i mentioned it?" the queen said while they were having breakfast in the prince's room. it was her idea for the two of them to eat in his room; she really wouldn't let him go anywhere else whilst he was ill.  
she didn't even bother to change, joining noah in his room while she was still in her polka dot pyjamas.  
"i think you've told me," he said as he took a bite of his food, trying to hide the excitement in his voice.

so sam _was_ right.

"it's going to be a non-stop event for three days. so you'll have the castle to yourself the whole time. well, you won't be completely alone - you'll still have zach and the staff-"  
noah turned to look at her. "the new guard?"  
the queen put down the bite she was supposed to take.  
"i suppose." she put her bowl down. "just between you and me, the blue hair doesn't suit him."  
noah didn't expect that to come from her of all the things she could have said. "i think so too." he said before bursting into laughter, almost falling off of the bed before penelope caught his arm.  
"woah- careful," she said, but she was laughing too.

the prince wiped a tear from all the laughing.

  
once the laughter died down, noah was the first to speak. "don't tell papa," he warned. "but i hate him."  
his mother laughed "don't tell your papa, but i still think samuel clarke is better."

noah giggled.

"and i know you do too." she never fails to surprise him.  
noah blushed under his own mother's gaze "w-what?"  
laughter bubbled in her chest like a fizzy drink again. "the last thing you can do in this world is to hide your feelings from your own mother. and i know what finding your perfect person looks like."

he'd been scared of admitting it to his own mother, scared of telling her that he fell for someone who wasn't of blue blood, but he never realised that he didn't have to tell her - she just _knew_.

she composed herself after laughing. "why would you think i fought for him to stay in the castle? i'm not gonna let my baby be a heartbroken heap."

noah bit his lip, shoving his face into a pillow - he was sure he was cherry red.

  
his mother was rather amused. "i was exactly like that when i was in love." she took a sip of her tea. "i'm already telling you, i like him. he's a good one."

noah raised his head from the pillow, looking at her expectedly  
"but," there was _always_ a but "i'm also telling you right now that it would take a miracle for your father to like him." her voice sounded like she was as disappointed as noah was. "it's certainly not impossible but i'm not giving you false hope."

  
he huffed, not really knowing what to say. he was upset and disappointed, but had no words.

  
penelope sighed, placing her teacup down and reaching out to hold both of her son's hands in hers. "darling, i will fight for you and your love for this man as much as i can, but i have to draw the line when it comes to your father." she was serious, her voice all soft and soothing. "your papa is still my husband, and i may have my own stand and fight for it, but it's still all up to him. he's the king."

noah didn't know if he was about to start crying again, but he shut his eyes to stop himself. he'd been crying so much that he's scared he might drain himself out.

"believe me, i know what it's like to be young and in love - but i have no idea what it's like to have a love that's meant to be in a world that's not built for you."  
"mama-"  
"it's up to you, noah." she sighed, somehow feeling the same pain that her son had in his chest right now. "it's either we wish for a miracle or hope for your heart to heal."

noah took his hands away from her's to rub over his face in frustration.

there was a pregnant silence in the prince's room after that - probably the first time there was ever silence when he was with his mother.

the maids came to take away the finished food and dirty dishes yet no words were spoken. it was a few minutes later when his mother could stand the silence no longer. "do you fancy a suitor? you have hundreds. it's impossible that not even one of them caught your eye."

that _would_ probably be easier - to have fallen for a suitor who was of royal blood - no heartaches.  
but, maybe his heart was made to be broken.

noah shook his head "they're all old and crusty and won't really love me."  
the queen let out a hollow laugh "i guess that's the downside of being gorgeous. nobody really searches deeper than your exterior."  
her eyes drifted to noah who was laid down flat on his back, blankly staring at the ceiling. "well, in your case, someone did."

noah turned to her, finally having something to say. "mama, when i first saw sam...it was so weird. like my heart had just stopped and then started beating again only for him, it was like- like-"  
"coup de foudre."  
"yeah. coup de foudre."

she smiled warmly at him, eyes crinkling into crescent shapes, and then slid both of her hands into his again, squeezing comfortingly.

"mama...what if someone told you that you couldn't be with papa ever? what if someone tells you that when you know he's your one?"  
a smile spread along the queen's face, she didn't even have to think twice of her response. "you know what i'm gonna do?" she said almost excitedly. "love and be with him anyways."

those were the only words noah needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> coup de foudre - a sudden unforeseen event, in particular an instance of love at first sight. literally meaning "stroke of lightning" in french.


	19. make you mine - public

charlie had come to the office earlier to work on how to help sam with the other's plan. 

"finally! you're almost late." the red-head said when a sleepy sam pushed his way into the office. he pulled a chair to sit next to charlie in front of the computer.

"you look like crap. did you sleep at all?" 

"spent the night on the phone with noah." he ran his hands through his hair, attempting to fix it as much as he could. "had to tell him the plan somehow." 

charlie rolled his eyes, "whatever- listen, i've got everything sorted."

he explained how he changed the RSU employee's schedules so that they won't conflict with the plan, how he would edit camera footage and other aspects he's been working on. 

"the only problem is-" 

"there's a problem?" sam complained. 

"it's the only one."

he groaned "is it daniel? ugh, that asshole always ruining everyth-" 

"no, dumbass. dan's going with crownhead and the queen. so, he'll be out of our hair for the three days." 

"ghen what's the matter?" 

"the guard." charlie spoke. "there's no way we can pry him off noah."

sam felt dumb for not thinking about that in the first place. "he was already informed by crownhead himself that he had to keep a close eye on the prince while they're away and i don't think he'd leave him knowing that he's sick and all weak. he might take a chance-"

sam's fist slammed on the desk. "can we not talk about that now? anything but that- i don't want to think about that, it places me in a really bad mood." he frustratedly pressed his fingers against his temple. 

charlie let out a gasp, making sam turn to him.

"what now-" sam was about to start laughing but the other was looking like he made the discovery of the century. 

"samuel!" he held onto the other's arm, then started shaking him. "you're dan's assistant! in his absence, you're the one authorized to replace him. he's not taking you with him to wherever they're going- SO _YOU'LL_ BE THE BIG MAN FOR THREE WHOLE DAYS." 

thank heavens they had their own office that was soundproof. 

"OKAY- BUT WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING-" 

"YOU CAN TELL BLUEBERRY LOCKS WHAT TO DO-" 

"OH- SO THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SCREAMING." sam pushed charlie away from him before laughing as he spoke again. 

"so, our problem is no longer a problem." 

charlie nodded. "wait- you're late for your rounds." 

"oh shoot, you're right." the older hurried out of the office.

one of the ex-bodyguard's tasks is to make rounds, which is basically going around the castle to see if members of the Royal Security Unit are actually doing their job. it was a tiring task as the castle was huge. and he had to roam not only the castle but the gardens as well.

it was harder that he has to deal with employees who aren't doing their job. 

"what the hell kind of excuse is that? you left the door open because you had to pee?" 

"y-yes sir." 

"shut up, laze around on the job all you want, but never let me catch you alive."

with the whole ground floor covered, sam made his way upstairs to the next floor. this floor consisted of rooms and more rooms. the palace pretty much had everything: a museum, a library, a theatre, an art room, and dozens and dozens of other rooms. 

his stroll was going quite well until he took a turn to the hallway where noah's room was. and there he saw _him_. of course, he wouldn't be mistaken - not everyone in the world goes around sporting electric blue hair (that doesn't suit him at all). 

memories of last night flooded into sam's mind, his brother was a master when it came to ruining people's mood: 

_"i'll see you, princess." sam had ended up laying on his bed, whispering words into his phone for the prince at the other line to whisper back to._

_"i'm so excited. i can't wait, i wish two days would come sooner."_

_sam glanced at his clock, it was already early morning, they've been on the phone for hours. "sleep is a portal to the future."_

_"are you telling me to sleep now?" noah said playfully "you're not my mother and i'm not sleepy."_

_contrary to what he just said, the prince lets out a big yawn._

_the older chuckled. "your body is more honest than your mouth will ever be. let's both get some rest."_

_noah sighed in defeat. "okay but- in case i didn't pinch myself hard enough, can you tell me if this is real?"_

_sam laughed, this was probably the longest time a smile has kept itself on his face which was the whole duration of the call. "i'm pretty sure this is real. wait- are you saying you dream about me?" noah flushed red. "i-i do."_

_sam didn't even expect him to admit it and it was his turn to blush._

_"i dream about you too. why do you think i follow you around all the time?"_

_"because you're my guard?"_

_"because my mum told me to follow my dreams."_

_noah's face scrunched up as he giggled. "i'm going to sleep now, so i can see you sooner."_

_"goodnight, sweetheart."_

_"g'night, sammy ."_

_it was a few seconds of silence later but none of them made a move._

_"why didn't you hang up?" the older of the two laughed._

_"you hang up first."_

_"no, you hang up first."_

_"you called, you should hang up." noah insisted._

_by this point, neither of them wanted to end the call, neither of them wanted to leave the moment, neither of them wanted to go back to the reality of being physically apart._

_"nobody hangs up on a princess."_

_"no prince hangs up on their knight in shining armour."_

_sam's hand went to cover his face shyly again._

_"fine, fine. goodnight, for real now."_

_"goodnight for real, sammy. i'll see you soon."_

_it was a few seconds of silence again until sam finally found the strength to hit the 'end call' button._

_he was just about to bathe in the sweet memories of what just happened if it wasn't for his phone that started to buzz with another call. he groaned, one look at the caller ID and he didn't want to answer it. but, after last time's call with 'joven the asshole' he couldn't risk rejecting the call._

_"talk."_

_"how are things, baby brother?"_

_sam hates the sound of his voice, the mere thought that he was talking to someone like him was already disgusting._

_"what the hell do you want? i was having a rather lovely night but then you came along." he hissed. t_

_here was a burst of sickening laughter from the other line._

_"calm down, baby brother. you remind me so much of your mother." "don't you dare speak of her. and how many times do i have to tell you not to call me your brother because it's the last thing i'll ever want to be in this world."_

_joven rolled his eyes "just like your pitiful little mama, you keep talking and talking and talking-"_

_there was a shot of fear that made its way into sam's mind._

_"what- what did you do to my mother?"_

_"relax,_ **_darling_ ** _" he spat the word out before chuckling. "you're the only one i dislike in our pathetic little family."_

 _"we are_ **_not_ ** _a family." sam spoke, trying to hide the relief in his voice._

_"50% of our genes are exactly the same, if your idiotic brain can't realise that that's what it takes to be family-"_

_sam didn't have time for any of joven's shit, he rolled his eyes, pressing the 'end call' button before he placed it on his bedside table. however, not even a minute later, it started ringing again._

_"you're such a sour little baby."_

_"i don't have time for your shit, i don't want to have to listen to your voice."_

_joven laughed maniacally. "i'm sure you'll want to listen after this news i'll be telling you."_

_"and what makes you think that?"_

_"it's about a pretty little prince." he was disgusting. "know who i'm talking 'bout, baby?"_

_sam knew. "of course i do." he spat._

_joven was right, even if sam was steaming right now, he was all ears._

_"what do you want with him?" he said through gritted teeth._

_"what if i want him?" sam stopped himself from growling. he knew his brother enjoyed pissing him off._

_"it's not like you can get him."_

_there was a chuckle from the other line "do you really suppose that i haven't worked on that yet?"_

_what the hell did he mean? sam knew his brother was a combination of sneaky and sick, so whatever he had up his sleeve could either kill you or make you kill yourself._

_"i have someone who's directly inside the castle. he's fun, like having my own little dog who does everything that i want."_

_sam didn't even want to open his mouth. rage made him loose-lipped. "who?" he managed to say._

_"nuh-uh. it's not gonna be that easy, you baby." joven spoke. "i'll give you a clue... he's a pathetic little excuse of a man, stepson of a reigning king, came to me and begged on his knees for help, had to take pity on him."_

_sam heard a lighter and then he knew his brother was exhaling smoke. if he couldn't kill his brother, he's hoping the bad habit will. even if it's slow, even if it takes a while. just as long as he ends up dead_

_"he thinks i'm helping him get the prince for himself." he took a drag of his cigarette. "hell no. i'm going to use that princess._

_imagine how loaded i'll be once i sell him off?" he chuckled._

**_disgusting. he's so disgusting_ ** _._

_sam was outraged, biting on his lip until bled. "that's not going to happen. you'll be dead before you lay one finger on him."_

_"hm? what's this?" joven said in a voice of mock surprise. "my baby brother protecting and taking interest in a prince? i have to say, you have good taste."_

_"i mean it. don't touch him, don't look at him, don't even think about him. i'm going to make you regret it."_

_"oh, boo-hoo. i'd like to see you try." joven teased._

_"i will then."_

_"i'll look forward to it." he declared. "also, next time you stroll into the castle, say hi to blue hair for me, will you?"_

_the line went dead and all remaining sleepiness left sam's body as he sprang up from his bed._

_there was no way he could fall asleep with his blood boiling. he went to his kitchen, reaching up to the top shelf for his bottle of strong whiskey - not even bothering getting a glass and just drinking straight from the bottle. the liquid burned his throat, but he didn't wince one bit, used to this pain._

_with the age he was in, he thought he had experienced it all, felt every emotion and done everything he could have ever done. but, it was the first time he found himself sat on his kitchen floor, drinking until he couldn't feel anything at all._

_sam had his bad habits too._

_every time the liquor burned his throat, he thought about his mother and noah - the last two things he loved in this world. he thought about the possibility of them being taken away from him and took a swig every time he felt his heart ache at the thought. this was what sam did when he's mad - fights pain with pain. to the point that he has enough pain in his heart to not feel anything at all._

_sam wasn't lightweight, but now he was surely drunk._

_picking himself up, he struggled to balance on his own feet when the room felt like it was spinning. the bottle slipped from his fingers, colliding with the floor and soon shattering to pieces._

_sam groaned, leaning down and trying to pick each shard in the pool of liquid that was all over his floor now. he thought that if this was a mess, what more would he be?_

_hissing when he held onto the shard in his hand, he dropped it by reflex, but it had already made a cut down from the middle of his palm._

_crimson emitted from the cut, trailing down from his palm and dripping onto the floor, mixing with the alcohol._

_for a second, he remained there, watching blood continue to drip. it reminded him that he was alive somehow. but he also realised that the alcohol did its job - he couldn't feel anything._

_or maybe, he was just too pained inside that the blood dripping from an open wound was practically nothing. it was all a blur until he managed to reach his bed, getting blood all over his sheets, but he'll take care of that in the morning._

_for the last time that night, sam thought of noah and his mother- the last things he loved. about being with the both of them, being genuinely happy, no heartaches._

_then, the pain came._

_the pain of knowing it was only a scenario in his imagination, hopes and dreams._

_this is how he fought pain with pain._

_\---_

_it took sam a glass of water and an advil to get over his hangover. when he got to his living room, he soon noticed his sofa had fur all over it. he chuckled, knowing who the culprit was - a fat, grey cat was laying on his coffee table, fast asleep._

_"how'd you get in, hm?" sam smiled, lifting the cat off the table and cradling it in his arms._

_his eyes soon drifted to an open window, the only way it could have entered. the cat stretched in his arms before it opened its eyes, meowing at him as a greeting._

_"i have no idea how you're so pudgy and heavy when you don't have an owner." he stroked its head. "or maybe it's because i feed you loads whenever you decide to sneak into my house."_

_with the cat in his arms, he made his way to the kitchen, passing the bookshelf filled with books, many having to rest in front or on top of others - and sam had read them all. his eyes drifted to the mess he left last night._

_"shit."_

_sam placed the cat on his counter, careful not to step on the shards scattered all over the floor among the liquid which was almost dry by now._

_"you know, cat, i'm still gonna go to work today." he declared to the cat who was just staring at him with the most unamused expression as he got out a broom to clean up the glass. "even if i have to deal with this mess and my mess of a life-" he dumped the shards into the bin "i'm still going to be productive because unlike your mother, my mama didn't raise a pussy."_

\--- 

sam thought he grew immune to the pain, but seeing the head of blue hair again made everything crash down on him. 

"what are you doing?" he almost growled. 

the other man had his face pressed against the tiny space between the doorway and the door itself, peering in as much as he could.

"i said-" sam spoke through gritted teet. "what the fuck are you doing?" 

"n-nothing." carlos was sweating even if the castle was cool and breezy. 

"disgusting." his brother was the first thing he thought of when he said the word. "just like the one who enslaved you."

carlos looked at him with a confused expression. 

"you've dug a grave for yourself. you're a dead man walking, and you don't even know it yet." sam spoke, staring at him dead in the eye as he did. 

carlos would be lying if he said that there weren't chills running up his spine with the sinister way sam spoke to him. 

"if i see you like this again, i'm reporting you and you'd be lucky if you walk out of this kingdom with your head still attached to the rest of your body" sam crossed his arms, stepping towards him.

"get out of my sight. i'll take over your spot in the meantime before i rip your eyeballs out of your head and feed them to you" 

carlos, still confused and mildly creeped out just followed the orders.

sam took his place in front of noah's door. he hadn't been in this situation in a year - always being inside the prince's room with him. 

noah must have not allowed him to enter, to sam's relief. 

he soon found himself facing the door, hand almost reaching out.

how would noah react? 

if he saw him now, it would be the first time laying his eyes on him with full knowledge that they shared the same emotions towards each other. 

if he saw him now, he probably wouldn't know what to say. 

if he saw him now, he would remember the events of last night. if he saw him now, the pain may come rushing back to him all over again. 

he stopped himself, hand dropping. sam was about to turn away when the door cracked open.

noah opened the door the slightest bit that he could, enough so he could see between the door and the doorframe. 

he was hungry again.

the prince was hoping for two things: one, that the blue-haired bodyguard wasn't outside, and the next that a maid would pass by so he could request something from the kitchens. 

when he peeked out the door, instead of what he was hoping for, he saw what he dreamed of.

he had to blink twice, thrice, just to make sure his eyes weren't deceiving him. 

sam found himself thankful that the bodyguard was dumb enough to do the shit that leads sam to where he was now. 

"hi." was all he could say. 

it wasn't really awkward, more like they met each other again for the first time, neither of them knowing was to do or say. 

"hi-" noah responded and, with the relief of knowing that the bodyguard wasn't there, he pulled his door open, standing in the doorway in his yellow pyjamas.

sam thought noah looked undeniably adorable and, as he looked at him, everything else seemed to fade away and he wanted to jump out of his skin and melt into the younger's.

the last two instances of when they were together both ended the same way, noah remembered the tension couldn't be mistaken for anything other than full of desire. 

"i- how are you?" the older tried. "you know how i am." noah spoke, biting his lip and looking down at his feet, heart getting all giddy as soon as he remembered last night. 

"uh-" sam cleared his throat "do you need anything?"

maybe it was the newfound confidence in knowing that sam felt things for him too, or maybe it was the fact that his head was feeling slightly cloudy from being ill, but noah found himself reaching out and holding onto sam's wrists. "you." 

sam laughed nervously, subconsciously checking the hallway if anyone was there.

"noah... not now." 

the prince wasn't used to not getting what he wanted and narrowed his eyes. suddenly, he was yanking sam closer, the other not expecting it at all, resulting in them standing flush together. the older buried his nose into noah's neck before he regained his balance, wrapping his arms around the other's waist and saving them both from toppling over. sam took a deep inhale and the prince squeaked as he felt him bury himself further into his neck.

this was the closest that they had ever been and noah had never felt such comfort in not being able to breathe properly.

sam pulled away from noah and it took the prince a few seconds to understand that he wasn't planning on doing anything else.

noah huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "tease." 

sam chuckled, he always thought the younger was adorable even when he was mad. 

he cupped noah's face. "be patient."

noah was looking him in the eye, making it harder for sam. who could resist the person that they like pouting at them? 

"when the time's right, it may be very soon." sam leaned in, placing a kiss on noah's forehead. 

the prince melted, face going red and arms dropping from his chest.

sam grinned when he pulled away, seeing the younger flustered. noah covered his face, giggling into his own palms. 

the moment was gone when they both heard someone clearing their throat, the pair turned to look, realising they had left the door open the whole time.

they were both holding their breaths when they turned to look at the door, noah even had his eyes shut. 

too many things were running through sam's mind, if it was daniel, he'd be dead for sure. if it was the king, he'd probably be executed on the spot.

the pair were praying that it was zach interrupting them yet again, or just anyone other than people who would cause them a whole lot of trouble. 

sam turned to see none other than the queen, standing in the hallway in her purple pyjamas. she had a hand over her mouth, just to cover the obvious smile that was there. 

noah found the courage to crack one eye open, seeing his mother there with an expression that looked like she was still in shock but couldn't stop cooing. 

"mama-" 

"mr. clarke?" the queen's head suddenly turned to the end of the hallway. "oh- your highness- queen." the voice could only belong to carlos since it wasn't familiar to the both of them. 

the queen's demeanour completely changed, the way she stood made it look like she was worthy of the honour- even if she was in pyjamas. "you startled me" she spoke. 

noah and sam were inside the room and couldn't see anything except the queen who was stood in front of the doorway.

"i apologise." carlos was probably still at the end of the hallway. "would you go on ahead to the kitchen and ask chef freddie for snacks?"

of course, carlos could never say no to a queen. "don't go on worrying about noah, i'll take care of him." 

"yes, your highness." 

the two in the room watched the scene in disbelief. and sam had to blink twice to make sure it was real.

the queen watched the blue-haired man take the turn until he was out of sight. her stance changed again, laughing as she went into the room, shutting the door behind her. she turned to sam. "you have around 10 minutes at least, the kitchen is quite far." 

the older turned to meet noah's eyes again. 

"pinch me." noah giggled. 

"this is real- trust me." sam didn't know what to do or what to say, turning back and forth from the prince to the queen. "i-i-" 

"sam." noah said, holding onto sam's wrists, snapping him into reality.

"i need to go." he spoke, not giving the younger much of a chance to argue. 

the queen was just watching the scene, excitement bubbling up inside her. noah was about to pout all over again, but he knew the look sam was giving him, he decided to play along.

"will you come back?" he said, his tone almost a whine. 

"i can't." 

"but-" 

"maybe, okay? a maybe is the only promise i can give you." 

noah sighed, hand dropping from the other's wrist into his much bigger hand. sam looked down at their hands, smiling before he stepped towards the close door. 

"i need to go," he repeated, hand holding noah's tighter. 

"maybe?" 

"maybe." 

noah had one final request before sam left, pointing at his cheek. sam smiled and let out a shaky laugh, turning to the queen,

silently asking for permission. she nodded rather enthusiastically in response. 

sam smiled wider, cupping noah's face before giving him a quick peck on the cheek. 

the man opened the door, slipping out of it, eyes never leaving the younger's as he moved out the room.

their arms extended as far as they could, up until they couldn't hold on anymore, fingers slipping from the others. even if noah knew about their plans, watching sam disappear at the turn of the hall would never be less painful each time he watched it. sometimes he wonders if sam is his sanity, and that would explain his inner turmoil every time he walks away.

noah entered his room again, shutting the door silently behind him. "i've got to say-" the queen started. "me and your father never had as much zing as you and him." "zing?" noah laughed. "a really strong connection. i could see it, you were talking with your eyes.

what i heard was only a glimpse of what you both spoke about." 

noah burst into a huge blush, hopping into bed and burying his face in the pillows - his signature move. 

did that count as his first kiss? 

"i bet he told you he loved you." the queen teased. 

"maybe."

eventually, the excitement of the encounter with sam died down as noah and his mother got caught up in a game of uno. 

"I'M YOUR SON." noah frowned at the betrayal from his own mother as soon as she dropped her black +4 card. 

"I WARNED YOU NOT TO CHANGE THE COLOR. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T OBEY YOUR MOTHER." she laughed, relishing in her victory as noah huffed when he added four cards to his hand. 

it all went down from that point for noah, cards in his hand adding up until- "UNO!" the queen yelled.

noah was getting frustrated. it was the first time he played this with his mother, now he's questioning his skill in a game he thought he was good at. 

he narrowed his eyes at his cards, thinking about which one would cause the queen to lose. he put down a yellow card with the number 1 on it, fully convinced that it was a red card in her hands. 

"I WIN I WIN I WIN-" she chanted as noah placed his card down, she placed her final card, a black +4 card. 

"this isn't fair." noah huffed, throwing his cards into the air. "i always won against sam."

the queen laughed, gathering up the cards into a neat pile. "are you dense enough not to realise that he let you win all the time?" 

"i want a rematch." noah demanded. 

"you're on." the queen smirked. 

there was a knock on the door, and penelope rolled her eyes before getting out of bed to open it. 

"your majesty, the king said that it's time to pack for your trip tomorrow." the maid politely said. penny nodded. "i'll be there, you go on ahead." then shut the door. "you haven't packed yet?" noah laughed. " _i_ have, of course. your father was too lazy to do it and now he wants my help." she climbed on the bed only to give noah a kiss on his temple. "i'll see you later, darling." 

"come back soon, mama." noah grinned. 

"i will." 

she sent him one last smile before she walked out.

noah hopped off the bed as soon as she went out, stepping towards the door and locking it shut. he then went to his closet, grabbing his big luggage bag, dragging it into his room. 

the king and queen weren't the only ones who had to do some packing.

noah sat on the floor in front of his luggage bag, then realised he had absolutely no idea what to bring. he was sure sam had told him, but he forgot. he grabbed his phone, not even thinking twice before typing out a message.

[ **noah 💗:** sammy!! what do i have to bring? <3 ]

he received a reply almost instantly, he didn't even have a chance to place his phone down. the quick reply made him wonder if sam was actually working or not.

[ **sammy 💘:** haven’t i told you last night? or were you not listening? ]

noah giggled at his reply, even if he told his mother to come back soon, he sure hoped she'd take her time. sam replied at the speed of light once again.

[ **noah 💗:** i don’t remember!!!! >~<

just tell me what to bring while mama is away <3 ]

[ **sammy 💘:** uhm, clothes so you won’t get cold, and any other stuff that you want to bring for yourself. i’ll take care of everything else we need. ]

with that answer, noah sent a quick reply before getting to his feet, walking into his closet and staring at his great amount of clothes.  
"okay.... how am I going to do this" noah first rummaged through his clothes for the cold, since that was what sam said.

[ **noah 💗:** okie!!! i’m packing now! <3 ]

his phone dinged once again, and noah flushed, replying before he decided to end the conversation, any more talking to sam and he'd probably never finish packing. he sure wished zach was here to help - he knew his way around fashion while noah depended on his stylist.

[ **sammy 💘:** even if it’s cute, you don’t have to put a heart at the end of every text ]

[ **noah 💗:** it’s <3 my <3 right <3 you <3 can’t <3 stop <3 me <3 ]

[ **sammy 💘:** brat ]

[ **sammy 💘:** but a cute brat ]


	20. afterglow - wilkinson

an hour later, noah was getting irritated. he looked around his room, seeing clothes piled and unfolded all over. he hated folding clothes, and it's not like he could ask help from the maid, they would wonder why he had his own luggage. 

"screw this." he decided to worry about it later on, laying down on the floor next to his bed and in front of the open suitcase that had nothing in it except for his can of whipped cream. noah grabbed it, squirting some into his mouth. his eyes widened, realising he forgot all about something else.

he lifted the fabric that draped off his bed, reaching under to grab the duffel bag underneath, pulling it out. he realised he had never really looked through the stuff they stole. noah opened the zipped, getting more excited by the second.

the first thing he saw was a ton of food: crisps, cookies, biscuits, and even a bag of cherries that surprisingly aren't spoiled yet. he spotted a pair of convenience store underwear and a bunch of other stuff for hygiene. when he dug deeper, his hands reached a box and he held it to see what was probably the only thing that sam stole - the box of 15 condoms. noah felt his cheeks turn hot, yet again. 

he laughed as he saw the rest of the things in the bag, remembering when he was basically just grabbing things off the shelves like crazy.

after looking through everything, the prince's eyes drifted to the box of condoms again. He didn't even have any idea how alphas put this on, was it even effective?

he suddenly remembered what sam said that night.

_"you can use some of it but we'll need most of that."_

did that mean that sam had the intention of using thi-

there was a knock on his door just before noah decided to feed his curiosity by opening the box. he fell into full panic, zipping up the duffel bag and his luggage at the speed of light, deciding to shove it both under his bed. now he just had to sort the clothes scattered all over the floor.

"sweetie? i'm back!"

"oh, shoot-"

with a thousand possible excuses in his head and his mother repeatedly knocking on he door, noah gave in. avoiding all the clothes on the floor, he stepped to the door opening it.

his mother was as bright as always, the room immediately glowing as soon as she stepped in.

"oh my- what happened here?" the queen said, looking around at the mess.

"i'm-" he gulped. "rearranging."

his mother narrowed her eyes at her son and he held his breath, hoping she'd fall for it.

just when he thought he was going to get caught, she dropped her gaze.

"why didn't you ask for my help? look at the mess you made." she spoke, picking clothes up from the floor and throwing them all on her son's bed.

he let out an audible sigh of relief that was fortunately not heard by the queen.

"why did you have to unfold them all?" she said, picking up a shirt and folding it neatly. "i knew i raised you better than this, now you don't even know how to fold clothes-"

noah laughed, joining his mom on the bed. "i know how to fold, mama. i was planning on taking them all out, then folding them before arranging them."

"that would be a good idea, except you're a spoiled prince with a closet as big as your whole room to accommodate your wardrobe with enough clothes for everyone in a small country." noah shrugged, laying down on the pile of his clothes. "can't we get the maid to fold them?" "we're not gonna do anything all day," she said, shoving a shirt into his lap. "might as well get started."

he huffed, folding up the single article of clothing then placing it aside.

"good job." she said. "that's one down, 999 more to go."

"your father's in a good mood today." the queen spoke when they already went through folding a fourth of the pile, the amount of neatly folded clothes increasing on noah's bed.

"is he looking forward to the trip?" noah was sat on the floor so he could work on a different pile.

"seems like it. the king we're going to meet is a friend of his so i think he's excited for that." "or maybe he's just looking forward to travelling without his child for once." noah said, half joking. "don't say that, he's your father and he loves you."

noah was doubting that statement. "i know he does. i'm just saying there's an extent. a limit." "that's not true-"

"-he basically sold me to that bodyguard who's paying him just to be my guard." noah hissed - he wasn't even sure if his mother was aware of that. 

the queen went silent for a moment, completely out of words. that was so unlike her; she always knew what to say. noah was beginning to regret telling her.

"all i'm asking is for you to understand." she spoke. "we can't change your father overnight and he has his reasons. let's just understand, he's still a good man, a good father and a good king."

"good isn't always good."

"i know." her voice cracked like an old record spinning on a vinyl. "he used to be great- _the best_. I just... i don't know why he changed himself to be _just_ _good_. i don't know why he downgraded himself."

the queen never spoke about her husband like this: it was all good things and their love story was full of joy. or at least, that's what noah thought.

she shook her head, "come, darling." her hand patted on the space next to her on the bed. noah has seen that gesture his whole life.

his mother loved telling him stories. stories from books, fairytales, stories about dragons and dinosaurs and how pigs flew. but his favourite stories were the ones she told about herself.

noah left the pile he was working on to lay down on the bed next to her as she did the same. her hand was in his hair, fingers running through the locks before she spoke. "he was a prince and i was the middle child in a family with five children." she started. "my family and i, we lived in the poorest village, and almost every unmarried young man and woman i knew dreamed of getting to have the prince as their husband so they could live in the castle with him."

"almost every unmarried young man and woman?" noah asked.

"almost." the queen let out a little smile. "i was the only one who never really cared; i hated him. he looked so cocky when we watched him through our tacky television walking around the castle with a crown on his head and his stupid looking velvet cape draped down his back."

noah giggled, yet kept himself attentive. he was pretty sure she'd told him every love story ever written except for theirs.

"i remember having to spend time with my friends while they watched news about him on tv and i was bored to death."

"but you still ended up together-"

"-shhh, i'm not done yet." she jokingly scolded. "when i was eighteen, they held a ball in the castle for his 21st birthday and every unmarried person of age was invited. i remember my two sisters screaming their lungs out while me and my two older, married siblings ran out of the house with our hands covering our ears, only to find out that the whole neighbourhood was full of screaming."

noah could picture everything in his mind. he imagined his mother when she was younger, she must have been as lovely as ever.

"and i was forced to attend." she laughed at the memory. "it might have seemed obvious that i was forced to since my sisters were both glammed up, wearing huge poofy gowns that my mother managed to borrow from somewhere - and they even traded their allowance for half the year just to get their hair and make-up done."

"what about you?" noah looked up at her curiously.

his mother began laughing again "i was wearing a simple long blue dress no make-up at all, but at least i even made the effort to comb my hair twice as much."

that was the night his parents met. noah wasn't surprised that she managed to catch his eye considering how she described herself. no one could ever turn a blind eye to the glow the queen possessed wherever she went.

"when we got there, everyone was on the dance floor even if the prince hadn't made an appearance yet. most of them were just boasting to each other about how their expensive gowns and suits were bound to make the prince fall in love. anyway, i found myself having fun filling my plate up with chocolate-covered berries while everyone had their eyes turned to the grand stage, where they said the prince would come out at any second."

noah was getting excited, a hundred thoughts of what could have happened started filling his mind.

"then..." the queen stopped talking, staring at her son with a teasing smile.

"then?!" he half-screamed, dying to know what happened.

the queen laughed at his pleading.

"tell meeeeee-" he hit her with a pillow.

"fine, fine, listen." she hit him back with the pillow before she spoke again. "so, while everyone's eyes were on the entrance, i was looking at my masterpiece of my mountain of choco berries on a plate. chocolate was only a treat we had during holidays and our birthdays so this was a really big thing for me."

"is that why we now have a fridge allotted only for choc-"

"hushhh, listen." the pillow returned "i was just about to take a berry from the plate (the biggest, juiciest berry i placed on the top of the pile). my mouth was already watering while i looked at it. but, before i could, someone had the audacity to stick their fingers into my choco berry mountain and take the biggest one and eat it."

"how dare they-"

"i was _furious_." she chuckled. "i didn't even care if they were of royalty, i was ready to slap an idiot across the face. but when i looked up from my shock and rage..." the woman stopped speaking, cutting herself off with the biggest smile. "i realised i should beg my mother to change our television because the prince looked waaaaay better in real life than on our tacky tv."

noah felt like he wanted to scream, getting giddy. "i thought you hated him." he teased

"i still hated him. I just liked his face, i guess." she flushed red

"what happened next?" he asked, just as excited as the queen was.

the older woman looked back at the memory from what seemed to be ages ago, having to dig it up in the deepest parts of her mind. but, just because a memory hasn't been thought of in a while doesn't mean it's forgotten...

_"excuse me-" a young penelope of only eighteen years old snapped, even after finding out that it was prince leonard himself who took it from her plate._

_"i wanted that chocolate fountain for myself - i should buy one for my room."_

_the woman raised an eyebrow. "before you start buying chocolate fountains, maybe you should learn not to stick your fingers into someone else's food"_

"you're awfully feisty, aren't you? _" the prince, never taking his eyes off of her._

 _"t_ _hat's because i don't like you." she rolled her eyes. "i'm not like them-"_ _she gestured to the spouseless people excitedly looking at the grand entrance every so often, oblivious to the fact that the prince himself was already in their midst. "who would trample over each other for you."_

_an expression formed on his face that was unreadable to the woman because of the lighting in the room. "why are you here, then? this is a ball they held to find a consort for me after all."_

_she turned her gaze back and forth to the prince then to her plate of berries. ahe took a berry, popping it in her mouth before licking the chocolate off her fingers. "isn't it obvious why i'm here?"_

_he pretended to think for a while. "because you're secretly in love with me just like everyone else?"_

_"no, idiot," she rolled her eyes, but a grin was present on her lips. "i knew there was gonna be a chocolate fountain."_

"MAMA- YOU'RE BLUSHING!" noah teased, pointing at the queen's face as he laughed. (which caused return of the pillow part two)

"you should have seen your face whenever clarke was here - you looked redder than the berry your father took from my plate."

that shut noah up immediately.

"just finish the story."

the queen cleared her throat before the tale continued. "that night was what started it all. he was a huge jerk, but, i kind of liked seeing everyone's faces when we snuck out to the palace gardens and he demanded privacy for us." the words were like chocolate on her tongue, so sweet that she probably was in a sugar rush by now.

"did you dance?"

"he tried to convince me to dance with him the whole night, and i agreed at around midnight. although i _did_ step on him every chance i got. you should have seen him, trying to act like it didn't bother him after the fifteenth time i stomped on his foot with my heels."

noah didn't understand: the story was all sweet, rainbows and sunshine. where could it have gone wrong? _when did great become just good?_

the queen sighed, the smile never leaving her face when she looked back at the memory. "he started courting me the very next day-" noah let out a little gasp. "-went to my house at least once a week."

"i bet everyone was jealous." he giggled.

"oh, they were," she laughed. "my sisters were the most. the _actual_ prince was at our house and it wasn't for them. for the times he couldn't come, he sent me gifts and wrote me letters-" "letters?!" noah squeaked, thinking letters were somehow something prehistoric.

"yes, letters."

noah only knew of love letters from the movies he watched. the concept had always been so endearing to him - someone pouring their heart out through words and giving you the fruit of their love.

noah huffed and then mumbled "i wish sam wrote me letters."

his mother smiled rather sadly, "everyone has different ways of showing their love. or maybe he hasn't given them to you yet."

noah looked up, eyes filled with hope. "really?"

"really." she smiled, looking at her son. noah reminded her so much of herself when she was younger, especially with his state of being young and in love.people always notice their similarities in features especially their eyes and lips, but only they knew how alike they truly were.

noah smiled to himself, wanting her to continue the story. "so, where's the happy ending?"

she beamed, talking about him made her a bit brighter then she already was. this was when noah was completely sure her parents were in love. "well i'm happy and i don't want it to end."

he felt his heart leap at the words. he wished he had that love.

"he supported me until i finished my degree. i even studied law because i wanted to be a good queen." 

his jaw dropped. "you're a lawyer?!"

"i am. people just know me more as the queen than as atty. de Gadeux." she laughed, pushing up noah's chin to close his mouth for him.

while he was still in a state of shock, the queen continued. "honestly, it took some time to get used to all of it. i never thought i would live in a castle or be the queen or even see the king in real life."

"but it all happened." he stated.

"just because it's unexpected, doesn't mean it won't happen, because here i am now." she smiled and then noah watched the smile slowly fade from her face, he then knew this was the turn or events. "your father didn't just become king, he became so many other things as well."

"what things?"

she held up her hand to count on her fingers. "pressured, stressed, not to mention constantly anxious, and too many more." she sighed. "he was so scared. being a carefree prince to being a king wasn't really easy for him."

if there was anything noah knew his father is, it's strong. and, even with everything they've went through, he still looks up to his father as the strongest man he's ever known.

"is.. is he still like this?"

"not anymore." she stated. "but i think that's when things took a turn for us." she looked like she was going to tear up and noah never knew what pain was until he saw the brightest person loose their glow. "of course i was there for him when he was struggling. i helped him through everything, listened when he had something to say, and said what he needed to hear. at that time, i wanted nothing more than for him to get used to all of this- to being a king and everything. you were still so young back then, a little angel running around the castle. you were the reason he wanted to be a good king."

noah was out of words as he watched her head drop and a single tear fall directly from her eye to the pillow she held. it didn't even touch her face. the sorrow was in her, but she never let it show. she swallowed the lump in her throat - it hurt, but she had to finish the story.

noah would never go to sleep in the middle of the story as he had to know how it ended, he had to know if it was a happy ending. looking back at it all now, at all the fairytales and stories about talking animals and singing inanimate objects - this was the first story she ever told where a happy ending was uncertain.

"then, a few years later, he finally was sure he got the hang of it. and he knew he was a great king, which was was true. everyone agreed. the people were happy with how the kingdom was being run but-" noah's heart ached when her voice cracked again and the sadness finally got to her. shadows always come after the glow- but sometimes they catch up with the brightness.

"mama- you don't have to tell me this."

"you have to know. it's the only apology i can give on his behalf of this storm."

partially, noah blames himself for putting her into this. she wouldn't have started if he could have just shut his mouth for once. heck, he didn't even want to know how it ended. he could sacrifice one story if it meant he didn't have to watch his mother shed tears right in front of him.

"i already forgive him. don't-"

"you need to know." she insisted.

"how can you finish a story if it doesn't have an end yet?"

the queen fell silent, eyes falling on her son's form. if there was anything running through her mind, it was that she couldn't believe how she raised noah to be someone this wonderful. she didn't fight him anymore, just nodding and wiping away the tears.

"i don't want it to end, mama. don't tell me how it ends, i want to enjoy our story while i still can."

the queen suddenly broke into a smile. "i can still see his greatness everyday. it's always been in you."

"but as far as the story goes-" noah breathed out, the air around them no longer thick and heavy. "i can only say that i want a love like that."

"oh, i'm sure your _own_ love story will be your favourite."

eventually, the sorrow died down, the clothes were all folded up and it was time for the queen to go back to the company of her husband.

"i'll take care of putting them into the closet- don't worry." noah insisted. "can you please just tell them to send me food?"

"alright, if you insist." she laughed as she headed to the door. "i'll tell them to send you your dinner right this moment. don't laze off on your clothes!"

"i won't, i won't." he convinced, opening the door.

she leaned in and kissed his temple. "goodnight, sweetheart.

"goodnight mama, wake me up tomorrow before you leave."

"will do, enjoy your night, love." She blew him another kiss "and you too, baby peaches" she cooed, th bird chirping in response, before she closed the door.

after the roller coaster of emotions, his sickness hardly bothered him. now that he was alone, the only thing on his mind was what could happen tomorrow.

_what if they were caught before sam could even get to him?_

he pushed the thought from his mind. he had his clothes, a blocked nose, the trip tomorrow and so many other things to take care off.

\---

sam had his bag slung over his shoulder when his shift was done. he was supposed to stay a few more hours with charlie to work on the plan, but everything was prepared for tomorrow, except for sam himself. he decided to go home on time to pack.

on his way out, he had to pass by daniel to inform him that he was going home.

"aren't you stressing about the trip tomorrow a little too much?" sam joked as he went into daniel's office.

the other man was in front of the computer, hair tied back messily, looking at the schedule he made for tomorrow for what seemed to be the hundredth time. daniel looked back at him, they weren't on the joking basis after everything that's happened, but he wasn't that surprised when sam didn't give a fuck.

"clarke- just in time, i was going to call for you."

sam chuckled humourlessly. "can you fucking stop calling me clarke for professional purposes just to show that we're no longer on first name basis?"

"do you know what you're supposed to do tomorrow?" dan asked, completely ignoring the other's statement.

"i know i'm supposed to do what you do since you're not going to be around. so my schedule for the next three days is to boss everyone around the whole day."

"can you be serious for once?" he glared.

"i stopped taking you seriously when you decided to shove a knife down by back."

dan stood from his seat, standing in front of sam. "i'm going to tell you only once, just because i'm not here doesn't mean you can go and suck up to the prince."

sam laughed, hitting the other's arm as if he had just heard the funniest thing ever. "oh, screw you, dan, i have no intentions of sucking up to noah tomorrow."

"that's goo-"

"I bet carlos would though."

dan put on an annoyed expression. "i can report you straight to the king for that joke."

"how scary. want to ruin my life more than you already have?" sam growled. he couldn't hold it all back anymore. "can you stop being an asshole for once? i didn't do anything for you to stab me in the back."

"it's my job-"

"well how pathetic you are to think that what gives you money is more important that the people you considered your friends."

he searched daniel's face for any sign of being offended or pain, but there were none. sam feared of becoming like what the other was now - numb, someone who felt too much pain that his heart and mind were already immune.

sam pities him. "you know what-" he dropped his argument. somehow, fighting with dan seemed to hurt himself more than the other. "i know my job, you go do yours. i hope you'll arrive safely tomorrow." sam took one last look before he shut the door on daniel that night, but he still looked the same. numb.

perhaps he was numb to happiness too - maybe that's why he ruined someone else's.

\---

it took noah yet another two hours to actually finish packing and to put all the other clothes back into his closet. in the middle of packing, he had to pull out another luggage bag since he was sure there was no way all of the stuff he had to bring were going to fit into one.

he was tired when he finally put the bags aside before moving to his bathroom to clean up before he sleeps. for a second, he really misses zach. knowing that he won't see him for three days after spending so long apart before made him miss him even more.

he got out of his pyjamas that he had worn all day and prepared his fresh pyjamas.

just when he was about to get into the shower, his phone started ringing with a call.

"you always come at perfect timing." he said to himself, looking at the caller ID of 'best bitch'

he got into the shower, turning the water on, thankful that his phone was waterproof before putting it on speaker.

"i missed you." was the first thing his cousin said as soon as noah answered the phone.

"I was thinking the same thing. also, i'm in the shower if you're wondering about the sounds of water."

"i was going to tell you that oli sent me a letter to my house today and it's-"

"HE WHAT?"

Zach laughed, expecting this reaction. "he sent me a three page, back-to-back, long, handwritten letter. the dork even mailed it with a stamp and an envelope and everything."

a smile spread on noah's face, heart overwhelmed by how happy he was for his friend. "he could have sent a text."

"that's what i told him," he could hear the excitement in zach's voice. "poor boy, his hand must ache."

"oh shut up." noah teased. "i'm sure you screamed when you read it."

"you know me too well. freddie even tried to read it to know why it almost gave me a heart attack."

even in his happiness for his friend, the older prince couldn't help but feel a tad bit envious. "my mother told me that my dad used to give her letters too. i wish sam gave me letters."

"has he not given you any yet? even after what happened this morning?" his voice was teasing. of course noah had sent zach a full length text of the encounter that morning together with what his mum did and how sam was the sweetest.

the memory of the scene made noah flush instantly. "sadly, not." he pouted. "i want three back-to-back page long letters too."

"listen," zach spoke. he hated it when noah was like this. when he would doubt sam's feelings for him, he couldn't blame sam for not being the most affectionate. but, he also couldn't blame his cousin for being needy. he hated it when noah felt as if he wasn't worthy of things.

"what?" he asked.

"samuel clarke is out there writing something for you."

noah sighed. "the only thing he's writing is my daily schedule since it's part of his job."

"no. he's writing a whole book about how much he loves you, it's just not finished yet so he can't give it to you just yet."

\---

sam woke up hours before the sun would rise. He couldn't go back to sleep, especially not with the excitement of today bubbling in his stomach. he did a double check on the things he had prepared the night before. he needed this to be perfect for the both of them.

he was sure they would be able to execute the plan well, charlie was good at these types of things, and, not to mention, he knew how to plan. 

everything was ready. sam was ready, charlie was ready, the plan was ready

sam wondered if noah was as excited as he was.

after the encounter yesterday morning, sam is surprised that he was able to control himself, he thinks he could loose control at any moment with the prince.

he took his phone in his hand, it was way too early to be making phone calls but noah would probably forgive him. he pressed 'call' on the prince’s contact.

"i couldn't sleep, i can't sleep."

the response was almost immediate, as if the younger had been waiting for him to call all this time.

“me too." sam spoke.

noah’s voice was so soothing to him, even if he didn't mean for it to be so calming.

"are you ready? you know.... for today?" noah giggled.

sam feels like butter on freshly made toast- melting, melting, melting. he’s fond. so fond.

noah was every good feeling he’d ever felt in his life wrapped up in the body of one person - a pretty, kind, sensitive person who sam has allowed himself to become ridiculously attached to.

with a soft smile, he tells noah “yup. it’s a date”

"i...i’ve packed and stuff. if that counts as being ready. why'd you call?"

"should i drop the call?"

noah shook his head and then realised that sam couldn’t see him "no, no, no. i was just wondering."

"i missed your voice." sam was only ever honest to noah. "i'm getting jitters about today. i needed something to calm me down somehow."

"my voice calms you down?" the prince sounded as if he was genuinely surprised.

"it does many other things to me, but i just like hearing you."

"other people's voices are more calming than mine." noah stated matter-of-factly.

the older was subconsciously smiling. noah had no idea what his effect was on him. "i just like your voice. it's my taste."

noah was red all over again. "you can't say stuff like that and expect me not to miss you even more."

noah had trouble falling asleep after the call, although he knew he would probably need the rest.

he tried to fall to sleep - he really did - but as soon as his head hit the pillow, his mind was full of thoughts of entwined legs, skin on skin, mingled breaths, sleepy smiles, hands trailing bodies, sam, sam, _**sam**_.

noah still wished for the love that she and his father shared.

he wondered if noah loved him the way that he did.

then again, he wasn’t even sure what love was - just that whatever he felt towards sam was it.

was he foolish for wanting this? it will end in flames, he knows it will. maybe he likes the way it feels to burn.

it hurts, but it hurts so good.

because maybe,

maybe loving meant pain. maybe loving doesn’t mean asking for more. maybe loving meant accepting whatever is given. maybe loving isn’t asking for anything in return. maybe loving is having eyes to see, ears to hear and a heart to admire.

his heart felt like it was soaring.

falling for him was like dancing to clair de lune in a club.

\- - -

he was awoken a few hours after the sun rose by repeated knocks on his door. as he got up to answer it, noah noticed that he still felt a bit fuzzy.

"we're leaving in a few minutes." the queen said as noah opened the door.

"can i accompany you to the car?"

"of course, if you want to." noah ran back into his room to put on his slippers before going out to his mother in the hallway.

the queen hooked her arm around noah’s as they walked, already feeling as if they miss each other even if they're still together.

"i assume you're going to spend the next three days in the phone in your room, eating and sleeping." she spoke as they went down the stairs.

_no_. he wanted to say.

that was the exact opposite of what they had planned.

"you know me too well."

"and avoiding the bodyguard as much as you can?"

"that too." he laughed, even if it wasn't a joke.

"but...i don't think he's going to be a problem in the next few days, noah" she turned to her son with a smirk on her face.

”why do you think that?” he asked curiously.

“mr daniel potts is coming with me and your father”

he still didn’t get what she was trying to say so, she continued.

”sam is going to take his place while he’s away”

noah could feel the excitement bubbling in him with the new information. “but...papa would kill us if he found out.”

”he doesn’t have to” she winked “it’s a whole three days alone with sam. you should make the most of it.”

“are you telling me to have sex with hi-“

”no!” she squeezed his arm hard.

”ow-“

”i’m _saying,_ ” she continued “it’ll all be okay as long as you don’t leave any evidence of anything that happens”

noah nodded and they were silent the rest of the way to the car.

when they go to the gardens (where the car was parked), noah looked up to see daniel putting his own suitcase in the boot and sam looking rather bored stood next to him.

a chill ran down his spine at the sight of sam, something about him today made him look better than ever. even if he knew he was going to see him, he still felt he’s never be prepared to see sam looking _this_ good.

eventually, sam looked up to see the queen and moved to open the door for her. “have a safe trip, your highness.” he said as she slid into the seat.

the queen looked at noah who was just stood a few meters away and motioned for him to come closer.

”i’m going to miss you, darling.” she spoke before she tugged on his arm to make him lean down then kissed both of his cheeks.

”i already miss you and you’re still here” he pouted, wrapping her in a tight hug.

“take care of him” she mouthed to sam who was stood behind them while she hugged noah.

they pulled away when the king cleared his throat, making noah turn to him.

”i’m going to miss you, too, son.”

noah wordlessly nodded, getting out of the way so that his father could get into the car.

that was the first sentence that he’s said noah since the time they fought.

still, noah couldn’t speak to him. not just yet.

leonard didn’t even comment on sam being there - and so close to noah, making him think if his mother had talked to him about what they had spoke about.

daniel took one last look at sam, trying to communicate his thoughts without saying anything.

”i know.” sam spoke, and daniel seemed to be content with that as he got into the seat next to the driver.

there were four other identical cars behind the one his parents were in, all there to provide security.

the king pulled the door shut before rolling down the window for the queen to blow noah one last kiss.

”goodbye, my love!” she waved.

”bye, mama. bye, papa” he continued to wave until the vehicle roared to life, until it drove out of the palace gates and until it was out of sight.


	21. let it happen - tame impala

“your guard hasn’t come to work yet”

the voice made noah turn to the large man, suddenly becoming overly aware that he was indeed still in his pyjamas, with morning breath and bed hair.

but, with the way sam was looking at him, you would think noah had constellations in his pocket, and stars falling from the gaps between his fingers.

”u-uh...” noah couldn’t help but feel slightly self-conscious; no matter what happened, sam was still the “man of his dreams”, and nothing was going to change that.

”let me take you back to your room” the elder held out his arm and noah held onto it as they started to walk.

neither of them spoke until they got in the castle. they trotted along the gardens while noah kept yawning and scratching his eyes - he’d only gotten 4 hours of sleep the previous night.

“why are you so awkward?” noah complained, not being able to stand the silence anymore.

”i get loose lipped when it comes to you.” sam confesses, keeping his voice low in case anyone hears them.

"we never used to have silences"

and sam doesn't respond until they reached a long hallway where they were sure they were alone "you used to not know that i like you, too. i have to be the best me now."

"i'd like you regardless" noah laughs breathily.

"you're only saying that because you're all woozy in your head from being ill" the older said, for the sake of teasing noah.

"no," the prince replied almost like a whine, stretching out the 'o' "i already felt jelly legs the first time i saw you."

sam chuckled, noah had already told him about this, but he continued to tease him for his own amusement, "you're only saying that to make me like you more."

the younger dropped his hand from sam's arm, huffing "you're so difficult! i've already-" he cut himself off when he heard the older laugh and then he suddenly felt an arm around his shoulders.

sam used a hand to move noah''s head so he was facing him before kissing his forehead "i'm only kidding, love."

noah had no more words to say as he knew he turned bright red, heartbeat racing.

"i'm so excited for later, i've been waiting for ages to have you all to myself"

the younger smirked, getting a huge boost of confidence after sam had just showered him in affection "you're only saying that because you're a loner"

"i'd say it all the time if it weren't for the world trying to rip us apart."

the hand disappeared from noah's shoulders as they took a turn into the next hallway where there might be people. the younger hooked his hand around the other's arm once again, not wanting to miss any chance at any type of physical contact.

they spend the rest of the time in silence, noah desperately trying to find words for what sam had previously said.

as sad as it was, it was true. and probably even after the next three days, it would have to return that way.

unless they found a way.

as the sky darkened, so did the hallway they walked down. the lights weren't on, so the last glimpses of sunlight from outside were all they had in that moment.

soon enough, they had arrived to the hall where noah's room was and there standing in front of the door was carlos - who sam didn't even spare a glance at as he continued to walk noah to the door of his room.

carlos looked at them, confusion evident on his face when he turned to the room then back at the prince, all this time thinking he was inside.

"prince-" carlos spoke, but one cold glare from sam cut him off.

"i'll see you later, princess," sam said before opening the door of the room.

noah slid into the room, never taking his eyes off of the older, but still not quite knowing what to say. before sam could completely shut the door, noah blocked it, pulling it open once again. he reached out for sam's hand, pulling him so that their faces were inches away.

"can't you stay?" noah whispered, staring straight into sam's, silently pleading.

"I have a job to do..." he whispered back.

noah pouted.

"no, don't- don't pull that face on me. i'll be back later." his words were final when he pulled away, holding onto the doorknob and slowly watching the pouting prince's form disappeared behind the closing door.

when sam turned, carlos was still stood there, having watched everything unfold.

"one word of this, and i'll make sure you won't be able to step foot into this castle again by breaking both of your ankles." he spoke coldly before walking off, going to the RSU office to begin his job, he wasn't lying when he said that he had work to do.

the quicker he gets things done, the better.

noah had spent a whole hour inside his room before he started to get sick of it and half an hour later, a bath and an outfit change (denim shorts and a light brown, oversized jumper (that just so happened to be so big on him that the sleeves draped over his hands and would fall off his shoulder whenever he moved, which was the was the whole point as he didn't get many chances to tease sam and the moment he sees an opportunity there wasn't a chance that he wouldn't take it)), the prince was slipping on his shoes, deciding to go outside to the gardens first. there was a bigger chance to run into sam outside than inside the enormous castle. 

he thought twice while he held the doorknob in his hand, but finally decided that if sam wasn't going to go to him, he would have to find him. 

he pulled the door open and was surprised to be greeted by nothing but an empty hallway. of course, he wasn't complaining that the bodyguard wasn't there, but if he was out of sight, he was doing a shit job.

the young prince took the chance, shutting the door behind him before breaking into a run through the hallways to the staircase, hoping not to run into carlos. 

normally, other's probably wouldn't dare touch him as his father would have their heads disconnected from their necks as soon as they even lay an eye on him - but, in this situation, noah wasn't so sure his father would do anything. 

he was out of breath by the time he arrived at the staircase, having to hold on to the railing for support as he tried to catch his breath. just in time, chef freddie was climbing up the long stairs.

"freddie-" noah called. "have you seen sam around?" 

"he's doing rounds, hun." the chef answered, laughing when he saw the younger out of breath. "what happened? are you being chased by a boar?" 

"no." he wiped the sweat off his forehead.

"i just didn't want to run into anyone - a certain someone, you know?." 

the older man gestured to his face. "of course i know what it's like to be chased by men, have you seen this face?" 

noah laughed, making his way down the stairs. "i'm off!" he said as he passed by the man. "thank you, take care!" 

"bye, noah!" he called out, watching the other climb down the stairs. "nice sweater by the way." 

noah sniggered, as he continued on his way to the gardens, hoping he'd meet sam there.

he ran across the grass, the morning dew dampening his shoes and legs as he got to the gazebo as fast as he could. he could have taken the pathway to the gazebo where he wouldn't have mud on his shoes, but where was the fun in that?

he sat in the gazebo so that he could see the gardens and the entrance of the castle where sam might emerge. 

looking around, there was nobody but a few gardeners clipping the hedges.

noah huffed, surely wishing he brought his phone or something, but sam was already doing rounds and was bound to walk over to the gardens anyway. 

moments later, the prince started to realise that he still lacked sleep, and all this doing nothing was tiring him out.

his eyelids started dropping as his chin was rested on his palm and his elbow rested on the table. 

"prince!" a voice called, startling noah and making him scream, wide awake by now. the voice belonged to someone in the gazebo, and noah was surprised he didn't notice him.

he looked up to see a mop of blue hair, and he already knew who it was. carlos was holding something in his hands, a blue box with a lid. 

"what are you doing here?" noah spoke, hand still on his chest as he hasn't gotten over the initial shock.

the older man sat down next to him, so incredibly close that the other subtly tried to scoot away. 

"went to the office to get you something, i know you're not feeling too well, so this may help." he put the box on noah's lap. 

the younger stared at it first, not really knowing if opening it was the wisest choice. he felt forced to do so when he could feel the other's eyes burning into his form. so, he took the lid off slowly, then putting it aside to see that the box was actually filled with multiple objects. 

"they're all for you."

there were chocolates and other sweet snacks. the contents comprised mostly of food but noah noticed that the contents all have the same smell to them, a scent he wasn't quite fond of. 

"this is especially for you." carlos took out the last item from the box, a blue oversized shirt. 

noah felt half-uncomfortable and half-impressed that carlos found a shirt that was the exact same colour as his hair, or maybe he got his hair dyed the exact same colour as a shirt. 

the shirt was drenched with the body spray that carlos wears and as soon as noah thought he was out of surprises, he spoke again, "i'm courting you. i want to give you everything i can, i want you to be mine." he was smiling so wide that it was more creepy than endearing. 

"i-" noah didn't know what to say. 

"i know that couples like wearing each others' clothes, especially when there ill."

noah dropped the things back into the box, staring at carlos in disbelief that someone had the courage to do something like this. he couldn't believe he could be this dense and oblivious of how much he dislikes him. hate would be a much applicable term.

carlos took the shirt in his own hands. "why don't you put it on? i want to see how it looks on you - my future husband." he insisted. "i know you say you haven't taken an interest in anyone yet, let this help you decide." 

_oh_ , noah realised, _he doesn't know about sam. what a dumbass._

carlos was closer now, looking like he would slip the shirt over noah's head if he didn't do it himself. 

in his panic, the prince stood up, the box and the contents dropping from his lap. 

"i have to go-" 

the older got to his feet as well. 

"prince, wait-" 

but noah was already on the run. he'd been doing a lot of running for 8 in the morning and this was the only running that was necessary. he didn't look back, not knowing if carlos was following him or not, and not knowing where to go but he knew he didn't want to be in the other's presence right now.

noah felt sick, like he was going throw up, overwhelmed by the scent he now disliked the most. overwhelmed by the idea of being forced to be in someone's else's clothes, someone else's arms - someone who wasn't sam.

he found himself running as fast as he could inside the castle, thighs burning, turning from hallway to hallway. but as soon as he took the turn to another hallway he crashed into something, making him stumble back and land on his butt, and then he ended up laying flat on his back on the floor. for a moment, he just stays there, not quite knowing what to do with himself. 

"noah?"

it all set in bit by bit: the disgust of what just happened and the pain of collision with the person and the floor. 

"what happened?" 

noah felt himself getting picked up by his arms, helping him sit up on the floor. as soon as he came face to face with who helped him up, it all came pouring down. 

"i didn't want to-" his voice broke, tears uncontrollably spilling from his eyes. "he-he's d-disgusting, i don't want to m-marry him, please, i can't-" sam wordlessly hugged the younger, knowing it was the right thing to do until he calmed down.

whenever sam hugged people, he always made sure to be the last one to pull away because he would never be sure of how long they would need it. 

noah sniffled before he pulled away, wiping his nose on his sleeve. the older stood first, holding out both hands to help him back up on his feet. just when noah felt as if he was going to fall again, sam wrapped an arm around his waist, anchoring him. 

"you okay?" sam asked before he guided them to take the first few steps. 

"i am now." it was true, noah never liked dwelling in the negatives. "okay," sam spoke calmly. "now, i want you to tell me who's neck i'm going to break." 

(speaking of necks, noah was reminded of his outfit, subtly trying to pull it down to reveal his neck, slightly disappointed that sam hadn't complimented about it yet.)

"i mean, if you're looking that good, i doubt anyone can resist you," sam spoke, turning to grin at noah. "can you tell me what happened?"

he prince, despite the blush creeping upon his cheeks opened his mouth to speak, telling the older everything that happened since he set foot out of his room. 

"i ran." noah shivered in disgust as he remembered the events. "then bumped into you." 

sam had been leading them somewhere as he listened, the younger just wasn't sure where.

"that piece of shit." he could say more about him - he would never run out of insults for the guy who wants to have a taste of what was his - but, he had to focus on noah now. "i'm going to make sure he stays away from you, okay?" 

"okay." he nodded, not really wanting to think about it any longer, he was with sam now and that was the only thing he wanted to have on his mind. "where are we going?" he asked when he noticed they where walking in a part of the castle he wasn't familiar with. 

"to my office. i have something for you, too."

the statement made the pnce both nervous and excited at the same time. 

_what could sam have for him?_

"it would drive away all the dickheads trying to get to you." the older explained before taking the last turn to the glass door. noah read the **'ROYAL SECURITY UNIT'** label on top of the door before he let the other push through it and get inside. 

they got inside and noah let sam guide them until they got to the end of the isle with three other doors.

"this is charlie's," he spoke, pointing to each door. "then daniel's and this one in the middle is mine." 

sam got a key from his pocket, inserting it into the door before opening it and letting them inside. it was so tidy - from the paperwork to how he arranged his computer set, to the clean chairs and not a speck of dust could be seen even on the floor. 

the older locked the door behind him and finally let go of noah once they were inside. 

"your office looks better than my whole room." 

he shrugged. "i just hate working in dirty places. and i hate mess, i can't function." 

noah, instead of sitting on a chair, sat on the table pressed to the far right end of the room. sam's office was nice. he would want to come here more often. 

sam reaches for his bag on the computer chair before pulling something out of it. 

"is that what you're going to give to me?"

"only if you want it." sam stood in front of noah who was sat on the table, holding the thing in his hands. it was a comfy-looking black hoodie - there was absolutely no way that noah was going to refuse that. 

"i-i want it." more like he needed it. the thing smelled so much like sam.

being wrapped in it would surely feel something like heaven. 

the older man couldn't hide the grin on his face when noah took it from his hands, immediately putting it on. it looked so big on him, making the prince look smaller than he already was. 

"you look so cuddly." was all he could say when noah looked up at him with those hazel eyes of his. 

once again, the younger was out of words, his mind quickly filling with thoughts of what could happen when a certain somewhat newly rebellious prince is behind a locked door, in the office of a boy the likes while that certain boy happens to be staring down at him with all the want in the world. 

the huge rush of confidence was back in noah's system when he moved to wrap his legs which were dangling off the table around sam, pulling the older closer than he already was.

"sam-" 

"you're hypnotizing me," his hands went around noah's waist, eyes never leaving his. "stop doing that." sam spoke. 

"doing what?" 

"hypnotizing me to do what you want." 

the younger giggled. "i'm not doing anything." 

"i swear if you keep looking at me like that, i'm-." 

desire is written in sam's features; he breathes heavily, watching as noah lets himself wrap his arms around his neck - and the other is in no better state of mind. they're losing what's left of their inhibition.

"drop the self-control. why would you need it when i want you?"

"your eyes are telling me the same thing." 

noah was getting a bit frustrated by this point, sam wasn't lying when he said he had self-control. "and what are they telling you?" .

the older laughed. "something along the lines of 'scoop me up, carry me away into the sunset and we can run away and hideaway for the rest of our lives and make a million babies if that was even biologically possible'." 

he lightly hit sam's chest. "you know, if i was bolder, i'd be saying it now." 

"you basically already did." noah tried pulling him closer, but sam didn't move an inch. "are you're not saying that just because you're sick?" 

"i've told you that i'm sure. and if i have to tell you that i'm certain a thousand times again, i would do i-"he cut himself off with a gasp when in one swift movement, sam dove in, pressing a kiss on the spot right beneath his jaw.

"so beautiful." 

the younger subconsciously raised his head, giving the man as much access as he wanted. "you wore that thing to rile me up, didn't you?" he pressed a trail of kisses down the prince's neck until he reached his collarbone and then he stood back up, pulling away from his neck. "you know how to tease, but i'm going to let you know that you can't beat me in my own damn game." 

noah shivered, words making him melt. he looked back up at sam, only to see that he didn't look away from him for a single second. all they could see in that moment was each other, and everything around them - the fan blowing, the owls outside - had become background noise as a result. sam's eyes were taking in every possible detail that they could now that they were mere inches away from each other again, trying his hardest to commit them to memory. _just in case._

and it was happening again, that feeling of seeing sam lean closer and closer. it seemed to happen in slow motion, and noah was pretty sure his world had stopped right there and that his heart was so close to breaking his ribs.

he subconsciously shut his eyes, silently wishing he put on an extra layer of his best tasting chapstick if he knew this was how his day was going to end up. 

he felt sam moving closer and he couldn't help but slightly pucker his lips. he didn't know his first kiss would happen in such an odd place. in fictional books, the first kiss happens on special events, but noah was prepared to write his own odd love story right there and then. all he needed was for his prince charming, his knight in shining armour to seal the distance.

instead of feeling lips against his own, the prince heard chuckling, making him open his eyes. 

"damn, you're adorable," he said before pressing a kiss on noah's forehead. 

in any other situation of getting a forehead kiss from the other man, noah would probably implode. but not now. 

noah huffed, dropping his legs from where they were wrapped around sam and crossing his arms over his chest. "i hate you." 

sam couldn't help but start laughing all over again, moving away from where he stood in front of noah "but that wasn't what you were saying just a few moments ago." 

the younger jumped off of the table, face red with embarrassment as he narrowed his eyes at sam. 

"so now you're going to be all grumpy again?" he asked, tapping noah's nose. 

the prince groaned, rolling his eyes and scowling, looking anywhere except for sam's direction. 

the older wiped a tear from his eye from all the laughing, before wrapping an arm around his shoulder. 

"just a little more patience, princess. we've waited this long, just a little longer won't hurt."

of course, noah couldn't resist him, especially when he sounded this sweet. "will i be able to get what i want if i wait?" 

sam cupped his hand )which wasn't wrapped around his shoulder) on the younger's cheek, making him face him. "that, and so much more."

noah couldn't help but crack a smile, jokingly pushing sam's hand off his cheek. "you're a tease." 

"don't say i didn't warn you." he started to walk towards the door, making the younger follow. "now let me take you back to your room - this time, don't leave, i'll come for you when my break comes. oh, and make sure that blue head won't even have a chance to breathe the same air as you." 

noah huffed again as he they walked out of the room. "but it's so boring in my room, there's nothing to do. when's your break anyway?" 

they walked out of the RSU office, somehow trying to walk as slow as possible, making sure to make the most of the time they had together. "lunch. we can eat together, i'll make sure to prepare something special for you." sam smiled. 

the younger stared at him in disbelief. "you're going to cook?"

"not quite, but i'm pretty sure you'll love it." 

the journey to noah's room was going smoothly and all up until they passed the main hall of the castle, only to see carlos running at full speed across hallways, obviously looking for where the prince had ended up.

noah knew he was where he was supposed to be when he felt the arm around him pull him closer. 

"hold my hand." 

he reached up to the larger hand hanging around his shoulders and the older moved to intertwine their fingers. "he doesn't know about us, right?" 

noah nodded in response.

"well, i think he's in for a surprise." 

carlos' eyes drifted to the pair, both shock and confusion spreading on his face. the two had shuffled closer, pressed to each other as much as they could as they walked. they stopped in their tracks and stood in front of the guard.

"a piece of advice," sam spoke. "make sure they actually fucking want you first before you go up shoving your proposals down their throats." he pressed a kiss on noah's cheek before they began walking again, passing by the man just like that, leaving him baffled.

when they took the turn to the other hall, noah started giggling. "what?" sam chuckle, making no move to let go of his hand. 

"you're scary." 

"you've told me that before."

"yes, but it's weird seeing both your sides now. it's like seeing the beast with belle for the first time." noah spoke, turning to look at the other's face. 

"then you'd be belle." he stated, raising noah's hand in his to kiss the back of his palm. and he never took his hands off of noah until they reached his room. 

"see you in a bit?" noah hoped, looking up at sam through his lashes. 

"you'll be tired of my face by the end of today. see you later." he spoke, watching noah go into his room.

sam stood outside even after the prince had already shut the door, unable to hide the smile on his face. 

_was this how things started?_

noah sighed, leaning on the door inside the room, heart feeling so light he may start floating at the thought of him again. this was just the start.

there was still a couple of hours until lunch, but noah was already counting down on them. he kicked off his shoes, jumping underneath his sheets. as soon as he was in bed, he buried his nose into the hoodie, something he'd been wanting to do the moment it was in his hands.

honestly, he was wondering when sam would give him something of his. his mother had taught him about this even when he was still young. when someone is interested in another person, especially someone of royalty, they normally give gifts to them. clothes are a usual gift since they bore the other's scent and it shows the rest of the world that they are taken.

noah had dreamed of falling asleep in sam's arms, surrounded by the older's scent as he held him. this was as close as he'd been and there was no way he was going to let himself miss out on something he'd been dreaming of. seconds after shutting his eyes, he fell asleep feeling that he and sam are star crossed lovers that want nothing more than to be together, but the world is bent on tearing them apart.


	22. slow dancing in the dark - joji

"i want him gone." 

"the king himself-" 

"i want him gone." 

"you can't do-" 

"i want him gone. if i have to live with the fact that his body a hundred metres near noah, that body better be dead."

charlie sighed, this had been going on for 10 minutes now.

sam was pacing around charlie office, venting about what just happened.

"he's appointed by the-" he tried.

"a thousand. make that a thousand metres. i fucking want him gone." 

"that's not-" 

"i wa-" 

charlie had had it. "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN TO ME, YOU POSSESSIVE DIPSHIT."

sam finally stood still, shut his mouth and turned to look at the other man.

"the king _himself_ appointed him." he finally got the sentence out without being interrupted. "so you can't do away with him. there's no way to pry him off his spot." 

the red-haired man stood from where he was sat, moving to push sam to sat down on it instead. "chill out, you crazy idiot. don't you trust noah?" 

"with my whole heart and other bodily organs, yes." 

"well, he's a strong boy, you know those could be even scarier than some other guys. he's probably capable of some crazy shit." sam was all ears by now. "plus, that boy stayed whipped for you for a whole year until you decided to reciprocate his feelings. i don't think anyone else would stand a chance." 

sam wanted to explain that he _knew_ that and that wasn't the problem at hand, but he was too amused with charlie that he let him continue. 

"and have you forgotten that _you're_ scary as fuck? if i didn't know you and i liked noah, i would surely consider finding another boy to date."

charlie may be a lot of bad things - a cheater, a liar and everything in between - but he knew how to be a good friend. "after what you've been planning for the next three days, do you _really_ think there could be anyone else?" 

"this is why you suck a little less than everyone else"

\---

noah woke up a few hours later to a delicious smell wafting through his door. he stirred, opening his eyes to adjust to the light of the room, only to see sam sat on the bed, looking at him. 

"it's lunchtime." he declared.

the prince sat up, stretching before he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "it's been a while since i've seen you in my room. are you hungry?" 

the older nodded, taking his phone out of his pocket. "i have an hour for lunch, let's go." 

he stood up and held out a hand to help the younger down from the bed. 

"mmm, i know that smell." noah got off the bed and sniffed the air.

"it's definitely what you think it is." sam leaned down in front of the other who was lazily putting his shoes on to tie the laces for him.

noah grinned, watching the older tie the laces and held him by the shoulders as he was moving to stand up straight. he leaned in and gave sam a kiss on the cheek.

"what?" the younger said when the other gave him a cheeky look after the kiss. "are you the only one allowed to do all the kissing?" 

sam laughed, shaking his head. "you just always manage to surprise me." 

noah was clinging onto sam's arm as they walked out of the room. "where are we going to eat?" 

"it's up to you." sam spoke.

they ended up in the garden picnic tables, to noah's request of wanting to eat lunch outside for once. his eyes widened to the size of dinner plates as soon as the older pulled out the contents of the paper bag he had been holding.

"three buckets?!" the prince squeaked, seeing the great amount of chicken in various flavours all in take-out boxes being set in front of him. 

"don't act like you won't be able to finish it, you ate the last two buckets like a starving wolf." sam laughed, handing noah a plate. the younger playfully rolled his eyes, "you're right though. i can't believe i've lived this long without this chicken." 

sam handed noah some cutlery, only for him to shake his head. "that's not how to eat chicken." noah reached over with his bare hands to get a wing, biting into it.

"you've learned well," sam spoke, a fond smile on his face as he did the same. 

the prince's eyes were rolling to the back of his head as he moaned at how savoury it was in his mouth. 

"what the-" sam laughed at the sounds. "save those for later."

that earned him a smack on the arm and a mortified scream.

"are you ready? packed and stuff?" sam had been trying to start a conversation various times now, but the other was too invested in devouring the second bucket to actually make an effort to interact. "yeah." that was the first word he got out of him "the duffel bag too, right?" 

they weren't afraid of talking of things out loud like this as sam had set his laws back when he was still noah's bodyguard: nobody was allowed to go within 30 feet of the prince unless completely necessary. and it seemed the employees had gotten too used to that to change. that was why noah had only been close to sam ever since and not to any other employee. 

"of course. leave everything else up to me." 

noah nodded before immediately diverting all attention to his chicken once again.

sam was so full by the time he finished one bucket, but noah still looked like he hadn't eaten for months as he worked on the other two. 

"are you sure you're the civilised, dainty prince that everyone speaks of?" he laughed as he watched the younger boy eat. 

he didn't even divert his gaze from the chicken "my heritage says yes, my dna does too. but my appetite isn't quite sure." 

sam was enjoying watching him eat though; he looked happy when he ate. he's surprised that noah is so carefree about his diet considering the prince was expected to maintain a good figure "for the public eye".

"do i have to go through the plan again?" the older boy asked, changing the topic. 

he shook his head, swallowing before speaking. "i can handle this. my only problem is i have a total of three bags." 

"what for?" 

"duh," noah rolled his eyes playfully. "i need clothes and stuff...and other stuff and other stuff." 

sam chuckled, letting him be. "you really are a princess." 

"never said i wasn't." noah remarked. 

"do you not realise that you'll just want to borrow all of my clothes so you won't have to bring so much?" 

"i would?"

sam shrugged. "don't all couples do that?" 

"i don't- wait." noah looked at sam dead in the eye for the first time that lunch, dropping the chicken. the word 'couple' went straight over his head and he was only interested in- "how do you know that? have you been with someone before? have you slept with someone before?" 

"what are you-"

"how would you know that unless you've had a firsthand experience?" noah wiped his sauce-covered hands on a paper towel before he stood, slamming his small hands onto the table, leaning forward, face inches away from the older's, never breaking eye contact.

"tell. me. who. that. person. is." 

even if noah was already lashing out, all sam did was laugh, moving to squish the younger's face. "i. don't. know. what. you're. talking. about." 

noah groaned, pushing sam's hands off. "i thought you liked me." 

"i did. i _do_."

he huffed, falling back into his original seating position. "i can't believe you talked about being with another person right in my face." 

"actually it-" 

"so you've been telling lies then? tons and tons of lies enough to convince me that you're really who i think you are?"

"no. no, not at all. i know that be-" 

noah crossed his arms in front of his chest. "so what, i'm not good enough for you? do you fantasise about some other person while i'm right here?" 

"that's-" 

"is this just to prove that i have competition? wow i knew that from the start but you don't have to rub it in my face." 

sam had practically given up on speaking up, just letting the younger babble continuously. "-i mean, i know you've probably been with someone else that's better than me and you just decided to settle with me now-"

"i gave you my hoodie." 

noah went on, "i know there are other people out there better than me who might have caught your eye-" 

"i took you stargazing." 

"and i know you're kind of older than me by, like, two years and you've experienced so much more." 

"i kissed you."

"i know i may not be your first and i may not be as good of an experience as your first-" 

"i bought you chicken and snuck you out." he's surprised that noah had this much bottled in him. 

"and the time you left me because you had to meet someone, i know it was someone else." the prince went on, all loose-lipped and blubbery "-and i know i'm annoying and all and i'm a bit too clingy. and there's probably someone who's like me but better that you could have so why on earth would you choose _me_ -" 

sam had enough of noah talking about himself this negatively. 

"-baby, i don't want someone like you, i want you, and i like you because of all those things and love you because of all those things."

"and i know-" noah's mouth seemed to stop producing words as his gaze drifted to sam. "wait- did you just call me baby?" 

the ex-bodyguard chuckled, reaching out to hold the boy's hands in his. "i just told you i loved you but you pay attention to the pet name."

noah giggled, demeanour completely changing, suddenly feeling giddy. he intertwined his fingers with sam's 

"are you aware that i haven't washed my hands yet after all that chicken?" 

sam, not liking the thought of bacteria present on his hands sighed. "again, i like you because and i love you despite."

noah was back to clinging onto his arm as they walked through the castle (after a session of thorough handwashing). 

"i like you too." noah said out of the blue. 

"what?" sam asked, slightly surprised. 

"i realised i haven't said it back." he giggled "and i loved the chicken, as expected." 

sam had a permanent grin plastered to his face ever since lunch.

"oh, don't think i haven't noticed." 

"noticed what?" noah turned to look at the taller man. 

"you slept in my hoodie." 

the prince looked down at himself pulling the sleeves up to reveal his hands. "what are you going to do about it?" he spoke, rather challenging. 

"take pride in the fact that you like me enough to sleep in my clothes. means a lot to me, you know." 

noah smiled, "well it's way better than the disgusting blue shirt. i'm this close to becoming a model for gucci and i'm way too fashionable for that." 

the other laughed along, glad that the memory of the scene with carlos no longer brought pain to noah. 

when they got in front of the younger's room, he stood in front of sam with his back against the door. 

"what?" 

"jus' wanted to thank you," he said rather sheepishly. "for what you've given me and what more there is to come." 

sam wanted to say how he didn't have to utter any thanks - he was doing this solely to make the boy happy. but, there was no way he was going to reject any aspect of noah, even his word of thanks. "you're welcome," he spoke. "how did you know there's more to come?" 

"had a hunch." noah giggled.

they stood there in silence, stealing glances at each other and not really wanting to leave each other's presence. sam took a long look at noah. the next time he sees him would be the time they'll be nothing but young, wild, and free.

"i'll see you later?" 

noah playfully hit his arm "why does that have to sound so much like a question? of course we will." 

of course they will. they'll see each other again when they're finally free - or free for at least three days. 

"i'll see you later."


	23. futile devices (doveman remix) - sufjan stevens

sam was off to work once again while noah was bouncing in his room, physically unable to contain the excitement of what was to come. the plan would start at 9 pm when employees head home after a long day of work and an hour after noah's bedtime.

those were the hours when the only people awake in the whole castle were the nighttime guards who aren't allowed to go into the castle: charlie, daniel and sam. when the clock struck at 6 pm, there was a knock on the door of sam's office. 

"why the fuck are you here?" sam spoke as soon as he saw carlos at the other side of the door. 

"sir clarke, daniel said i should tell you when i'm off the job." 

"why would he tell you to do that when i don't give a shit?" he said before mellowing down. "alright. a word out of anything that happened today and you know the consequences." 

"yes, sir. i'll be on my way before i check on the prince," carlos spoke obediently. 

"no, you're not going to do that." 

"but sir it's part of my jo-" 

"i said no. go home." sam ended the conversation as he shut the door.

at exactly 8 pm, sam pressed his fingerprint onto the scanner, verifying that his shift was done for the day. he got his things, taking off his suit jacket and draped it on his arm as he walked over to his red-haired friend's office. he opened the door, heading right in.

"i'm heading home. have to get stuff ready." 

charlie turned to him, nodding. he had three cups of coffee ready as it was going to be a long night for him. 

"i'm ready too. just follow the plan and we'll have no problems." 

at that moment, sam couldn't express his gratitude with any words and it took him a while to collect his thoughts.

"charlie, i'd do the same for you, you know. i owe you a huge one." 

he smiled, knowing the other man speaking to him now was another side of who he really was. sam was cold, but when he manages to be warm towards someone, you could feel the flame.

"I know. go enjoy yourself." 

sam nodded, shutting the door softly before walking through the empty office, on his way home. 

noah was watching through the big window in his room when he saw him rushing out. this was how it started.

he watched the man get into the car, going through the road and disappearing in the distance. 

fingers crossed and his heart on the line, noah opened his drawer, retrieving the list he threw away. with only two items left, he put it back in his pocket.

fingers crossed and heart on the line, the prince prepared his bags, spent an extra long time in front of the mirror making sure he looked his best that night. 

fingers crossed and heart on the line, noah waited. waited to get that taste of freedom once again.

\--- 

_ "listen, here's the plan." sam spoke through the phone that night.  _

_ "is it foolproof?" noah asked, giggling as he wrapped himself in his sheets, enjoying the feeling of the older's voice in his ear and the cosiness of his bed.  _

_ "i told you to listen. are you listening?" _

_ "i am." _

it was the night noah had agreed to sneak out again with sam - for three days this time. the night when they finally decided to stop keeping their hearts in their chests. 

_ "your list, what's left?" _

_ he thought for a while. "the hotel and the highest point."  _

_ "okay, here's what we're going to do..."  _

\----- 

with the memory of the phonecall in mind, when the clock finally arrived at 9 pm, noah got up on his feet. 

_ "you remember the secret passage in my room?"  _

_ "it's not your room anymore," noah argued in a sing-song voice. "anyway, go there. your guard is off the job."  _

the prince, with his two luggage bags and the duffel bag behind him, unlocked the door that connected to what used to be sam's room. he opened it cautiously, even with the assurance that carlos was gone, he couldn't be so sure.

_ "but the bag is heavy," he complained. _

_ "the duffel bag?" sam asked through the phone.  _

_ "yes, how am i supposed to carry all of my bags around?"  _

_ "you'll have to work it out," the man insisted. "i can't go inside the castle again, it would cause suspicion."  _

noah fully opened the door, dragging the bags in one by one. his fingers drifted to the wall, where the door was, feeling around for the latch until he managed to open it, revealing the staircase that was pitch black.

_ "isn't the staircase dark? what if i can't make it down."  _

_ he older sighed. "princess, i can't go inside through the secret passage, you can only go out but never in."  _

_ "sammy-" he whined.  _

_ "i'll be there - the staircase is the only obstacle you'll have to go through so i'll be there as soon as you put in a bit of your dna to open the door."  _

_ "are you sure?" the younger said in full uncertainty.  _

_ "i promise." _

the prince turned on his phone's flashlight, dragging the bags with him as he went inside. noah held his breath as he pulled the door shut behind him and shone a light on the steps of the stairs. 

"i swear." he spoke to himself. "if he's not fucking there after i had to go through all this shit, i'm dumping him."

_ "just be quiet." sam spoke, "even if nobody can see you, they're not supposed to hear you as well. you don't have to be fast, i can wait."  _

the night had just started and he had already broken that rule. after taking two steps down the staircase and reaching back for his luggage and tugging them down, the bags ended up falling from the top of the stairs to the bottom. 

"oh shit." was the only thing the prince could say when he was pressed against the wall so that he wouldn't end up falling with the bags. 

the banging and crashing sounds of the luggage hitting the stairs didn't stop until they were at the very bottom. 

"well-" he shrugged. "at least i don't have to bring them down" he couldn't help but laugh at his own situation as he held onto the remaining duffel bag, dragging it behind him on his way down.

he had underestimated the length of the staircase - or maybe it just felt longer since he was alone in a pitch-black, long-ass staircase. he had gone down a quarter of the staircase when he decided that fast was the way to go. there were already goosebumps all over his body and he couldn't wait to get out of that place. so, he made a run for it. 

"AAAAAAAAAAA-" the prince screamed his lungs out as he went down those stairs as fast as he could, a violation of the rule once again, but at least he got down alive.

he was just catching his breath as he made his luggage stand upright, scanning them for any cracks or breaks. surprisingly, there were none. 

another thing about the staircase was that it was dead silent and there were no other signs of life other than his screams.

so, when a rattling sound reached his ears, noah dropped his phone before he froze, the flashlight going out to submerge him into pure darkness.

and noah couldn't tell if his eyes were shut or not. he froze with a thousand thoughts coming into mind of what could possibly kill him.

right when he was about to start screaming again, his phone lit up with a call and his ringtone filled the emptiness around him. with a sudden stroke of bravery, noah picked it us as quickly as he could, not answering it first but pointing the light at the source of the rattling. his gaze drifted to the knob of the door as he shone the light on it. that was it, someone was jiggling it from the other side. after identifying the source and knowing nothing could kill him unless he were to open it, he answered his phone.

"s-sammy, this is the worst idea ever," he babbled as soon as he pressed the phone on his ear. "there's someone on the other side and they want to fucking kill me. they're trying to open the door and they want me dead i told you that you should have just-" "noah." sam interrupted. "are you alright? are you fine? can you breathe?" 

"i'm alive," he confirmed by pinching his arm. "but not for long because there's someone who's gonna kill me. i'm-i'm in front of the exit and they are  _ going _ to  _ kill me _ !"

he was quite offended when he heard sam laugh at the other end of the line. 

noah put his hand on his hip despite no one being there to see this action "excuse me? i'm gonna get slain here and you're laughing?" 

"you idiot," the man chuckled. "open the door, and you'll get a pleasant surprise." 

"i value my life more than surprises."

"just do it. you're not gonna die." sam insisted. 

the rattling of the knob stopped, making noah brave enough to finally pluck a hair out of his head, placing it in front of the knob, seeing it shine a green light. 

"it's open. if i die, it's your fault."

noah opened the door as slowly and as cautiously as he could, little by little making the moonlight shine in the darkness of the place. the boy was about to take a peek outside when the door was pushed open unexpectedly. he was about to start screaming again, only to see sam outside, a hand on the knob and his phone pressed to his ear. 

the older was laughing. "i heard you screaming and thought you fell down the stairs and died or something." 

noah saw the moonlight shine on sam's face, his fingertips tingled and his lungs took a deep breath in for the first time in forever, relieved that this was the first thing he saw after being drowned in darkness for a while. 

"noah?" sam asked, snapping the younger out of his stance. 

he shook his head, putting his phone in his pocket. "i thought i was gonna die."

"crazy rich people always thinking someone's out there to kill them." sam laughed again, lifting the duffel bag off the floor. "let's go, no time to waste." 

noah got one of his luggage bags and sam got the other, rolling it behind him as he walked out to the grass.

"oh no, no, no." the prince complained as soon as he saw the moist grass once again. "frogs still exist." 

sam turned back to look at him "seriously? haven't we done this enough times for you to get used to it?"

"i'm never ever going to get used to frogs." he declared before raising his arms in the other's direction. "haven't you carried me enough times to get used to it?" 

sam sighed, hooking the duffel bag onto his shoulder so he had two free hands. "there's no way to convince you to walk, is there?" "nope."

noah ended up on sam's back once again, his ex-bodyguard pulling a luggage bag in each of his hands and the duffel bag hung on his shoulder. 

"why didn't i think this through?" sam thought out loud as sweat dripped from his forehead despite the cold night.

"we're almost there, only a few more steps!" noah cheered him on. 

"easy for you to say. you're not the one carrying the whole world on your back." 

the younger started laughing, then realised what sam had said. "did you just call me the whole world?"

"no, i called you  _ my  _ world."

noah jumped down from sam's back as soon as they were on the concrete pavement. 

"fucking finally." the older said as he dropped the bags. 

noah saw a familiar car a few feet away from them and in one glance he knew it was sam's. 

"thanks, sammy. you're the best," he spoke before holding onto sam's shoulder before placing a kiss on his cheek. 

"i didn't know my services had payment in form of affection." he chuckled, getting the keys out of his pocket to unlock the car. 

"get used to it."

after putting the baggage

into the trunk, they got inside the car. 

"so... this is it." sam spoke, a hand on the steering wheel and the other one reaching out for noah's hand and intertwining their fingers. 

"it is." the prince replied. 

in this exact moment, he started to feel the wave of his heat coming over his head, his illness appearing at the worst time possible. 

the car roared to life and they took off into the dark road dimly lit by the little streetlights there were.

"are you ready?" sam asked a few minutes later. 

"i still don't know where we're going." noah giggled, staring at his hand in the other's. 

the older laughed, "what if i didn't know where we're going either?"

The prince didn't even need to think before he spoke, "i'd still get in the car." he turned to sam. "if i'm going to get lost, i want to get lost with you."

"you won't get lost. hold my hand and i'll show you the way."


	24. paper thin hotel - matt maltese

it was quite a long ride, sam was glad that it was a far distance from the castle, that way they wouldn't easily be tracked down. noah snuck his hand into his pocket, retrieving the note. he let go of the other's hand to unfold the paper. the action made the older momentarily look away from the road to glance at noah. 

"sam, where are we going?"

it was the only time he was willing to give a proper answer. "how many items are left on your list?" 

"two." 

the older furrowed his brows, "isn't it three?" 

noah looked to realise that it wasn't unfolded all the way and opened it to reveal all of it.

\--------------------------------------

\- 𝑔𝑜 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒽𝒾𝑔𝒽𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝓅𝑜𝒾𝓃𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝑜𝓀𝒾𝓉𝒾𝓅𝒶𝓇.

\- 𝒸𝒽𝑒𝒸𝓀 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑜 𝒶 𝒽𝑜𝓉𝑒𝓁.

\- 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝒶𝒾𝓃.

\--------------------------------------

"oh, three." 

"have you ever heard of the idiom 'hitting two birds with one stone'?" the prince nodded, turning to look at sam. "well, we're going to be hitting three."

\---

noah sat in silence as he watched the scenery through the car window. he knew he was happy as his hand was held in sam's but that never took away the anxiety in his stomach and the slightly cloudy feeling over his head.

to distract himself, noah started talking about the new cage that he had gotten peaches and how she loved it so much that she hardly even came out of it, only coming out for food.

"but now that i think about it, it kinda sounds like me too..." noah laughed.

but, sam could hardly pay attention to noah's rambling above the drumming of his own heartbeat. because noah was here, soft and warm and smiling beside him, staring at him with those glimmering mocha irises and he wondered what might happen if he just closed that gap—

"sammy?"

"hm?"

"you okay?"

"i'll always be okay if you're next to me, princess."

\---

they were driving through a road that seemed to be far from any form of civilisation, there were thick trees and plants on either side of the road. they sat in comfortable silence, the only sound being noah humming softly to the radio. noah reminded sam of a nightingale: small, kind-eyed and mesmerising. they sat in comfortable silence, the kind that made sam believe that there were probably people out there made to fit into a hollow, reserved space of your soul. he'd never really felt like a part of a silence before, but, right then, he felt like he belonged. they were two people so far at the opposite ends of the spectrum that it boggled sam's mind how much noah felt more like his _forever_ then his _for now_. on this night, nightingales and crows didn't seem too different from each other.

"are we there yet?" noah complained, no longer wanting to be cramped in the car seat. 

"near." sam pointed at a building to the far right, enormous and standing taller than any structure noah had seen before. 

the younger stares at it in awe. "is that it?" 

"okitipar's highest point happens to be a 5-star hotel. guess what room we're going to stay in." 

the building was illuminated under the glow of the moon, it glittered under the stars. 

"i just hope it's high," noah said. 

"just high?" sam chuckled. "we have the one on the very top."

when they finally reached their destination, noah was getting more and more irritable because of still being slightly ill. 

they pulled up into a parking space before sam turned to him. "do you want to come with me to the lobby or do you want to stay here? you'd have to wear something to hide your identity though." 

"i wanna come." noah removed his seat belt, even in his discomfort he wanted to get the full experience of checking into a hotel. 

after the older took the cap off of his own head and put it onto noah's, he pulled the hood of his hoodie onto the boy's head. then, handed him a face mask. "there, now i can't tell who you are." sam spoke, smiling at the other. 

"can we go now?" the prince complained. 

sam had noticed how he gradually became frustrated and easily irritated, but he didn't mind.

noah was sweating as they walked into the building, his clothes starting to feel sticky as he longed to take them off. even in his frustrations, the prince couldn't help but admire how sam looked now. it had been a while since he'd last seen the man in clothes other than his work suit and there's no denying that he's missed it. sam looked casual in his black shirt and leather jacket, his hair was messy from having been under a cap. noah wonders how he keeps his white shoes completely clean, and he does everything to pry his eyes off from the black jeans that hugged his legs so well. 

even in the unruly hour, as soon as they got into the entrance, there were a lot of people. not only the employees but there were also a ton of hotel guests all enjoying themselves. even with the cold night's breeze and the air conditioning inside, noah fanned himself with his hand as he wiped the sweat from his forehead. 

"you okay?" the older asked in concern. 

"it's hot."

"just a little longer, love." he whispered, kissing the side of his head before guiding them through the crowd of people in the lobby.

"the penthouse," he spoke to the lady behind the counter. noah took the time to look around in the place as the other worked out the transaction. his eyes casted over all the people, all the minimalist designs and furniture in the lobby. he started to wonder how pretty this place must be if this many people would want to spend a moment of their lives here. chills went up noah's spine as soon as his eyes saw how people were turning their heads to look at his direction. he hurriedly clung onto sam's arm, ducking his head. 

_was it possible that they figured out who he was?_

"what?" sam was alarmed at the younger's sudden action. 

"i think they know me."

sam turned back to see a few people looking in their direction. "no, they don't." sam comforted. "i can barely see your face, i don't think they'll be able to"

"here are your keys, sir, enjoy your stay. your room is on the top floor, of course." their bags were ushered to their room by a bell boy as sam wrapped an arm around noah's waist to keep everyone away from him. 

"here." sam put the key in the younger's hands.

"so we're checked-in?" noah asked, examining the key with a grin on his lips. 

"yup. that means that's one down on your list and only two more to go." 

they walked through the hall with sam pressing the other as close to him as possible. he was certainly not up for grabs.

the elevator ride took forever since they had to go to the highest floor. sam had both arms wrapped around noah the whole duration of the ride, they watched people come in and get out, all obviously aware that there was a disgustingly adorable couple inside.

when they got to their floor, there were only five doors in the hallway, unlike those at the lower floors which had around a dozen.

"it's because the rooms here are bigger than all the others," sam explained as they walked through the hall. 

"where are our bags?" noah asked when they got to the door which had the same number as their keycard, 101D. 

"they're already inside. the employee had brought them in." he let the younger be the one to tap the card on the door, hearing the locks all open up. he pushed it open, leading them inside. 

"looks like your house." was the first thing noah said when he ran to the big glass wall showing the entirety of the city in this hour. the lights came from many colourful buildings which looked tiny from up here. 

sam moved to stand next to noah who was pressed against the glass.

the prince removed the cap and the mask, putting the hood down and ruffling his hair, eyes never leaving the glimmering city. sam would pay any price if it meant to see the smile on noah's face right now all the time for the rest of his life.

"we're so high up, can they see us?" 

"well, no." sam laughed, tapping the glass. "it's actually a one-way mirror. so, you can see everyone and everything but they can only see their reflection." he was surprised that noah forgot about his discomfort but at the same time, he understood that nobody could take their eyes off of such a view. 

"i'm the prince-" noah spoke. "but this is the only time i've actually felt okitipar beneath my feet." 

sam felt calm inside as if the waves of his life decided to stop crashing even just for tonight.

the older moved behind noah, wrapping his arms around the prince's waist before resting his chin on his shoulder. 

"i'm just a man, and i never realised that someday my whole world would be able to fit right in my arms." 

noah was silent but smiling. "will you stop being cheesy?"

"never ever." he placed a kiss onto noah's neck, his knees instantly giving in, holding onto the wall for support. 

he turned around, making sam's arms fall from his waist, his soft, dark eyes trailing over everything in the room.

suddenly, noah seemed shy, cheeks burning redder than ever before and his head facing the ground, eyes refusing to meet sam's

"uhm, sammy?"

"yes, darling?"

"oh gosh- uh do you think that i... that we could maybe you know?"

"that we could what? there's a lot of things, for instance, waterboarding, bowling, trampolining-"

"-could you kiss me?

_and how could sam deny such a request?_

sam stepped closer and put two fingers under noah's chin, raising his head slowly. "i'm not going to kiss you because you asked me to." he spoke, voice deep and sincere. there was a feeling noah got every time the other would look into his eyes like this. it was a drowning feeling, like how the sea swallows something slowly, how water fills every single part that surrounds you, how there's nothing else but water. and you couldn't pay attention to anything else but the water. 

"i'm not going to kiss you just because i can't deny your request."

it completely consumed him. noah looked at sam like he thought the older was the moon and he was just a star. but sam looks at him like he knows he was the moon and the younger was the whole solar system. "i'm not going to kiss you just because i want to."

sam looked at him like even if he was out of his mind, he wouldn't find anything more beautiful than insanity. 

"i'm not going to kiss you just because you'll let me." 

sam looked at him like he was special. he looked at him like he just found a pearl in the sand, like he just found a rose in the desert, like he was a five-leaf clover, like he was that one whisper in a world where everyone shouts, like he was that one line in a piece of poetry where you feel every single emotion hit you at once.

he looked at noah like he loved him. 

"i'm going to kiss you because our world is falling apart, and we are the only ones keeping it together." 

sam's eyes flicked down to noah's lips. his mouth looked like it was stained with candy. lips a dark pink, as though cherries bled through, and his eyes...universes. universes full of stars, swirling galaxies, coloured breaths of exhaled flowers, framed by long lashes, partly hidden under his wavy, maroon hair, tousled around his pale ears, and his body was wrapped around the night sky, the kind of black that was comforting and gave way to light.

sam brushed his hands over noah's small, soft palms and seamless fingers, whilst noah spoke quietly, voice purring in his throat, floating across sam's consciousness like purple clouds and the comforting scent of rain on warm summer nights. 

"i love you"

he smelled like the books that he lost himself in, vanilla and white daises clinging to his clothes, surrounding him in a blanket of sweetness.

he felt like home.

"i love you too, noah"

and basorexia took over.

when they had closed the gap, that was it. it was the first breath of air after you thought the water had consumed you, it was the eclipse. 

madness and insanity.

it was finding a pearl in the sand, a rose in the desert, a five-leaf clover. it was the whisper in the loud world, every single emotion hitting you all at once, and it was the only power that could stop a world from falling apart.

before he could even process what was happening, his eyes were already fluttering closed and his hands have come to settle onto sam's shoulders as he kisses the older back with a heat he had long forgotten within himself. and holding him felt like a little touch of heaven in a world full of chaos.

noah didn't know who sealed the distance between them first and frankly, he didn't care one bit. all he knew was that his lips were against sam's warm ones, and he could taste coffee and sleep in the elder's mouth, letting himself get lost in it, and it felt as if he could see the entire universe behind his eyelids. it was chaste, closed-mouthed, basically nothing more than a long peck, but he savoured it and sam tried to memorise the texture of the younger's plush lips. 

and why did lips that neither had kissed before this night feel so familiar? it was as if they were meant to be; as if they had been lovers in another life; as if there were other noahs and sams in different dimensions who had loved before this and mapped out the shape of their mouths and the rhythm of their passion so that in this life, in this dimension, their love felt like home.

they kiss like they were kissing for eternity. like they were searching for more, more, _more_ , inside each other's mouths without even knowing what it is that they're searching for. they kiss until sam's out of breath. until he's panting onto noah's mouth and he's slightly pulling noah away through his soft clothes. noah looked lost, a bit disappointed because, _did he do something wrong?_

sam could see it in his eyes, "noah, i," he exhales, leaning his forehead onto the other's "breathe. i need to breathe."

"oh," noah says, as one of his hands on sam's shoulder goes back down, forming a fist on sam's shirt. "sorry."

"no, don't be." they were speaking so softly as if their voices got louder, something would break. probably them.

and then, there's a blush already forming on the older's cheeks. if it wasn't for the dimly lit room, noah would've seen how flushed he looks.

sam laid down on the bed, pulling noah down by his wrist to lay beside him.

as his head hit the pillow, the now fading sunlight came in through the window and poured over him like water from a tap.

“sammy-" noah whispers, and sam loves how his voice makes his name sound - it's like honey, and it's bright, like the sunlight on his face.

sam hums softly in response, gently tracing his fingers over the younger's cheek and down the bridge of his nose.

“how long will it be like this?”

the guilt suddenly washed over him like waves to beach sand and his hand froze over his cheek, “i-i don’t know, noah. but we can only wish for forever.”

he knew exactly how long they had:

three days.

three days left together,

three days of forever.

“why are you so willing to fight for me?” he whispered, seeming almost afraid of the answer sam would give.

“because,” he took a deep breath "because i think you're beautiful - _so beautiful,_ in every way possible. and when i'm with you, i feel beautiful too."

they had stopped talking a few minutes ago in favour of admiring the sunset, which had painted the sky a light pink. now, those pinks and purples were fading into blacks and dark blues.

sam laid there with him in silence and cafuné, exchanging soft kisses once in a while.

and they were so busy trying to fit forever into a few hours that they didn’t realise the storm gathering in the clouds outside the window.

sam could feel the gentle flutter of noah's eyelashes against his neck as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

"go to sleep, love. i'm not going anywhere" he mutters against noah's forehead, before leaving a peck there.

"but i'm scared that when i wake up, this will all just be a dream. that it'll all be over"

noah instantly curled up to him, letting sam pull him closer before he sighed in contentment. his skin radiated a warmth that noah never could've imagined would have come from another person other than zach or his mother.

and, with an overwhelming feeling of warmth and love, noah succumbs to sleep. he had lost count of how many times he'd dreamt of falling asleep caught up in sam's scent and snuggling into his arms. he hoped the older would hold him tight. so tonight was _literally_ all his hopes and dreams coming true.

and while the rest of the world is cold, the space between them remains warm. like firelight, like hot chocolate.


	25. cigarettes and sex - prxz, siloh dynasty

noah woke up literally on top of sam. he knew he moved a lot in his sleep but he didn't realize that it was to that extent. the younger lay there for a few minutes, listening to the thumping of sam's heart in his chest and he couldn't help but wonder if it beats for him.

it was when he saw the glowing yellows, oranges and pinks of the sunrise stream through the blinds, scattering light across the carpet, that he gently got off of the other. there was no way he was going to miss out on witnessing a sunrise on the highest point of okitipar. 

he crawled off of the bed, skipping over in front of the glass wall, completely hypnotized as he watched the sun crawl out from the horizon. he watched the glow slowly spread through the buildings, the streets, the houses, and the people until his kingdom was bright and alive. and he couldn't help but think of his mother. this brightness that symbolised a new hope that couldn't remind him of anyone else. 

noah was so invested in the view that he jumped in surprise when he felt arms snaking around his waist. "you gave me a heart attack." he spoke to the older boy, who rested his chin on his shoulder. 

"don't worry, if your heart gives up, you can always have mine." sam retrieved his hands only to show noah that there was something in his palm. 

noah gasped. "i thought i'd never see it again." 

the other smiled, moving to put the necklace with the golden crow on it around the prince's neck. 

"the same way i thought i'd never see you again."

"well, i guess we're meant to be if we still end up finding our way back to each other even if the world tries to pull us apart." sam moved to look at the necklace, the golden crow hanging near the row of love bites he left there last night. 

noah bit his lip. he didn't believe in soulmates, but if this wasn't the closest thing then he didn't know what was. the arms around the prince's waist returned and he held onto sam's hands.

"you have really nice hands." noah commented, looking down at them in his own. 

the older chuckled, "only the best are allowed to hold this world's fairest, most beloved treasure." 

noah giggled, shaking his head. "i'm going to have to get used to this cheesiness, aren't i?" 

"you should." he laughed, "since we're going to be together for a looooong, long, long, long while."

it was all peaceful for a while as they just stood there, watching the light engulf all of okitipar, enjoying each other's presence. 

_how could this had only come now? why was a love like this so hard to attain?_

it was all sweet up until the grumbling of noah's stomach broke the silence, making both of them burst into laughter. 

"you should have told me you were hungry; let me order you some breakfast." sam left the prince to walk over to the tablet provided per room. the younger sat on the bed before sam handed it to him.

"choose whatever you want. you're probably hungry as heck."

"anything?" noah asked, skimming through the menu. 

"anything." 

\---

noah ended up ordering the biggest breakfast ever, complete with every single breakfast food known to the planet.

the prince eyed the food on the table with hungry eyes. "can we eat now?" he called out to the man who was taking a picture of the scenery. 

sam took one look at him and the food. "i have a better idea." 

they ended up eating breakfast sat in front of the glass wall, all of okitipar beneath their feet as they ate. noah had an even bigger appetite, sam knew that if it was chicken he was eating now, three buckets wouldn't suffice. 

"i'm full." 

"you're never full." 

the prince rolled his eyes as he stood up. "i am now and i'm going to take a bath." 

noah looked at himself in the mirror: he looked like a mess, hair tousled in so many directions as he tried to smooth it out with his fingers. his heart was heavy again, even if he knew it was something he couldn't control. it was just borderline unbearable to think that soon all of this happiness could be taken away in seconds. 

_what if sam was just gonna stop talking to him after these few days?_

_what if sam forgets all about him?_

_and what if he never actually loved him in the first place?_

_was it a lie whole time?_

he traced a finger across the marks sam had left on him last night. 

it took fairly quickly to fill the bathtub with water and bubble bath before he stripped out of everything and sat in the tub.

he needed to relax - too much negativity tires him out.

as soon as he was about to shut his eyes, there was a knock on the door.

"can i come in?" 

noah wet his hair in the water, "mhm" 

the door was pushed open as the younger pushed the bubbles to cover most of his body and then crossed his arms over his chest. he didn't want to look at him.

"i got you something," sam sat at the edge of the tub. and noah still didn't want to look at him, he knew very well that he wouldn't be able to resist the other. sam dropped something into the water, and the younger watched as it fizzed and spread in colours of pink, purple and blue among the thin layer of bubbles. 

"i got you this too." he moved his hand to hold out a huge bowl of chocolate fudge ice cream with chocolate sprinkles and white chocolate syrup drizzled all over it. 

sam definitely knew how to play this game. 

to make the temptation even more powerful, sam took a big spoonful, placing it in front of noah's lips. 

"'s only a bite away, my love."

noah's eyes never left the ice cream, he could already imagine what it felt like in his mouth. 

"c'mon, don't let food like this go to waste." he encouraged, and noah's self-control was growing weaker and weaker; he couldn't help himself anymore.

he opened his mouth to bite into the treat, but the older man was quick to pull it away. "it's not going to be that easy, baby." sam chuckled before smirking. "all it takes is one little kiss." 

noah huffed, finally turning to face the other, just staring at him.

"no? okay, all of this is for me then-" sam stood, starting to step out of the bathroom. 

"WAIT-" noah gave in - chocolate was forever his weakness. 

sam smirked, walking back to him. noah couldn't help but shamelessly check him out - he had a plain white shirt on and the same boxers from last night, his hair somehow still looking good even if it was messy. "here." he handed him the bowl, watching the prince dive into it happily. 

"i thought i had to kiss you first?" 

"i think you'd taste better with chocolate." sam left the bathroom momentarily to get things before he came back. "this is why we raided that shop if you've forgotten." he put different hygiene products on the sink, including facial washes, various soaps, bath bombs, scrubs. and noah's favourite: face masks.

"i don't think i'll ever forget a crime that i committed," noah remarked, still working on his bowl of ice cream. he almost choked on a chocolate chip when sam suddenly took of his shirt before sliding out of his boxers. 

the younger looked away before he saw _anything_ "wha-" 

"are you the only one allowed to have all the fun?" he got into the tub with noah, thankfully the tub was big enough for around three people. 

the prince complained, covering his bowl so water wouldn't get into it as sam got in. 

he wet his hair before coming dangerously close to noah.

he remembered the time when he would have to move away if sam leaned this close, inches away from him and he's so glad he doesn't need to do that anymore. 

"that ice cream looks good." sam says, but he was looking at noah's lips. "let me have a taste of that."

sam leaned in to kiss noah, the ice cream on his bottom being gone when he pulled away. noah complained that his ice cream was partially melted before he ended up with his back against sam, leaning on the older's chest. 

he kissed the top of noah's head. "you're pretty" 

noah giggled. "am i only pretty now?"

"you're pretty all the time." sam knew noah loved being praised and getting compliments from him, and he loved giving them.

his hand moved from the younger's waist to the golden crow hanging from his neck. "i can't believe you still wear this." he chuckled. 

"i can't believe you expect me to stop." 

the crow necklace was so many things for the both of them; it was everything and nothing at the same time.

it was the first thing sam had ever given him, aside from his time, and his care. it was the first physical symbol of sam's love for noah, although he didn't mean for it to be love back then. 

_"you're back!" noah almost ran into the older's arms, but he controlled himself._

_"i am." he laughed._

_he had taken a whole week off, reason being that he had gone on vacation, even though, deep down, noah didn't know if he should believe him._

_it had been half a year since sam became the prince's bodyguard, but they've already formed a close bond._

_"where did you go?" noah excitedly asked. he was sat on his bed while sam shut the door of his room._

_"somewhere far."_

_"who with?" he started firing questions again._

_"sometimes i like travelling by myself, sometimes i don't."_

_"when did you get home?"_

_"i have no concept of home."_

_noah huffed, "why do you never properly answer my questions?"_

_"why do you never stop asking?" he shot back._

_"i wanna know more about you. we've known each for so long but i still don't... know you."_

_"you know what you have to know."_

_the younger pouted, but sam just stared at him blankly. the older was the only one who could resist him being cute to get what he wanted._

_"do you have stuff from the gift shop?"_

_"i do, i have something for you."_

_noah was genuinely flabbergasted, not sure if he heard him right until sam pulled out a small velvet box that he had been holding onto._

_he was speechless as he looked at it in sam's open palm._

_"it's for you." sam insisted, "well, only if you want it."_

_he was surprised, not only because the older had brought home a gift for him, but because this was royal culture. when someone gave an unmarried prince or princess gifts, it was a proclamation - a way of showing interest and the desire to court the person of royalty. common gifts were clothes and jewellery._

_noah had no idea why sam would have a gift for him, but, there was no way he was going to refuse it. the prince took the box into his hands._

_"i wasn't sure which one you would like, but this one reminded me of you."_

_noah opened the box and the golden crow inside immediately shone under the light. he pulled it off of the foam cushion to see that it was a necklace._

_"a crow reminded me of you?" noah didn't know how to feel, if he should laugh or feel offended._

_sam laughed. "think about it. you're loud and scary."_

_his brows furrowed._ **_did sam just buy this to mock him?_ **

_"but at the same time," the man continued, "pretty and cunning. very intelligent. you know how to live in this world."_

_he couldn't help the grin spread on his face._

_"did you know a group of crows is called a murder?"_

_noah nodded, remembering reading it in a book._

_"well, you, by yourself, could make all of the world fall to your feet." sam spoke as he put it around noah's neck._

_noah giggled. "thank you. but how do i make a world fall?"_

_sam looked at him as if it was the most obvious thing ever, "one glance at you and they'll be on their knees."_

_noah stood, walking to his mirror and looking at the golden crow, "i wanted you to know that you aren't like other princes."_

_"how so?"_

_"your personality is strong. you know how to fight for what's yours and you know how to live. you don't strive for beauty, that's why it lives in you."_

**_gosh, did sam want to court him? was that why he was saying such nice things and giving him gifts?_ **

"this world will eat anyone alive. but, your beauty is your strength."

_noah's heart was excitedly jumping in his chest, all he needed were words from sam. of course he would let the older court him - it was sam, after all._

_"hmm, i think that you're more like a crow, sammy."_

_"oh?"_

_"yes, they're very large - like you, smart - like you, and they're also hard to capture."_

_sam blinked, confused at the last statement._

_"but, anyway, thank you. i love it."_

_sam patted noah's shoulder, "no need for thanks."_

_"why?"_

_"it's what friends do."_

noah both cringed and laughed at the memory, splashing water in the older's face, "you friend-zoned me when you gave me the necklace!" 

"i did?" he chuckled. 

"you did! i was getting excited because i thought you wanted to court me but then you called me your friend."

sam couldn't stop laughing, cupping the prince's cheek to face him and giving him a big, wet kiss as an apology "don't get me wrong, i really did want to court you. i just didn't know what to say at that time so i panicked." 

"you didn't have to court me, i would say yes."

"i wish i did, though." sam sighed, "you deserve that the most in the world." 

"even if you courted me, i don't think it'll last because i wanted to be yours more than i wanted to be anything else in the world." noah said, finishing his bowl of ice cream.

to sam, the crow necklace didn't symbolise love just yet when he gave it to the prince. it was just a reminder for him. that noah was his somehow. of course, he couldn't court him back then, but whenever the younger wore it, he felt as if he was his. 

sam started taking it home on the weekends, as a promise and noah wore it so much that he felt bare without it. it was a promise that when sunday came along, the older would be back on the job and the empty feeling in him would go away. noah hoped the feeling would never have to return.

sam put the bowl aside when the younger was finished with it, ending up in the two of them basically cuddling in the water. 

"did you know how painful it was?" noah spoke. 

"what was?" 

"having to watch you walk out the door after you gave me your nametag." bitterness was thick on his tongue, despite him previously eating ice cream, in his voice.

sam frowned, resting his chin on the prince's shoulder, arms around his waist tightening to pull him closer. 

"i thought that was the last time i'd see you." the hurt was there, "it was like watching you slip past my fingers as if i was never meant to hold you in the first place."

sam swallowed the guilt burning in his throat. he wished he could turn back time and utter to noah all the promises he should have said at that time. "i came back, didn't i?" he tried. 

"but what happens after three days, sam?" noah got out of his hold to face him.

they were face to face now, noah staring at him dead in the eye. "it's two days now-" he spoke, "is our time running out? are these three days all we have? what then?" noah was throwing out the questions that the older wished they could hide just for now.

in the whole time they were there, sam had tried to push those thoughts away; he didn't want to think of what they would have to face after they get out of this little haven where their love lives.

"well..." he tried to find the words, but he has ran out of promises.

"well?" noah asked. 

sam had to face the truth that he did plan well on how to come here, on what they're going to do, on what they're going to bring, but he had no plans on what came after. he threw seeds in the soil without knowing what they'd bloom and when they would sprout. he was an author - someone who started the story without an end in mind, hoping he'd find a way to create a happy ending. he told himself he would cross that bridge when he gets there. but, he forgot that he was also the one who was supposed to actually build the bridge to cross. 

"i don't want you to be like my father." that caught sam off guard. he wasn't expecting that to come from the younger. "he's everything a king should be: caring and sweet, a good father, a good husband."

noah thought back to the time with his mother, when she spoke of his second favourite love story. 

"but, he's a coward." he wanted to get those words out of his mouth. he wanted to speak the truth. "he creates his own monsters, but never fights them."

sam was attentive - he always puts all his focus on noah whenever the boy speaks from his heart. 

"he creates his enemies in his head, then locks them all away in his closet or under the bed. they grow stronger whenever they are. then one day, they finally got to him."

noah felt like his mother, his mother who loved to tell stories. 

"he became less of the man that my mother loved. it's painful and pitiful seeing great become just good." noah looked back up at sam, meeting his eyes once again. "i think you're great, sammy, you're the greatest man i've ever met. but... i don't know you." 

sam thought back to all the questions that the younger had asked him that he never answered. maybe he regrets that too. 

"i know what you dream of, but i don't know what keeps you up at night. i know what tires you out, but i don't know what makes you get back up every morning. i know what you want, but i don't know what you need. i know who you are, but i don't know who you were." noah swallowed the lump in his throat. "heck, i don't even know if i really know what i know."

he was going to start crying again, and sam knew it. the boy never stops tears from falling. that's why he was so strong - he always makes the anger and pain leave his body, never letting them make a home of his thoughts. 

"i don't even know why i love you-" he tried and failed to not let his quickly breaking, crumbling composure bleed into his voice.

the last sadness left in his body were now forcing their way out pf his lips. 

"you love me?" sam spoke, almost in disbelief. 

noah groaned, putting his head under the water before moving up again, pushing the hair back from his face. "do you?"

noah sighed, "you know that i do, i said yesterday. but, how am i going to love all of you if i don't know all of you?" 

"if i told you who i am, would you listen? if i introduce you to who i was, could you love him too?" 

"i'll sure as hell try."

sam reached out, taking both of noah's hands into his, intertwining their fingers. "but what if you can't love my past?" 

the prince realised that both he and sam were always stuck on the _what ifs_ and not the _what is_. "if i can't love what made you to who you are now, then i would never be able to love you now." 

"you always know what to say." sam was washing the other's hair after he told the boy he needed some time to find the words. and the younger understood that. he's willing to wait, as long as sam actually talks. 

"you're purring." sam laughed, massaging his fingers into noah's scalp. the low vibrations stopped momentarily when he opened his eyes. 

"it feels good, even my heart feels relaxed." 

after sam rinsed the prince's hair, noah turned to look up at him "so?" 

"so?" 

"i thought you were going to talk." 

"i will-" sam gulped. "can we go back inside? it's getting cold."

they got out and got dressed, and by dressed, it wasn't much. sam was back in a hoodie and boxers as he watched noah rummage through his suitcase for something to wear. "you packed your whole closet- how can you not find anything to wear?" he asked, amused by the younger going through his clothes wrapped in a fluffy bathrobe. 

"my whole closet? oh, this isn't even an eighth of that." he held out another shirt, then put it back. "that one's ugly." 

"you've said that to every shirt you brought. is this why you need a stylist?" sam laughed. 

"yes, exactly!" noah huffed, completely giving up. but when he turned to sam, he realised what he wanted all along. 

sam knew by the way the boy looked at him, "you don't even have to ask." he stood, stripping out of the hoodie and walking over to hand it to noah. he shut his luggage, finally contented. 


	26. simple desire - all mankind

they were back on the bed after sam had found a shirt to wear and noah had slipped some shorts on.

the prince was cuddled up to the other, holding onto him as if it would be the last time they could ever touch.

he was getting drowsy when the older finally spoke up. 

"ask." 

"hm?" noah looked up at him. 

"all the questions i never answered, ask them again." 

noah hesitated, but this was it: sam was finally going to let him take the cloth off to reveal the whole picture.

"you're not from okitipar, are you?" 

sam shook his head, finger's going to the younger's hair to play with it, "i'm not. i moved here three years ago. i'm from dolkins - a small city in another kingdom, a couple hours from here."

"freddie's also from dolkins." noah spoke, "i've always wanted to go there, he tells me so many stories from when he was young." 

_so far so good,_ sam thought to himself. noah didn't forcibly drill deep, and he was glad about that. 

"what was your childhood dream?" 

he thought for a second, "i wanted to be a pilot. i wanted to be up in the air, away from down here."

"why didn't you pursue it?" 

sam stared at him dead in the eye, wondering why he hasn't realised yet, "i met you." 

noah's natural blush was overpowered when the older spoke. 

"and suddenly being up in the skies was pointless, knowing beauty was waiting for me down here."

he covered his face before burying himself in sam's neck, "stop saying cheesy things, they get to me." 

"that's why i say them." he chuckled. 

noah waited, just enjoying the feeling of getting wrapped up in sam's whole being. 

the first few questions were easy for sam, but he wanted to dig deeper. there must be something about this man that makes his history such a toxic place. 

"do you have any siblings?" noah realised that he hit a sensitive spot in the other's mind when the older tensed up immediately.

"i do." he sounded like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders when he finally got it out. 

"brother? sister?" 

"half-brother." he corrected. 

noah nodded, if sam wanted to say anything, he would and he could.

"what about your parents?"

sam bit his lip, "the answer will cost you a kiss."

it was all to break his nervousness. his tongue burned with every word he said.

noah didn't need to be asked twice as he leaned up to press his lips against the older's. 

it was a pleasant break from it all.

they broke away before noah nuzzled into him again. 

"my father was the man i wanted to be like. he was my hero, that's what i knew all throughout my childhood." he had to get it out now, he would never have the courage to do so ever again, "we were a "perfect family", that's what people all around told us. i was happy, my mother was happy. but it was so long ago that i can't even remember what a drop of that happiness tasted like." 

the younger didn't speak. sam was telling a story; he had to listen, or else he'd never know what happens next.

  
"it stayed like that until i was of age to get my birth right. since i was the only child, of course it would go to me. but that's when everything my father had been hiding unravelled." 

noah shuffled closer to him, he knew the other needed to be held right now.

"my father was a big fucking lie." he growled. "he had women. so many of them. he gambled almost half our wealth. when we found out everything he'd been trying to hide, he let himself go; smoking, drinking, I even caught him using drugs once." 

noah half wanted to tell sam that it was okay not to continue, and half wanted to know what happened. 

"but that was the most painful part, we were the only ones who knew. everybody else thought we were exactly like we used to be." 

"you didn't tell anyone?" 

"i was young, noah. and this is my father we're talking about - my hero. half of me still believed he wasn't who he was." sam took a deep breath before letting it out. "then my brother- i don't even want to call him that- came into the picture. of all the women my father had, he only ended up with one child. and that was my brother. what was absolute shit was he was two years older than me, meaning he was cheating on my mother the whole time." 

"what an asshole." 

"when he got my father's wealth, he made it hell for me. i don't even want to get into that. everyday i would wake up in my room before getting mad at myself for not dying in my sleep." 

"i'm glad you didn't die before i met you." the prince tried to make it better, but the wound was too deep. 

"he made it hell. it was hell. I had to live with that until three years ago. i couldn't take it. i took what i had and left dolkins, knowing wherever i'll end up will promise me a better life than what i used to call home."

noah looked up, staring into the older's eyes. there weren't any tears. he never cried.

maybe that's why pain made a home of his mind.

  
"can i kiss you?" sam asked when he found it difficult to push all the thoughts of the past from his head. 

"you don't have to ask." noah let sam pull him into a kiss once again. 

this was the break they needed. it made sam forget it all - at least for a while.

"i still had friends that stuck with me. my mother gave me most of her wealth to get me by. i switched from different apartments until i settled in my penthouse and now I've been there for a year." sam spoke when they pulled away.

noah knew the story was coming to an end when the timeline came so close to the present.

"what happened then?"

"the only job i ever signed up for was to be your bodyguard. i met you, and you came crashing into my life like you were meant to be in it."

"and why did you apply to be my guard?" the prince spoke, almost purring from sam kissing his forehead before playing with his hair; he so relaxed, content and comfortable from where he laid right here.

"well, after i settled in my penthouse, let myself heal from all of my brother's shit, which took a long while, i went out. and the first thing i heard was the loveliest prince was finally of age. i heard the king was going to accept your suitors." sam couldn't help but lean down to peck the younger's nose when he looked at him as if he absolutely adored him. "i got curious. and i also realised i couldn't just spend my days in my penthouse, wasting my mother's wealth, so i needed a job." 

noah gulped, a new question popping into his head, but he wasn't sure if it was too much to ask. 

"say what you want to say." sam said when noah stopped purring and the expression on his face changed. he knew he was thinking of something.

  
noah pulled away from sam's neck when his heart finally stopped raging in his chest. 

"ask me, baby." 

"when you left dolkins-" he gulped. "what did you leave behind?" 

"a lot. so much." sam wasn't scared anymore. telling noah this wasn't just taking his heart out of his own chest. it was giving his heart a new home. somewhere with someone that would take care of it. someone that would take so much better care of it than he ever did. 

"i left my childhood, my friends, my family home." sam could go on and on, "i left half of my heart there." 

"where is that half of your heart?" noah asked.

"with my mother. she was the only reason i didn't leave any sooner. but she was also the one who told me to go when things got too much." 

from the story, noah could tell that sam was very close to his mother. the prince wishes he could meet her one day. she must be such a lovely woman if sam grew up to be the man he is now. 

"i'm out of questions as of now." he spoke, "i wanna get to know you more as we spend more time together.

"well, we have the rest of our lives for all the tales we want to tell. but that's my story, my history." 

"sam-" noah put a hand against his chest to feel the thumping of his heart. "if i give you my whole heart, would it be enough?" 

"i only have half a heart left with me but i don't need all of yours. you'll need half of it to be able to love yourself." 

he could feel his eyes leaking again, but it wasn't quite from the pain anymore. "but what about you? how will you love yourself if you give me the only half you have?"

"i don't need my half. when you give me yours, it'll be the only love i need." 

noah's heart was racing in his chest - but maybe it wasn't his heart, it was half his heart and half of sam's. 

"actually, i have one last question." he spoke, holding his hand against sam's chest.

_was it half of his own?_

"you were my bodyguard. you were to protect me from anything and everything." 

"that's my duty." 

"would you die for me, sammy?" he didn't know why he asked, maybe it was the heat of the moment or maybe it was his heart dying to know.

"i'd do something much more difficult; i would live for you. every moment my heart still beats would be all just for you." 

noah could feel the warmth of the tears down his cheek, only to feel the other wipe them away as soon as they rolled down.

"would you love me for the rest of my life? even if i'm a really annoying bitch most of the time?" 

sam laughed at the statement, but was all smiled when he answered. "no." 

"wha-" 

"but i'll love you for the rest of mine." 

the kiss that came after that was all sweet without an ounce of bitter. it was no longer just a profession of love, or a thing they did to feel the emotion. 

it was a promise. it was an act of proof that noah could love him despite of his past. and that sam could love him despite of the future. 

and the older need not to shed any tears.

  
the sex that came after that sealed the promise. 

sam went slow all until noah was unable to contain himself from wanting more and more.

the soft touches remained soft despite them clinging to one another, almost desperate in their attempts to kiss deeper, be closer, hold tighter.

sam thought that noah's lips were always sweet and soft. they felt like slowly falling asleep, like fairy lights in a dark room, like _coming home_.

he could hardly comprehend that there was someone that he loved so much laid underneath him right now, showing him all of him, teaching him that beauty came in so many forms. for across noah's cheek are the blessings of honey yellows and bitter oranges like the licking of the early morning sky and sunrays have been sewn into his skin. it was in this moment that sam realised that he could fall in love with noah over and over again as loving the younger was one of the easiest things he's ever done - it was as easy as breathing.

as for the other boy, he has a whole universe of love in his chest that he has wanted to give to someone his whole life. and he has been so scared - terrified, even - as usually it was the search that kills people. the pain of looking at the stars when what you were searching for could be at the bottom of the sea. or, looking at another person when _your_ person was looking at you, but you never realsied because you never looked back.

but, right now, he had found his person (the person that muttered soft _"I love you"s_ and let the words run over his neck) and the clock is ticking, but time means nothing right now as sam's hands are roaming his body, like they're searching for new places to love and his lips are on his neck; his heart is in euphoria.

sam placed kisses everywhere that he could reach, and it felt like he was worshipping the younger's body in a way. and now he's babbling, "i love you, s'much. thank you- thank you for giving your heart a chance, thank you for giving me a chance, i love you.", and he's pulling the younger impossibly closer as though he's a moth to a flame. a planet to its sun.

it ended with them cuddled up in a bunch of blankets, noah being half-awake, half-asleep.

  
"princess," sam spoke as he ran his fingers through the boy's hair.

"hm?" 

sam had to tell him now - the split second between being asleep and awake when you felt everything.

  
"you may not be my first time having sex-" he started. 

noah groaned, "don't remind me, i know i'm-"

he never stopped talking, so the older shut him up with yet another kiss, "listen." 

"i am." he spoke, under the spell and daze of the lingering feeling of a kiss.

  
"you may not be my first time having sex, but..."

"but?" his eyelids were drooping shut.

"yours are the first lips that have ever touched mine. you're the only kiss that'll ever matter, and you'll be the last."


	27. put your head on my shoulder - paul anka

noah regained enough energy to get up from the bed and complain about how hungry he was after a while of sleep. while sam was pressing in their order for lunch, the younger's eyes drifted to the piece of paper he left that was left on the bedside table: _'make out in the rain'_

when sam came back to him, he pointed to it, silently asking. after all, how were they going to finish the list if one was left out? 

"a storm is coming tonight. not that strong, fortunately, but still a storm," he spoke. 

noah looked back at the glass window showing the bright and shining sky, unsure if the other was believable at this point. sam saw the look on the prince's face as he leaned down to press a kiss on his forehead. 

"anyway, we have the rest of our lives for that list." 

"do we really?" 

sam sighed, noah was starting it again, could they have a light atmosphere for once? but he couldn't blame him. after all, he still left some of his questions unanswered. that must have hurt or kept him thinking. 

"hopefully." was the only thing sam said.

"you're never going to answer your questions, are you?" 

he hated that noah was too smart.

the ex-bodyguard moved to lay on the bed, motioning for noah to join him. he snuggled into him despite himself. 

"why won't you answer me?" 

"i don't know the answer."

"you shouldn't have made me want to ask the question." noah huffed, it was getting more difficult by the second. 

"what do you want?" "reassurance." the prince spoke, voice drilling deep into sam's mind, "that i'm not jumping into this hole headfirst, alone."

"do you really think i could ever lie to you?" noah sighed, and sam couldn't decipher if he was frustrated. 

"i know you won't-" noah groaned, "i just want to know what happens after all of this." 

"well obviously, we have a connection now. they can't break up apart."

noah's hand unconsciously went to the side of his neck. 

"we've tied our strings together tightly. that's something most people don't have." 

_those were just words_ , noah thought. _words could easily be spoken._

"i fell for your words, sam. i also need you to show me and to tell me what happens after this." he was so insistent, never stopping until he got what he wanted. it's not like sam could resist him especially when he was looking at him like this - this was yet another one of his strengths, looking cute to get what he wanted.

"if you were anyone else, you would just sit down and enjoy the ride, let me do all the planning and worrying about the future."

noah didn't like being compared to others, he deflated instantly. 

_did sam mean he wasn't his ideal person and that he should change?_

the prince gulped, "w-well, i know i can be like that sometime-" 

"i guess that's why i never really liked anyone else." 

it felt like there was a balloon in noah's chest that deflated but was filled with air all at once, all too fast that it almost popped, but it didn't.

the truth is, sam had been coming up with ideas in his mind of what would happen after this. but he wasn't quite sure if it was possible. 

"can we run away?" 

sam was surprised by the words from the prince's mouth. he spoke as if he read the other's mind.

"noah-" the younger didn't like it when sam started talking like that. it meant negative. 

of course, sam thought about it. eloping was probably their only gateway out of this mess. but he thought too well way too often. he knew how to see all the sides of a story, "-it would be close to impossible. first, half of the population of the earth knows who you are. when they find out the pretty prince is lost, they'll hunt you down instantly. and, i'm sure not everyone who wants to find you have the best intentions." he explained.

noah didn't want to listen. explanations were always shit since they felt like the word 'no' was stretched out to be more than it already was.

but sam needed him to understand. "i can hide you. i want to hide you, but what if we run out of places to run to? how in the world are we going to settle down and enjoy the rest of our lives if we're forever paranoid that at some point they could find you and it could all end?"  
"people fight for love, some die for love, and i know i'm too much of an idiot to grasp the actual concept of love but," there was a silence, "but I know that love is not something people fought for, bled for and died for just for us to hide it behind locked doors. and you think so negatively, you know?" he huffed.  
"i'm being realistic." sam defended, however, there was never anger in his voice when he talked to noah, "this isn't an alternate universe where everything turns out fine and we get to live happily ever after. i know you grew up to stories and fairy tales, and they all end up the same didn't they?"  
"happily ever after," noah answered.

"but we're not a fairytale, noah. if anything, we're a certain story. the type that gives you chills, that could make you cry for too many reasons. we're the type that keeps you up at night just because it lingers in your mind." 

the younger understood. he  _ had  _ to understand.

"we're not a 'happily ever after', it might not be like that. we were what came after the happily ever. we were what the ashes of happiness birthed." 

noah hates himself for choosing not to see the truth earlier on. the more he sealed his eyes shut, the more it hurt when he had to open his eyes to what he didn't want to see. 

"are you saying i should get used to this sad life?"

"i'm saying we found the right love in the wrong world. it would be easier if i was a king, or a prince, and even easier if we didn't love each other."

noah was crying again, but his face was blank. he didn't blink once as the tears freely fell down. and sam didn't wipe them away this time. he didn't wipe them away but he held the younger close, letting him tear up and soak up the fabric of his shirt, but tears on his shoulder are just a small sacrifice for noah's happiness.

noah was used to the good life and getting what he wanted; pain was something rare and he had to feel it at some point. 

sam knows he could never take away the pain, but he was there to catch noah whenever it gets to him. even if he himself cries too. even if he himself falls too.


	28. slumber - lewis watson, lucy rose

eventually, noah ran out of tears to cry, and at the same moment, there was a knock on the door, delivering their lunch. he was busy trying to get rid of the sinking feeling while sam set up the food. the prince glanced at the clock, it had already been a day and a half;

they had officially consumed half of their time together. 

for some reason, it felt like forever - it felt like the walls of that hotel room held their lives already. noah was glad it felt like forever. at least he'd have something to look back on when forever reaches its end.

he felt a tap on his shoulder, making him look back only to see the other with yet another bowl of chocolate ice cream. 

"let's trigger those happy hormones, being sad is absolute shit." 

for a moment, noah smiles. remembering why he decided to dive in headfirst into this thing with sam. 

"you know me too well," noah spoke, taking the bowl into his hands.

sam sat next to him on the bed, taking the bowl out of his hands. the younger was about to complain, only to see him hold out a spoonful in front of his lips. feeding was also a form of courting. 

he couldn't put into words how satisfied sam looked when he took it into his mouth, silently asking for another bite. 

one and a half days were what they had left. one and a half days more of forever.

noah decided right there and then as they ate lunch that their time was too short to sulk about. this might be all they had left, and he couldn't waste a single moment of that. 

noah laughed a bit too loud when he came to see a tea light candle in the middle of the table. 

"people always have candle-lit dinners. it's time someone started a candle-lit lunch activity." sam explained when noah asked why there was a tiny candle in the middle of the table. 

"you're really good, you know." the youngest spoke as he worked on the food on his plate. 

they were sat on the table, in front of each other. 

"good at what?" sam asked, back from the fridge with a cold pitcher of water. 

"sex." he spoke casually, "you must've done it a lot." 

sam almost spit out his water, this was a side he never saw, but for some reason, he liked it, and it was certainly a compliment coming from the other. 

"so tell me...how much have you, you know, _done it_ before?" noah wiggled his brows. 

"you'll go all grumpy on me again."

"i won't." he defended, "we have too little time for me to sulk."

"do you want an honest answer?" sam felt quite awkward - he initially never planned on talking about this to noah, him being a prince who's supposed to be innocent and all. 

"you'd never lie to me."

sam hated that noah was so right. even if he wanted to, he would never lie to him even if he tried.

"honestly? i've had a bunch of uh- sexual partners. not really one-night stands but those 'no strings attached' kind of things." 

"i'm going to guess that you lost your virginity at 18." noah giggled. the accuracy of it made sam laugh, "who doesn't?" 

"princes who were basically kept captive in a castle, apparently." 

it was a sad truth, but noah spoke of it like he was immune to the pain it kept causing him.

\---

lunch was over and they were back sitting in front of the glass wall. noah couldn't help himself from wanting to see what's beyond it ever second he could. he only had such little time left and he couldn't believe he'd have to say goodbye to this view soon. 

the honesty continued. noah sharing stories of him swooning over sam, and how zach and peaches provided a listening ear to him screaming about the man. 

"i can't believe you didn't just tell me you liked me, you know. we could have started kissing and cuddling a lot sooner." sam chuckled.

"i thought you didn't like me at all." 

"but i did." 

"you don't understand," noah started to explain. "when my father called me in to meet you for the first time, there's a certain way people react when they meet me for the first time. it's all too familiar to me because all my suitors react that way. but you didn't." sam understood what the other meant, he saw how people take the first look at him. 

"well, i admit i didn't immediately like you-" 

"which is exactly the point because people want to fuck me as soon as they see me."

"but i fell in love with you along the way." sam pulled him in, noah had his back leaning against the older's chest as sam rested his chin on his shoulder. 

"i remember wishing the same thing every time we had to part for the weekends," noah spoke.

"what?"

"i kept meeting suitors and thinking they're not you .i only ever wanted it to be you" he turned around to face the older, as if wanting the confession to drill deep into sam's mind "i hoped you were meeting people and thinking they're not me."

"i have no idea what star you wished upon but i'll have to try wishing on it sometime if it's that capable of making wished come true." 

noah fell back against sam further, everything in him feeling giddy. 

"everyone else just lacked something you had. or too much of what i needed. you can't tell me that you weren't made just for me if you're everything i've ever needed." 

the prince's smile was too wide that he hardly couldn't see anything, but when his gaze drifted to the sky, he saw accumulating grey clouds, "you weren't lying about the storm coming, huh." 

"i'd never lie to you."


	29. yellow - coldplay

the day went on and any remaining symptoms of sickness noah had previously felt had disappeared. or, maybe he was just too caught up in talking with sam, too caught up in trying to make forever fit into a few more hours. 

sam's hands ran through his hair, as if through a labyrinth - trying to find their way out before returning, this time having memorised the path. and this repeats until the labyrinth is a familiar, welcome place. he twisted strands between his fingers, his heartbeat thudding against noah's ear, one arm circling his waist, resting lightly over his hipbone, brushing patterns over his skin, drawing mindless words.

everything was yellow, and not the bright kind that left you covering your eyes, but the soft, gentle kind that reminded you of morning sunlight and golden sand under a cerulean sea. the kind that meant peace, happiness,  _ and made noah feel safe. _

"you're so warm," sam commented softly, nuzzling his nose into noah's hair, noticing that noah's eyes looked liquid in the sun, reminiscent of melted wax and honey and an accumulation of sweet, warm things.

a small smile graced noah's lips, yellow daises blooming behind his eyelids as his fingers clutched the older's black shirt, skimming over his collarbones.

_ no,  _ he thought. _ i'm not warm; you are. i never knew warmth until i met you. _


	30. i don't know enough about you - peggy lee

“let’s ask each other questions.” the older spoke.

“why?” 

“to get to know each other better. didn't you say you wanted to know all of me?”

a tender smile bloomed on the younger's face “hm, i did. you go first.” 

“what’s the one song that you could listen to forever?” sam questioned.

“i uh...i haven't really listened to much music.” 

“i’m sorry, what?” sam said, jaw dropping in disbelief.

“i’ve never really listened t-“

“i heard what you said, i just...” he trailed off, a smile overtaking his face.

“what...”

he walks over to the other side of the room and stops at an all-black record player. he scans the many records set out on the table before choosing one and placing it on the platter of the record player. the music drifted to noah's ears as soon as the arm was placed down.

“what’s this called?” he asked softly 

“ ‘i don’t know enough about you’ by peggy lee”

sam hesitated in his steps back to the bed before holding out his hand, open and waiting for the invite to be accepted.

“can i have this dance?” an uncertain tone crept into his voice.

noah could feel the heat rise to his cheeks all the way up to his ears

“i-i don’t know how, sammy...”

“well you’ll never know until you try” his smile stayed so warm and so welcoming, it was near enough impossible to refuse.

sam pulled the prince in then let go of one of his hands, the other sliding down to his waist.

“see, and then you just...” he started to move his feet slightly “sway.”

“sam?”

“yeah, noah?”

“what song could you listen to forever?”

“oh, definitely this one.” he answered without an ounce of hesitation

“why is music so important to you?” 

“everything’s a little better with a bit of background music” 

“yeah. yeah, i guess it is” noah blinked lightly up at him before resting his head on his chest, swaying to the soft melody of the music.

and he wishes he could stay in this moment forever but then he guesses if he could, it wouldn't be a moment anymore.

so, he closes his eyes and listens to the music and sam's heart beating in his chest.

as for sam, he knew their precious time together was coming to a close and forever may be a misconception of time but he greedily wishes for the end to never come because he wants to hold noah in his arms forever.

\---

meanwhile, back in the castle, charlie was in charge of making sure everything worked out. 

that morning, when carlos came to work, charlie was the first he saw. 

"the prince is sick with a fever; he's in his room. we talked to the king and queen and their direct orders are that nobody is allowed to go anywhere near his quarters until a doctor manages to check on him. we still don't know when that would be." he spoke in front of the whole RSU during the morning briefing. 

it was his first time doing so as both daniel and sam were away. "samuel clarke was sent to the other kingdom as a representative of our unit, he won't be around. i was left in charge." the redhead spit one lie out after another, just for the sake of covering everything up, "understood?" he asked after he finished all he had to say. 

there were nods across the room.

carlos was quite lost the whole day, not exactly knowing what to do since his duty was to guard the prince. 

"will you stop?" charlie snapped. 

the blue-haired man opted to just following him during the rounds, and, quite frankly, it was irritating him.

carlos narrowed his eyes at him - he was a tough nut to crack, and there was no way he was going back to his boss without what he wanted.

_ "okitipar is rich." joven spoke.  _

_ carlos was tasked to go straight to joven's lair as soon as he got off the job, which was why he asked to be sent home earlier than usual.  _

_ "i know, sir." he spoke obediently, watching the other pace across the room.  _

_ "richer than us - they have the eighth wonder of the world and more wealth than ever. i have to get my hands on that."  _

_ carlos wasn't one to interrupt, especially when joven was giving him orders, but he had something on his mind.  _

_ "sir, wasn't the prince the priority?"  _

_ "it will be harder to get the wealth if they'll be all caught up because of the prince disappearing. let's hit one bird at a time, we'll get the prince soon. in the meantime, you can have your fun with that lowly prince, i don't need him yet."  _

_ carlos nodded, waiting for more instruction as he knew joven wasn't finished. a few seconds of silence were then cut off by sinister laughter. "it would be a double kill. everything okitipar treasures will be mine. imagine how much pathetic men would pay for that boy."  _

_ carlos turned to step towards the other man. "and, as i promised, you'll get a chance to borrow him too. all of you are pathetic, getting all caught up in stupid little infatuations as if they're worth anything." he spits out, "prince gadeux is nothing but a pretty face."  _

_ the blue-haired man had excitement coursing through his veins at the thought of his desires for the prince.  _

_ "but now we have one final problem," joven announced.  _

_ "sir, i think we might have two problems."  _

_ "what the fuck are you on about?" he sucked a cigarette in between his lips, striking a match before lighting it up.  _

_ "there's another guard there, scariest of them all. people seem to obey and respect him more than daniel thrasher, who's of the highest rank." _ _ carlos had formed the image of said guard in his mind, from his cold glare to his sharp words, "piece of shit," he growled, slamming his fist on the table.  _

_ "don't tell me it's some asshole named clarke." joven was genuinely surprised, having no idea that he knew him.  _

_ "he's keeping a close eye on everything. it seems like he's holding everything together, the whole palace revolves around him, that's what i see." _

_ "is that all he's been bitching about?"  _

_ "sir, the prince is fond of him." he recollected the sight of the pair earlier, how sam had walked past him, holding noah possessively. "he's the prince's lover. fierce, strong, not to mentio-"  _

_ "i know him well enough; you don't have to tell me." he blew out smoke, "what a fucking killjoy."  _

_ "you know him, sir?" carlos was curious,  _ **_ how in the world could his boss be associated with samuel clarke? _ ** __

_ joven took one last long drag of his cigarette before crushing it in the ashtray, _ _ "we'll have to take care of him too, then. i guess this is going to be a change of priorities." _

_ "what do we have to do, sir?"  _

_ "the wealth and the prince can come after, we have to get sam out of the picture first. that little fucker ruins everything." the whole room reeked of smoke and alcohol, a place where only a person like joven could live. _

_ "what are we going to do with him?"  _

_ the other rolled his eyes, getting another cigarette from his box, "kill him, obviously." he said with no hesitation, "if we do that, the easier it is to get the prince since he'd be a sad little thing, won't he?" fake pity dripped from his voice. _

_ "do we have a plan, sir?" _

_ "find out where everything is. find the weak spots and the places where nobody looks. that's where we'll start. they won't even know what hit them." _

"stop what?" carlos spoke, eyeing charlie from head to toe. 

"you're bothering me, go to the office and sort some shit, you're giving me a headache." he shooed the other away and didn't turn back before proceeding to walk again, seemingly heading down to the kitchens.

he blue-haired man, realising he's been searching in all the wrong places, obediently went off and charlie proceeded normally with his day, unaware of the huge mistake he had made.

carlos was back in the castle, as he passed by the hallway where noah's quarters were at, he looked left and right, seeing there was no one in sight.

_ it wouldn't hurt, no one would know.  _

and besides, it was his job. he walked down to where the young prince's room was, stepping towards the connecting door. 

noah seemed awfully silent, perhaps he was asleep. the man put his hand on the doorknob.

_ It wouldn't hurt if no one knew, right?  _


	31. i love you - billie eilish

noah didn't think about it anymore. he refused to let his thoughts linger on the words sam spoke of. 

if it were the words that caused him pain, let them get lost deep in his mind. deep enough that he won't think of them now but not deep enough that he can't dig them up when the thought of the man's voice and his words are the only things keeping him sane.

"do all hotels smell like this?" he asked.

"like what?" 

"expensive fabric conditioner." 

"i guess we'll have to find out. noah laughed, raising a brow

"find out? are you planning for us to visit every single hotel in the world?" 

"if that's what it takes, then yes." 

they ended up on the bed, planning nothing but conversation until the day ends. the prince wouldn't have it any other way.

_it was stupid. so fucking stupid._

they were mapping out their lives, trying to make the rest of forever fit in a few hours. 

_it was so stupid._

they were writing their own story, making it seem like they had already lived all their life together. 

_so fucking stupid._

"you'd totally be the dad that would scare off your kid's classmates whenever you take them to school." noah smacked sam with the pillow, making sure the man was paying attention to him. 

"and you'd be that one parent that kids adore, they'd probably wish you were their dad." sam pulled the blanket over the both of them. it was still cold under the sheets; noah made the move to wrap himself around the other. 

"will you cook us breakfast in the morning? knowing your cheesy ass, you'd even bring me breakfast in bed." 

"you know me well." sam chuckled. 

_it was so fucking stupid, pretending their dreams were a reality._

_it was so fucking stupid, hoping it would actually happen._

"i'd invite you to my ballet recitals. you'd get front row like mama and zach always do." 

"i'd clap the loudest."

_so stupid._

"i want to live in a house by the beach when i eventually get all old and stuff." the younger said, sam's hand was in his as he played with the older's fingers. 

"hey- i wanted that too. i wanted to meet an orca when i was little."

"looks like we'll work out then, since we both like all the same things." the prince gleamed. 

"i suppose so." sam agreed, "but there is no way in hell you're going to make me use your peaches and cream bubble bath." 

"but how in the world are we going to have baths together?" noah whined. 

"fine." he gave in, "even if i get out of the bath smelling so sugary sweet that i want to bite into myself." 

forever was coming to an end, noah accepted that fact when they came to the topic of what would actually happen.

they took aside what could happen, their hopes and dreams and plans, and replaced it with what would actually happen. 

sam didn't hold back on the truth, since the truth was what they both needed now, "we're checking out tomorrow before lunch time,"

"can we eat at cluck?" noah pleaded, a request sam couldn't deny.

"yes, we can eat at cluck." 

"and what happens after?" his eyes were big and hopeful. 

sam ran out of promises, "i'll take you back like i always did, but this time you'll know how to do it on your own."

"back to the castle?" 

the truth stung in sam's throat. half of his heart wanted him to stop being realistic and risk it all, "back to our lives before we learned what it was like to love." 

"are you telling me to forget all this?" 

"if there is no other solution, yes."

\---

carlos pulled the door open, only to find a form sleeping on the bed. he shut the door and tiptoed towards the bed. 

"prince?"

his attention was diverted from the bed when a certain piece of paper on the bedside table caught his eye. 

_it was his job to keep noah safe, right?_

his boss would protect him from whatever would happen anyways. he took the paper, opening it up as he began to read.

\---

"do you love me?" noah spoke, the skies were darker than ever and their time was rapidly coming to a close. tomorrow he'd wake up at the castle, become the prince everyone wants him to be and ignore the fact that his heart will forever yearn for a love he can never have.

"more than anything." sam answered confidently. 

"say it again." 

"i've said it a dozen times." the man chuckled, and it wasn't an exaggeration. 

"i never want my mind to forget what you sound like when you tell me that you love me." 

it started to drizzle very lightly outside, and it was as if all the sadness crushed sam all at once.

growing up, there hadn't been many moments in which he really thought about falling in love. he knew love existed, of course - it existed in storybooks and love songs and within charlie's heart and in the eyes of his mother. dripping off the edges of stars and hanging off streetlights, dangling in between kiss-swollen lips and swimming in shared mugs of tea and along the ridges of tires after a long day out with your closest friends.

but, it wasn't something sam really thought about in relation to himself. he knew he loved things. loved people. he loved his parents, he loved coffee and sleeping in and the smell of the ocean at night. but, within noah, there was something new. a love that he has never known before. one that didn't shy away from the heat in his veins but burned alongside it instead. 

growing up, there hadn't been many moments in which he really thought about falling in love.

but now, sam let himself stumble and didn't bother to catch himself.

noah's pink-tinged cheeks were the same cheeks that were once stained with tears. he has painted sam's skies with pristine, pastel hues, planting forget-me-nots wherever he went. as soon as noah stepped foot into his life, he knew things would be different. change is inevitable, something that most people dread to face. and when he has to leave noah, he knows that the younger will leave a rose wrapped around his heart, the shade a deep crimson, its stem tearing into his tissues like knives.

he let noah into his world, and then he became it, a little bird with a broken wing and a boy with a longing in his heart for the sky found a place in his heart.

because love is like fire; it consumes people. love could be labelled 'poison' and we'd drink it anyway.

"i love you. i love you more than the earth loves the sun." 

noah released a breath when he heard it, the feeling he gets inside whenever he hears it will never seize, "i love you." 

sam blames himself for the pain they have now - if he didn't push them closer to play in the fire, then maybe they won't be this close to getting burned. but, if they kept their distance, they would feel cold. they could have never made shadow puppets or roasted marshmallows and told the kind of stories that you'd never get the most perfect chance to tell. it was a good thing that destiny deprived them of being a perfect match, it would keep them from burning out. and with a sad look in his eyes, he told himself _'this is going to hurt when it's over'._

"kiss me." noah said, almost as a demand. 

"that's what we've been doing for the past half hour." it wasn't a complaint.

"i never want to forget how you taste." 

"what do i taste like?" he asked. 

"you taste like mint and the love i'll never receive ever again." noah was determined to get what he wanted, climbing onto sam's lap, straddling him before pressing their lips together.

it was beauty and madness when noah kissed him like it was the last time he could possibly do so - it could be, and whispered his name like it was the only word that belonged on his lips - and at this point, it felt like it was.

every kiss could be their last. 

sam didn't want to part ways like this - with heavy hearts. he slid his hands down underneath the hoodie noah was wearing. the prince thought the other was hinting at a certain something as he moaned and bit the other's lip lightly, only for him to break into a burst of screaming laughter when he started tickling his waist. 

"s-stop!" noah begged as their whole position changed, sam pinning him down on the bed as he started to tickle his neck as well. 

the older only stopped when a huge crash of thunder erupted, followed by the rain spilling down harshly without warning. both their eyes were turned to the glass wall, watching the downpour.

they then locked their gaze on each other and noah moved to stuff his hand into the pocket of the shorts he was wearing, taking out the small strip of paper with one remaining item. 

sam laughed, pressing one last kiss on his forehead before standing up from the bed. the younger sat up, staring at him curiously. 

"there's no point in making out in the rain if we're not gonna get wet." he held a hand out. 

"where are we going?" 

"to the rooftop. we're going to make love on the highest point of your kingdom."

noah giggled, taking the man's hand before they ran to where their shoes were, the younger almost tripping over while trying to put on his. but, just before he could bend down to tie the laces, sam was already doing it for him. 

"you're spoiling me too much." he gushed as sam stood back up after tying the laces. 

"weren't you already spoiled in the first place?" 

he playfully hit sam's arm for that comment.

the excitement was coursing through their veins as they stood in front of the door. it was probably the first time noah was so glad it was dark and stormy outside. and the next time a storm would come, it wouldn't make him feel cold - he'd remember this. 

they were all smiles and noah couldn't pry his eyes off of sam.

this smile of his was rare, the planets aligning in syzygy and noah's heart lurching up and getting caught in his throat as he did.

spending time with sam felt like he was taking his first step into a universe that had colours he's never seen before or learning words to a language that hadn't yet been created. it was new and exciting and yet familiar and comforting and noah wanted to run headfirst into sam's heart and fall into whatever was waiting for him.

he had one hand in sam's and his other holding onto the last items of the list. he'd toss it in the rain, let it drown and let the ink run. this was a moment only present in his dreams. he remembered writing that list and thinking it was way too ambitious, yet here he was.

but just as sam was reaching out for the knob, there was a knock on the other side, and their happiness seemed to fade.

"did you order something?" noah asked, the slightest bit of paranoia in his veins. 

"i-i think so?" the knocking turned into non-stop banging on the wood. 

_this was such wrong timing._

taking one last look at the nervousness on noah's face, sam unlocked the door, turning the knob and opening it ever so slightly, only enough for him to be visible so that noah stayed hidden. 

"h-" he couldn't speak. couldn't breathe. all his dreads dropped onto him all at once and his lungs felt like they forgot to function. he never thought it was possible for his heart to skip so many beats but that's what it seemed to do. 

"samuel." 

said man felt all the blood in his face drain; anything could be better than this.

noah was tugging on sam's hand from where he hid behind him. he had no idea why the older was stood frozen, he had never seen him in that state before. 

sam's lack of words (or _movement_ ) left noah in uncertainty. he doesn't know how to feel, about how tight his grip is in his own, about the mysterious person (or people) at the door, about how the whole universe had seemed to stop breathing just to let him listen to the sound of his own increasing heartbeat. it's almost like all his emotions were mixed together, in the end leaving feeling nothing. like mixing paint from every shade of colour to get black.

maybe he was so overwhelmed that his brain had temporarily shut himself off from feeling in that moment.

_"where is he?"_


	32. beautiful mess - kristian kostov

anything could be better than the sight of carlos, daniel, more security and the king himself outside of the door.

there was no point in hiding noah - they would probably just search the whole room if they had to. but the rapidly dissolving smile and look of defeat appearing on his face were a dead giveaway. 

noah couldn't take it, he moved to peer over behind sam at what made him freeze. as soon as he did, he wishes he didn't. his breath hitched and his eyes made contact with the ice-cold glare of his own father.

"papa?" 

the king was fuming. if his words were scary, he was terrifying when he wasn't talking but you could feel his rage, "don't call me that if you're going to disobey every word i say. what kind of son does that make you?" he took a few steps forward, and the others followed, the door shutting behind them. 

it seemed like everyone was holding their breath, everyone just waiting for orders to come from the king. noah's grip on sam's hand was so tight, he wonders how the older hasn't flinched yet.

carlos had some sort of smug look on his face, as soon as noah saw the object in his hand, he knew who was behind all this. 

he remembered leaving that exact paper for zach the night he left. it was a note, written in his neat handwriting telling his cousin about completing the list. daniel was probably smart enough to put all the pieces together. 

the king stared sam dead in the eye, "you. i knew you were trouble from the start."

and then, noah's lungs gave in, as if all of this time, he had held the room's - the _world's_ \- breath in his own lungs and it had been sat there, brewing, until this moment when all of the world escaped from his lungs along with every pain and came out in loud sobs.

_who knew one breath could hold so much?_

"no, no, don't hurt him!" noah pleaded, wrapping himself tightly around sam's arm.

the king was unfazed, "if i find a single speck of your dna anywhere near my kingdom, i'll tear you apart limb by limb!"

for the second time in his life, sam was unprepared. without a plan and without a way out.

"grab the boy and make sure that fool scrams. we can't put him in jail, it'll be too controversial. it'll cause a scandal." the king ordered.

noah can feel the salty tears cascade down his face, but sam isn't going to wipe his tears this time, the older's face turned less horrified and more of a blank expression.

the guards lunged forward, making the pair step back. they went straight for noah, basically prying him off of the older's arm and the prince only held on tighter.

"let go." sam spoke gently, no anger present in his tone.

noah felt the man loosen his grip on his hand.

_sam wanted him to let go? after everything they've built to hold on to?_

it was insane, usually his father and sam never even let other security touch him, but now, they were trying to get his hands off of sam's arm.

there were marks of red starting to form on the older's tan skin from how tight noah was holding onto him.

"it'll hurt less to let go."

even through the chaos and the tears, noah still heard sam.

and he knows what he's saying is true, but, his love for him was the only truth he came to know.

"don't make this harder for yourself." the king spoke over the commotion.

noah's face does an ugly scrunch and there's snot everywhere. he feels like the room is filling up with his tears and the collar of his shirt is already soaked. he's crying so much and the water is going up and up.

and sam wants to scream because noah is crying again and why does he feel like the world is coming to an end each time noah cries?

"let go, don't hurt yourself like this."

those words felt like cotton balls in his mouth, thick dry and impossible to swallow (despite the rapidly increasing water) and they were the last words that left sam's lips as the security eventually were able to pull noah's vice grip off of him. 

the younger screamed when he felt his hand eventually parting from the other's arm, the other still holding onto his hand.

and now he thinks the room has filled up to cover his body already with all the tears shed.

"take him to the car. i'm not dealing with this anymore. daniel, dispose of _him_." the king ordered once again.

noah feels like he's suffocating, probably because his tears have filled up the room and it's now above them, and soon he won't be able to breathe.

the pair's eyes never left each other in what was probably their final moment together.

and the next thing he knows, he's grasping onto sam's hand, telling him that he loves him while his heart shakes and writhes within his chest and aches to be with his.

"i love you," noah manages to say through the water.

"i love you," sam chokes, probably because noah's tears have reached the ceiling and now they're running out of oxygen.

the feeling came back to noah once again as soon as his fingers slipped out of sam's - like he let him slip past his fingers as if he never intended to hold him in the first place.

and noah cries and cries, his lungs are filling up with water and he knows they'll open the door soon, the water will pour out and he'll be able to breathe again. but, if the door opens, sam is gone for good and he knows he won't be able to handle that.

he feels himself getting dragged out of this tear-filled room and dragged out of sam's life.

he imagines never seeing sam again and it feels like he's coming to come apart at the seams.

_this couldn't be happening, it was a joke, right?_

"please, please don't make me go. sammy, don't let them do this-please. don't leave me behind!"

although noah was the one _physically_ going, he felt like sam was the one leaving him.

in the split second that noah lost sight of sam, he saw something he had never seen on the other's face before: a tear.

_maybe the pain got too much._

and his chest is closing in from so much crying - or maybe it's because he's finally drowning in his tears.

in the split second that sam had lost sight of noah, he had to watch the light in his eyes fade away - it was the most painful thing he'd ever done.

and noah didn't know what was more painful: knowing he had lost sam or the fact that the older let him go all too soon. 

_what happened to everything they held on to?_

sam stood there, rooted to the spot, in the one place where he had felt the most happiness that he had ever felt - where he had felt the _most_ that he had ever felt - watching the last bit of joy he had in this world literally get dragged away.

he had once read in a john green book that "pain demands to be felt". he felt it now, thrashing through his rib cage and gushing over him like a giant, never-ending tsunami. his mouth felt like a desert and it felt like someone had shoved a hand into his chest and was squeezing his heart while another hand was clutching at his throat, depressing his windpipe.

_was this what dying felt like? like some sort of cliche that hurt like a million knives?_

and he knew in the last moment that their eyes had met, forever had come to an end.

_but what could he do, when he had ran out of promises?_

and something had detonated in his chest where, originally, noah had inhabited his heart, and made it feel like home - now, there's just broken lights, smashed furniture and charred wallpaper left.

"come on," the voice was daniel's, who was stood in the doorway, the only remaining person left in the crowd that came there, "it's time for you to go, too."


	33. rosyln - bon iver, st vincent

noah never ran out of tears. 

they made him go through the emergency exit where nobody would see - there was no way they were going to let the public spot the prince and the king themselves in a hotel for some reason. 

noah never ran out of tears. 

his father didn't speak to him during the entire car ride. everyone was silent, the only sounds were the prince's sobs and the rain pouring down on the vehicle. 

noah never ran out of tears. 

the sky seemed to feel his pain, it seemed to hear the echo of his heartbreak as it poured down harder and harder. 

noah never ran out of tears. 

the security were instructed to take him immediately to his room. he felt like some sort of criminal when he had to walk out of the car alongside 6 guards all surrounding his weeping form. the rain was fierce and was supposed to be where he and sam shared their warmth and completed the last thing on his list, all he felt now was the drops were falling harshly on his fragile skin like invisible bullets.

noah never ran out of tears,

even when he saw his mother holding an umbrella under the rain, stood in front of the palace entrance. 

noah never ran out of tears. 

when he was a child, every time he cried, he ran to his mother, knowing she would make it all feel better. but as soon as their eyes met, she threw her umbrella aside and broke into a run, the security parted so she could crash into noah and wrap him up in her arms. they were unprotected under the rain now, and he felt it slowly soak the fabric of his clothes. he cried harder. 

noah never ran out of tears.

she didn't speak, just held him there under the cold rain. It was at a point where noah didn't know if it was rain or his tears rolling down his face. he wanted to fall in love. wanted to feel loved, and return that love. but he never expected to feel the agonising, arduous torture of heartbreak. 

noah never ran out of tears. 

when he was younger, he ran to his mother because he knew she would make it all feel better. but nothing seemed to fall right into place even when it was his mother that ran to him this time. 

under the rain, noah never ran out of tears, he never ran out of reasons to cry, he never ran out of the pain he had to cry out. 

noah never ran out of tears.

\---

daniel watched sam as he fixed his suitcase. he wasn't allowed to touch anything of noah's either. 

"you're crying." he pointed out, as if it wasn't the most obvious thing at the moment. 

"i'm aware." sam spoke, zipping up his luggage, wiping away the liquid rolling down his cheeks. he didn't want to cry. 

sam wanted to run out of tears. 

he pulled his luggage behind him, he wasn't even allowed to bring the duffel bag. he took one last look at the room, trying to get every detail he could in his head.

it is said that a person only remembers 20% of whatever happened to them the previous day. sam's heart ached at the thought that eventually, the memories of everything that happened in this one room would wash away from his mind. 

sam wanted to run out of tears.

he turned away from the room before walking out and heard daniel shut the door behind him. sam went straight for the elevator leading to his car. 

"you have to wait for m-" dan started. 

"i'm not a fucking idiot; i know what i need to do. take one last look at me, this is the face you'll see in your nightmares when you realise how you ruined a life." 

the elevator opened up the second sam stopped talking and he went in, the doors shutting in front of him as he faced daniel, staring him in the eye. he expected the other man to chase after him, but he didn't. sam was glad he didn't - it's not like he had the will to fight back anymore. 

in the silence of the elevator, sam could hear noah's voice in his head. 

_was this why noah kept asking him to say that he loves him?_

sam wanted to run out of tears. 

he ran to his car, driving out of the place as fast as he could. it was late and the highways were clear of cars since people didn't want to drive in the storm. he kept briskly wiping away the tears he had, he might crash into something as they kept blurring his sight. 

he had never cried as much as he had now.

sam wanted to run out of tears.

he wished he didn't get himself into this, love was a game only the strong people could play. it would have been so much easier if he didn't love the prince. 

sam wanted to run out of tears. 

he pushed on the gas pedal at full speed, taking turns whenever he felt like it. doing anything to forget what he couldn't. that was the problem, there was something about noah that was so addicting. the thoughts of him stayed in sam's mind like a catchy song he hoped to forget. 

sam wanted to run out of tears.

maybe it was because they were too young, too stupid and too in love to actually think it would be alright to gamble their hearts in the most unfair game. it was hard finding the right love in the wrong world. 

sam wanted to run out of tears. 

in the coldness that wrapped around him, sam was snapped out of his thoughts when his phone started vibrating in his pocket. he pulled it out to see a call from an unknown number. 

such wrong timing. but, he answered it anyway, putting it on loudspeaker before placing it down on the dashboard.

"d-darling." her voice was broken on the other line, she sounded hurt, scared even. maybe that's why people told sam he was a lot like his mother.

"mama?" in a flash, sam forgot his own pain, "what's wrong? are you crying? why?" 

she was still sobbing, sam couldn't bear how many tears there were today, even the sky was crying. 

"y-your father and j-joven." 

anger and pain. that's all sam's life was now. 

anger and pain. he never thought he'd have to hear both names in the same sentence ever again. 

sam didn't have the chance to respond because while he was still looking for his words, his mother completed the picture for him. " th-they fought. i-it was so b-bloody." 

the event seemed very recent. sam could still hear the chaos that was happening around her, "we n-need you."

those were the only words sam needed. he hit the brakes before turning the whole vehicle around. 

he had a destination now; there was somewhere he had to be.


	34. thinking of you - katy perry

noah and his mother met zach in noah's room. 

his sorrow was so huge that it seemed to make itself into a whole other person dwelling in their presence with the only aim to make everyone sadder than they already were. even peaches seemed to make less noise in her cage, the bullfinch only gently nuzzled noah's neck when she was out of it.

after taking quick baths, the three of them were on noah's bed, the oldest prince laying down and staring blankly at the ceiling with his mother and his cousin sat on either side of him.

they spoke to him so many words of comfort, but his ears only wanted to hear sam's words. they brought him food from the kitchens, but they could never compare to the food at cluck's where sam had promised to take him. they embraced him and held him to make him feel less lonely but there was no other comfort for him than sam's arms. they stayed with him for as long as he needed them. noah spent the rest of the night in silence, feeling so alone in a room with the people who love him.

it was after a week of non-stop crying that noah finally ran out tears, but that didn't mean he ran out of pain to cry about. he started talking to zach and his mother again, it made him feel the slightest bit better, but he hated that he felt like he was just a burden.

"are you going to ballet tomorrow?" zach asked. it felt good to hear noah's voice again.

"not yet," the prince said, getting up from the bed. he hasn't left his room the whole week, what he was doing probably seemed odd to zach when he stood up and slipped on his shoes.

"where are you going?" he asked, getting up as well.

the king and queen were off with their own doings for the day.

noah held onto the knob and thought for a second, "to the kitchen. don't worry about me, i'll be back before you know it."

zach took his word for it and sat back down, he had been with noah for practically all hours of the whole week, maybe it was time to give him a few minutes alone, "be quick."

noah nodded before walking out to the hallway. he shut the door as quietly as he could.

he looked around to find the blue-haired man stood but leaning on the wall, his eyes shut, was he asleep?

noah took one tiny step after the other, eyes never leaving carlos to make sure he wouldn't come after him.

when he was a safe distance away, he broke into a run, not turning back as he tried to navigate through the castle by himself.

he found himself in the part of the castle he wasn't all too familiar with, but that was where he wanted to go. he climbed down staircase after staircase, ran through hall after hall, before almost running past the door he was searching for: the RSU office.

he knocked on the door, before hiding in the corner, pressed up against the wall. he heard the door open and crossed his fingers in hope that it was who he wished it was.

"the fuck?" charlie stepped out of the office door, looking at the hallway left and right, wondering who knocked.

"charlie!" noah popped out, startling the man, almost making him stumble over.

"why are you- OW!" noah pinched him for talking too loud, so, he turned to a whisper, " what are you doing here?"

"can we go in first?" noah pleaded in a whisper.

charlie looked back inside the office, nobody was there in the middle of the day since all the security was on duty, he turned back to the younger, "be quick."

they quickly tiptoed to charlie's office, noah locking the door behind him as soon as they were in.

with the situation they were in, noah couldn't help but look back at the time he and sam were in the exact same state.

"i'll repeat myself," charlie sat on his chair, "why the heck are you here?"

"take me to sam." noah spoke, not even hesitating with his words.

"what?" the man looked at him as if he was out of his mind. but not being with sam was driving noah absolutely mad, so it was basically the same.

"take me to his house. i know where he lives if you need directions. i'm sure he's still there. it's where he lives." the prince insisted.

"noah, i don't think you understand," charlie sighed "his penthouse is within this kingdom, and he's not allowed in this kingdom anymore. he's probably moved out."

"pleaaaaaase? he might be. don't you have any contact with him?" noah was adamant.

"i haven't heard from him in a while. he isn't responding to my texts."

"he's not answering mine either, but he needs me, charlie, take me to him." noah pulled out his most powerful weapon. and, by the look on the older's face, it worked.

"i can take you-"

"thank you, thank you, thank you!" noah was about to run in and hug him, but, charlie held a hand up.

" _but_ , i'm telling you, he probably won't be there." he said.

"he might be. as long as there's a chance, i'm always willing to take it."

noah and charlie left at midnight in the same fashion that he and sam had what seemed like ages ago. they went through the secret exit in carlos' room when he wasn't there. they had to sneak past zach and, thankfully, the younger prince was a heavy sleeper so they didn't struggle much with that.

what surprised him was that his father was stupid enough to not have more security at night. it seemed like sam was his only target and now that he's gone, he sees it unnecessary for more security for noah. in a way, he was thankful for that - at least they could sneak out tonight.

"d'you know the way?" noah asked when charlie flawlessly drove down road after road.

"yeah. we used to spend time at his house a lot since it was near the castle, he lives alone and who would miss out on the chance to go to a freaking penthouse?"

charlie saying that suddenly reminded noah that sam's world didn't completely revolve around him, regardless of how much the prince wanted it to.

the redhead broke out into laughter and noah looked at him weirdly, "if i tell you something, can you promise me you won't judge me or think i'm weird?" he spoke.

"go for it." noah stared at him, waiting for him to speak.

"i liked sam- loved is a much more applicable word."

noah was completely caught off guard, "for real?"

he nodded, he had moved on enough for it all just to feel like a joke now.

"like, seriously serious?" noah asked once again, maybe his ears had deceived him.

"yes, noah, i did indeed have romantic feelings for samuel clarke."

noah was still waiting for the punchline, still in disbelief. but, when it didn't come, he didn't know if jealous is what he should feel, "did he like you back?"

"he liked breaking my heart, but me? never." charlie glanced at the look on noah's face, "you have nothing to be jealous about. it was the complete definition of a one-sided love."

"i'm just-" he shook his head slightly, "not used to the thought of other people liking sam."

"you don't have to be, i don't think that should even pop into your mind when he only has his eyes on you. he always had."


	35. visions of gideon - sufjan stevens

noah brought his own stuff to hide his identity, a face mask and dark glasses, even if it was dark outside. he even had sam's hoodie that he had hidden from his parents, just for good luck.

it felt even creepier than it had before with sam - the elevator ride seemed to be the longest one ever as the light inside flicked every now and then.

noah had goosebumps and it didn't help that charlie would shuffle away awkwardly every time noah would scoot closer to him just to feel a tiny bit safer.

it also didn't help that charlie was equally as freaked out as he was, eyes wide and glancing in as many directions as he could.

eventually, they made their way to what noah remembers to be sam's front door.

"you knock." noah spoke, standing behind charlie.

"after what we've been through, i don't think anything else can scare me even more." charlie held out his hand to press the doorbell twice.

the younger's eyes were glued to the door. his heart was pounding in his chest. he could go home either overjoyed or heartbroken, there was no in-between.

even if sam was there, what would he say? would sam even be glad to see him?

the redhaired man got rather impatient after almost a minute of no one coming to the door yet. he pressed the doorbell repeatedly.

a moment later, the door was harshly pulled open.

the two boys had forgotten one thing: it was midnight and people were normally asleep at this hour.

"what is all this racket for? i am trying to sleep."

noah's heart seemed to drop to his feet when he saw a whole other person he had never met before - a rather old looking woman with a dressing gown and pyjamas donning her small frame and curlers within her mostly grey hair - was standing in front of them.

the older spoke up, "we're looking for samuel clarke, ma'am."

the woman tutted, "at this hour? anyways dear, i'm his landlord, martha fernsby - or was," she cut herself off with a yawn, "he doesn't live here anymore."

the prince let that sink into his mind.

sam was no longer here.

"when did he leave?" charlie asked.

"four days ago, if i recall correctly. he came back and packed his things and was gone. he didn't tell me where he was off to, i didn't bother asking as he seemed in such a rush."

if noah had run out of tears, they were certainly back now.

charlie turned to him for a second before turning back to the woman, "thank you for your time. we apologise for the bother."

but the woman was looking sympathetically at noah as the prince's tears kept coming, "i'll be right back." she said, before shutting the door momentarily.

charlie didn't quite know what to say as he was left outside with the younger, thankfully, the woman returned quickly, "he left this, i know it's nothing much but it's still his. i'm not sure why he had it, though." the woman reached out with an object held within her small, wrinkly hands, a kind smile on her face.

charlie was about to take it until he decided to urge noah to receive it, and the younger did. he decided to look at it later, not knowing if he could bear looking at whatever it was now.

they left the place and noah never ran out of tears until they had reached the car.

"don't you wanna take a look?" charlie spoke cautiously.

noah took a deep breath, pulling the object out from where he kept it in the bag charlie had brought.

and of all things he would see, a framed picture of himself was not something he expected.

everyone in the kingdom had a picture of the royal family in their house, but this particular picture was not what people put up. i was noah, asleep, under the glow of the moon. it was about the size that you could put on a bedside table.

the prince had no idea when and where sam had taken it, but the tears were back once again.

it meant too much to him, this simple gesture,

he starts crying about this one thing and then he sobs for every reason possible,

sam was gone.

there was no other place he knew he could be than his own house, and he wasn't even there.

noah would search the whole world if he could, but now there was nowhere he could start.

noah hugged it to his chest, sam had left this picture behind - whether unintentionally or not, he left it.

when he comes to think of it, it was probably intentional. everything was gone other than this.

did this mean that sam wanted to leave him behind?

"don't fall asleep on me," charlie spoke up when the silence between them was so thick that you could cut through it, "i'm not sam; i won't lift you up to your room and lay you in bed."

noah didn't have the energy to speak, so, he just leaned against the window, trying to stay awake.

he brought noah back through yet another secret passage. noah

would ask him how many more twists and turns of the castle there was that he wasn't mindful of, but he was too close to collapsing out of exhaustion. it led up to the front of his room, and he entered after muttering a small thanks to charlie. he knew he should be more grateful but he'd save that for tomorrow.

after quietly changing back into his pyjamas, noah crashed on the bed next to zach, who was asleep the entire time.

he reached in to put the photo of his inside his bedside drawer, not needing any more reminders that half of his heart was lost somewhere in the world and he had absolutely no idea where it was. 

_was there even a point in searching for it?_

_would it find it's way back to him?_

yet, another week passed, then another. and noah had to force himself to get back to his normal life. he had to go by every day as if he didn't have a broken heart in his chest. he started studying again and it was one of the few things he actually put effort into. 

his appearance was now fully dependent on his stylist - he didn't need to look all that pretty, no one other than sam would be worthy to appreciate his beauty anyway. 

but every day he wore the crow necklace. just to make sure he doesn't forget.

he never wants to forget. 

he's been attending ballet again. there was a time his friends asked him about sam and he didn't know what to say or if he wanted to say anything. 

a month and a half after the incident, zach thought noah was _alright._ he had started smiling again. 

zach knew there was still pain but he seemed to be getting over it - or, at least, that's what he _thought_ until one night he woke up to a loud crash inside the room, a few minutes after midnight. 

he sat up on the bed to see noah sobbing so hard that he could hardly breathe.

zach's gaze turned to the framed picture they found at sam's house. noah had thrown it against the wall, the glass shattering all over the floor and the wooden frame dividing into three. 

"noah?" he spoke cautiously.

"is it love if they leave?" was all he said.

and so, zach did what he always did: hold noah in his arms until the other prince ran out of tears. it was what he'd been doing almost every night for the past month now. but, he never seemed to run out of tears. 

sometimes, at night, he'd wake up to the sound of noah typing on his phone, only to see that he was once again spamming sam's number. 

but sam never texted back. 

zach had seen that picture frame before. the older had told him all about it and seemed very connected to it, considering it the last part of sam he got to keep. but now, seeing it all broken and scattered on the floor, zach didn't know what to do. 

"is it love if he left?" noah asked once again, as if he was demanding answers. 

he just held noah in a desperate attempt to comfort his cousin - _his best friend_ \- and squeeze all the tears out of him in hope that they'll eventually come to a stop soon. 

but noah never hugged back.

he felt like he was dancing on slippery ice, boots sliding on the sheer surface and it was cracking underneath him. no matter which way he turned, he would slip and fall and the ice would give in to plunge him into the freezing water below.

and, although the ice hadn't cracked yet, he still felt _so cold_.

zach didn't know what to say. his eyes narrowed when he noticed something on the broken apart frame. momentarily, he let go of noah to stand up, stepping toward it as he cautiously avoided all the glass on the floor. he picked up part of the wooden frame, expecting to see only the picture itself faced flat down on the ground. but, it just wasn't the picture - there was a white piece of paper neatly folded on top of the picture. 

zach picked it up, but didn't open it. he knew it wasn't for him.

noah looked up to see the paper in his hand before realising where it came from and felt stupid for not seeing it sooner. the prince held his breath as he opened it, not knowing what to expect.

the first thing he saw was sam's handwriting.


	36. my love, i still - i'll

> _noah,_   
>  _it's 4 am and i'm thinking of ways to unlove you, and it's looking pretty impossible at the moment._   
>  _love is the softest and kindest emotion, as well as one of the most painful, but my love for you is the strongest it’s ever been._
> 
> _your hand fits perfectly with mine, so imagine the pain i felt when i had to let it go. i saw your tears fall and how they kept falling, i wanted to help you wipe them away._
> 
> _but i couldn't._
> 
> _when you left, i felt like dying - no one is ever ready for goodbyes._
> 
> _and home could mean the simplest of things to anyone - it could be the smell of fake plants or old clothes. but to me, it's you._   
>  _and how do you forget the person that feels like home?_   
>    
>  _and maybe in a perfect world, i'd get to kiss you goodnight, but i'm stuck in this world where you are so close to me yet you are so far out of my reach._
> 
> _my love, we parted the same place we met._   
>  _at the crossroads._   
>  _where you chose to hold my hand and i told you not to let go_   
>  _because i knew where i had to be and you just wanted to enjoy the ride._   
>  _we'll meet again at the crossroads_   
>  _when time becomes kinder and more gentle with us._   
>  _kind enough to let us enjoy our ride again._   
>  _gentle enough that i won't have to bring band-aids every time you stumble down._   
>  _until you know where you need to be,_   
>  _until i can hold your hand again,_   
>  _or until we find our way to the crossroads again._
> 
> _in the meantime, i'll hold onto the memory of your hand in mine._
> 
> _i love you, nightingale._

it was as if another dam holding all of noah's tears had given up and he was bawling again.

"i've always wanted a handwritten letter," he choked out, "but not like this."

zach felt a tear roll down his own cheek.  
and that's what sadness does: after it consumes one person, it starts breaking other people bit by bit.  
he wiped it away immediately. he didn't want noah to feel bad for being sad.

"don't you understand? he left because it was love," zach spoke. "but it isn't love if you completely let go."

> 


	37. love songs - kaash paige

another month passed, then another. noah started picking his broken pieces up. but it was no use.

he continued to meet suitors, the king even let previous suitors come back if they wanted to, and indeed they did. noah promised himself never to let love ruin him. and he was trying, he really was.

his mother made sure to keep him company, they had a few laughs here and there but that was as far as they got.   
and zach's parents had let him stay at the de gadeux castle for as long as he wanted as he had explained that noah shouldn't be left alone right now.

carlos had disappeared suddenly, he just stopped coming to work one day and noah never cared enough to ask why. he was replaced by a woman named emma culpepper. she was kind and did her job well, they could have been great friends if noah had the energy to socialise.   
the woman was older and married, and whoever assigned her probably didn't want a do-over of all the issues noah had with his previous bodyguards. 

the king didn't seem to regret what he did the slightest, he still lived day by day as if he wasn't the cause of heartbreak and tears  
and noah watched the sun rise and set and saw the stars in the sky, sparkling as if his world wasn't falling apart around him. 

it was when they were having breakfast one day that the king properly spoke to his son again.

"you're invited." was what he started with. noah looked up from his food to look at his father for the first time in a long time. his voice had become quite foreign to his ears,  
"there's a ball in another kingdom. all royalty of the country are invited." the queen continued.  
"but, you never allowed me to go to balls before." noah pointed out, setting down his cutlery.   
the king looked like he had no time to deal with noah's concerns. "well, i have told you to go. hopefully, you'll forget about that bodyguard you keep bawling about."

of course, noah had no choice but to follow his orders. he continued with his breakfast even if he lost his appetite for anything long ago. noah told zach about it at night before they fell asleep and was surprised when instead of sympathy, the other was filled with excitement, "you should go!" he squealed.   
"what?" noah had no more energy to feel the same level of excitement.   
zach hit noah with a pillow, "oli asked me to come with him to the ball, he said that all royalty were invited."   
"honestly, it'll probably be huge. all royalty is invited."   
"it might help you be a little less sad." the younger laughed, poking him in the ribs, "pleeaaaseee, i'll be there the entire time anyway. If you don't like it, then we'll go home. just give it a chance." 

how could noah say no to him even if he had no choice?

  
the day, or night rather, of the actual ball came sooner than noah expected. he and zach were silent as they were placed in front of the mirrors by their stylists. there were so many reasons why the older prince didn't like or want to go to balls.  
one, everyone knew him. the majority of unmarried people of royalty wanted to court him, he knows he has all his guards for safety but he could never be so sure.   
second, he didn't really enjoy balls especially ones with only royal guests - all everyone did was boast.  
lastly, his father expects him to magically fall in love with someone there. to forget sam all of a sudden and give himself up to some king or a prince or whatever. that was never going to happen. noah may not be married to sam but he was claimed by heart. nothing can defeat that. 

zach turned to look at the older who was spaced out, staring at himself in the mirror.   
"hey," he spoke, reaching out to nudge noah's side, "i told you, just give it a chance. you might enjoy it."  
noah just shrugged.


	38. lover boy - phum viphurit

before they left, noah took three things with him: the crow necklace around his neck, the last item on his list and a lot of calmness to get through the night.

zach was bouncing on his heels as he waited for noah in the doorway.

”hurryyy, oli is already outside.” he spoke, stepping forward to pull noah’s hand to get him moving.

  
they met with the king and queen who were also dressed for the occasion downstairs by the grand castle entrance. 

his mother gave him a knowing look, whilst the king was already stepping into the car, not even sparing him a glance.

”zach!”

noah turned immediately when he heard his cousin’s voice, only to see the other’s eyes wide and he was probably drooling by now at how oli had turned up. everyone seemed to set their best foot forward.

oli laughed, stepping forward to wrap his arms around zach.

noah couldn't help but feel the slightest bit envious. zach and oli were going to go out to enjoy the night together. it was something he and sam hoped to do.   
  


_"i think you'd come up with the lamest things to do during date nights." he spoke, teasing sam back._

_"no i wouldn’t!" sam spoke back defensively. “was stealing a whole convenience store not a fun date? i’ll be more creative for you."_

_"i’ll look forward to your creativity." noah giggled._

he has somewhat detached himself from reality as he stared at zach and oli in each other’s arms.

subconsciously, he had wrapped his arms around himself. he tried to convince himself the cold breeze but, really, he wishes for Sam to be there with him too.

the only problem, when it came to the vehicles, was that their limousines were only fit for two people each. 

zach had insisted for noah to come with them, but noah didn't want to be too much of a bother, so they ended up in three individual limousines, noah and charlie in one together.

emma wasn't allowed to accompany the prince to these things yet, so charlie was his guard for the night.   
  


"how long will the ride be?" noah asked before leaning back, he was already tired and wonders how he'll last for the rest of the night.

"at least an hour, it's not that near." charlie answered, “and there might be a traffic jam considering how many members of royal families are heading that way." 

noah felt his phone vibrate against his thigh. it’s been two months but he still hopes that every time he'd get a text, it would be from sam.

he was disappointed but not surprised when it was zach, just asking him if he's alright. 

noah shut both his phone and his eyes, hoping to gain at least an hour long nap. 

it was going to be such a long night.


	39. haunted - melanie martinez

"noah. noah, wake up." 

the prince opened his eyes, he ended up with his head rested on charlie's shoulder, he was relieved that his make-up was the kind that never rubbed off, or else he'd get scolded for it. usually, when attending formal events, noah had to sit upright anywhere to make sure everything from his attire, hair and make-up stay just the way the stylist made it be. by the end of the event, his body would be screaming at him to go home and sleep. 

but right now he had absolutely no intention to impress anyone. if he could stay behind in the shadows the whole night, it would be fine by him.

"prince, wake up." he sat back up, almost rubbing his eyes before remembering that he would smudge his smokey eyeshadow, "we're a couple of minutes away," the older announced as noah blinked the sleep out of his eyes. "the ride took roughly an hour and a half."

"where are we, anyways?" 

charlie turned to look at the younger, looking surprised that he hadn't realised sooner. 

noah was confused, "i meant what kingdom." 

"i would tell you, but you might scream." he informed. 

"can you not just answer my question?" 

"dolkins."

with this new information, noah's eyes blew wide. they were about ten minutes away from the castle and noah had been staring out through the car window, somehow hoping he'd see sam in a shop or just walking down the street. "why didn't you tell me earlier?" he complained to the redhead after telling him to look at the other side of the road so they could see all directions at once, "why didn't i know we were going to dolkins? i can't believe nobody-" 

"you literally wouldn't listen to anyone who talked to you." charlie laughed. he didn't even bother following noah's orders of seeking outside. it was dark and slightly creepy, there was not much to see.

noah huffed and slumped back on his seat when the vehicle entered palace grounds. there was no way sam was in the castle of all places.

the last time noah attended a gathering like this was years ago, where, after the event, his parents never allowed him to go again, for security purposes. 

usually, other princesses and princes had a bone to pick with him. in his defence, it wasn't his fault he catches the attention of almost every unmarried person of royalty. 

even if it was years ago, he still remembered every detail and how it went. 

when the limousine stopped, he knew what he had to do. it was time to face the press, reporters and other people who wanted to witness all royalty in one big event. 

"ready?" charlie asked before it was time for him to usher the prince inside.

"never." noah responded. 

the older only laughed, getting outside through his side of the car to go to noah's, opening the door for him. this used to be sam's job - opening doors whenever noah had to attend formal events, or just opening doors for him in general.

oh, how he missed that.

when he moved to step out of the car, he knew what he had to do. everything was always the same at every ball:  _ smile, bow, wave. never answer any questions. don't make eye contact. never pay attention to paparazzi.  _

these were the only things that noah needed to know as he made his way down the red carpet which greeted the feet of all royalty as soon as they step out of their vehicles. while plastering a smile on his face and looking around, noah was glad that there was a barrier on both sides of the carpet to make sure nobody violates his personal space. he walked until he reached the castle entrance, it was just the same as every ball. he breathed out a sigh of relief when he spotted his parents with zach and oli immediately as he entered. he knew there were eyes hungrily watching him. that's what they always did. 

"is it just me or is this castle huge? like  _ huge _ huge." zach spoke up, hand wrapped around oli's who walked with him. 

"it's the biggest castle in our country actually," oli replied, "plus, you can see by the paint on the walls that they did some restoration." 

noah awkwardly shuffled behind the pair, with his mother and father behind him. his eyes weren't on the architecture or the decorations, they were on the couple. zach looked like he belongs here, and oli looks like he belongs with zach. they were such a perfect fit, noah could tell.

_ did he fit this well with sam?  _

_ were they too perfect of a match that the world just had to tear up them apart?  _

"this way." charlie's voice shook him out of his thoughts as they all followed the direction to where he was pointing. 

noah couldn't help himself: every time he'd pass by a window, he'd take a quick look outside. this is the kingdom where sam lives (or lived, rather), but he  _ could  _ be here, and noah was holding on to that possibility. 

it was even weirder that every time someone with quite the same build and height as sam passes by, he couldn't help but look. 

"got your eye on someone?" his father teased when he saw noah's gaze following a certain man who passed by. 

"n-no." he answered, "i just thought he was somebody that i know." 

their tracks stopped when they arrived in front of a short line of people. noah recognised them to all be members of royalty. it was the same as every ball. they would line up in front of the ballroom and wait for their turn to enter. 

directly in front of the entrance was a long, wide staircase that led down to the actual place itself where tables were set out and there was a vast place to dance right in the centre of the room.

kingdoms in their country made sure their ballrooms were the best asset of the palace, usually, the whole beauty of the castle was judged by the ballroom itself. 

as soon as noah stepped in through the doors and took a look around at the place, he knew this castle was gorgeous. 

"woah." 

"indeed." his mother agreed, "it looks like the king really outdid his restoration of the castle. no wonder he wanted this ball to be held. this is truly something to brag about." 

noah was too busy feeding his eyes with the sight of the place to respond. 

soon enough, they were at the front of the line. 

"prince oliver humming of shoni, with his intended, prince zachary finch of quaaltagh." the loud voice of the announcement made noah' gaze fall on the pair once again. he's never seen his cousin look this kind of happy before. but it suits him. 

noah couldn't help but join with the applauding crowd of people who were already sat. 

zach belonged here.

"introducing, king and queen de gaudeux of okitipar with our nation's sweetheart, prince noah de gaudeux!" 

it was just the same as every ball. their family had the most applause of course and noah just concentrated on not tripping over his feet as they made their way down the marble steps. 

_ smile, wave, don't make eye contact.  _

the cheering continued even until they finished their walk and the king lead them to a table. their were some people that even had the audacity to offer the seat next to them for noah to sit on. to which he either politely declined, or pretended he never heard it. 

zach was completely elated as he sat next to noah, "i should start coming to these balls more often."

"you only enjoy these when you have a boyfriend, if you don't, you're prey in pretty clothes."

noah was certain that zach was starting to understand him now. zach could probably be crowned as the most handsome face on the planet, and other people at the ball started noticing his beauty too. 

oli noticed as well, noah saw his expression change from confused to nervous then now irritated. noah nudged his cousin, silently telling him to do something about it. 

"what the fuck am i gonna do?" 

"let people know you're his." noah whispered back. 

zach, with a sly smirk on his face, reached out for oli's hand under the table. it seemed to have done the trick when the man calmed down the slightest. but, all his emotions were washed away when zach placed their intertwined hands on top of the table, scooting closer and closer to him in his chair so they were completely pressed together.

noah giggled as he watched the two. he never realised that young love looked this beautiful. 

_ did sam and he look like that too?  _

noah hated that he couldn't just be happy for zach completely, but there was still a feeling inside of him that he could never forget about - a dull ache as the veins in his chest psychically felt like they were knotting themselves together to make a protective barrier around his heart.


	40. hurts so good - astrid s

"are you sure about this, darling?" sam's mother asked him, "we never got what we want after he came into our lives. now that he's gone, can't we enjoy what we have?" 

"if you wish."

\---

"is that dolkins' king?" noah asked, looking at a man welcoming almost everyone there. 

his mother shook her head, "the king who hosts the ball is the only one who wears a crown on his head during the night. his partner wears a crown too." she explained.

"is dolkins' king already married?" noah's father whispered to his mother. 

"honestly, i'm not sure. he probably has." she shrugged. 

the two couples on either side of noah had gotten lost in conversation, leaving him somehow out of place. but that's when an idea made it's way back into his head. on one side of the room, there were huge windows, where noah couldn't help but gaze out of. 

this is sam's hometown. surely, if he was anywhere, he would be here. 

"i'll uh-" noah sat up from his spot, making them turn to him, "go to the bathroom for a second." 

his mother nodded. "make sure charlie comes with you." 

she was just about to call charlie over when zach stood, "we'll be alright." he spoke, sending oli one last grin before letting noah drag him away. 

they moved in quick steps, never lingering in one place for too long, making sure not to look at anyone for too long so that they won't get the wrong impression. 

when they were a fair distance away, zach spoke, "you have something on your mind. i've been waiting for you to tell me shit."

of course, zach would know when noah had something in his mind. he always knew. 

"sam is from dolkins." he spoke, his steps getting increasingly faster as they passed by the bathroom, "so-" 

"so if he's anywhere, it would be here?" zach completed the boy's sentence.

they rushed directly out through the ballroom doors, ignoring and walking past members of security asking them where they were off to. 

"do you have a plan?" he asked, trying to navigate through the castle by memory. 

suddenly, music started playing, obviously coming from inside the ballroom. the orchestra brought life to the whole place as they started playing their instruments. this was the most awaited part of every ball, the formal dance itself. it was when everybody went and paired up with who they wanted to dance with.

everyone of blue blood knew how this went, the choreography of the dance had been taught to them since they were babies. 

this was also the part of the ball that noah disliked the most: people were practically clawing at each other just to get a hold of him for a single dance.

noah himself had mastered the steps of the dance at the age of seven - it being the first dance he'd mastered, and also the dance that made him want to pursue the art. if he would tell himself a year ago that he'd be sprinting towards the exits while the dance beg to unfold, he'd laugh in disbelief. but here he was now, his hand clutching zach's arm as they moved as fast as they could without messing up their designer clothing. 

"a plan? no," noah spoke, feeling sweat building up on his forehead.

zach laughed, "who needs a plan when you're young, stupid, and madly in love?" 

the palace exits came into view, there was no turning back now. noah was once again diving into the unknown, but he didn't turn back. his mind had stopped working at this point.

with every step noah took, he felt as if water was filling his lungs again. there were so many consequences, so many things he was going to risk. 

he couldn't breathe. 

he took a glance at zach, this could be the last time he'd see his dearest friend. this could be the last time he ever steps in and out of a castle. 

he thought of peaches back at the palace, who would look after her and kiss her wing when it got too sore? 

he remembered his mother sat in the ballroom, how would she react to the news that her baby suddenly went missing with no intention of being found? 

noah remembers his crown, tucked away on a velvet pillow inside the castle of okitipar. having it on his head never really gave him a feeling of euphoria, but he sure as hell was going to miss it. 

a few feet from the doors, noah reached out, tugging his cousin and him into the nearest room and locking the door behind him.

he breathed out a sigh of relief when he saw that it was just the closet used to store supplies. 

"what the heck?" zach spoke, both baffled and confused. 

"am i really going to do this?" noah asked, trying to catch his breath as every irrational thought came to him.

zach heard the crack in his voice and he knew what was going to come next, "well, you've come this far, there's no stopping you." 

as predicted by zach, noah sat on the ground, face in his palms, tears making their way out of his eyes like an uninvited guest in a ball who gobbled up all the dessert.

"what if-" he hiccuped, "it'll be all for nothing and i won't find him and just waste my life?" 

"don't-" 

"i'm going out there by myself, uncertain of anything and e-everything. he might not even be out there." noah sobbed.

of course, it hurt zach. saying goodbye to his best friend like this before he goes off on his adventure to search who knows where for someone that may not even be there. if it was his choice, he'd never want noah to leave. 

"but the night sky is nothing without its stars and if life was kind enough to bring you two together, it'll be equally as kind to make your roads cross again." zach felt himself well up with tears as well, holding out his hands to pick his cousin off of the ground. 

if it was his choice, noah would never leave. but, falling in love with a person he couldn't have wasn't noah's choice or fault.

"i wish love was a choice," noah whispered as the younger pulled him into his arms, and down onto the floor with him.

he laughed, a sad, hollow laugh, as he wiped away all the emotions that came from his eyes and dripped down his cheeks, "knowing you," he laughed again, "even if it  _ was  _ a choice, you'd still choose him." that made noah sob even harder. "go." zach said, slightly pushing the older off of him just so he could look him in the eyes and cup his cheeks, "your happy ending isn't going to go write itself."

"what about you?" 

"we don't live in the olden days, we can text y'know." he chuckled. 

noah smiled, it wasn't a happy one, but it was still a smile nonetheless

he got to his feet, pulling zach up with him, "but how am i going to get out of here?" 

zach merely smirked before reaching into his back pocket, "in some stories, there's that one supporting character that always manages to fix shit by doing something completely unexpected."

noah was staring at him expectantly, "oh don't tell me you-"

zach, pulling out a map of the whole castle from his pocket, broke into laughter, "oh i did." he unfolded it, "got it from a pocket of a security woman by the ballroom. she probably hasn't noticed yet."

they both sat on the floor as the younger used the flashlight of his phone to better see, "here's the main entrance." zach pointed out with his finger, "and here's the room we're in now. you can't go through the main-" 

"because it's heavily guarded?" 

"exactly."

noah scanned the map, searching for alternative exits. he tried to understand what the symbols mean, even if he had never seen a map quite as complicated as this. zach was good with maps and directions, he even took a course about map reading, which noah avoided since he had no intention of putting his brain into that much stress. zach, however, had a great interest in them, which was probably why he knew that it was a map just after a single glance and snatched it from whoever had it. 

"there's no other way." 

"there always is." zach's face got closer and closer to the map as he eyed it, "no castle in history has only one entrance and exit, that's stupid." 

noah thought for a second, "even if there's another one, wouldn't it be guarded as well?" 

"you see, during events they usually take full focus on the main entrance since that's where everyone is. there are minor exits that are only guarded by like one or two, you can easily get past the- AHA." 

noah moved to eye the map closer - that was the sound zach makes when he finds what he'd been searching for. he points as a bunch of symbols that noah had no idea what they meant. 

"there's an exit behind the kitchen. that's probably where the servants head out or accept raw products for food." he explained. "let's go."

noah and zach felt like criminals on the loose as they, using the map in the younger's hand tried to figure out the ins and outs of the castle. the fact that there were no other people in the hallways helped. they were all busy with whatever was happening in the ballroom. 

noah let out a sigh of relief when they found a door labelled  ** 'kitchen' ** where the delicious smell of food wafted through the air.


	41. flames - david guetta, sia

"where's noah? people are waiting for him." his father whispered to both charlie and his wife minutes after the dance started. 

the redhead felt cold sweat on his forehead, he had been too distracted by the events taking place that he never even realised that noah was out of sight.

"oh, don't worry about him. let your boy enjoy himself for once." the queen spoke, standing up and holding out her hand, "instead of worrying, you're supposed to ask me to dance." 

while the king and queen of okitipar moved gracefully on the dance floor, oli was sat trying to push his anxieties away. until he couldn't take it anymore. 

"hey uh-" he called into charlie's direction, making the other turn to him, "i'm going to look for zach. maybe you should come, he went out with noah a while ago." 

the other didn't think twice, nodding before the both of them stepped out of the ballroom in rushed steps.

\---

zach pulled noah into the closest room once again, thankfully they found themselves in a pantry filled with dry food, "listen, i think this isn't going to be that hard for you." he spoke, turning on the dim light of the tiny room, "there is no way that a single individual living in dolkins doesn't know about this ball." noah's eyes grew wider in realisation, "and he's sure you'll be here. so put yourself in his shoes." noah subconsciously sought for a window again, only to realise they were in a tiny room.

"he's not far."

\---

oli and charlie were both moving briskly on their feet.

"shouldn't we have checked the bathrooms first?" charlie asked, "the bathroom is the last place they could be."

things happened so quickly, after 20 minutes of useless searching, they opted for informing dolkins' RSU about the 2 missing princes. word was quick to spread about the nation's sweetheart lost, some attendees even made the move to exit the ballroom and search for themselves.

but the two were hidden from sight and cramped up in the pantry, formulating the quickest plan they could manage, "-if you don't find him tonight, stay in a hotel. i'm pretty sure you know how to check in by now." zach instructed, "pay them with one of your jewels, it's worth more than a night's stay." noah nodded, there was anxiety building up in his stomach once again as he listens to zach basically instructing him on what to do. "-anyways, don't be afraid. if you want to come back home to okitipar, all you have to do is make a public appearance and you'll be in every newspaper. they'll take you back in no time." noah pushed away every thought of uncertainty he had. there was no use for them, he had already decided to pursue this. 

the older's fingers were fidgeting with the crow necklace as he tried to ease his nervousness. he reminded himself that he had already done this multiple times with sam. he must have learned a thing or two by now. 

"-don't worry about your mother, if things go too badly, i'll tell her of our plan and that you're safe wherever you are. it'll be our secret. she knows how to keep secrets." 

noah couldn't help but feel like sam. this was what the man had to face, leaving his mother and everything else behind. 

_did he still regret doing it?_

\---

"this is why i never believe it when people tell me there's nothing to worry about." noah's father spoke through gritted teeth. 

it had been 25 minutes of the two being lost, and now the majority of the people at the ball knew and his father felt more embarrassed than he was worried.

\---

zach even made an effort to make noah blend in. they found an apron and a chef's hat hung inside that he made noah wear. he even cracked open a tomato and rubbed it on the fabric to make it look like a stain. 

"you're tense." 

"terrified as fuck would be a better term." noah felt his heart banging in his chest. it wasn't like their plan was foolproof, there was a huge chance they could get caught. 

the younger took one look at noah. "how do i look?" noah asked.

"not like okitipar's prince hopefully." zach laughed and, _fuck_ , he was going to miss hearing that all throughout the day. "i'm going to miss you." he spoke. 

the other prince laughed, he bit his lip, and pretty much his eyes started leaking that very moment, "i'm going to miss the fuck out of you, too."

"don't you cry!" noah warned, being quite a hypocrite as he started tearing up himself, "if you cry, i cry." 

\---

"where are they?" oli spoke frustratedly, tears shining in his eyes.

charlie felt terrible and a wave of nausea hit him in the stomach from guilt. they avoided crashing into the other people who now flooded into the halls, doing their own search.

\---

"come here and hug me, you stupid bitch." zach giggled wetly through the tears, opening his arms and engulfing Jimin in his embrace.

"i'm going to miss you, you idiot." noah responded as he sighed. 

when they pulled away, zach moved his hands to fix the older's hair.

"you can't go around looking like you were crying in a pantry when you could possibly meet the love of your life again tonight." 

noah was about to say something back, but the sound of the doorknob jiggling made them both look. it was in that exact moment that they realised neither one of them had locked the door.

\---

"you're heading out?" sam's mother asked when she saw him take his car keys, "while the royal ball is about to take place in the palace?" 

sam laughed, "i have to," he spoke, picking up the chubby grey cat that was sitting at his feet, "we ran out of food for him, you know he gets mad when he's underfed." 

"i told you not to carry him like that, you'll get fur all over your clothes. and you're really going out _now_? right before the ball begins?" she spoke in disbelief. 

sam just shrugged, walking to the door with the cat in his arms, "priorities." 

"be back quick so you won't get caught in traffic!" she called out, knowing there was nothing more she could say to convince him otherwise. 

"i will!" sam waved goodbye, driving to the store with the cat beside him.

\---

okitipar's prince had an iron grip on zach's hand, eyes wide as they both watched the door slowly crack open and the light from the outside filling the dim room. they expected the worst: dolkins' RSU, charlie, oli, or noah's father. but, they were all too surprised when they both made eye contact with who opened the door. 

"whAT THE F-" a tired and sweaty freddie started to scream, making noah scream as well. 

zach rolled his eyes, covering the chef's mouth and dragging him inside the pantry with them. 

noah stopped screaming when freddie stopped.

the oldest slapped zach's hand away from his face. 

"what are you doing here?" the three of them spoke in unison.

"No, listen-" freddie spoke, shutting the two up, "i'm here because all the best head chefs of the country were tasked to cook for tonight's dinner. i open the fucking pantry where i'm supposed to grab some potatoes and i see two kids playing with tomatoes." he gestured to the two. 

"wait, so you have access to the kitchen?" zach asked. 

"obviously." noah put on his chef's hat that had accidentally fallen off during the fiasco. 

"is there an exit through the kitchen?" 

"there is." freddie confirmed, "it's where they get deliveries for- wait, why do you ask?" 

zach and noah's eyes met, both of them having excited grins, "take me there."

freddie, both confused but just wanting to proceed with his task did it anyway. he even brought in another apron and a hat for zach. "wear this." he held out two face masks. 

the two younger men put them on, noah bouncing on his heels in excitement and nervousness. 

"i need you to be quick, there's a delivery for ice coming in any second, that's when you can run." they liked working with freddie. he was straight to the point, no questions asked. yet, he was more chaotic then they expected him to be.

"and you'll keep your lips sealed?" zach asked. 

"of course." he spoke. 

"how can we be so sure?" noah raised a brow. 

freddie just shrugged, "you have my word. and plus-" he laughed, "i'm not such a good person myself."

so they trusted him. the three walked out of the pantry, noah and zach keeping their heads hung low as they held onto the bread that freddie made him carry for them to blend in more. zach winced as they pushed through the door of the kitchen. it was hot and noisy, everyone speaking in full volume, "ONION-" 

"THIS IS TOO RAW." 

"NO I SAID PEPPER NOT-" 

freddie rolled his eyes, putting down the load he had, "THE ICE JUST ARRIVED AND NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT IT." 

noah looked around and it seemed like they didn't even need the disguises. everyone was too wrapped up in what they were doing that they weren't even looking at each other. 

zach was peering over what they were cooking, "chicken?" he whispered over freddie's shoulder. 

"it's the main course. the king's making us make a hundred different flavours or something." he shrugged, the fragrance of the freshly cooked food filled the air and he sure wished he could have stayed for the dinner. 

"no time to lose." the eldest said as he literally dragged the two by their wrists, they passed by counters and counters of cooks and through a narrow hallway until they arrived at the front of a wide door. 

as the sky darkened, so did the tiny hallway that they were standing in. the lights weren't on, so the last glimpses of sunlight from outside were all noah felt like he had to lose in that moment.

he felt zach's hand wrap around his. it was yet another unspoken goodbye. 

"run if you need to." freddie whispered, "GO!" he opened the doors as wide as he could as zach gave noah the slightest push. 

there was no one delivering ice unlike what freddie had said, giving noah all the freedom he needed. 

\---

oli and charlie were moving as fast as they could, navigating the twist and turns of the castle until they reached the kitchens and thought that they should at least check. 

when he got to the door, oli stopped abruptly, making charlie bump into him. something about this place just seemed to pull oli in - like he felt that zach was or had been here. they stood there, leaning on the wall and trying to catch their breaths.

"you think they're in there?" charlie asked, wiping the sweat off of his head, his face nearly as red as his hair.

"this.. yes- i think so, i don't know why." oli stood up straight before pushing the door open and heading right in, charlie following behind him,


	42. runaway - aurora

noah felt it. 

he felt everything.

but there was no turning back. 

he felt the way zach's hand left his, somehow as if in slow motion and hesitating if he should really let go. 

but there was no turning back. 

he felt the adrenaline in his veins the moment his feet had left the kitchen.

but there was no turning back. 

he felt the wind in his face the second he broke into a run, going who knows where in the darkness of the night. 

but there was no turning back. 

he remembers how he never really knew who he was before the world told him who to be. sometimes, he felt like all he was, was what other people wanted him to be, and that's all he's ever been and ever will be. 

until he met sam.

he remembers how he and sam used to sneak out, through the secret passage that led to a dark forest. 

he remembers how the moon looked on those nights and how it felt when sam let him climb onto his back just to get through the place. 

there was no turning back now. 

noah felt the hat get carried away by the wind. his legs never stopped moving even when he caught a glimpse of the stars that shone through the gaps of the branches of the trees he was running through. 

he remembers that night with sam, stargazing on his rooftop. 

the stars in his sky weren't quite there right now. he felt the longingness to see them again, to feel them again. 

there was no turning back. 

\---

"zach!" the voice made him look, gasping when he saw oli running through the kitchen, followed by charlie who looked equally tired.

"why are you-" oli began. 

"where's the prince?"

for the first time that night, the kitchen went silent when charlie spoke. 

a few moments later, members of the RSU who had been following them arrived at the kitchen. 

charlie met freddie's eyes, and, by the way the man was caught off guard, holding onto the open door with zach beside him made charlie realise what they had done, "oh shi-" he growled, breaking into a run once again. he ran through the doorway. the RSU followed him. 

"everyone's looking for you two." oli informed zach, "what have you done?"

\---

there was no turning back now. 

noah had never run this fast ever before in his life, well, he had never run from anything in his life. 

he remembers the car chase with sam, the night they had committed his first crime. he remembers feeling so alive.

_ will he ever feel that again? _

there was no turning back. 

"PRINCE- COME BACK HERE." noah heard the voice, distant but getting closer and closer. he knew who it belonged to: dolkins' RSU followed in speed, increasing in number as those stationed around the castle joined the run. 

noah never looked back.

he feels everything. 

so  _ this _ was what sam had gone through. having to run away from his past even if it kept chasing him. 

"NOAH, YOUR MOTHER IS LOOKING FOR YOU." 

this was how sam felt, having to leave those he loved most to save his own life.

as painful as it was, noah never looked back. his legs and feet started to ache. his shoes weren't made for running, he wasn't meant to move this much in his designer clothing, and his heart probably wasn't meant to fall this hard for someone the world never wanted him to have.

he felt himself slow down in the slightest, his whole body begging him to stop while his mind was trying to think of ways to get him out of their sight. it had rained earlier, he found himself running in the muddy part of the place. he felt his shoes get caught up in the soil, but he never stopped running. he could outrun them, even if it felt impossible. he could hide, find sam and start a whole new life. his plan wasn't foolproof, but at least it was something. 

"NOAH- STOP-" 

he ignored the words, his mind was set on the thought of running, running and sam. the world would call him insane, but, to the right person, he was just young, stupid, and in love. 

\---

sam had been driving back peacefully as his mother told him to. it was a quiet night in the city, most people seemed to opt for staying indoors as the royal ball took place. 

"i should have bought you that toy," he spoke to the cat sat on the passenger's seat facing him, "you seemed to like it a lot." 

usually, when he spoke to him like this, the cat would meow back, but its head was turned to the dark road ahead.

he looked at the road, dimly lit by his own headlights and the extravagant lights coming from the palace since it was nearby. it was a long road, and the whole time sam was driving through it, it had been completely empty. 

"what are you looking at?" he asked.

\---

"NO PRINCE FUCKING STOP-" 

noah didn't listen. not because he couldn't hear, but because his ears only wanted to hear sam's words. 

and he was unaware that he had been running with his eyes closed for the last few seconds. and when he opened them, he found himself looking back, stealing a quick glance at everyone chasing him. but he just turned forward and kept running, there was a sudden change in environment when he found himself running a few feet closer to a road. 

\---

sam narrowed his eyes at what was there, yet he never slowed the vehicle down, "is there anything there?" 

\---

noah kept running, not because he didn't see what was behind him-

\---

sam's eyes blew wide when a person suddenly stepped onto the road, right in front of his speeding car.

the person seemed to be dazed from the brightness of his headlights, or maybe something else, as they ended up frozen on the spot. 

\---

-but because they weren't who he wanted to see. 

\---

their eyes met. sam was in nothing but pure shock. 

"noah?"


	43. you go to my head - keely smith

sam remembers everything. 

the last time he was speeding like this in his car was also in an open road, back after his mother had made the call. 

_ "h-how long u-until-" she struggled to speak through the phone. "i'm 15 minutes away. hold on mama, hold on." _

it was probably the fastest he had ever driven before. if it wasn't raining he would even roll down his windows, wanting to feel the air. but, the weather and he were feeling the exact same way. in a way, seeing the rain hit the glass made sam feel the tiniest bit better.

it was nice knowing someone was crying with him. 

sam remembers everything. 

he remembered his car finally reaching dolkins, the way his hometown welcomed him like a lost lover, opening its arms up to him but keeping its heart guarded just in case he decides to leave again.

he remembers seeing his mother - she was in the company of her friends desperately trying to comfort her, but, just like the rain, she kept pouring. 

sam never thought the next time he'd see his mother after years was like this, her dress and hands covered in blood.

_ "mama?"  _

sam remembers his mother's friends telling him that it was the first time she had responded to anyone since what happened. he remembers her eyes the first time she saw him again after the longest time, and how they hugged as if they'd never hug again.

sam remembers walking into the place he used to call home. 

they told him there was an ambulance that was supposed to take his father to the hospital, but, it was too late and he died in his wife's arms. 

it was bloody, she wasn't exaggerating. 

it looked like a lifetime's worth of rage had been poured out. 

sam remembers seeing a white sheet draped over a form. he didn't need to get closer to know it was joven. 

_ "th-they were both drunk." his mother tried to re-tell the tale. "they both h-had knives... one thing lead to the other." _

sam remembers how his father always had a knife with him anywhere he went. 

_ "never carry around guns." he told sam, "those are dangerous and are bound to get you killed. knives are much better companions."  _

joven seemed to have inherited that trait.

sam knew joven made everyone's lives hell because of his wicked ways, and finally, someone had stepped up to him. even if the cost was his own life. 

sam never cried for them. 

he remembers the funeral that was held for his father, while joven's remains were unceremoniously buried down the earth, hopefully, to be forgotten soon. 

sam never left his mother's side as she cried her eyes out. 

she loved him still - even through everything he had done, she loved him. 

sam never shed a single tear. 

he remembers the long process of helping his mother heal. they renovated and redecorated the whole place until it looked nothing like it was before so she never had to remember what had occurred. 

and, slowly, they became happy and made up for all the years lost when they were apart.

sam remembers it all. 

he remembers how he moved back to dolkins with his mother, even bringing the cat that made a home of his penthouse. 

he remembers smiling again, remembers healing himself - not  _ completely  _ but he was getting there. 

sam remembered everything.

with his thoughts pulling him back into reality, sam's eyes never seem to focus on anything else but the form standing directly in front of his car. 

_ was it actually him?  _

everything seemed to go in slow motion and sam wondered if his eyes were deceiving him once again, or if that was really his love - his  _ home _ . 

he didn't know if it was a reality or maybe just his desperate thoughts coming to life as his mind took pity on his heart.

but, the way this noah in front of his car held his gaze was never like how the noah from his imagination and hallucinations would do. 

this noah looked at him with a million unspoken words and caged thoughts. 

this noah looked at him as if he had been dying to meet his eyes. this noah looked at him as if he was all he ever wanted to see. 

\--- 

charlie was yelling at him to stop from behind, and he could hear their footsteps coming closer and closer. 

noah didn't expect himself to stop running, but, he also didn't expect to see the face his eyes had been longing for. 

_ was it really him?  _

"sam?"

\---

back to the reality of the reality, sam was still in his car going too many miles per hour and noah seemed to have lost all control of his body as it forced him to stay frozen. 

all too suddenly, with their eyes caught up in each other's, the clock started ticking again.

the slowness of everything had suddenly disappeared. 

it wasn't like a dream anymore, sam was sure he was awake. 

the reality of the situation hit him all at once and even the cat's meow was a deafening ring in his ear. 

he wasn't dreaming, it was real.

sam only had two things in his mind, first being  _ 'what the fuck was noah doing with his life by running in the middle of the night into open roads',  _ second being _ 'he was going too fast, he was going to crash he was going to crash he was going to crash he was going to crash.'- _

he almost laughed at himself. if there was anything he knew how to do, it was drive. he and his car were basically one. 

his foot slammed on the brake, his hands turning the steering wheel as his car swerved on the road, probably going to leave swerving marks

as it stopped only within a meter from where the boy was stood. sam was breathing heavily, his grip on the wheel hard enough that his knuckles had turned white. he glanced to see the cat beside him, it's fur in full blow as its claws were buried deep into the chair.

noah, out of the emotional intensity and shock from the whole situation, fell to the ground as his knees and legs had given up on him. 

"PRINCE!" charlie sped up when he saw noah fall, they had all caught up with him now as they had no idea what to do actually about the prince.

after quickly petting his cat to calm it down the slightest, sam took a deep breath. of all the things that could happen to him tonight, almost running over the love of his life was the last thing he expected. he unlocked his car, carrying his cat with him before stepping out.

charlie had dropped down on the road beside him, "NOAH-" He peered over to see that the boy's eyes weren't shut, rather still wide open and unblinking. 

the rest of the RSU had encircled them, only to make sure he wouldn't run off again. 

before charlie could do anything, noah moved, trying to prop himself up with his hands and knees. charlie looked up when he heard the car door open and shut. 

he stood up from the ground, he had to confront the driver. the incident must never make it to the public, nobody must know what happened.

at the same time, he had to thank the driver. they could have crashed the car into noah and he could've died there and then but he didn't. 

he would even bribe if he had to bribe. but. when the driver's face came into charlie's vision, his jaw dropped, "no fucking way."

he looked like noah now; eyes wide and unbelieving. 

but the night seemed to hold more surprises when dolkins' RSU reacted to sam the way they did. 

"sir-" they spoke almost in unison, moving so that they were encircling sam as well. 

"no fucking way." charlie repeated.

sam looked like he was trying not to laugh. 

"sir should we...?" one of them spoke, gesturing to noah still on the ground. 

"no, he's not hurt, just in shock." 

it was then that noah looked up. 

all the signs pointed to positive - he looked like sam, he sounded like sam, he smelled like sam, now all he needed to know was if he felt the same. 

just before charlie was about to make a move to help noah up, he got up himself, taking a long hard look at sam. and the man just stared back at him, a grin on his lips

.

"are you okay?" was the only thing the older said, he couldn't help the smile that built up on his lips as he spoke the words. 

noah nodded. 

_ so it really was him.  _

noah felt his heart plunge down to his stomach, do three backflips before coming back to its proper place. he was just about to run into his arms, but the moment he moved the RSU had held him back. 

"i told you all to keep a close eye on him," sam spoke, rather disappointed. 

and now, noah was even more confused - was he head of security  _ here _ ,  _ too _ ?

"take him back to the castle, his parents must be searching for him." sam spoke out orders, to which the men nodded and promised to comply. the RSU moved to start their task. 

"NO-" noah shook the hands off of him, trying to break free. 

sam was watching him the whole time and the younger looked like he was about to start crying as he looked at him desperately. 

_ how could he resist those eyes?  _

"wait, actually-" he spoke, alerting them all. "-i'll take care of him."

within a second, they took their hands off of him, parting the way from him to sam. noah wasted no time, moving to get closer to sam while the older, yet again, had the biggest smile as he watched noah get closer and closer. 

"can i touch you?" noah spoke without much thought. 

"why?" 

"i need to know if this is real."

"do you want it to be real?" he said as he put down the cat on the ground. 

"you have no idea how many times i've seen you before and then woke up in my bed." 

sam didn't reply rather, just raising his hand in front of noah. the prince looked at it, quite unsure of what to do before his own hand itched and longed to hold it. slowly and cautiously, noah raised his own hand. he felt little bolts of electricity in his veins when his fingers touched sam's palm, he moved them until they locked into the spaces in between sam's fingers. he had goosebumps by the time sam had folded his fingers to fully intertwine their hands.

"so," sam laughed "do you think it's real now?" 

"i guess it is." noah couldn't help but giggle, "so this is literally a dream come true."

the tender moment was interrupted by a small meow coming from the ground. they both looked down to see chubs looking back up at them. 

sam picked him up. 

"who's this?" noah asked.

"chubs, the fat grey cat." sam spoke, he had to drop noah's hand in order to hold the cat properly, which noah frowned at. seeing the pout on his lips made sam hand him the cat before he wrapped an arm around noah's shoulders. the younger seemed to never want to let a second pass where he wasn't in contact with sam in any way.

the RSU and charlie were just watching them, all in a mix of confusion and surprise. 

"what?" sam asked when carlie just kept staring. 

"asshole," he responded.

"all of you-" sam started, "head back to the castle, back to your designations." 

and, just like that, the RSU had flooded out of the road, sprinting back to the palace. 

"you can go too." noah giggled, shooing charlie away. the other rolled his eyes and just laughed, turning on his heel and walking back to the direction they came from. 

"let's go?"

"where?" noah asked, he still felt a bit lightheaded as if his brain was still registered into thinking that this was indeed just another dream, so that was how he thought. 

"i'll bring you back to the castle." 

noah didn't like that one bit. 

"you have a ball to be at."


	44. new flesh - current joys

"at least tell the queen where you are. she must be worried sick." sam persuaded.

noah didn't like that at all.

what was the sense of his whole effort of running away if sam wasn't going to take him with him?

so he walked out of sam's hold, walking towards the passenger's seat of the car and letting himself in, chubs sat on his lap.

sam didn't react. it was what he wanted the younger to do anyway.

sam got into the car himself, turning the keys and making it roar to life.

"next stop-" 

"anywhere except the castle."

"the castle it is." sam confirmed as he stepped on the gas pedal. 

a few seconds later of noah being grumpy and the other doing nothing to make him feel any better, he spoke and broke the silence. 

"no, sam-" he started, "i do _not_ want to go back to the castle."

"but-"

without warning, noah goes off, pouring out months of frustration as he couldn't help to keep them captured in his chest anymore, "-you want me to go back to that fucking ball where everyone's staring at me like a piece of freshly cooked meat?"

"that's not-" 

"and, not to mention, you found me because i was _literally_ just running away from that place!" the cat had jumped off of his lap, irritated by the ruckus. 

"listen-" 

"i haven't seen you in _months_ . i've been looking for you and i wanted to look for you and here you are but _now_ you're telling me to go back to where I came from?!" 

"h-" 

"i can't even tell if this is real or not or if you're just messing with me or if you're really who i think you are and i was literally willing to risk it all to be with you again and now you're telling me to-"

sam had had enough of the screaming, leaving on hand on the wheel while the other one reached out to grab the younger's hand, quickly holding it in his, "BABY-" that seemed to do the trick as noah quickly melted under his touch, all his words fading away as his face turned bright red. 

it had been a while since it happened before.

"w-what?" noah said in response to the pet name. he missed hearing it come from sam's lips.

"have you asked me if i have a plan?" sam said, stressing out each word so that somehow noah understands better. 

"well," he huffed, "no, i haven't. do you?" 

"i always do." he chuckled, even if it wasn't a complete truth. 

the car had arrived near the palace gates, far enough that they couldn't be seen by the crowd but near enough that noah could see people fussing and searching for something he didn't know. 

"are you ready to listen now?" noah nodded in response. "i'll meet you here when the ball ends." sam spoke, "that would probably be enough time for you to do whatever you want. also to not make people suspicious."

"and then where will we go? are we headed somewhere or are we just driving aimlessly? 'cause i'm okay with either." 

sam smiled and of course, noah had missed seeing that smile, and the ride was far, far, far too short for him to fully marvel at his beauty. 

"anywhere." 

noah couldn't help but smile too.

the car went into a full stop near a dark spot by a bunch of trees.

"wait, i have a question," the prince said, "those guys followed you with the snap of your finger, are you head of security here, too?" 

sam just laughed, "we'll have enough time to talk about that later."

noah narrowed his eyes, "exactly how much time are you promising me?" 

"the rest of our lives." 

there were still so many questions left unanswered and so many things needed to be done, too many people getting in their way and too many words wanting to be said.

but noah agreed nonetheless; he trusted the plan as much as he trusted sam. 

he admits he was a bit disappointed when sam made no move to kiss him or to even hug him before he got out of the vehicle on his way back to the castle. 

sam watched as the commotion died down as soon as the people saw noah approaching the castle. 

he promised him he'd see him in the exact same spot after the ball

as soon as noah's form had completely disappeared from his sight, he turned the engine on again, stepping on the gas pedal before he started to go his own way. 

meeting him again this way was surely something he didn't expect, shown in how he reacted. 

sam left the spot as he drove off to where he had to be. 

he promised to meet him at the same spot, but some promises aren't meant to be kept.


	45. get me through the night - trevor moran

noah bowed apologetically to people asking him where he came from, but he never answered any of them. fortunately, dolkins' RSU stopped anyone from getting any closer to him as he speed-walked towards the ballroom. 

"he's back?" 

"the prince is back!" 

"who found him?"

"where was he?" 

noah could hear dozens and dozens of whispers wherever he went, but he never acknowledged any of them. the people around were either relieved or irritated that they didn't get to find him first before anyone else. there were times when noah gained from his beauty, but most of the time especially in times like this, it was a curse and nothing else.

he found zach and oli stood outside the ballroom. oli was fussing over trying to get a dirt stain they probably got from being in the pantry off of the dark-skinned male's cheek. 

"i was looking all over for you." noah heard oli say. 

"we were fiiiiine. he can outrun the-" zach and oli locked eyes, and the younger didn't know what surprised him more: the fact that noah was there, or that he had the biggest smile on his face.

zach also couldn't ignore the light blush on noah's cheeks. he was smiling and blushing and it had been a while since he's seen him this alive. 

noah couldn't help himself, giggling and bouncing on his heels before skipping to seal the distance between him and the two.

"did y-" 

"I SAW HIM!" noah squealed.

"SHHH!" zach scolded, welcoming the prince in his arms while a smile equally as wide and his spread across his face. happiness was contagious. 

noah slapped a hand over his mouth, "oops, sorry." he giggled.

thankfully not many people were paying attention.

"but, i saw him!" he said excitedly in a lower volume, "he almost ran me over with his car and he almost made the security drag me back to the castle but he ended up taking me in his car and driving me back." noah went on, "and after this, we're going to go anywhere together." 

"what?" the pair said in unison, not understanding anything noah had said. however, they had no chance to ask him about it when the employees of the castle had started ushering people back into the ballroom.

"i'll explain later," noah said as they started walking with the crowd, his smile and excitement never fading. 

oli shuffled closer to noah to whisper into his ear, "your father was mad. i think it's because he's embarrassed about the ball being paused to search for you."

for a split second, fear shot into noah's system. he never once thought of how his father would react to his temporary return. 

while they were heading down the long staircase, his eyes scanned the room, only to see his father stood in front of their table, his arms crossed in front of his chest and the rage was obviously present on his face. 

noah gulped and tried to comfort himself - he'd be gone after this ball anyways, he wouldn't have to deal with his father or anything else for a long, long time. he just had to get through the night.

everyone was settling back to where they sat, and the orchestra was also preparing to play again while noah held his breath as they reached the few last steps of the staircase. 

he just had to get through the night. 

the prince's head hung low as he walked towards their table. he glanced up to see his mother, an obvious look of relief on her face the moment she saw him. she made a move to get up but his father stopped her. the couple could sense noah's fear, and out of instinct, oli moved to walk in front of him, somehow shielding him from direct contact from his parents while zach moved to wrap an arm around noah's shoulders.

"it'll be okay." zach whispered. they got to the table and immediately sat down, zach and oli had sandwiched noah in between them.

in the corner of his eye, noah saw his father sit down as well while but he never took his eyes off of him. 

zach's words about everything being alright was actually true.... for about five minutes. 

the orchestra had started playing once again. there was always a few minutes of introductory music wherein everyone would just sit and listen before the actual dance started. it was in those few minutes that king de gaudeux refused to let anything stop him from expressing his rage. he slammed his fist on the table, thankfully the music made it only audible for those sitting on the table. they all turned to him and noah gulped once again when he saw that he was staring him dead in the eye. 

the man spoke through gritted teeth, "you never fail to embarrass me and my kingdom, you attention-seeking slut. mark my fucking words, this is the last ball you'll ever attend and the last time you'll leave the castle, i fucking swear on it." 

noah had his hands resting on his lap, the outburst made his fingers squeeze into the flesh of his thighs. he didn't know how he felt - should he be mad that his father was scolding and basically embarrassing him in front of his friends and probably in front of other people who could hear?

he felt his cousin hold onto his hands, trying to pry them from his thighs as his nails kept digging into the flesh even through the trousers he was wearing. 

"i raised you well, not to be a fucking embarrassment." he carried on and noah saw his mother try to whisper to tell him to stop, but he obviously had no plans of doing so. "fix your shit up, kid. you're a prince."

noah felt every word drill into his brain. it wasn't the first time his father had talked to him like this, but it still hurt every time. for the first time in a long time, noah didn't let himself cry too easily. he blinked back the tears the moment he felt them coming. he wasn't going to let his father see him cry. not anymore, never again. if strength and being something more than a pretty face was what he wanted from noah, then that's what he was going to get. 

usually, whenever his father scolded him, noah would just look down and stare at his lap. but now, his eyes were locked into his father's gaze. he took a long hard took at him. 

"never forget who you are." his father spoke. 

"how will i, if you want me to be someone else?" noah replied, surprising everyone including himself.

the king looked taken aback, but his shock was quickly replaced with rage as he stood up from his place, "did you just have the audacity to talk back to your own father?" 

people had begun turning heads now, but he couldn't care less. noah didn't regret his words one bit, in fact, he loved the sting it left in his mouth as soon as the words left his lips.

king de gaudeux spoke again, "is that the way a prince should act?"

"WELL, MAYBE I NEVER WANTED TO BE A PRINCE." noah stood up from his spot as well, unable to contain his emotions any longer.

zach himself was quite shocked at his sudden burst of rage, enough anger to actually stand up to his father for once. 

the whole scene was the entire definition of a scandalous event. it was rare for people to stand up to authority, let alone a prince stand up to a king in front of the public to witness. 

"YOU _NEVER_ CARE ABOUT WHAT I FEEL, I NEVER WANTED THIS LIFE; I WAS BASICALLY FORCED INTO IT BY BIRTH." noah went on, "I'M SO TIRED OF YOU CONTROLLING MY LIFE LIKE I'M SOME PUPPET-" 

"YOU SHUT UP RIGHT NOW, NOAH." the king cut him off, his voice loud enough that the orchestra actually made an effort to play the music louder just to steer attention away from the two.

zach was tugging on the sleeve of noah's top, silently telling him to sit back down and let it go.

his mother, on the other hand, had the tiniest bit of pride for him written on her face and that tiny bit of pride was all he needed to stand his ground.

"YOU ARE GOING BACK TO THE CASTLE RIGHT THIS INSTANT-" "excuse me, your highness." an employee of the castle spoke up, he was with around a few other people who all looked like they belonged to the RSU. 

everyone stopped to look at what they had to say. 

"the king is going to perform his first dance of the night and has requested prince de gaudeux to dance with him." the employee spoke, turning to both noah and his father.

for the first time, noah didn't wait for his father's approval, "yeah, i'll dance with him." he replied. 

"great! we'll lead your majesty to your place on the dance floor." 

and before his father could say anything, noah let himself come with the RSU. 

he wasn't going to let his father be the boss of him anymore. 

never again. 


	46. amore mio aiutami - piero piccioni

there is another tradition of balls in their country, which involves the king of the host kingdom performing his first dance of the night.   
it was quite special since it starts with the king and his selected partner standing on both ends of a long red carpet placed along the middle of the ballroom. they perform their own dance until they meet at the middle, they then dance as partners before the dance officially starts when they then invite other people to dance. noah felt the heaviness in his chest become lighter and lighter the farther away he got from their table, it went like that until he could properly breathe again.   
being strong was exhausting. 

it was when the end of the red carpet came into view when noah realised that he didn't put much thought into the decision of dancing with the king. it might strike up a lot of controversies and people might end up thinking noah was interested in the king. but he then realised that he shouldn't care.  
this was his last night of being the prince he never wanted to be and this would probably be the last royal dance he'd participate in.

this is noah saying goodbye to the life he never wanted and holding on to the memory of sam waiting for him outside in his car.

he saw the red curtain move at the other end of the red carpet; that was where the king was.   
the reveal of the host king's appearance and outfit of the night was usually the most awaited part of the dance. 

the prince became slightly self-conscious, knowing that all eyes would be on him for the whole dance. he trusted his years of dancing skills, but there was still, of course, a chance that he would mess up. it was a good thing that he had cleaned up inside sam's car, otherwise, it would be all too obvious that being in this ball wasn't the only thing that had happened to him that night. noah straightened out his clothes while he giggled when he thought of what sam's reaction would be when he tells him later about his dance with dolkins' king. 

_would sam be jealous?_

he was standing there looking like a complete fool as he was smiling and giggling to himself, but he couldn't help it. sam made him feel a sort of way, a kind of feeling that his heart grew fond of.   
sam was a drug and noah was high on this feeling.

the prince's eyes couldn't help but roam around the hall, even turning in place to get a whole view of the ballroom. this was the last time he was going to be inside a castle, and luckily he was at dolkins' castle, one of the most beautiful castles in the country.

he patted his hair, trying to get each lock into perfect place, he suddenly remembered his crown. he would be lying if he said he didn't miss having it on his head, but if that was the price to pay for an extraordinary kind of love, then he's willing to throw that away.

noah shut his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath then opening them again when he exhaled. the music had started to play again and the feeling of time going all too slow was back.   
noah felt as if he was the only thing moving in the room. 

his eyes drifted around and for the first time in a long time, everything felt quite alright. his eyes landed on charlie, who was near their table.   
he remembers where it all started - when he selected sam to be his bodyguard in a heartbeat. he remembers when they were in nothing more than a friendship that felt a little bit more than it was supposed to be. he remembers the time sam was just his bodyguard and nothing else before they became something that was unlike anything else.   
he missed having sam in his room, walking with him through the castle halls, eating with him, spending the whole day with him and just being with him without any issues.   
things were easy back then, back when love was a game he didn't know how to play. 

charlie had served the biggest support in their relationship, making almost everything possible.

his eyes then drifted to zach, the dearest friend he's ever had and ever will have. his cousin was there to wipe his tears away and shield his eyes to the things he never wanted to see.   
zach held him at nights he couldn't sleep and talked to him when he had too much on his mind. he knew in a way it hurt the other that noah had to run away, but he never showed that it did. he had always thought of noah before he thought of himself. no words could express how grateful noah is for someone like zach.

he smiles to himself once again, remembering zach listening to him when he was screaming about sam.   
zach was the witness of it all - how noah pined for sam until he eventually came into terms with his feelings for the man.   
zach could write their love story if he wanted to.

he also knew exactly what to say when noah needed to hear the words, and he knew exactly what he felt even before noah felt it. and, even with his heart belonging to sam, zach was always noah's first love.

his eyes then drifted to his mother, the one he looked up to the most. she was a light in the darkness, bringing brightness to noah's life when he felt hopeless. she was everything a queen and leader should be, noah hopes to be just like her someday.  
she was in favour of their relationship, that's what noah knew. it meant that she somehow saw in sam what noah saw in him. maybe that was why noah felt that way when he saw sam for the first time, maybe that was why he felt familiar as if he knew him all along.  
he sounded a lot like the man his mother told him to fall in love with,   
_"he's going to make you feel every emotion ever." she said, "you'll feel loved, overflowing with it even. you'll be willing to go through anything and everything. he's going to be unique. when you meet him, you'll realise why the universe never allowed you to fall in love with another. he'll feel right even when it's wrong."_

he knew sam all along. his mother introduced him to him when he taught him what love was.   
he was the love he hoped for, he was a feeling with a human name.


	47. i love you the way you are - bobby vinton

his eyes purposely never even met his father's form, doing him a favour as he let himself enjoy the moment. he moved on his feet, arranging himself to properly face the red carpet and the other end of it. the music was peaceful in his ears.   
he shut his eyes momentarily, this was the tune that would bring him all the nostalgia he'd need to get him by. he'd remember this as the last time he held on to his past and who they wanted him to be.  
this melody will contain the last of the prince he was, and in his last dance, he was going to let go.

when noah opened his eyes, he saw the red curtain starting to part and a form slowly being revealed behind it. he didn't know if it was just him, but the room had become dead silent, even the music from the orchestra was drained from his mind out of pure anticipation.

happy thoughts, happy thoughts, noah filled his mind up until there was no more room for any negativity.   
he wanted to enjoy this moment. 

one of those certain happy thoughts made him chuckle to himself again. he needed the highest dose of euphoria his mind could manage, so it was no wonder he started to think about sam.   
his mind started to make an image of sam at the ball and he had to cover his mouth his stop his giggles from being audible when he started to imagine sam as anyone - the waiter, a part of the RSU, maybe he was a chef stressing out in the kitchens, maybe he was the conductor of the orchestra, or maybe he was even that odd-looking guy playing the violin.   
he laughed, but at the same time, he missed seeing him in the most casual places. 

but, the wildest thought came when the curtains fully parted, everyone gasping in awe in perfect unison as the king made his first appearance of the night. 

he imagined the king himself as sam.   
he imagined himself taking his last royal dance with sam as his partner. 

noah had to admit - it was hilarious. never in his life could he have imagined sam as anything other than who he truly was. it was entertaining imagining sam as the man standing at the other end of the carpet, wearing an obviously expensive royal suit adorned with silver and gold accessories, a sword tucked inside a decorated scabbard, and a crown on his head.   
noah knew he got his wild and powerful imagination from the amount of time he has spent reading books in his lifetime, and at times like this, they really came in handy.   
he imagined the crowd's applause when sam, as the king, nodded to greet everyone.  
he imagined sam, as the king, waving to the crowd, sending a few smiles here and there.   
he imagined sam as the king, even looking at him straight in the eye and sending him the brightest smile he had to offer. 

_'damn_ ,' noah thought.   
he knew his imagination was great but this was on a whole other level.

it was when he imagined the older as the king taking his first few steps towards him that noah realised that everything was no longer in slow motion.   
his eyes were open and he was far from dreaming.   
things no longer felt like they were part of a movie; the music was suddenly loud and clear.   
none of these things were happening only in his mind.   
it was no longer a work of his imagination.   
the king, or sam rather, stopped in his steps, extending an open hand out in noah's direction - it was the first position of the king's dance, the open invitation.   
it felt real.   
it all felt so real. 

"sammy?"


	48. are you bored yet? (feat. clairo) - wallows, clairo

sam remembers it all, his mind started going further back in time than he expected it to as he struck the first position of the dance in front of his one love. 

he remembers his father teaching him at such a young age about the king he should be when the proper time comes, 

_"strength is key."_ his father sat in front of him, explaining to a 9-year-old sam a concept that he probably wouldn't understand, but hopefully, remember, _"when you become king, this kingdom will rest on your shoulders. if you do not have the strength to continue lifting it up, it will crumble."_

sam remembers staring at the crown on his father's head whenever he wore it. it was eye-candy to any child as it was bright and shiny, but, as he grew older and older, he started realising the importance of having it on his own head. 

sam remembers one night when he was 18, his coronation was coming in two years or so, maybe even less. he was in the throne room just after sunset, staring at his father's crown next to his mother's in an enclosed glass case. subconsciously, he moved his hand through his hair. 

he felt the pressure. so much pressure. everyone was expecting him to be the king that his father was and that previous kings never were. 

if he couldn't handle the crown resting on his own head, how could he lift the kingdom upon his shoulders? 

_"do you want to try it out for size?" the voice startled sam, making him jump. he looked behind him, only to see his father entering the room and shutting the door behind himself, "still a scaredy-cat?" he laughed as he stepped towards his son, staring at his own crown through the glass._

_"try it on?" sam asked, unsure if he heard it correctly. his father had never brought up such an offer before._

_"well," he shrugged, "we have to make sure it fits, right? we can't have a king with his crown always falling off of his own head."_

_who was sam to deny such an offer?_

_sam could never forget the pride he saw in his father's eyes when he slowly lowered the crown on his head. and the way his face broke into a smile when the crown fell slightly crooked on his son's head._

_sam could never forget the way his father looked at him that night. he looked at him like he had already seen the brightest future for their people._

_"a tiny bit big." his father said, the smile never fading from his lips, "but I'm sure you'll grow into it. you still have such a long way to go and i still have so much to teach you."_

_eventually, sam had to take the crown off. he felt lighter - as if he was floating, even._

_as he was very cautiously putting it back into the glass case, a large growl of thunder had come from outside, startling sam and making him almost drop the crown to the floor._

_"crap." his father spits out before he moved, catching the crown with one hand just before it had smashed to the floor._

_"i-i'm sorry!" sam squeaks when he had realised what just happened._

_"hey, it's okay." his father just laughed, clapping a hand down on sam's shoulder._

_he still bowed down in apology, "i'm sorry, i'll be more careful, papa."_

_"you are careful." he smiled down when his son looked back up at him, "you just have to learn to expect the unexpected."_

but he never did. he never could. 

sam grew out of his fear of thunder and other loud noises, he developed reflexes and no object had ever slipped out of his hands ever again. 

he thought he had learned what his father had wanted him to, but how in the world could he expect the information that his father had cheated on his own mother with several women, had gambled using the wealth of the kingdom, and among other things, how in the world could he expect another man, two years older than him demanding that he should have the crown?

sam was 20 years old when they found out.

his coronation was merely a month away - his _supposed_ coronation. 

it was the first time he met joven in person even if he had already known about his existence. 

he never liked him one bit. 

_"oh, you're tiny." was the first thing joven had said when he had his first sight of sam._

a second after meeting him, he was already sizing him up. 

sam wasn't tiny, joven was just huge - he actually looked like some kind of bear. 

sam knew he had to look slightly up at him to talk to him, but he never did.

he refused to look up to him. 

sam remembers the first time his world had fallen apart: it was a month after he met joven. 

he was stood next to his mother while his father had lowered the crown on the new king's head. sam remembers how mad he was - so fucking mad.

he had so much rage in his heart that he could actually feel how heavy it was. the crown was tiny on joven's head and it looked like the wind could blow it away or it could topple over if ever he made a wrong move. 

dolkins was about to clap for their new king, but joven refused, instead wanting them to bow down. 

_"don't." sam said when his mother was about to do so, "we only bow down to people worthy of our respect."_

on his way to sit on the throne for the first time, joven passed sam and his mother. 

he had clapped a hand down on sam's shoulder. joven was never gentle, his hand was heavy enough to make sam fall down on the floor, but he didn't move a muscle. 

_"it's okay, baby brother." he chuckled, "you look a lot more like a prince, anyway. you and this crown would never be a perfect fit."_

and sam was seething, his whole body felt as if it was in flames as he watched the other man sitting on the throne. 

_"darling," his mother had noticed the rage, she had reached out to hold his hand in hers. she had the most gentle touch, "we just have to learn to accept the unexpected."_

two things fell apart starting that day: one was sam's world and the kingdom of dolkins was the other.

joven turned out to be more of a dictator than a king, 

and sam didn't even want to think back to what had happened. 

it was unbearable.

sam remembers everything. 

_"it's a perfect fit."_ his mother had whispered when she had lowered the crown on his head 3 months ago. 

the kingdom rejoiced when their real king had sat on his throne. little by little, the kingdom started to heal. there were scars here and there but in a span of such a short time, sam managed to heal the kingdom. 

it was no wonder he knew how to reign - he was the one who was actually raised to be a king. 

and as the kingdom healed and prospered, sam did too. 

_"a ball?" sam remembers his mother ask excitedly, her features twisted from excitement and happiness to a teasing grin, "is this for that prince you've been talking about?"_

_"who else would it be for?" sam spoke sheepishly._

_"well, i wouldn't be s_ urprised _if it was for him. he seems to be very special to you."_

_"he is."_

_"is he going to be your first dance of the night?" she teased, amused by how sam's face turned bright red._

_"without a doubt."_

_"i'm looking forward to meeting him, then." she spoke, "he must really be something if you say he means all the stars in the sky to you."_


	49. mystery of love - sufjan stevens

noah's heart was basically doing backflips in his chest by now. 

he even blinked his eyes repeatedly, just to make sure he wasn't seeing things. but by the way that sam broke out of the demeanour of the serious dance by laughing as he waited for noah to take his hand, the young prince was sure he wasn't seeing things. 

"oh my goodness." 

noah felt his legs go weak and his mind going haywire, not knowing what and how to think. he was feeling nothing and everything all at the same time. noah was supposed to start dancing a few seconds ago, but the music still kept playing as he just stood there at the end of the carpet, his hands going to cover his face as his sight was slowly getting blurry because of the tears in his eyes. it felt like a dream, unexpected in it's purest form. 

but it was real.

as much as sam would want to, he wasn't allowed to move as part of the dance's tradition. the king was not allowed to advance any further until the chosen partner had done so first, as a sign of full consent to the dance. 

noah wasn't going to let himself just stand and sob there while his whole world was stretching his hand out to him. 

he didn't do a very good job at wiping away his tears before completely ignoring the music and how the dance went. instead, the prince broke into a full run. (he had done quite a lot of running today, but this was by far the most enjoyable.)

he waited for the seconds passing to turn into milliseconds, milliseconds turning to shorter measurements of time. noah counted down even to the last few milliseconds. 

those were the last moments he'd ever have to feel alone.

the last moments he'd have to stay in his torn apart world. 

the last moments he'd ever feel any ounce of great sorrow. 

the last moments he'd be broken. 

noah counted down to the last few milliseconds.

the last few milliseconds he'd have to live with his broken heart because he knows, deep down, that sam getting dressed in the same room as him in the morning was the only thing that made sense in the world.

_just take me home, fuck. take me home where i belong._

sam couldn't stop the biggest smile erupting from his face when noah got nearer and nearer. he held both arms out, anticipating the moment when they'd finally be together again. 

sam's eyes were locked onto noah's, feeling as if they were the only people in the room. they'd probably look back at this in the future, and it'd be one of those tales of love they'd tell to anyone willing to listen. 

the moment he crashed into sam's arms, noah felt more freedom than any time he had snuck out of the castle. he felt more alive than the time they had robbed a store and went through a car chase. he felt more euphoria than any other time he was with anyone else. 

noah felt everything.

sam used the momentum of the younger's run to pick him up, spinning them around in his spot while muffled sobs uncontrollably tumbled out of his mouth and into sam's shoulder, holding him closer and bleeding into his body.

the older laughed low and huskily in noah's ear. then he brushed his lips against his cheek and neck so very lightly that it made the younger shiver.

"i love you, i love you," sam recites like a mantra and noah lets out a contented hum followed by a sigh, allowing sam to slide his hands up from his hips and stop at his waist. they rested their foreheads together and just stood, completely ignoring the fact that they should be dancing as they coiled around each other like cats. they'd been through so much in the last couple of months and they just needed to be close. their bodies were tired, but the way they touched each other seemed to shock them awake.

suddenly, the lights went out and an inky blackness poured into the room. gasps and screams emitted from every corner of the party, nobody able to see much of anything with only the dim moonlight coming through the windows. 

noah opened his eyes in surprise when he heard the screams, immediately regretting it when he noticed that there wasn't much difference between his sight with his eyes closed and when they were open. 

noah hated the dark. 

"s-sammy?" his hold on the other became tighter than it already was before. his hands moved to what felt like sam's face, then to his shoulders before he felt the man take both of his hands into his own. 

"baby-" noah felt the chills that sam's voice sent through his spine distract him from the panic he felt, "look up for me." 

noah did as he was told, he knew he was staring up at the high ceiling even if he couldn't see it through the dark.

but noah noticed two things: the orchestra never stopped playing even through the panic and one tiny glimmering spark of light directly above them had come to life - small but bright. 

the music from the orchestra had become a slow tune, the type that could fit any slow dance. noah squinted his eyes, only to see that yet another small light had come to life, then another, then another. 

soon enough, everyone in the room had fallen into complete silence as they stared up in awe as, one by one, little lights made up the whole ballroom, being the only light source. it's soft yellow glow only seemed to make noah look more beautiful than he already was. the lights continued to dot the molasses-coloured room, but, sam wasn't paying much attention to that. he was more focused on how noah's eyelashes seemed to curl upwards like sunflowers to the sun and how the dim lights are hitting noah's eyes, reminding him of how astonishingly honey-coloured they are in certain lights. sam looks at noah and he sees sunshine; if everyone was a star he was definitely the sun.

most of sam's life has been black and white, compartmentalised, but, this thing between them doesn’t quite fit a box. it's rare, and, although their love was forbidden, they lived side by side as victims of a cruel fate. their love was pure and it would smoulder within their hearts for all eternity. birds flew within their irises and flapped their wings, slowly, comfortingly and sang soft melodies. they were every colour and every feeling and the first breath you take after having your head under the water for a while; they were overgrown rose bushes; they were the relief of the tension on your shoulders; they were calm nights and sticking your hand out of the car window to feel the breeze on your skin, to make you feel something, to make you feel alive, to assure yourself that you're still breathing, living, being; they were the soft motion of waves, something akin to chord progression, conveying the tenderness they both felt inside; they were love, itself - in all its terrifying, torturous, wonderful, overwhelming, addictive, aching, beguiling, unmerciful, marvellous, passionate glory.

a few moments later, noah was in more tears yet again. it was still fairly dark even with the presence of the lights and, before noah could say anything, he felt sam let go of his hands and trace up from his arms until he cupped his cheeks. this made him lower his head, taking his eyes off of the wondrous sight for a moment. 

he could see the older's eyes through the soft glow of the lights and couldn't believe that a moment ago, his world was falling apart. a moment ago, he was unsure of his happy ending. a moment ago, he was broken. 

he couldn't believe that a moment ago, he was living with a broken heart in his chest.

the prince couldn't stop his tears even when sam pulled him in, closing the gap between them that never should have been there in the first place. he felt his lips meet sam's the same way they felt the very first time they had done this. 

he would never get tired of feeling the way sam makes him feel.

it was overwhelming all over again with the mix of emotions happening in noah's heart and mind all at once. he had so many questions and half of him wasn't even sure if this was true, but he pushed those all aside for this one moment because sam was a feeling with a human name.

he was the love his mother had promised he'd have. 

he was all of the unspoken words and unbroken promises. 

he was all the flaws noah had fallen in love with. 

he was all the risks he was willing to take. 

he was all the dreams that are yet to come true.

sam was a drug and noah was addicted to this feeling. 

noah had a wide vocabulary and had practically mastered the use of the language, yet he could never put into words how sam makes him feel; there were no words for it.

because sam was a feeling with a human name.


	50. love in real life- beth ditto

as the lights above continued to shine and increase in number, sam moved his lips against noah's. it took so much restraint to not get himself to enjoy it too much. after all, they still had a ball to attend even if they were lost in their own world. sam pulled away before he lost all self-control. it was hard to pull away when kissing noah was something he could do for days on end. 

immediately, noah's hands went to his face again, trying to wipe away tears even if they only kept on coming.

"hey, princess," 

"w-what?" noah hiccuped. 

"the stars." sam pointed upward, "they're all back." 

the room then was dimly lit by more lights of blue colour so that the ceiling completely resembled the night sky. by now, the 'stars' had turned into constellations and a bright moon was at the very centre. with the light now bright enough for noah to clearly see sam, he heard applause coming from everyone else.

the older laughed - if only they had known what happened in the dark. 

but the funniest thing was, they have absolutely no idea about the moment the two had just shared; it was all theirs. 

"why are tears so salty?" was the first thing noah had said when he tried to stop himself from crying (for what seemed like the one-millionth time in the past couple of months). he was sure that sam had tasted them through the kiss.

"you have oceans in your eyes."

it was their moment, and even if noah could have been given the choice, he wouldn't have this any other way. 

"oceans so deep, sometimes i can't help but drown in them," sam spoke. 

noah felt sam's hands pull away from him in a swift move, he was about to complain but he then saw him bow before him slightly, one hand behind his back while the other outstretched towards him. 

"can i have this dance?" 

"what if i say no?" noah giggled, even through the tears. 

"then i'll just have to keep hosting ball after ball just so i can dance with you. if it means a hundred balls in my lifetime, then so be it." sam spoke. 

but noah's heart had waited this long. he was no longer going to allow himself to feel what he had felt. he gave sam his hand, gently setting it on top of the older's open palm. 

sam, even if he knew that noah would surely say yes still found himself letting out a sigh of relief once he saw the younger's hand in his. 

he lightly placed a kiss on it first, before letting their palms touch, intertwining their fingers.

sam's other hand went to noah's waist before he felt the younger rest his hand on top of his forearm. 

"ready?" sam listened to the melody by the orchestra, "three, two, one." 

they set off, letting their bodies, hearts and minds free as they executed the thoroughly practised royal dance. all eyes were on them, but they felt as if they were in their own little world. 

"i didn't know you could dance," noah said a second later, as his feet moved in accordance to each beat. 

"you didn't know i was a king either." 

noah giggled before he narrowed his eyes, "well maybe i could have figured that out if you brought it up ages ago." 

sam was exerting more effort than he seemed to be, he wouldn't want to accidentally stomp on his intended's foot in front of everyone, "don't worry, we'll have enough time so i can tell you that later."

"and how much time to be precise?"

"the rest of our lives." 

there was something so enchanting to noah about the two of them having a conversation while their bodies were busy dancing. he had watched movies with scenes like this, never knowing he'd be able to have a firsthand experience. 

their eyes never broke contact and noah noticed before he remembered what sam had said. 

_was sam just staring into his eyes or was he busy watching the calm waves crash to the shore?_

there was one move in the dance that involved a quick 360-degree spin, noah knew it was coming up soon. 

"what about your crown, what if it falls?" the prince asked. 

"don't worry about a thing," sam grinned, "this crown is a perfect fit." his statement was proven when the moment their eyes met again after the spin, the crown was still perfectly intact. 

it truly looked like it was made to be on his head. 

"i've never danced like this with my crown on before." noah thought out loud. 

"don't worry you'll experience it someday," sam assured, "the host king's spouse wears a crown at balls, too."

and noah wasn't the only one in tears within the ballroom: zach had broken down the same time the lights came back on in the form of stars. 

"why are you crying?" oli laughed. "i'm right here." he said, wrapping his arms around zach who was sobbing into his shoulder. 

if only oli knew...

zach had been with noah from the very start, from the moment noah first met sam to when they went through the long and painstaking process of them falling in love. zach was a witness to all the laughs, screams, words unsaid (along with peaches). he was there to dry all the tears and witness every single time noah's heart broke a little more. 

"i've seen a lot of heartbreaks before." the curly-haired boy said. he turned away from the shorter boy's shoulder to watch the two as they had just begun their dance.

noah's happiness was and always will be zach's, too. love never looked more beautiful, "in fact, i was there to see noah's heartbreak." he continued, "but never before have i seen a heart heal, beat, and love as if it was never broken before."

they were half into the dance, the host king's first dance was always the longest.

"i need your permission," sam spoke. noah had no idea how the man was able to talk even when the most intimate part of the dance came, where the host supports the partner's neck and back while they dipped them backwards. 

noah, personally, found this as his favourite part of the dance. he had seen movies where actors performed the dip kiss and he would be lying if he said that he never imagined him and sam doing the exact same thing.

the dance was just a dip, no kiss, but it felt like the exact same thing. maybe even more intimate. the way that sam held his gaze from the moment he felt the man's hands moving to his back and neck to when he lowered him felt electric. sam was good at this, good at making him feel alive. his eyes bore into noah's, and the younger felt the light in his own eyes ignite.

_eye contact is how the soul sets fire._

"for what?" noah whispered as he was dipped lower than he expected. but he trusted sam with his heart, he sure as heck trusted that he would never let him fall as well. 

"you already know." sam spoke when he raised him up in one quick motion. 

"no i don't." noah had a feeling of what it was, though. 

sam chuckled, "permission to make your father and everyone else regret every single thing they did to tear us apart." 

noah couldn't help but smirk, "you don't even have to ask."

"i can't wait to see the look on his face." sam chuckled, moving with much effort even when he was getting quite tired. 

the routine was coming to a close end, with only just a little above a minute left. 

there was a part of the choreography where instead of putting his hand on noah's shoulder, the older cupped his cheek. 

"you haven't changed one bit," he whispers, his face getting closer and closer before he moves away again as part of the dance, "still as ethereal as ever." 

"i wish i could say the same for you." noah said, hand intertwining with the other's, "i thought i was going to be nothing but okitipar's missing prince by tonight." sam smiled and noah couldn't get enough of the sight, he always thought that the man looked the most beautiful at moments that he didn't know he was. 

"i'm glad okitipar won't have to lose their prince," sam spoke. the last few beats of the song rang throughout the ballroom. noah had never enjoyed a dance more than this - it was euphoric, "but I hope they'll let me turn their prince into dolkins' queen."

noah didn't stop himself from breaking into the widest smile that night, "are you proposing to me, samuel clarke?" 

their feet moved in complete sync with the final two beats of the song before they struck their final pose. the hall roared with applause. 

sam chuckled, "not yet," he spoke. "but at least it'll give you some time to get used to calling yourself noah clarke." 

everyone was on their feet for the standing ovation.

"i've never seen it like that before." one princess said. 

"their chemistry is outstanding." a queen remarked.

truly it was. there had never been a performance like this, because they didn't just watch a dance. they had witnessed two hearts that had finally broken down all the walls that had kept them apart to pieces. 

sam intertwined his fingers with noah when they made their bow.

"LET THE BALL OFFICIALLY BEGIN!" a loud booming voice said through the speakers after the two had bowed. 


	51. sing for you - exo

noah was all smiles when he watched the blue bloods scurry from their seats and flood the dance floor, the music turning into something a little more upbeat.

"of everyone i've ever danced with," noah said as he turned to sam, "you were the best."

sam smiled even if deep down he let out a huge sigh of relief - he had wanted this dance to be perfect for noah, "i wish i could say the same for you, but you're the only one i'll ever want to dance with."

the prince beamed, and his eyes searched for their table. the fact that everyone important to him was there to witness the beginning of his happy ending was something that never dawned to his mind until now.

but, when he gazed to their table, there was no one there. he was about to look around the ballroom to search for them when he felt a tap on his shoulder. 

"you really made fate your bitch." was what noah heard from zavh when he turned around to see the other there.

zach's face looked like it was about to split from the smile he was pulling, the smile takes up his entire face that nobody who looks at his smile could ever look away. noah loves it when he's like this, but there was something deeper about this smile. "why are you crying, bub?" noah asked as he momentarily let go of sam's hand to wrap zach up in a hug. 

while the princes were having their moment, sam's eyes met oli's and they both smiled in greeting. 

the blue-eyed boy went to shake sam's hand. "king- wait weren't you that badass bodyguard?" 

"not anymore, i suppose."

noah cupped the long-legged boy's cheeks when they pulled away, "why are you crying?" he repeated.

"why  _ aren't  _ you?" he laughed, wiping a tear from his eye.

noah giggled and turned to look at sam who was talking with oli, "i guess i finally ran out of tears to cry."

“-i’m certain your reign in dolkins will be most successful- well, it already seems to be.” oli spoke to sam. it certainly was a once and a lifetime event to meet a grumpy bodyguard that then turned out to be a king. 

“thank you, I’m sure you’ll be a great king yourself once your time comes.”

oli had never heard such a compliment like this before - everyone had told him he was fit to be a prince, but nobody had ever told him he’d be a good king. 

“i-“ 

“oli,” zach interrupted, tapping on the man's arm, “let’s let noah be with his man now, they have a lot to catch up on, love."

"yes, definitely." he stepped away from sam to join zach's side.

"we can resume this conversation later," sam grinned, nodding goodbye to oli, "enjoy yourselves, the ball won't be a success if you don't."

zach sent them one last smile before grabbing oli's hand in his, “let’s dance!” he ran as he pulled him over to a part of the dance floor and noah couldn’t help but smile at the sight of the smile on both of the couple’s faces. they looked like they had never tasted a drop of pain in their love story, it was the kind of love people wanted: easy and painless. maybe they’d go through their challenges in the future, but now they deserved joy. 

“i know what you’re thinking.”

noah turned to the older as soon as he heard his voice, “and what do i happen to be thinking of, your highness?” the younger stepped closer to sam, letting him take both his hands in his. 

sam laughed, it was the first time noah had addressed him like that, “you want a love like that.” 

“i do.” he couldn't deny it. for a moment, he didn’t want to pay attention to anyone around them. he knew he’d have to face everyone else - everyone that he knows: his mother, and, eventually, his father. 

“i’m sorry i couldn’t give you a love like that.” the taller smiled sadly, reaching out to cup noah's cheek and give him the faintest kiss on the forehead.

“but i thank you.” noah spoke, beaming up at sam when he felt the blush erupt from the very place sam touched. 

“what for?” sam pulled him in, exactly when the orchestra had decided to start playing a slow song.

sam had specially requested this one. it was noah's favourite song titled ‘sing for you’, and was one of the only songs that he actually knew of.

“for giving me the love i need.” when noah pulled away moments later, he turned up to see tear marks from the older's eyes. this was only the second time noah had ever seen him cry.

in the two times sam had ever shed tears in front of him, it was the younger's fault. 

noah laughed when he saw sam quickly wipe them away, "why is everyone crying today?" 

"oh, please," sam playfully rolled his eyes, "as if you weren't bawling earlier at the sight of me."

noah was wrapped up in sam's arms again as they gently swayed to the tune of his favourite song. the orchestra played it so beautifully, but noah was listening to the light thudding of sam's heart in his chest instead. it felt good to hear it again, especially when he was sure that those beats were for him. 

"i've been waiting for your father's reaction honestly," sam whispered into his ear when the song was coming to an end.

"i don't want to think of him right now." noah spoke. 

sam was staring at the way his lips moved when he spoke but he was sure there was more to that statement, "penny for your thoughts?"

"i stood up to him earlier, the exact moment before you invited me to be your first dance." 

"why? for you trying to escape?" 

noah nodded.

"i'm sorry that had to happen." sam said, he couldn't seem to get his eyes off of noah's lips and he had to comfort himself with the fact that they would be all his by the end of this day. 

"it's not your fault," noah assured him, "but it still bothers me. you know i don't like arguing with people." 

"i know." sam's eyes fluttered shut when he placed another kiss onto noah's head, "i do wish you could have been a little more patient." 

the prince laughed against sam's chest, "but you know i wouldn't have it any other way."


	52. swimming in the moonlight - bad suns

the last beats of the song sounded through the ballroom, and everyone pulled away from the passionate romantic mood and applauded the orchestra's great performance. 

sam pulled away, but kept noah's hand in his, "let me take your mind off of your father." 

noah's eyes went wide, "i-uh- isn't it too e-early?" the prince had heard that line before, and he knew where it usually led up to. sam was about to guide them to go somewhere but then stopped in his tracks and laughed when he heard what the other said, "what are you talking about?" 

"n-not that i don't... _ want  _ to- of course i want to, but i'll be tired after-" 

"oh my gosh, no-" sam kept laughing, leaving the younger confused, "i don't mean  _ that. _ i'm taking you somewhere." 

_ oh.  _

the prince let sam drag him away.

"where are we going?" noah giggled as he and sam broke into a run out of the ballroom and through the hallways of his castle. he tried to keep up with sam's fast-paced strides, but he was too distracted by how the moonlight shone on his hand in sam's as they passed window by window in the halls. 

"it's a familiar memory." was all he said as they ran down long marble steps leading outside of the castle.

"what are you talking ab- woah." the view of a garden gently lit by the glow of the moon made it's way to noah's eyes.

there was a swing beneath an arch that was covered in vines and flowers.

he let go of sam's hand to step over to the swing, sitting on it before he saw that it had a great view of a pond where the reflection of the moon could be seen, a shimmering expanse of oily black that seemed to stretch on forever. 

"there are no guards here. i wanted some privacy for us." 

the prince sat on the swing, starting a slow swinging pace. but there was something on his mind, "how is this a familiar memory?"

sam chuckled, unsure how he hadn't realised it yet, "this was the same situation your parents were in when they first met. you told me, don't you remember?" 

"ohhhhhh." he laughed, "i forgot about that." 

sam was about to ask the other to scoot over so he could join him on the swing, but that was when he heard a rustling in the bushes.

"what was that?" noah asked, eyes blown wide.

sam was fully alert by now, there was no way he was just going to ignore that, but for the sake of noah keeping calm, he lies, "that's just the wind." he lets out a laugh, moving protectively behind him, placing his hands on noah's that were gripped on the rope.

but noah wasn't dumb and there was barely any wind hitting his face, let alone be strong enough to move a bush. it was when the rustling came again, louder this time that his head snapped to look at sam, "there's someone there, i know it!"

sam was thinking the same thing too and couldn't help but feel the slightest bit of panic. he instructed no guards to be anywhere near them for privacy, and whoever that was decided to intrude at what seemed like the perfect moment for anyone to attack if they wanted too.

"shhh, don't think about it." he cupped noah's cheek, trying to get his mind off of it. 

"but-" 

"look at me, just me. that was probably just chubs, my cat, going out for a walk." 

but at the exact moment that sam said the words, a red laser that could possibly only come from some sort of gun had made its way to shine on noah's chest. 

_ shit. this was not what sam needed right now.  _

thankfully, noah was looking at sam, there was nervousness and panic in his eyes, but he trusted the older.

sam took noah's hand, guiding him to stand up from the swing so that the target laser wouldn't be on him. 

"don't be scared." he assured, pulling noah's hand so that the prince walked with him. 

"well, if anything  _ is  _ out there to kill me." noah laughed nervously, "at least i didn't die before i met you." 

another rustling came into their ears, and sam had realised what whoever it was wanted from them. if they wanted them dead, they would have pulled the trigger by now. 

but they hadn't. 

they came here to play.


	53. twisted nerve - bernard herrmann

the whole time that they walked, sam ensured that if the laser was pointed at noah, he would block him, never letting the light linger on him for even a second. 

there was another suspicious rustle, this time accompanied by audible whispers came from the bush that the couple was walking away from, but that wasn't the only thing that came from the bushes. from the corner of sam's eye, he saw something fly towards the side of noah's head. he aimed to catch it before it could hit the prince, but when he looked, the boy had already been hit. 

"OW-" the younger could've lost his balance because of the impact if it wasn't for sam's firm grip on his hand. 

the moment sam saw a sharp rock fall on the ground after it had done its damage, he was sure he was going to snap. 

"ow." noah said in a small voice before putting his fingers to where the rock had hit out of instinct. "noah-" sam saw a sight he never wanted to see when his eyes caught the view of the boy in pain from the bleeding wound at the side of his head. he moved quickly, getting his handkerchief from his back pocket and placing it on the wound, guiding noah's hand to hold it in place. 

"sammy-" 

the older was breathing heavily - he had to calm himself down. sam wasn't himself when he was angry, that was why he was cautious. he had to keep calm if he didn't want to hurt anyone, including noah.

he had to keep calm - this was the love of his life, the prince he had sworn to protect even before he fell in love with him. 

seeing noah bleed was even more painful for him. 

"i'm going to fucking kill them." was what he said to the shorter man before he stood in front of him, facing the direction from where the rock came from, "show yourself, pussy." 

the person behind the bush didn't need to be told twice. there was rustling yet again before a man emerged, covered in leaves that he shook off, "me? a pussy?" he chuckled manically, "oh please, you should have seen yourself. go run after it, kitten." in his hand wasn't a gun, but a red laser toy that he then shone across the grass. 

sam was unable to even think of a snarky comeback. 

_ was this who he thought it was _

sam's eyes were blown wide, his rage moulding itself into an emotion that he didn't understand, nor had he felt before. 

"y-you?" were the only words that he could get out of his mouth. 

the man mocked laughed, throwing the laser to the ground before stomping on it, "m-me?" he mocked his stutter.

sam couldn't believe it - it was impossible.

"how are you...here?" 

"magic, darling." he winked.

this was the second time that noah saw sam completely unprepared for something. the man had planned out every single detail of this ball, but this part was as unplanned as it was unexpected. the first time was when his father had caught them in the hotel room, but this seemed to be a whole level higher than that. 

the older couldn't believe his eyes.

how was this possible?

after his mother's call, after the blood, after the coffin, after the funeral, after the burial, after sam had taken the crown, after the kingdom healed, after they thought it was all over, how was this possible? 

for the first time ever, sam called him by his name. the word was poison on his tongue and toxic in his veins, but he had to know is this was real. 

"joven?"

he let out sinister laughter as soon as he heard the word come out from sam's mouth, "aw, my baby brother, you remember me," he chuckled, "but that's not how you should say your kingdom's greatest king's name. you know how you should say it?" joven was grinning from ear to ear, eyes fixed on sam but the younger man's expression was a cold hard glare. he never broke contact with joven even if he had to move to shield noah. 

when sam didn't ask how, joven decided to answer himself, "with some motherfucking respect."

the way he locked his gaze on sam was familiar. he knew it was the same way he himself was looking at joven, because this was (yet again) something their father seemed to have taught the both of them.

_ "never look away from your challenger," their father spoke to 15-year-old sam, while his son had trouble keeping contact as he gulped, "the longer you keep your eyes on their's, the stronger your flame gets. look away and you'd extinguish yours instantly." sam's eyes seemed to blink by themselves while his father builds the flame in his own eyes. _

_ "listen closely," his father spoke again, "the heat you build up in you will be your strength when you fight. before you even throw fists, the truest battle is between the eyes."  _

_ the younger took deep breaths, using all his will to stare back at his father and think of him as his worst enemy. it was when his eyes no longer feared the look of his father's eyes that he felt the heat building up within him. he started huffing, his chest heaving and his hands unconsciously turned into fists, his jaw clenched and his eyes seemed to see nothing else than his challenger. but, when sam knew he was ready to fight, his father's eyes turned to crescents and he once again heard his laugh.  _

_ "did you feel that?" he spoke, slapping a hand down on sam's shoulder to affirm him of a job well done, "that's your flame. never ever lose that."  _

sam could feel the heat now. the fact that he had a love to protect was like tossing gasoline into the flame he had already built. 

"sam-" noah had been holding on to his arm while he was behind him, peeking over his broad shoulders to see what he was facing. his tone was desperate and wavering, he sounded scared. 

the prince looked at the man in front of sam - he looked like he hadn't seen the light of day in so long: his grin was creepy and his eyes were wide, his hair was a mess. 

and what did he say? 

kingdom's greatest king?

noah has a million questions (once again) all screaming at the same time in his head, but there was one screaming louder than all:  _ who was this guy? _

"what do you want?" sam spoke.

joven was the first one who broke contact before he looked up and pretended to think. 

_ weak, _ sam thought. 

"i want a lot of things, baby brother." 

noah's eyes went wide in realisation. 

so  _ this  _ was the older brother who made their life hell, he was the reason sam had to leave everything behind, the cause of all his nightmares and the reason why sam thought he could never dream again. 

the prince felt like he could see an apocalypse on legs. 

"what if i say that i want him?" joven spoke, looking past sam to the shortest.

noah immediately moved to completely hide behind sam, shots of panic shooting through his veins.

"brother-" sam spit out the words like spoiled food that made it's way to his mouth, reaching behind him to hold both of noah's hands in his, to bring the most comfort that he could, "-let me teach you something father might have forgotten to tell you. don't want things you can't have." 

"a bit hypocritical, baby." joven had that stupid fucking smirk on his face again, "you can't have that prince if i have him too."

noah almost yelped when he felt sam's grip on his hands grow thrice as tight as before because of the statement. 

"let's both agree that you had your fair share of fun with my agony years ago," the ex-bodyguard spoke. the heat in him was the strongest now and this was the largest his flame had ever been "now tell me what you fucking want so we can finally get out of each other's lives."

joven laughed, turning on his heels before he sat on the swing that noah was sat on just a while ago, facing the pair, "that would be no fun. let me tell you a little story first. i know you're dying to hear this one." 

sam never said a word, "okay, then. silence always means yes." he kicked the grass, swinging himself as high as he could, "this one is titled, how the greatest man that ever walked the face of earth faked his own death from his most idiotic little baby brother." 

sam's eyes blew wide, he had completely forgotten about his desire to get ahold of that information because of the rage in his veins. but this was a story he wanted to hear - heck, a story he  _ needed _ to hear.

"but, unlike your  _ usual  _ fairytale, this story, unfortunately, is a tragedy since, spoiler, the father dies." joven pretended to sniffle and wipe away a tear with his long finger, "however, what makes this story so great is that the hero of the story lives to tell his tale. his little brother even had the honour of hearing it from the hero himself." 

sam was listening and this was probably the first time he gave the man a listening ear, but half of his attention was still on noah. 

he took in a sharp breath when he realised how stupid he was for still shielding the boy behind him when joven was already sat down.on the other hand, there's no way that the asshole came alone.

he moved behind noah, one arm hugging the prince to his chest and his other hand placed on top of the cloth on noah's wound. he would have rushed to the castle's nurses to treat him now, but that obviously wasn't a choice. 

"let's start with when our daddy came home all drunk and intoxicated yet again after a night filled with gambling, and he just happened to catch me in a bad mood. i was just plotting ways on how to bring you to your death but i couldn't seem to find the perfect way." 

the prince let out a small gasp at what he just heard. the man could talk about killing his own half brother just like that? but sam was unfazed.

"and you know my puppy, carlos? i was so fucking frustrated that he wouldn't be able to bust you and princess while you were busy making kids in that hotel." jove chuckled. turning back to the memory was pleasurable for him, knowing that it was nothing but painful for sam, "believe it or not, i do get the slightest bit stressed over the thought that i have to live in the same world as you, but that's another story i'll leave for all the guests that will come to mourn on your grave." he pouted, pretending to sniffle once again, "back to the story-" he cleared his throat, "-your daddy spoke about you, i fucking hate it when he does that. and you know what he said?" 

when sam refused to say a word, joven once again answered his own question before he stood up from the swing, "he said he misses you. he said he misses his "real" son. pathetic, right?" he crossed his arms over his chest, "you should have seen him, slurring and talking about you and how dolkins would be a haven if you were here."

"sam..." the prince gulped. he could feel sam trying to steady his own breathing - he was mad. and noah had seen the man mad before, but he knew this was a whole other level. 

sam never took his eyes off of joven's form, not even to spare noah a glance. not only because it was his father's teaching, but because he knew he would surely soften the moment he looks at the prince. that was noah's effect on him, and it was good for every situation other than this. 

"i was keeping my cool with the fucker, he was kind to me since i was a child after all. but then the ignorant fuck talks about you in the way i like the least."

joven took steps forward towards them while he spoke, the closer he got the wider his smirk got, looking so disturbing that sam was relieved that noah was facing him so the boy couldn't see. 

"your stupid fucking father said you'd be a better king than me. he said you will forever be the greatest king that dolkins never had." 

sam could suddenly feel the weight of the crown, but for some reason, his father's words were heavier. his chest welled up with an emotion he had felt only now - so overwhelming that he almost lost his flame.

and,  _ oh _ , what sam would give to hear those words come from his father's mouth. what would he say right now, if he saw his crown on sam's head? 

sam's thoughts were cut off when the deranged man began hysterically laughing again as if he was on a permanent dopamine overdose. whenever he laughed, he never sounded happy - sam thought that was pretty fucking sad, even for someone like him. 

"i don't think the fucker was thinking right. maybe he had a dozen shots too much of whatever it was that made him like that." joven wiped a tear from his eye, caused by the laughter, "imagine thinking you would make a better king than me." 

sam was basically raised to rule dolkins. his father raised him like clay in a mould, a mould of how the perfect king should be, he could never be too much or too little of what the mould demanded him to be. yet, joven just walked through the door and the crown was already placed on his head. sam had to give his blood, sweat and tears, while joven just had to be born before sam was.

"i have no idea where your old hag of a mother was, but i think it was a good thing she didn't have to witness what happened. i might have had to deal with a double kill." just then, joven reached into his back pocket, retrieving a knife.

sam's widened. he had seen that knife before, but not like this - the last time he saw that knife, it was covered in his father's blood as he watched forensic experts pick it up from where it was left on the floor. it was at that moment that he knew he was staring at the object that killed his father - and he wasn't sure if he was thinking about the knife or the beast that had neither conscience nor remorse. 

joven tossed the knife into the air repeatedly, flawlessly catching it by its handle each time "and what did she tell you, that we were in battle? fuck no. the guy didn't even have a knife on him." 

noah couldn't believe that despite sam's obvious rage, the prince himself was feeling second-hand anger. so the guy had just admitted to murdering sam's father. 

noah may be a kind soul, but at that moment, if sam wanted to kill his own brother, he wouldn't stop him. this guy was not just the object of nightmares, he was the one who crafts them himself. 

noah felt a heat in his veins - a different type of heat that bubbled within him when he turned away from sam's chest to take a hard look at said man's brother. the words coming from his lips were unexpected by the prince himself, "you fucking murdered him." 

joven's gaze immediately went to the younger, shutting him up when he was about to speak some more. he took the last step forward, his face inches apart from noah, "getting a little too fucking brave, aren't we, honey?" 

what joven didn't know was that it was a mistake to come too close to the king's lover as sam pulled the boy back, away from his brother before his foot went flat to kick on the other's chest. he didn't care if he had a knife. 

joven flew back, landing a few feet away and flat on the grass. sam was breathing heavily again and noah wanted to apologise for butting in, but the pair were too fixated on joven's form on the grass.

the older man's chest moved, then his shoulders, and soon enough a hysterical laugh came from his lips again. (he always laughed but he never sounded happy.) 

he propped himself up on his elbows, staring at noah dead in the eye. there was no longer a smirk on his lips, he looked just as mad as the other two were, "getting a little too fucking brave, are we?" he spoke through gritted teeth. 

"getting a little too fucking insecure about someone telling you the truth?!" noah bit back, cursing at the man while still caught in sam's arms, "IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE CALLED A MURDERER, DON'T FUCKING KILL PEOPLE." 

sam was both surprised and concerned at how the small man in his embrace was going off. he knew the prince always expressed how he felt in any way he wanted to (that was how pain never made a home of his mind), but he couldn't get rid of the fear that his brother would see noah as more of a target now. 

"you little shit-" he got up, grabbing his knife and sam's breath hitched, standing in front of noah once again. that knife and that man are two objects that sam will never allow to even touch a hair from the prince's scalp. the flame was back in sam's eyes and as blazing as ever. he was ready, even if the cost was his life. 

because if they wanted to get the fairest, they have to go through the fiercest.


	54. shoot the runner - kasabian

joven brushed the dust off his shirt, he was seething as him and sam played yet another staring game. but by the way that the older kept looking away once and a while, sam knew he was winning the initial battle. the rage in sam's features formed into a smirk - he knew he had the upper hand. 

joven never studied how to use a knife, and sam had mastered how to counter attacks like this from a young age. 

but, perhaps sam could be wrong. "SAM-" the prince pressed up behind him, eyes going wide and shifting to all directions.

before he could turn to see what concerned the younger, he saw how joven had a similar smirk on his own lips. as soon as he turned around, he saw many (very muscular-looking) people dressed in all black coming their way and forming a circle around them, joven and the pair in the very middle.

sam planned to make a run for it with noah, but when he turned to joven's direction, the circle was already formed, leaving no way for them to escape. every ounce of bravery left the young prince the moment he saw the scene. all eyes were fixed on him

they were obviously outnumbered, joven's followers being more or less 30. 

sam's head turned, trying to find any escape for even the slightest bit of hope that they could get out of where they were now. but, it was no use. the man had lured them into a trap.

"surprised?" the devil in human form asked, making sam fix his gaze on him once again., "you'll be more surprised when you hear how this story  _ ends _ ."


	55. where we come alive - ruelle

"they went out to the gardens," charlie answered when zach asked where the couple had gone off to.

zach broke into a smile - noah was finally getting the love he deserved. his friend's love story took too many twists and turns, but now it seemed to be back on track. but, oli seemed to be the only one who could see past the festivities, wine, laughter and music. 

"it seems like all their security is still here, they're still closeby," he spoke his thoughts out loud. 

zach, who was walking with him back to their table with the

king and queen, turned to his now-taller boyfriend (because of his recent growth spurt), "what?"

"they're not with the two. who's providing them security?" he sighed, "and they haven't come back yet. the king wouldn't leave his own ball this long." 

zach laughed, shaking his head at the other, "give them a break, they haven't seen each other in months and they've just established the fact that they were meant to be." 

"but-" 

"hey," the dark-skinned boy cut him off, cupping his cheek so the younger could look at and focus on him, "let's not overthink. they're probably just being happy right now. sam's not stupid; of course there's security with them. and even if there aren't, i'm pretty sure he could take on like 30 guys or something." 

oli finally let the topic die down, he knew it was zach's silent request anyways, "i guess you're right."

\---

the real head of dolkins' RSU wasn't sam, but a woman named sabrina, who happened to be the same person who had helped sam pull off the 'crime' they had committed in the convenience store. the reason why sabrina was an efficient member of the RSU was that she always had a hunch about what was going to happen and, for some magical reason, her intuition was always right. however, the main reason she became the head of the RSU was that she owed sam that. sabrina was a dear friend of his, close to what zach was to noah. she stuck with him even after all hell broke loose in dolkins. she was one of the people who believed that sam must come back home and reclaim his throne. sabrina was one of the people who wept when the new king was enthroned and it wasn't sam. sabrina had stuck by him through thick and thin and she was one of the people that sam had made a promise to. he promised he would come back and things would be better than they ever were before. and he had stuck to that.

"where is the king?" she asked a group of security who were huddled in the corner of the ballroom, looking at the crowd.

"oh, ma'am," they all snapped out of their stance in the presence of sabrina, "he is in the gardens with his partner just as planned."

she let out a sigh, convinced everyone in his unit was stupid, "did you follow his orders of no one watching over them?" 

the group turned to each other, wondering who was brave enough to speak up. one gulped before he spoke up, "y-yes ma'am." 

"you stupid fucks." sabrina pushed through the ballroom doors, motioning for the group to follow him. 

"is something wrong, ma'am?"

sabrina picked up his pace and, by now, she was speed walking, "you idiots, why did you leave them alone?!" 

"ma'am, those were the king's orders." one said. 

the woman leading the group groaned in frustration, "our duty is to keep the king safe, no matter what he says. we can follow that order on days other than this, he's too exposed to danger today." 

the security behind her were whispering to each other, trying to find the right person to blame. 

"you should have monitored where he won't see. it's for his own safety, he'll thank you later."

"b-but ma'am-" 

another butted in, "-he said it was a direct order from the king himself we must fo-" 

"HE IS NOT YOUR DIRECT SUPERIOR, I AM. HE IS MY SUPERIOR, BUT, YOU FOLLOW ME BEFORE YOU FOLLOW HIM." sabrina was seething. 

they were losing time. 

it takes a second to fire a gun and another second for it to end sam's life, and yet the idiots in this unit assume for him to be safe on his own. 

the garden was an unreasonably long walk from the ballroom, unfortunately for sabrina.

"isn't that a violation of his human right to privacy?" one cocky member of security in the unit spoke up, "he's the king, he can handle himself. it's an order from him, if he dies, then we're not to blame." 

sabrina may be in a great hurry, but she still stopped in his tracks. she wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight until she knocks some sense into the owner of the voice.

"do you remember what it was like to have a king who wasn't sam?!" the group stopped, all of them trying to catch their breath. no one was brave enough to utter a single word, even the cocky one, "GET IT INTO YOUR HEADS." she raised her voice, echoing through the hallway. she didn't care if there was anyone around to hear, "do you want to go back to that? our government trying to murder us all one by one slowly? remember when your kids were forced to undergo intense military training for a war that only occurred out of the king's own greed?" sabrina remembered everything and was there to witness it all. she was in the front seat to witness with her own eyes how the kingdom fell, and she never wanted it to go back to that. "do you remember how severe the inflation was? i couldn't even treat my husband to a nice dinner. we were forced to skip a meal a day, maybe even two if you were underprivileged. most couldn't afford education - some saw it as pointless since nobody was hiring anymore anyways. people wanted to move out to nearby kingdoms, but what did the fucker do? positioned men with guns in kingdom borders for everyone who dared to escape. " sabrina really wanted her words to get under their skin, she wanted them to fight for what they finally had now, "some couldn't get jobs, only because companies had not even a cent to pay their employees. even prostitutes agreed to sell themselves for a night in exchange for a bowl of soup. crime rates shot up; if you were poor you were lucky, if you were rich you were unlucky because everyone wanted to rob you. and, the people who wanted to start a revolution, what did he do to them? a gun to the head, no questions asked." the events of the past were unspoken here. nobody wanted to relive the chaos of it all. but, sabrina knew that she had to bring the past back, even for a moment, for people to appreciate the present, "we were rolling in mud and dirt while the king was feeding off of our pain. he wanted to invade other kingdoms for his own sake when he had no intention to take care of his own. he prospered in our loss while we were left to die." sabrina didn't even notice that there was already a tear running down her cheek but when she did he didn't wipe it away, it was proof to the group that the pain was real, "i don't want to go back to that. and if you do, then you're free to walk out of the door."

of course sam flipped that all around when he took his place on the throne. it took some time, and winning the kingdom's trust was part of the struggle as well, but fate assured the best for dolkins. 

"his father called sam  _ "the greatest king dolkins never had" _ and he died after the sunset, never given a chance to see the sunrise on the kingdom that was once his."

that was when sabrina concluded the fastest retelling of the past that she had ever managed, "and right now the greatest king we ever will have is left unsafe in his own castle. if you can't appreciate what we have now, then you're also free to walk out of the door."

after that, sabrina ran to her king. every single person in the unit followed him. even the cocky one. 


	56. everybody wants to rule the world - tears for fears

the smirk that was once sam's was now on joven's lips. he was the one with the upper hand now.  
"tell me, baby brother, do you want to know how this story ends?"  
sam tried to calm the waves of panic that kept crashing into his mind, but it was no use. his primary concern right now was noah - who knows what they'll do if they get a hold of him. but, like every time sam was too caught up in his own panic, the younger seemed to be doing just fine, calm even. it was as if the prince could sense the fear that sam rarely had and when he did, he was there to make things the slightest bit brighter. even when it seemed impossible - like in situations such as this. 

"you know what?" noah spoke up despite the events occurring, "you're the worst author."   
joven just chuckled, moving from where he stood in front of sam to step in front of the shorter man, "listen honeybunch-" he spoke, "author? that's who i used to be. but, right now, your little boyfriend will be in charge of how this story ends."  
the prince threw the bloodied handkerchief that was held to his wounded head to the ground, "can you stop it with your shit?" he asked in a frustrated tone, "i really want to go home now and i'm pretty sure you're tired as well. can you just let-"  
"-and why would i do that, idiot?" joven laughed as if the reason for him being here was the most obvious thing that noah hadn't figured out yet, "i came here to kill your king, not to take pity on him because his pet said so."   
sam moved again, after ensuring that joven's followers surrounding them had no weapons capable of ending their lives, he spun around and hugged the prince to his chest again, before his glare drifted to joven, "tell me what you want, i'll give it to you." he spoke simply, his stare cold as ice despite the fire in his eyes, "i'm pretty sure killing me isn't the first thing on your list. how else will you continue to make my life a living hell if i'm dead?"   
"finally, you're smart enough to figure something out." the other man laughed, circling the two as he played with his knife yet again.   
both of the couple's eyes were fixed on him, following his form wherever he went, anticipating the words to come out of his lips, "first, i want you both to listen to the rest of my story about how i faked my death. i didn't go through all that effort just for it to remain a mystery to everyone." joven put the knife back in his pocket, keeping his movements around the two, "next, i want all of dolkins' riches. i don't care about the crown, i never have. i want the cash, the jewellery, the gold, the silver, the jewels, the diamonds - everything in the royal vault of treasures, every single one." joven's greed was no secret to everyone. even if he already had the earth in the palm of his hand, he'd probably still yearn for other planets and galaxies, "thirdly, i want to play a game with you. don't brothers always play games together? we never got a chance to do that as children, now's our chance." something about the way he said it made noah certain that he wasn't pertaining to harmless games. one look at him and everyone would know that he plays dirty, "and lastly, i want you to let me go. you won't speak of this, nobody else will know. your life will be yours to live and you'll never see me again. maybe in your nightmares, but never in the flesh." 

sam had no reason to trust him, nobody did. he never showed an ounce of trustworthiness within him. but from the corner of his eye, he saw a reflection. following where it came from, he saw sabrina followed by some of the RSU, and the shock on his face was truly something. their eyes met, and sabrina had already deciphered what he wanted to say without the man having to open his mouth. they weren't allowed to shoot, only to watch and wait until the proper time comes. sabrina must gather more security, in case things take an ugly turn. but, other than that, nothing else. this was sam's fight, and the pen writing how the story will end was in his hand. 

"fine."  
"fine?" joven raised a brow.   
"fine." sam repeated, "tell your story and let's get this over with."

  
\---

"something's wrong." oli spoke. dancing to the upbeat music from the orchestra could no longer distract him from the thoughts coming into his mind.   
"nothing is wrong." zach replied, not giving the other a chance to explain.  
"the security unit all flooded out of the ballroom together at the same time. why would they do that? they were in a hurry, and the head of the RSU seemed bothered about something." 

zach couldn't blame the chestnut-haired boy for noticing things and concluding that there may be a deeper cause to the events happening, but he wanted to enjoy the night, and oli being slightly paranoid wasn't helping. 

"here, just to calm you down-" the long-legged boy took his phone out of his pocket and clicked on noah's number to call him, "i'll call noah, but if we end up interrupting some heated makeout session, i'm going to tell him it's your fault." 

  
\---

  
"fine." joven responded to sam. the way the younger man agreed instantly made it seem like some sort of challenge, "lend me your ears or i'll cut them off of your head." 

in the moment that joven thought to form his words, sam turned to the prince in his arms, who was still gripping onto his suit tightly, as if to prepare for if joven were ever to pull them away from each other.   
there may not be a gun on sam's head, but he could already feel his life hanging on the edge. one wrong move and he could lose noah. he knew what joven was capable of, so, he looked at the boy now, appreciating his beauty as if it was the last time he could and, with the situation they were in, it just may be.   
they say you only see someone's value when you might lose them but, all this time, sam already knew what the prince meant to him. he knew damn well how precious noah was before he was even his.

sam diverted his attention back to joven when the other started speaking.   
"where were we? right, i was about to kill the man who gave me half of my genes." joven cleared his throat, "if you already have a knife in your hands and a vulnerable man you intend to destroy in front of you, where else would you aim other than the heart?" 

noah gasped, and that only made sam hold him tighter, even though he stayed unfazed. 

"this knife was his, did you know? i found it in his bedroom drawer. it looked pretty so i decided to keep it." joven pulled the knife out of his pocket, observing it under the light of the moon, "stabbed him thrice, maybe four times, i forgot. that was also when i found out that crimson blood looks awfully beautiful spreading onto a white carpet."   
sabrina's eyes widened when he saw joven pull out the knife. it was also then that she noticed the wound on noah's head. her hunch was right yet again. 

"stay low, stay low." she spoke to the security with her as they crouched down and peered through a closed window to see what was going on, "call our sharpshooters. half of you go to the ballroom, close all possible exits. half stay here, don't make a sound." sabrina whispered orders to the person directly beside her, the person nodding, crawling until they were out of sight before he broke into a run. 

"and, to unravel the mystery, of course i couldn't let your mommy find out that i killed him. so, you know what i did? it was so simple even an idiot can do it." he chuckled, "i pointed a knife at one of the maids, made her run to your mother who was already asleep, rolled the nearly dead body over, then laid down on the pool of blood he left. so it looked like it was a battle."   
"your acting skills must be out of this world," noah said, now unamused of the whole story and joven was putting a great effort into seeming terrifying, but it wasn't working so well anymore.  
"you know why i faked my own death?" joven asked, stopping his movements as he stood in front of them. his eyes were then captured in sam's fire. he looked so much like his father that every time joven looked at him, he felt like he was looking at the man he killed just a few heartaches and a couple of years of pain behind. he also knew that people always told sam that he had his father's eyes and, after a long hard look at him, he could see it too. he thought that maybe tonight he could put him in the same place as his father.   
maybe tonight they'd have the same eyes that never got the chance to truly see a bright future for dolkins. 

"i had it all." he spoke, "the throne, the crown, people doing things under my command just because i was king. you want to know why i let people believe i was dead?"  
a sound coming from the followers surrounding them alerted both sam and noah, they had no time to think about what it was or where it came from because the older man was getting to what seemed to be the climax of his story, "everyone said you were the greatest king dolkins never had." his own fire-filled eyes locked onto sam's, the younger's had a lifetime's worth of rage for the man and it only fueled the fire even more, "so if they wanted you so bad-" joven's eyes widened, unconsciously standing up from where he was crouched down when he saw what the people forming the circle had prepared.   
"-if you were the king they wanted," he laughed, eyes momentarily making their way to look at the crown on sam's head, "i say let them have their beloved king."  
  
"NO!" sabrina could do nothing but yell in fear when she saw what had happened.  
some of the followers around them had smoke bombs tucked into their clothes and, at that exact moment, they threw them out. sabrina could only watch in horror as everyone including joven, sam and noah were completely devoured by the thick, white smoke. 

sam hadn't seen it coming. he was sure he was yelling and shouting, but he can't remember or even understand the words that came from his lips.   
one second the prince was in between his arms, and the next he could feel almost a dozen hands around him, all aiming for the same thing. they were pulling noah away.

noah held on as tightly as he could, so tight that he was sure one of the buttons on sam's shirt broke because of how hard he held on while he was being pulled away. he let out screams and shouts, but he couldn't hear beyond the ringing in his ears caused by the bombs.  
at some point, the hands pulling them apart became stronger than their own arms wrapped around each other, but never stronger than their desire to be together. at moments like this, noah would turn to the older for comfort. the man always held the most hope in his eyes that the other needed. but the sad part was, the smoke covered his face completely.   
sam knew one thing: even if he felt noah slip past his fingers, the world would know how much he tried to hold on. everyone including noah himself would know he never wanted to let go.

noah was about to call for sam from the top of his lungs but, before he could finish, a hand was clamped down on his mouth. the prince felt them move him, bringing him somewhere he couldn't see. he couldn't wriggle out of their grasp no matter how much he kicked.

there were too many of them and he didn't need to see them to know that there were enough hands on him to ensure that he had no chance of escaping.


	57. physical - dua lipa

oli was staring intently at zach who had his phone pressed to his ear after he had dialled noah's number. 

the older prince's features probably looked the same as oli's when he looked up at him, realising that maybe he was right. 

"he's not answering." 

"i have a bad feeling about this." oli sighed, looking around the hall to see more and more members of the security unit flooding out through the door while some still stayed but were always on their communicating system through their earpieces. 

zach bit his lip, placing his phone in his pocket, worry filling his veins all at once, "let's just hope it's something that they can take."

\---

sam was struggling out of the grasp of the men who held him, he was pretty sure that through the smoke, he hit a lot of them. when he thought he had successfully got a step closer to freeing himself, the men took their hands off of him all at the same time.

the smoke started thinning and had eventually lifted from where it was. it was still there, but enough to see through it. 

"NOAH!" sam turned in various directions, trying to catch sight of the boy. 

noah tried to scream back, but the hand on his mouth stayed there regardless of how much he moved to get it off. his eyes widened and his desire to rip off all the hands holding him down greatened when he saw sam, stuck in the centre of the human barricade circle again. 

but where was his crown? 

sam had been so used to the weight of the crown on his head that he can no longer tell the difference of it being on his head or not.

his eyes widened with a rage that noah had never seen before as soon as his eyes fixated to where the prince was. his pupils moved from the hands gripping noah's arms, the hand on his mouth, to the his eyes that were pleading for his help silently. 

he had enough of these games; if joven wanted to play dirty, then sam was going to shove him into the mud. he didn't even care where his crown may be - he was aware that it wasn't where it  _ should  _ be, but a crown could easily be replaced. within a week, he could have another identical crown on his head, but there was only one noah. 

sam was about to swing a fist at one of the men who held noah, but when he was a meter away, joven stood in front of the prince. 

but, that didn't stop sam from releasing his rage, he felt his knuckles make contact with the maniac's jaw, the older flying to the side, almost stumbling to the ground with his hand going to touch his aching jaw. 

sam stood with his chest heaving, gritting his teeth as he watched the man that he punched, who was unmoving from the position he flew into.

soon enough, his shoulders started moving and that was when his sickening laughter came bubbling out of his throat like a fizzy drink. he slowly stood straight, eyes going to sam.

"when did you learn to hurt the ones you love, sam?" joven spoke, a menacing grin on his lips, "did you father teach you that, too?"

no." he responded, eyes moving to glance at noah, just to make sure he was fine, "it must be an exclusive lesson just for you."

\---

"where's noah?" 

both zach and oli were stood on the sides of the dance floor, looking to see charlie running towards them who was looking hopefully at them for a positive answer to his question. 

"we don't know." zach said.

the security who were left in the ballroom seemed to be permanently alert by now. more and more guests seemed to be suspicious that something was up, especially when the maids were swiftly shutting windows and the ballroom doors were being pulled shut by the security. 

"what is going on?" oli asked, now sure that something was up.

charlie swallowed, anxiously looking around and holding onto his earpiece, "i'm not sure if we're allowed to tell guests. it may cause more chaos than what we already have on our hands." 

"we have the right to know." zach was slightly raising his voice, a result of the anxiety that was building up within him, "if there's chaos, we'll also be victims of that. we might as well-" 

"OKAY." charlie spoke, "okay, okay. fine. i'll tell you because you must be as concerned for noah as i am. but, you can't tell anyone else."

"what is it?" the two said in unison.

the red head sighed, biting his lip, "the king is under attack. we fear for his life." 

zach was holding his breath, "and what about noah?" 

"they have him, too. the RSU doesn't know what to do." he informed.

"who's the attacker?" oli asked before charlie shushed him for raising his voice too loud. he felt zach hold onto his hand for comfort. 

"his half-brother. the previous king who everyone thought was dead."


	58. you - keaton henson

"since i'm finished with my story, do you know what's next on the list?" 

"to hell with your agenda!" sam growled. 

joven narrowed his eyes, looking at the man who stood his ground, "i tried to make this fun for you, but you just won't allow yourself to play along."

"you want riches?" the younger asked, "let me go get the key to the vault, it's all fucking yours. it's not like you'll be satisfied no matter how much money you have on your hands." 

joven was in thought for a while before he stopped and stood in front of sam.

"fine, you do that. when you come back, we'll play the last game you'll ever play with your big brother."

"i'm sick and tired of the games you play." 

"oh come on." joven chuckled, "as your brother, i should always be your playmate." he leaned in, closer to sam's face, "we didn't get to play around when we were younger, now is the only chance we have and you're acting like a pussy who can't take a loss." 

he irritated sam more than anything has before and the urge to swing at him again became so much that he found his fist landing another punch under joven's jaw.

"SCREW YOU!" 

"this is what you want right?" sam growled, "for us to play along like a pair of bros?" 

the other just laughed, pretending to be unfazed of the obvious pain he was in, "go on, get the key so the real games can begin." 

sam was silent for a moment, but then he started taking a few steps backwards, "before i go, i want you to let go of noah." 

he snuck another glance at the prince and he admired how composed he was, especially since he knew how easy noah's tears could fall at times. right now he was watching and waiting and he is almost surprised with the amount of trust that noah is giving him.

"you can make him sit on the grass to make sure he doesn't run away, but i don't want any hands on him."

"already making your own rules of the game?" joven chuckled, "fine." the older man gestured for the men to place the prince down, they pushed him to sit cross-legged on the grass, but there was no physical contact with him anymore. "but i have a request for you, too." he spoke, facing the younger man, "and i expect you to accept my request since i accepted yours. a favour for a favour, i scratch your back you scra-" 

"just tell me what it is, already." sam rolled his eyes, joven talked too much for a person he never wants to listen to. 

"when you come back, bring no one else with you." he liked playing games, but only when he was sure he was going to win and if there was a chance that he might lose, he turns the cards to be in his favour, "i don't want to see any guns, knives, bombs, grenades, ninja stars or samurai swords on you."

sam nodded once to show that he understood, "and when i'm gone, nobody touches him. you can only hurt him if he says something. do whatever you want to him if he screams and shouts. as long as he doesn't, no hands on him." 

joven nodded once and before he could come up with anything else, sam steps backwards, never turning his back on joven and noah until he was in the garden entrance. 

_ i'm sorry that i have to go, but i'm right here. always. _

as soon as he set foot into the castle building, he broke into the fastest run. members of the RSU who were crouched down or laying on the floor watched him pass by, he was looking for only one person.

"SABRINA!"

said woman got to her feet, putting all trust into the second in command as she ran in pace with the king, "sir, what are we going to do?" 

"all of you, just stay prepared." sam sighed, "it's my fight."

"but you're our king," the woman spoke, "you're my friend, no fight is yours alone." 

"i suppose this one is." 

the two rushed through the halls, sam telling sabrina all of what happened in the garden as quick as he could even if he was close to losing his breath.

the man was moving twice as fast, as leaving noah in the company of people that he couldn't trust one bit wasn't the brightest idea. although, he knew that joven told the RSU that if they went against the rules regarding the prince that sam set, he would hurt them like they would hurt noah.

the king only stopped in his tracks when they arrived at the room where the vault was, opening it up by his fingerprint. 

"you're really going to give him what he wants?" sabrina asked as she held onto the wall to catch her breath, watching sam open a small vault which held the key. 

"no, of course not." he spoke, taking the key out and shutting the vault. he was on the move again, hoping that sabrina will be able to catch up. 

"then what's the key for?" sabrina may be fit, but she sure wished her job didn't require this much running in one day.

"just in case." 

sam was heading somewhere else now and sabrina realised that it could only be the basement, the room where all types of weapons are. from swords to bombs, grenades and timebombs, landmines, bullets, guns, riffles, anything they needed to defend the kingdom.

she was confused.

after all, joven did not allow sam to bring any weapons with him. 

"just in case, what?" she opened the door of the room for sam. 

"just in case he kills me before i kill him." 

sam pushed through the door, heading for the only weapon he let no one else touch because it was his and only his. it was the only weapon he had inherited from his father, his initials of 'SAC' (for samuel astrophel clarke) engraved into the wood. 

"also, it's in the rules of the game. i have to play fair, right?"

they rushed out of the room, sabrina forming a nervousness within her that sam did not have. it was funny because sam was the one rushing to war, and sabrina was just there to watch.

and she knew where sam was going next, he didn't need to tell her.

sam was rushing to the ballroom where his mother was. 

he was going to hug her and say goodbye, unsure if it would be the last hug they'll share or the last goodbye she'll ever hear from him.

sabrina felt sorry for the previous queen as there was a chance she would lose both of the men she loved in her life at such a short interval.

"should i do it?" 

sabrina was surprised at the amount of uncertainty she heard in the boy's voice when he seemed so decided in his thoughts just moments ago. 

"do what?" she asked. 

"kill him." 

she bit her lip as she was lost in thought, so lost in thought that she almost couldn't catch up with sam.

"you should." she said, a completely positive, "first, he's dead to everyone anyways." 

sam nodded, showing that he agreed with what she had said. 

"second, he's an asshole and the world has enough assholes already. and compared to all other assholes, he's a pretty huge one." 

the man laughed despite the situation they were already in. when they arrived at the ballroom doors which were shut, he and sabrina slammed on it.

"OPEN UP." the woman said, and they rushed in immediately.

"is there a third reason?" sam asked as they walked through crowds of royalty who were looking at him, wondering where his crown was or why he was in the state he was in now. 

"if you're fearing that it might tarnish your worthiness of being king, don't." sabrina searched the room for his mother, "kings are always the first one who fight for things. may it be in war, or something else. kings place themselves in front of their people in battle formation, and aren't afraid to get blood on their hands." 

sam turned to the woman, despite his desire to locate his mother. sabrina knew just what he wanted and needed to hear, "if it's for the good of your kingdom, how can it be wrong?" she managed to spot sam's mother and rushed to her direction. "plus, if you asked dolkins, we'd all want to see a bullet in joven's head."

"DARLING!" sam's mother's eyes were wide and almost filling up with tears as if she was surprised to see her son still alive and breathing. 

the tall man ran to her, wrapping her in his arms while he still could. he was uncertain if he could ever do it again.

"mama, will you forgive me? please forgive me." 

her son's voice in her ear made her feel as if he was a child again, crying to her when he was hurt, "why? for what?" she asked, wanting to pull away from him to look him in the eye but sam didn't want to let go just yet.

"if i kill a man." 

she was surprised at first, wondering how he could even think of doing such a thing, but then she realised there was only one man sam had ever wanted to end the life of, "you can never put a man in jail unless you know why he did the crime." she quoted, finally able to pull away to cup her son's face. he looked so tired, "why are you going to do it?" 

he didn't think twice, "because i love my kingdom and he has the man i love, too." 

"then you're already forgiven. if it's a crime done out of love, then it's not a crime."

\---

sam had no time to speak with zach, oli or anyone else at that moment. he and sabrina were too busy forming a plan that involved the rest of the RSU. she decided that if sam was going to end someone's life, they had to make sure no other lives get dragged along with his. 

"remember when you helped me commit my first 'crime' with noah?" sam laughed, surprised at how light he was feeling despite what was to come. 

"how could i forget?" sabrina smiled. 

"i never thought you'd help me the first time i'll kill someone, too."


	59. already gone - two door cinema club

sam was back to building the flame within him when he walked down the few steps from the castle building to the garden's grass. noah was fortunately where he left him, sat there with an expression that wasn't supposed to be on his face while basking under the beauty of the moonlight. 

"oh, you smart little fucker." joven laughed when he saw sam. the younger had found a loophole in what he had said. 

_ 'bring no one with you. i don't want to see any knives, swords, guns, bombs, grenades, or samurai swords on you.' _

so, sam had brought his bow and arrows. he didn't laugh as he examined the changes that took place from the last time he had been there - the men were no longer forming some sort of circle, they were no lined up in two straight horizontal lines, 15 in each line. 

for some reason, all their hands were behind them. 

"well, i can't get mad at my baby brother for being a smartass-" joven chuckled, "so, i'll let you play while you have your toy with you in case you're a sore loser." 

noah had heard what the older brother was planning for the game they had to play, but he couldn't say anything at all about it.

he silently promised sam that he won't speak a word unless he wanted to be hurt. all the prince could do was sit there and hope that sam could outsmart the malicious man's schemes. 

"tell me the mechanics of the game." sam spoke. he knew the RSU needed time to prepare, but he also knew that they were fast. noah's safety depended on how well they execute sabrina's instructions. 

"it's simple." joven spoke, "one person here has your crown behind their backs. you have to identify who."

sam examined the people in the line, one by one, looking at them from head to toe. he hoped to find any sign that they could possibly be the one. 

"of course, you win when you choose the right one." joven cocked his eyebrow to challenge the younger.

"what happens if i choose right?" sam asked, taking an arrow from the case he had slung onto him. he positioned it within his bow, two fingers holding its tip in preparation to shoot but he kept it pointed to the ground. 

"you get your crown." after a second of thought, he decided to speak again, "and your prince. we'll let you both go unharmed." 

"and if i choose wrong?" 

the older smirked, shaking his head, "that's for you to find out."

seeing sam ready his bow made him subconsciously reach and pull out his knife.

sam took a deep breath, not wanting to show any form of weakness even if, at that moment, he was unsure. he didn't like it when he wasn't in control of things and right now, it was torture. 

"how many chances do i have?" sam asked, not taking his eyes off of the individuals in lines. 

joven thought for a moment, "i was going to say one, but because we have fifty percent of the same blood, i'll give you three. no more, no less." 

sam tried to analyse what he should search for in the possible person holding his crown.

could it be in the facial expression? their posture? 

the way their arms are held behind their backs? 

was it the way they stood? 

the distance of their feet?

he had no idea. sam may have gotten good grades in school, but there was no logic to this.

all he hoped for was that luck was on his side. 

the moment he saw a familiar face in the crowd of 15 followers, sam decided to take his chance, "carlos." 

joven turned to the said man gesturing for him to move. 

carlos, who was in the first row, took a step forward, turning 360 degrees and raising both hands in the air to show that the crown was not with him. 

sam cursed to himself. he then realised that there was a drastic difference between still having three guesses to being down to just two. his heart was racing in his chest. he knew what joven was capable of, and this game was going to determine whether or not their lives will take a turn for the better or for the worse. 

the ex-bodyguard was studying one particular woman in the line, stood in the very middle who kept tapping her toe or shaking her leg.

she was also sweating madly and looked like she had a bad case of jitters. 

guesses weren't going to guess themself, so sam trusted his gut, "you." he spoke, nodding towards said woman. 

the girl looked like a mix of surprised and relieved and took a step forward.

sam wanted to cross his fingers and set his hopes up to the highest. but, once again, the woman spun in place in a full circle, proving that she indeed didn't have the crown. 

"giving up so soon, darling?" joven was laughing maniacally again, as if his victory was ensured, "you don't even have to use your last guess, you can just claim defeat right now and make it easier for yourself." 

sam was seething, both panic and rage filling him at that point. 

this was impossible - three choices among thirty was truly unfair and it was in these moments of panic and uncertainty that sam turns to look at the face that calms his heart. he didn't want to look at the prince this whole time, not wanting to extinguish his flame. but now he was afraid that if he didn't remind him of the only reason he was willing to fight, his own flame might burn him alive. seeing his love's face under the gentle glow of the moon was a reminder to sam that no matter what storm came to his sea, noah was the only one who could stop the roaring waves from crashing to the shore.

he was pulled from his own thoughts of how much he adored noah when the prince's eyes widened when he realized that sam's eyes were on him. it was as if he was dying for the man to turn to him. the younger gulped, he had to be careful when he conveyed what he knew, he was sat in front of thirty individuals teamed up with joven after all. so, he used his mocha eyes, directing his gaze to the dickhead in a black dapper suit, as if pointing to him with his eyes. and when he was sure sam saw him, he mouthed a single word he could only hope sam understood:  _ 'crown.' _

sam couldn't believe that he didn't think of that sooner. joven didn't cheat, after all he did say that the crown was with 'one person here.' therefore, he could also be included. 

the man knew how to play dirty but sam's uncertainty, panic, and every other negative feeling he once had was now gone. 

victory was ensured. 

it was when he took another arrow from his case that sam formed another sentence, "brother, i do admit this game was fun." sam chuckled, "but all nice things have to end, right?" 

joven's smug smirk slowly faded, wondering why he was suddenly speaking of such things. 

"i assure you that you'll be remembered even if we try our hardest to forget." 

joven forced out a laugh, "you have one more gue-"

sam held the two arrows in position - if he was going to end this man, he wasn't going to give him any chance of surviving this, "i'm sure glad you were never a big brother to me." sam spoke, "i would fucking hate it if people called me a 'mini-you'"

"what are you on abou-" 

"and papa?" he chuckled, "i'm sure he wished i was the only child he ever had." 

"use your gue-" 

"and dolkins? yes, you were their king, but the kingdom was never yours." 

"we're still playing the-" 

sam's flame was blazing, unable to be put out by anything other than the life leaving the other man's eyes, "you know what's the difference between you and me?" he pulled his bow, "you need a crown on your head to be a king. i don't." 

joven had had enough of the bullshit as he began walking towards sam in rushed steps, "I SAID USE YOUR LAST FUCKING GUESS." 

and so sam did, 

"you." 

in a split second, he raised his bow in the other's direction, shut one eye before releasing the arrows into motion. he had learned archery since he was a young boy, before he even had enough strength to pull the bowstring back all the way. 

after all years of training, this was the bullseye that he was sure scored the most points. the two arrows hit where he intended it to be; one landed in the middle of his forehead while the other went through the middle of his face.

joven's crew could do nothing but stand and watch as the heard the sound of the arrows being released from the bow. they saw how their leader had stopped in his tracks from where he stood as he was racing towards sam like a raging bull. the older man could no longer breathe or think, obviously because of the arrows that had pierced both sides of his skull, the last image that registered into his mind was sam's face. he truly did look a lot like his father. 

joven saw his face and, with his last dying breath as the world around him started to spin, he no longer saw a pathetic man to him. with his last dying breath, he saw sam as a king. 

noah gasped as sam just stood and watched his brother fall to his knees, the strength and life draining from his veins every passing second. 

"i guessed right." sam spoke as joven fell forward flat on the ground. he saw his crown that was fastened to his belt glimmer under the moonlight. 

"NOOOO!" 

everyone turned to look at carlos, with his hair now dyed a dark brown which suited him a lot more than his last electric blue colour. 

by the obvious death of his superior, he had an expression of both rage and dsibelief on his face. sam was surprised by how quick everything was as he watched carlos rage towards his direction the same exact way that joven did, a knife grasped in his hand and his thoughts obviously clouded with the unyielding desire to do unto sam what he did to his leader. B#

but it's not like they were unprepared. 

the sound of three gunshots rang in the air and joven's followers and noah winced in shock. 

"HANDS IN THE, AIR NOBODY MOVE." a voice that belonged to none other than sabrina was heard. 

the young prince saw how dozens and dozens of security with guns arose to stand in the buildings. many windows were surrounding the building near the garden and there was no space where a member of the RSU wasn't stood and prepared to shoot with their guns pointed directly at the crew. some even popped out from the bushes, ready to shoot on the king's command. 

"WEAPONS DOWN." 

carlos bit his lip, wary of the situation. but when he saw that they were obviously outnumbered, he gave in, slowly raising his hands in the air, letting the knife fall to the ground. some people were worth dying for and joven was probably not one of them. his followers might have been loyal, but, at his death, they drew the line. 

carlos' surrender led to the followers huddling together, their hands in the air and knives

falling one by one to the ground. they were looking anywhere other than the deceased body of someone they used to submit to.

sabrina ran to down the garden steps, standing next to sam without letting her guard down. 

but sam only had one thing on his mind, "noah-" the man spoke, wearing his bow around his body again. 

the prince immediately gleamed at the sound of his name, as if it was the only thing he wanted to hear at the moment. he stood from the ground where he was sat and the older opened his arms and prepared for noah to run into him again. the boy ran, but not to him immediately. 

sam watched as noah, with a fearless drive within him, went straight to joven's lifeless body, unfastened the clasp that kept the crown hanging on his belt and then stood with the crown in his hands, dusting it off as he went straight to the arms that he belonged in.

sam broke into a smile that he didn't know he'd have on his face that night. but, noah was truly one of a kind and he will never seize to be the reason why his world isn't toppling over. 

"you know what to do with them." sam whispered to sabrina beside him, the other nodding, motioning for the rest of the RSU to move. 

"i know you don't need this to be the king, but-" the prince spoke, making sam turn to him as he stood in front of him, "it suits you too much." he held out the

crown in his hand, expectantly waiting for sam to take it, "and i do admit dating an actual king sounds pretty hot." 

noah looked at the crown in his hands. he realised that sam must see it as a reward, some sort of trophy prize for putting up with all the hurricanes that came to his life that he had now conquered. however, as the younger looked up, he realised that sam wasn't even looking at the crown, but looking directly at him. 

with that, sam only laughed and pushed the crown aside, wrapping both arms around noah, claiming his real reward. 

noah was surprised but soon melted into his touch, nuzzling into him and making sure that his crown didn't fall from where he was holding it in his hand. 

amidst the noise of the RSU driving men out of the garden with guns pointed at them one by one, sabrina shouting orders left and right and a dead body laying only a few feet away from them, noah and sam were in their own world again. 

noah was addicted to this feeling and he adored the way that sam could make him forget the world they were in despite how loud it could be screaming in their ears.

"let's go." the older whispered.

"where?" 

sam pulled away, smiling the fullest, "the night is still young and this ball isn't quite finished yet." 


	60. mine - the 1975/ i exist i exist i exist - flatsound

"i didn't know you could shoot that well." noah spoke, imitating the way that sam pulled his bow while they walked down the hallways back to the ballroom. 

"you also didn't know i was a king." sam pointed out again as he watched the prince fondly. 

the younger had been talking non-stop about what had just happened. never before had sam expected a memory with his brother to involve this much joy. but, he soon remembered that noah hadn't been in those memories before. 

"sammy-" noah spoke, closely examining the crown in his hands that the older still hadn't shown any interest in until now. 

"hm?" 

"what now? do you have other plans for us?" 

the king broke into a grin, hand moving to wrap around his prince's waist, "tons. do you want to hear them?" 

noah nodded.

"i'm going to introduce you to the woman i love the most. then, i'm going to prove your father wrong and finally-" 

"you only have three plans?!" noah asked in a complaining tone, 

"well, the last one is going to go on for quite a long time." sam laughed, " _finally_ , i'm going to live my life with you."

\---

"WHAT HAPPENED ARE YOU OKAY WHAT THE HECK IS THIS-" zach was the first one to notice the return of the couple to the ballroom that time. he had been more than worried from the time his cousin didn't answer his calls and left probably more than thirty missed calls.

seeing him again had released the deepest sigh of relief he had ever breathed out before. 

noah giggled, used to zach fussing over him like this, "i was just hit by a sharp rock, it's really nothi-" 

"HIT BY A FUCKING ROCK?!" 

from the entrance, there were already nurses running noah's way. he had assumed that sam ordered them to get to him as soon as possible. 

oli joined his boyfriend in fussing over the prince when he was sat down on a chair and his wound was getting treated. a crowd of the royal guests were now huddling close to noah, all dying to know what actually happened. 

charlie was literally pushing through the crowd. he had basically failed his duty of keeping noah safe for the night, but he sure as hell wanted to know if he was alive. 

"fucking excuse me-" the man spoke as he pushed through crowds of royalty. the redhead had a grin on his face when he caught sight of noah's form bit by bit as he got closer and closer. when he got to stand next to zach and finally was able to see noah fully, he saw the crown in the prince's hands.

charlie let out a loud gasp, not intending to be too loud, but he still made heads turn to him, "where's sam?" 

other people had started to notice that the king was missing too.

indeed, sam's crown was in noah's hands, but why in the world was he there and where was sam himself?

they then all turned to noah, all with the same question in their heads. completely contrasting to the crowd's emotions, the prince just laughed, "he's taking care of some things. he'll be back." 

it was charlie's and everyone else's turn to sigh out of relief.

"NOAH-" 

the prince perked up to look at the side of the crowd where people seemed to be swiftly moving to make way for someone. and, by the sound of her voice, noah already knew who it was. 

"my baby!" the moment she got out of the crowd, she engulfed her son in the tightest hug. she was already crying - of course she was, she was just like her son. 

the nurses had to move away, thankfully they were finished treating his wound with the most gentle care to ensure that sam would be satisfied with their work.

"i thought i lost you, i thought i was going to lose you-" she babbled as she cupped her son's face in her hands, even squishing him to make sure that he was as alive as he seemed to be. 

noah was laughing slightly, "i'm fine, mama." he assured, hopefully, she'd stop crying.

noah's eyes drifted from his mother to someone behind her who had cleared his throat. noah looked back at him with a certain confidence that he never thought he'd have before, "i'm glad you're safe." were the words that came out of his mouth. 

noah had a blank expression, even with the confidence within him he was still unsure of where to start.

he shouldn't be glad his son was safe, he should be uttering apologies first. it all came back to noah in a flurry in his mind. the man that his father had cursed him for loving just because he wasn't of royalty actually had blood just as blue as his own. 

the man his father banned from their kingdom was actually the ruler of his own. 

his father was foolish enough to go against a fellow king and noah saw that by the way that his father looked at sam's crown in his hands, he knew.

the prince took one look at the crown and then returned his gaze to his father, "his crown looks a lot better than yours." he pointed out, unable to contain the slight attitude in his voice, "i thought all rulers had crowns equally as beautiful as each other's." 

noah could feel the empire him and sam built in his heart rise from the ashes and rebuild itself a lot glorious than it was before. there was nothing to keep them apart now. 

his father didn't know how to respond and thankfully someone came in the perfect time so he didn't have to, "noah-" sam jogged to where the prince was, immediately draping his arm over the younger's shoulders. he studied the boy's wound which was now treated and bandaged which satisfied him. 

"clarke-" noah's father cleared his throat when he realised he no longer had the right to address sam as an inferior. 

"papa," he rolled his eyes, "you can't just call another king by their surname, that's disrespectful." 

and it sure was sweet to see his father struggle to accept that he must lower his pride, "y-your highness." he spoke. 

"yes?" sam responded. 

noah was unable to contain his smirk after thinking that the confidence in his voice and the way he faced his father made sam a lot hotter than he already was. 

"we found out what happened." his father spoke, "thank you for saving my son." 

sam only chuckled, stealing a quick glance at the smirk on the younger's face, which was an amusing type of cocky. 

"then and now, as his bodyguard, his king and as his fiancée, it has always been my duty to do so." 

"h-his fiancée?" noah's mother stuttered.

noah laughed as if his parents never dared to talk about the elephant in the room, and at the moment, they truly did. 

"you plan to stay by his side for the r-rest of your life?" the queen asked, searching for her husband's face to see the same expression she had on hers. 

noah turned to sam, awaiting his answer. but sam just shook his head. before noah could complain, he felt sam pull him by his waist to make him stand next to him, holding him close by the arm around his waist, "without a doubt."

the crowd of guests gasped, all this time they thought dolkins' king had no intention of finding a partner or even courting anyone because he never showed interest in anybody before. but now they had discovered that the real reason he did so was that he already had someone. 

noah was sure he was bright red at the moment.

"for real?" noah's father asked as if the man would change his mind any second, "do you even love him?" 

"would i go against kingdoms, build worlds, catch every star in the sky and go through heaven and hell for him if i didn't?" 

the king was silent and noah had excitement bubbling in his stomach as he spoke up, "papa, you were going to sell me off to a blue-haired dimwit just because he was rich. for your information, that loser is now locked up in dolkins' dungeon. you might as well do me a favour and give me away to an actual king."

noah's mother was currently sharing the same enthusiasm and joy as him, but she just chose to be silent about it no matter how much she wanted to convince her husband to let their son be happily in love with the man he wanted.

"he's everything mama ever wanted for me; he's a feeling in human form," he declared, "and now that we just found out that he has blue blood, he's everything you ever wanted for me, too." 

the crowd was dying with anticipation as well for what the king of okitipar had to say, they had caught up with the realisation that their love must have been forbidden before. but not anymore.

the prince's eyes met his father's and, in that exact moment, the king saw in noah the little angel that came into his life to turn it around for the better. he was once blinded with greed and anger. but not anymore.

"does he bring you happiness?" noah broke into a smile, he knew it was with those words that his new life had begun, "euphoria." 

noah's father's eyes drifted to sam. he saw a king within his eyes with a flame he should have seen before, "you have yourself a queen."

noah knew actions meant more than words, but the magnitude of the few words his father spoke hit him harder than the time his pinky toe hit the side of a table. his heart seemed to know what was up as it leapt for joy in his chest, immediately being gravitated towards sam. 

the man was just going in for a tight hug, but noah couldn't help but get caught up in the way the older's lips curled up when he smiled. he knew the only way that smile would look better was if his own lips were on sam's. 

so, noah kissed him. right there and then, in front of everyone who cared to look. it was a declaration; noah wanted anyone and everyone to know that he fell in love once, with a man who could give him the world and so much more. he fell in love with the only man who could continue to make him feel like he deserved the world. 

it was a declaration. sam wanted anyone and everyone to know that his whole world could fit in between his arms. 

"THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND-" zach was first to cheer in the crowd. the guests broke into a roar of applause and cheers, louder and stronger than when noah and sam were dancing. noah was once again caught in an intoxicatingly euphoric daze when he pulled away. as he looked at sam, he began to feel a tightening in the back of his throat, an almost unbearable happiness that was so close to sadness it was difficult to tell the difference. like the touch of ice on skin, so cold it burns. or the slice of a kitchen knife through butter - soft flesh not felt for many moments after the cut. not _exactly_ like that, but in the same...family of feelings. like feeling such a fierce and frightening affection for someone was almost unnatural. an affection so intense that it was almost...savage

"i feel like i just got married." 

"you pretty much already did." oli laughed, "why don't you give your king his crown back?" noah's mother suggested, the joy evident in her voice as well. 

"oh-" he held out the crown, which was just hanging from his fingers, in front of sam, "i forgot." 

the older smiled, the kind of tooth-stretching smile that was hard to wipe off of anyone's face. instead of taking it directly, he knelt down on one knee in front of the prince. noah giggled, pushing sam's hair back before gently placing the crown atop of his head. it was a perfect fit, just like the two of them. 

"we can't forget this." the two turned to see sabrina, holding sam's thick royal blue fur cape that draped down to the floor. it was one among many garments that royalty wore to show status, and royal blue was a colour the most elite wore in a context like this. sam chuckled when he saw it. 

sabrina had been pressing on him to wear that cape for the night, but out of humility, he refused. the man would still have refused if it wasn't for the way that noah's eyes shimmered when he saw how thick and fluffy the robe was. he took it from the woman, incorporating it into his outfit.

"wow." noah stood in awe as he fully took in sam's form. a crown on his head and the cape making his shoulders look wider than they already were appealed to the younger in ways he never knew they would. 

"all hail." sabrina spoke, getting down on one knee and bowing her head.

it took sam by surprise that, one by one in a crown of royalty, they bowed down to him. the hall was silent as they all bowed down. even noah's father. 

said boy's eyes widened as he moved to do the same, but sam held him by his waist, "you don't bow down to me. never." sam whispered, "you and i are one." 

noah looked around at the room around them. he had been on the highest point of okitipar but right now, in between sam's arms, he was on top of the world. 

the older looked around the room, searching for a person who need not bow down to him. indeed she was there at the corner of the ballroom, his mother grinning from ear to ear as she knew that in the battles life gave them, they were finally victorious. they arose from the bow, applause erupting again. sam wasn't one to want attention from this much people but he had to admit, it truly was euphoric.

sam was happy, that was true. but he wanted his love for himself now. thankfully, at that exact moment, freddie burst into the ballroom followed by what looked like a parade of tray after tray of gourmet dishes.

chicken like cluck's happened to be the main dish. it was odd but they also placed mini cans of whipped cream on the dessert table, together with ice cream and sprinkles and every flavour of syrups. 

"guests-" sam raised the volume of his voice to reach as far as it could, "the night isn't over yet and i say we should feast!" 

"LET'S GO!" sabrina spoke. 

the music turned on again the coloured lights were activated. the dance floor was opened once again and the food was served. noah was still cuddled into sam's side, the two seeming to be glued at the hip even if they talked to people after people, went to see the food or anything. 

noah only stopped clinging onto him when they were served food. of course sam made sure they gave him the best parts among all that were cooked. but, unlike all other times, noah only gave the food half his attention, the other half was with sam. 

he had no idea how he could look away from the man anyways, especially when he looked this good. 

the two boys were pressed up as closely as they could be even while they were eating, noah even hooking his right leg on sam's left one. 

"sam-" noah spoke up when his food was almost finished. 

"hm?" 

"aren't you going to introduce me to your mother?" he pouted - he had been waiting all night, even rehearsing his lines, "is she not here?"

"she has a lot of friends from other kingdoms, she must be busy." sam assured, wanting to hold onto noah's hand before remembering that the boy was eating. 

"but i've been dying for you to meet her." 

"awwwwww." his cousin, who was sat across them, cooed. 

noah couldn't help but laugh, "what?"

"i just realised something, that's all." zach smiled, "that even when you feel like you're going through hell, there's no way in hell that you can go wrong with love." 

"me too-" noah swallowed, "i realised you should wear that crown and that cape more often. i'm not kidding when i say you look really fucking hot it's turning me-" sam chuckled, placing a creampuff in noah's mouth before the boy could continue. 

\---

"mama." sam spoke, not knowing where his sudden nervousness was coming from. finally, they were stood in front of his mother, near the front of the dance floor where people pretended to mind their own business when in reality all they wanted to do was eavesdrop.

"this is prince noah de gaudeux-" sam gestured to the younger stood beside him even if he didn't have to, he was still holding on to the boy by the waist and there was no way his mother would mistake it to be anyone else, "the love of my life." 

noah held his hand out, inviting the previous queen for a dance.

she took his hand with a soft smile, guiding them to the dance floor, "i've heard so much about you, dear." she spoke, studying noah's face, easily realising why sam fell for this prince with the loudest thud, "but, it would delight me if you tell me more about yourself."

"well, i'm madly in love with your son, ma'am." noah spoke, the confession coming out just as natural as any other words in his vocabulary. 

she just chuckled, "tell me something i don't know." 

"i suppose he's madly in love with me, too." 

"oh, i don't _suppose_ he is." she spoke, "i _know_ he is."

\---

as sam and noah watched molly (sam's mother) make her way into the direction of penny to introduce herself, sam had thought of another one of his genius plans.

he turned to the shorter man, looking at the way that the coloured lights mixed with the movement of bodies made shadows cast across his face, and held out his hand, palm up, to invite him on another journey.

"oh dear, what now?"

"don't you trust me?" he was pretty sure that if he was by noah's side, a goofy smile would permanently be etched across his features - as love was a double-edged sword and, as he wielded it, he had stabbed himself deep in the process.

the smile only got wider when he felt the smaller palm slide into his, squeezing gently.

he led them to yet another exit in the castle, and closed the door behind them - there was no need for security this time.

the soft hum and thump of the music vibrated through the doors and windows and enabled the couple to hear it just well enough for then to dance to.

"can i have this dance?" sam asked.

"like i would say no, dummy."

noah's head on sam's chest allowed him to hear and feel the even thrumming of his heart between his ribs, and the older's large hand placed on the small of his back gave him a sense of security that he now knew he would feel for the rest of his life.

the party inside appeared full of life but, although the two boys swaying together seemed to be the only sign of life outside, the love here was electric and would make sure to keep them warm for eternity. just the small act of holding hands would give them the strength to lead a whole universe and prosper as its kings.

noah, in an uncharacteristically assertive move, gently turns sam's head down to meet his and lets their foreheads touch, still swaying their bodies together in synchronicity with the music in the ballroom.

it seemed like a seal to a promise - a promise that neither would be alone anymore; that neither would have to feel for the other in their bed in the morning as they knew the other would already be laying there, keeping the sheets and their bodies warm; that the only heartache would be caused by the pure happiness of seeing the other with arms around their child; that the only tear-inducing letters would be ones that would declare their love in the form of wedding vows; that their love would always remain passionate and hearts would always remain healed.

and with the knowledge that a great big something was settling along their skin like stardust, they both leaned in further and tasted sugar and the remnants of ice cream along every edge of the other's lips.

\---

the ball ended when everybody no longer had the energy to dance, drink or socialise. it was the early hours of the night where the sky was almost at it's darkest and the stars shone brighter to contrast it. 

"i'm not coming." noah announced in a firm tone, making it obvious that there was no way they were going to change his mind. 

the two were stood in front of the palace entrance, waving goodbye to cars after cars of guests that were calling it a night as they drove home. all were gone and dolkins' castle was getting more and more peaceful as each moment passed, the only people remaining being okitipar's royalty. 

"are you sure, prince?" charlie really didn't need to ask, looking at the way the boy had latched himself onto sam's arm made it very evident that he had no intention of letting go any time soon. 

zach spoke up next, tired and the slightest bit irritated out of exhaustion, "let's just go, he can visit in the next few days. okitipar already has a queen, let dolkins have it's own." 

with that, he dragged oli along to the limo they rode in earlier. 

noah agreed, shooing his parents, charlie, and other members of the RSU away. 

his mother wrapped him in one last hug before they finally broke away. 

"HEY, PAPA-" the prince spoke just before they entered the vehicle, "-tell my suitors to fuck off, they don't stand a chance. they never did." noah turned to sam with an overwhelming amount of pride in his heart.

"well, they can try to steal you away." sam laughed, cupping the younger's cheek, "but if they want to get the fairest, they have to got through the fiercest."

"i'm pretty sure they got the message." his father chuckled, getting into the limo before the last cars drove out through the gates. 

dolkins' king guided them back into the castle, taking their time with their steps. they were no longer under a ticking clock, they had the rest of their lives. with all of the royal guests no longer in their kingdom, sam was now the only king around and noah couldn't get enough of that thought. 

as they passed by hallway after hallway with the sounds of cleaning happening, noah spoke up, "i don't think i'll ever be over the fact that i'm dating a king." he giggled, "it suits you."

sam momentarily let go of his hand to take off the thick blue fur cape that was fastened to his clothes, draping around the prince's shoulders as the younger nuzzled into it immediately. he had wanted to do this since earlier on, more now that it had sam's scent. 

"are you tired? we should probably head up to bed now, love." 

the moment that sam opened a set of doors to show noah his room, the prince was in awe again. he knew it was bound to look great considering that it was on the highest floor of the castle. 

he knew something felt familiar about the room from the moment he saw '101D' engraved on a golden plaque on the door. for some crazy reason, sam had it designed to look exactly the same as the hotel bedroom they spent time in the highest point of okitipar. a few changes were made, differences that noah only spotted when he looked closely.

the bed looked exactly the same but wider and longer than the bed from the hotel and the room had a dresser which wasn't in the hotel either. there were black heavy curtains that could be drawn back to cover the one-way mirror that showed the prince the view of the forest trees, lower houses nearby and of the night sky. 

"i never wanted that time to end." the older spoke, referring to their time at the hotel, "so, i made them do this so it would last forever." he made his way over to a string of fairy lights across the headboard of the bed and turned then on, along with lighting a vanilla-scented candle on his bedside table that also had something that noah stepped closer to see.

"when did you take this?" noah asked, studying the picture of himself asleep which could only have been taken on the night they were in the hotel. 

"when you were so beautiful yet so unaware." sam spoke, taking the picture frame from the boy's hands and placing it back on the desk. noah turned to see sam in such close proximity - but he wasn't complaining, he had wanted to have the man this close from the moment he saw him again. 

"just like right now." he wrapped his arms around noah's waist, said boy giggled, stepping backwards until he fell back down to lay on the bed, "you have no idea how pretty you are, do you?" 

the man stroked noah's cheek before he took the crown from his head, literally tossing it to the floor. 

"the crown!" noah said, hearing it fall with a thud, wondering how sam could just throw it away so aimlessly. 

"there's a reason that thing is so heavy. it's because it's durable as heck, too." he informed before throwing his thick jacket aside, "that thing survived a war without even a scratch." 

"but-" noah cut himself off when sam leaned in, pressing his forehead against the younger's, stealing a quick kiss on the tip of his nose. 

the older's arm went to wrap around his torso, lifting him up to move him to the centre of the bed before he helped the boy strip himself of his clothes, leaving him only in underwear. sam undressed himself down to the same attire, lifted the covers and allowed noah to get underneath, soon joining him.

their bodies curled around each other like they were fit for each curve and groove that the other possessed.

it was now the chance to catch up fully as they didn't quite get earlier that night. it could have been the next day, the sun could be rising or it could be the first snowfall, it could start raining in the summer and pigs could start to fly but the two were caught up in their own little world.

earth's time seemed to stop for a while with every word that came out of the other's lips. maybe that's what love does, make you forget that everything else exists for a while and put all your focus on the one soul who exists for you. 

they chattered about themselves into the late hours of the night, until the last few streams of light from the sun had disappeared behind the night sky and all life outside comes to a halt, until the moonlight had wrapped over them like a blanket.

"you know-" noah spoke, the whole time he had been basking in the wonderful feeling of sam gently moving his fingers through his hair. "-if you just told me you were basically a prince too and the supposed heir to the throne, this would have been a whole lot easier." 

"oh come on." sam chuckled, "the rainbow doesn't look as beautiful to someone who hasn't been through the storm." 

"or maybe because you're a total douchebag." 

the older laughed, bringing noah closer so he could rest his head on his chest, "i mean, the throne was basically ripped out of my hands when i thought i had it and i had to kinda kill someone for it so i don't think it's something i should be flaunting around." 

noah broke into a smile, he didn't know if it was from what sam said or because he was listening to the soft thudding in sam's chest again, knowing he was going to spend the rest of his life waking up to that and knowing it beats for him. his eyes wandered to the picture of him on sam's bedside table before he was reminded of another certain framed picture akin to this one.

"i went to your penthouse sometime after you disappeared." noah informed, "you weren't there anymore and all you left was-" 

"the picture of you." sam finished his sentence, "yeah, i did that on purpose - i knew you wouldn't just sit down and wish on shooting stars for me to return, so i figured that it would find it's way to you somehow." 

"why didn't you fight for me?" noah asked, the words felt like they had been dying to be said for ages now, and perhaps they were.

"i chose my battles." the man spoke, wishing he never had to hear his love's voice sound so sad ever again, "i fought for you before, i'm sure you knew how much was at risk whenever i took you out at nights."

noah moved his head to look up, eyes looking into sam's as he spoke. 

"it was around that time that i decided to put it in the universe's hands." sam spoke, "the universe brought us together for a reason and if it's reason still wasn't fulfilled then it would bring us back together, again and again, no matter how much everything else tried to rip us apart." noah's eyes were about to start leaking all over again if it wasn't for the older's choice to chuckle, "but, that time only lasted for like a week, when i had that crown on my head i knew i was going to get you back, it was just a matter of time." 

noah couldn't help but laugh as well - so, all the times he was wallowing in his sorrow, sam was just waiting for the right time to walk down the same road he was taking?

"but, you never called." noah furrowed his brows as if scolding the other, "i never even received a text - how was i supposed to stop rolling around in my own tears if i never heard a word from you?" 

"it would ruin the surprise." sam said enthusiastically, although he dropped the act when he saw the younger's unamused expression, "and...it would be suspicious. your father would wonder why the heck you're not flooding your room with tears anymore and who the heck you're texting, and, of course, you'd want to be with me and that would just end up in a bigger problem. all i hoped for you to be was patient." 

"was that why you left the poem in the frame?" noah asked, things getting clearer and clearer to him in time, "i've told mama and zach that i was feeling kind of down that you never bothered to write me a handwritten letter just like oli and my father had done." 

"i apologise. first of all, i'm not very good with words." sam suddenly got out of bed, noah staring at him in confusion as he went to a black wooden box on the table pressed to the corner of the room. he retrieved something from it before he made his way back to the bed. "second of all, just because you haven't received anything doesn't mean i'm not writing." the hours into the night that he had spent writing and all the times his hand had ached were all worth it when he saw the expression on the prince's face as soon as he held out the book in his hands.

he settled back on the bed next to the younger, draping the thick blanket around them as they sat to read. noah hadn't even moved on from the cover and yet there was already a single tear running down his cheek.

"it's handwritten." he stated the obvious.

"why wouldn't it be?" sam laughed, reaching out to cup the boy's cheek, moving to face him before he gave him the sweetest kiss, "you're worth the effort." 

noah opened and scanned through the pages, reading maybe two lines from a poem or a single sentence from the prose. he was in no hurry, he had the rest of his life to read it. 

"i'm absolutely, completely in love with you." noah said when he was halfway down the book, tears streaming freely down his cheeks as he took in all at once what he meant to the older.

tears weren't necessarily a bad thing, and maybe tears shouldn't be used to represent sorrow all the time. people cry for different reasons. but, truly, people cried when they no longer have the words to express what they felt. 

tears remind us that we are capable of feeling things and make us a little bit more alive than we already are. but, to noah's surprise, as soon as he flipped to the next page, it was blank. he scanned through the rest of the book only to find out that there were no writings present at all. 

"it's not finished?"

sam had the brightest smile that only exists whenever noah was around, "it's our love story, and, if i'm not mistaken, our love isn't finished." 

noah shut the book, knowing it was already his favourite story, "you're right. how long is it going to last, then?"

"well," he spoke, looking down at the prince who had a similar smile to his, "we have the rest of our lives now. maybe even longer." 

sam wanted to share every thought of noah he had in his head to said boy but he didn't need to be a poet about this, especially when all the poetry he needed was in every nuance that noah possessed.

everything had been so impermanent at first, like how, when he was a kid, he’d write his name in the sand, only to have it washed away by the incoming tide. when he was falling for noah, the smiles that he gave made his stomach do somersaults, but it was all so new that he figured it must just be novelty - a one-off thing. but now, he knows those smiles are reserved only for him and that he could look forward to a lifetime of rosy cheeks stretching at the smallest things he says, and eyes that sparkle by the mere thought of him.

"marry me?"

the question had originally caught noah off guard but, as soon as he had snapped out of his trance, he jumped on top of the older, smothering him in kisses, "yes, yes, YES. of course, there is no one else that i would spend my life with other than you."

"i- i don't have a ring yet, i mean- i didn't really expect to ask you tonight so-"

"it's fine, sammy. you're all i need."

after the excitement had tired out noah, he had fallen asleep and sam didn't want to wake him. so, he stretched to blow out the candle and reached to turn off the fairy lights. it's silent again for a while but he doesn't fall asleep, just watching the way the snow gathers on the large tree outside the window - the first snowfall. pre-sleeping haze engulfs him like an extremely fuzzy blanket, refusing to let go but he doesn't want to fall asleep just yet so he can savour the feeling of noah in his arms as he had been starved of it for so long before tonight.

-

so, sam and noah continued to write their story in pages where it could never be erased. sam kept his promise of making noah his queen.

on the night that noah was crowned second king of dolkins, all of the country rejoiced because everyone had stood audience to their love. it was the same day that sam had married the man he loved, on a cloudy day when the skies were dark. everyone thought a bright and sunny day was the day perfect for the ceremony, but when the first drop of rain landed on noah's nose just after he spoke his vows, sam knew his plans had once again succeeded.

"-i promised to help you finish your list-" was a statement in sam's vows, and, at that moment, only he and noah knew that he kept his promise. 

they kissed under the rain, in front of everyone who cared to look. they showed everyone the love they once had to hide when they were once scared because the world couldn't accept them, _wouldn't_ accept them. and so their only option was to love in silence, in secret; behind doors, whispered conversations on the phone, golden crow necklaces and hotel rooms. but nothing would stop them loving each other even if they had to cross oceans and walk through fire, choke on their vomit and drown in their blood.

"finally." nosh spoke when they pulled away after their kiss, reaching into his pocket to throw a piece of paper into the wind. the same piece of paper where his list was first written and the piece of paper he had carried with him from the moment that he longed to leave the walls of the castle. 

he was finally free. 

noah's mother and sam's mother had become dear friends, both already considering each other as family even before the marriage between their children had occurred. 

noah's father was now a better man than he was when he caged his son in; he was more open now and decided to remind himself of the man he was before (with a little help from his wife, of course).

penny cried actual tears when they first saw her son in a crown alike hers, and his father couldn't hide the pride in his smile. 

zach was cheering, always in the front row to show his neverending support for the bestest friend he's ever had. oli was by his side, looking up at the newly-wed couple imagining of a future similar to that was in store for him and the boy beside him as well. 

charlie had become okitipar's head of security after daniel had moved to live in another kingdom due to 'personal reasons'. 

head chef freddie had somehow ended up with charlie when he discovered daniel's antics regarding sam and noah. 

noah's previous suitors could only watch in defeat as sam scooped him into his arms, claiming his king and husband, knowing he was the victor. 

sam and noah continued to write their story even after they had married, and they will continue to write their story even after their first child, even after the second or the third. 

they will continue to write their story even on nights when their hearts seem to be far away from each other because, even then, the love will remain. 

they will continue to write their story even if they happen to be apart, longing for the time they'll be in each other's arms. 

they will continue to write their story even after the word 'love' had lost all its meaning from the development of the language. 

they will continue to write their story even after they no longer have the strength to grip the pen. 

for their story is of a rare kind of love - a kind of love that you write stories about because the pages and the ink may fade but that kind of love never does. 

the story would be passed down for generations, showing one of the purest, truest forms of love that the universe had ever known, all because one boy decided to give his heart a chance.


	61. turning page - sleeping at last/ forever & always - maurice moore

courtship rules ♡

* * *

— giving your intended an item or items of your clothing  
— gifting your intended a sweet snack or candy  
— gifting your intended flowers  
— gifting your intended jewellery with a special or specific meaning or specialisation relating to them or to you.  
— asking your intended on a date and carrying out the action.

* * *

notes!

↳if the intended rejects any attempts of courtship, no further attempts can be made.

↳the courter must always ensure that their intended is comfortable with every act of courtship.

↳once courted, the only way to undo or end the relationship is for the courtee to return any returnable items gifted during the courting process.

↳if the courtee gifts the courter anything before the process of courtship has finished, elucidation of the relationship can begin early.


End file.
